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New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/7/2005 3:21:48 PM

Xilisma

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/3/2005
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I am new to the Dom world, My wife is a Sub and has opened me to this experience over the last 2 years. We engage in Over the Knee Spank, light bondage, flogging and the like. We are now starting to go to dungeon parties and private BDSM parties. We have both played with another very experienced female Sub and all three of us had a great time with spanking, waxing, other light stuff ending in great sex the rest of the night. My wife has allowed me to have another meeting with this woman in private (also to spend the night). My question is, As a Sub, What would you like to be done to you? I want her to have a great time also, but I feel too new and inexperienced to fullfill her Sub needs. She has done much more than I am ready for and I pretty much can do whatever I want and she'll like it. Is it not right for me to ask her what she wants? Am I not a good Dom because I care about what the Sub likes and want her to enjoy it?

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/7/2005 5:06:58 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Doesn't matter what any of us wants done to us. Get to know what SHE wants, ask about past experiences. This is all about exploration for you- so explore! Try new things, start slow, see what fits and what doesn't. Let yourself just check things out for now.

It's advisable to know what your partner likes and doesn't like, so you can KNOW when you do something to her how she's likely to react. Whether you want her to enjoy it or not is up to you.

(in reply to Xilisma)

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/7/2005 10:18:15 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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quote:

I am new to the Dom world, My wife is a Sub and has opened me to this experience over the last 2 years.

Are you sure you're not my Hubby. I introduced Him to this about 2 years ago.

quote:

I want her to have a great time also, but I feel too new and inexperienced to fullfill her Sub needs. She has done much more than I am ready for and I pretty much can do whatever I want and she'll like it. Is it not right for me to ask her what she wants? Am I not a good Dom because I care about what the Sub likes and want her to enjoy it?

I think caring what your sub likes is very important in making you a good dom. If it's hard to talk directly to her about it you could have her write down what she likes, what she has experienced and what her fantasies are.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/8/2005 7:28:15 AM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

Is it not right for me to ask her what she wants? Am I not a good Dom because I care about what the Sub likes and want her to enjoy it?

All that makes you is a good loving dom who cares about your sub very much. Everyone out there is not a good dom. You've already achieved more than many ever will.

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/8/2005 12:32:31 PM

Xilisma

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/3/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

All that makes you is a good loving dom who cares about your sub very much. Everyone out there is not a good dom. You've already achieved more than many ever will.

Thank you very much!!! I do so much enjoy it, but is more important to me to have the Sub enjoy it just as much. The Sub I was referring to also likes verbal humiliation, but I don't seem to have that in me. I find it very difficult.

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/8/2005 5:23:17 PM

Sweeticing

Posts: 164
Joined: 12/30/2004
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Yes I can tell you don't have much experience . Not that I mean that in a bad way we all have to start somewhere.

Every sub is different I cant say this is what I like and you should try this, because it doesn't mean they will like it. You have to find out what there limits are and go from there. Hopefully you get someone who doesn't have many limits and has lots of time so you have a opportunity to practice different things. You said this person was more experenced so that is a bonus.While you atry diffrent things it will not take long to see what this person likes from the response you get. I think this is the best way to learn it helps you to better read responses from your sub. "communication with out words" Anyhow dont be hard on your self it takes lots of practice to get good and comfortable with it. Sounds like you have a good start.......

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"What one has not experienced, one will never understand in print."...

quote:

"Imagination is more important than knowledge" Albert Einstein..

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/9/2005 6:16:49 PM

URmine1

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Joined: 5/7/2005
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Talk is definately the answer, I recently met a lovely girl and found that because of the lack of judgement on my part of her needs by not asking the right questions. The initial spark soon died. I think this goes for not only the play aspect but certainly in all areas as it was decided from the start that things would move slowly. You need to talk constantly with one another and get each others opinions, worries and expectations. These constantly change so a regular update may be needed, until you vcan read each othe well enough to go with instinct.Always remember to listen carefully to the responses that are given sometimes things can be read in to what is being said.

(in reply to Sweeticing)

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/10/2005 10:43:42 AM

Xilisma

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/3/2005
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Thanks much for all the answers! I do know her "hard" limits and they are well past anything I would do at this point. I also am very good at reading her and knowing when to keep going. I am going to try something new with her next weekend, I am going to wrap her completely in rope. Nude, starting at the ankles, one leg at a time up to the crotch, then starting at the waist, wrapping a constant strand or rope up to the lower neck, then both arms. This will leave the buttocks, tits, hands, feet and head exposed....maybe blindfolded also.....from there...Hmmmmm.....

(in reply to URmine1)

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/10/2005 1:15:40 PM

sub4hire

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Use common sense. Watch her extremities. If they go off color....well use common sense.
If you're wrapping her entire body in rope it more than likely can be loose and it will still be pretty inescapable.
Not, that loose but loose enough.
I was looking at an excellent rope bondage site the other day. It gave step by step instructions...if I can find it..I'll post it.

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/10/2005 1:27:35 PM

Xilisma

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Yes, please post it, I am going to be careful with every wrap...tight enough to stay on, but movement will be possible....

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

Use common sense. Watch her extremities. If they go off color....well use common sense.
If you're wrapping her entire body in rope it more than likely can be loose and it will still be pretty inescapable.
Not, that loose but loose enough.
I was looking at an excellent rope bondage site the other day. It gave step by step instructions...if I can find it..I'll post it.

(in reply to sub4hire)

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/10/2005 3:18:39 PM

sub4hire

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http://www.ropefashions.com/

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/10/2005 5:51:28 PM

Xilisma

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/3/2005
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Mmmmmmmmm! I will! You also!!

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RE: New Dom, Experienced Sub - 6/28/2005 7:06:51 AM

Hissweetshiv

Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
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There is a wonderful author who may be able to help Y/you both. Claudia Varrin wrote a book for submissives called Erotic Surrender, which was primarily about introducing your partner to Dominance over you. She has also written books about Dominance, i believe co-authoring with her husband. At any rate, look for her books, and enjoy one another.

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