e01n
Posts: 1472
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{idea for next revision of my profile. Thoughts?}
White collar criminal type seeks clandestine co-conspirator with sophistication, charm, poise, dry wit and unlisted phone number.
My vast criminal conspiracy includes corporate espionage, obstruction of justice, accounting fraud, numerous RICO predicates, campaign finance laws, the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act, money laundering (particularly at the Saks Men's Store) and includes 14 shadowy holding corporations in Europe and the Caribbean, each named only with four ominously arranged initials.
While other Titans of criminal empires like to use character names from popular scifi films, I far prefer the cold anonymity of obscure four letter combinations- there's nothing like watching a prosecutor trying to figure out who owns SETF Holding Corporation and what it actually does in the absence of a mainstream cultural reference like "JEDI."
During my free time I ski, skydive, drive too fast in pretentious cars, travel to VERY strange places on a whim, sail (five ocean passages) and write musings on irregular topics. Some of my publications include: "How Financial Institutions Can Avoid the Implications of the Monetary Control Act of 1980 with Offshore Structures" and "Squeezing the Jello, Three Decades in the Economics of Black Markets." I attended three "top 10" universities in pursuit of three ragged pieces of carefully framed paper.
I am told that I have a "professional degree" (though this is somewhat confusing as I was not paid for it- in fact the reverse) and that I am a "post graduate scholar." All I wanted was a bozo button. I am often described as aloof, intimidating and somewhat snobby, particularly by women. I am comfortable enough to consider this a compliment, though consequently I rarely meet women without being introduced. My reputation for aloofness is well deserved. My reputation for being intimidating is not- well not for woman anyhow. I'm quite easy to talk to. No, really.
I've met Kenneth Lay and Jack Welch. They were remarkably alike. I can't quite figure out what that means for GE.
I am looking for a talented, irreverent co-conspirator with a penchant for dry wit, cocktail parties and the ability to deal with the many quirks of an unusual and enigmatic individual. (That's me).
My ideal co-conspirator, you ask? Well she might have some of these qualities:
- Loyalty. My last three lovers left me, generally after they turned State's evidence:
- Ran off with a cute U.S. Attorney (United States v. TROA Corporation)
- Was placed into witness relocation after meeting a dashing FBI agent (United States v. ELVA Corporation)
- Never showed up for our meet in Grand Cayman (Suzie, I still have the key to the safe deposit box and the briefcase with the cash... call me).
- A sense of humor (particularly about this post) is required. A valid passport (a must). Two valid passports (in different names) a plus.
- I occasionally listen to ABBA. She should be able to deal.
- I hail from an obnoxious family in Europe. They are 92.7% of the reason I choose to live in the United States- and have since just after birth. This causes immense confusion for some potential friends/partners/lovers. She should find this amusing but also quite boring, so much so that she actually stops asking about it within a week.
- I am a lover of obscure movies and media- particularly foreign films with complex and Kafkaesque plotlines that mimic my life experience (which has been complex and Kafkaesque). 1990's Czech and 1940s Italian films often fit the bill but so does Mamet. She should have always wanted to be in a Mamet film.
- I am the founding (and only) member of the American Society of Ascot Wearing Men. Ascots will return to the forefront of trendy men's fashion. I will see to it personally. She should support my efforts.
- I'm always hearing "He's obviously gay. Look how well dressed he always is!" She knows there is no correlation but I will prove it to her convincingly and repeatedly whenever she asks.
- Most of all - she should be interesting. Boring people make me want to sleep.
Email a nice message and a pic if you want, and I'll do the same.
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