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Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 12:53:42 PM

lachlann

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/6/2004
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I have recently been asked to meet a Domme I met online at a public event. Which, I believe, is a great non-obtrusive way to just meet. There are no expectations, just a venue that will be accepting and appropriate.

I am going to go of course, but as a person that is constantly in suits and has a persona to fit, I am a bit nervous about going. Behind closed doors, I am totally different (note profile). But going to a public venue for the first time is a bit daunting to think about.

Any help or suggestions on protocol, easing the nerves.. would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance!

lach

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 1:05:12 PM

Trampler

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Is there a website, yahoo group or something like that you could check out, maybe find a person in charge to write too? the vague term "public venue" doesn't tell me alot. And actually even if I did know what kind of venue it was, I still would trouble telling you, because they are all different. (different protocols and what not.) Maybe ask the lady you are going to meet? Or when you get there ask if there are rules.

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 1:07:09 PM

Trampler

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And please write back and tell what happened!!

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Our Community may be openminded as a whole, BUT it is made up of indivduals who bring in their own baggage,perceptions and agendas

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 1:38:19 PM

PairOfDimes

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Nothing wrong with being a conservative sort at BDSM functions. I am. Conservatism isn't exactly widely accepted or encouraged, but it's not as though you'll be thrown out for it.

It's hard to give you advice without knowing more about the kind of event. A munch, or gathering of kinky people at a restaurant (or similar location) might fit you best, especially as you remark on dress as a worry--while there are people who dress in a gothic or otherwise alternative manner, there are also people who dress more formally or in a "preppy" manner, especially for weeknight munches. I tend to think munches are good places for first meets, too. Some BDSM groups run classes or demonstrations, which don't faciliate conversation like munches do, but can be nice places to meet up (much as seeing a movie or play is a good thing to do for a date). You might look a touch out of place in a suit at a Saturday afternoon class, but trousers and a shirt wouldn't be inappropriate. The social flavor is somewhat like a book club, gardening group, or other interest-oriented social gathering, with a bit more tolerance for bawdiness and risque jokes, and a greater than usual proportion of pagans and self-described geeks.

"Fetish nights" at clubs are a quite different matter. Most of them have dress codes, and their social flavor resembles ordinary dance clubs. I don't find that sort of revelry to my taste--it's a fine thing to do, but not *my* thing--so I can't really offer you good advice there.

I'm with Trampler--ask your companion about the event, as she invariably knows more than I do. Ask the organizers of the event, too.

(in reply to lachlann)

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 2:18:43 PM

lachlann

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PairOfDimes

Nothing wrong with being a conservative sort at BDSM functions. I am. Conservatism isn't exactly widely accepted or encouraged, but it's not as though you'll be thrown out for it.

It's hard to give you advice without knowing more about the kind of event. A munch, or gathering of kinky people at a restaurant (or similar location) might fit you best, especially as you remark on dress as a worry--while there are people who dress in a gothic or otherwise alternative manner, there are also people who dress more formally or in a "preppy" manner, especially for weeknight munches. I tend to think munches are good places for first meets, too. Some BDSM groups run classes or demonstrations, which don't faciliate conversation like munches do, but can be nice places to meet up (much as seeing a movie or play is a good thing to do for a date). You might look a touch out of place in a suit at a Saturday afternoon class, but trousers and a shirt wouldn't be inappropriate. The social flavor is somewhat like a book club, gardening group, or other interest-oriented social gathering, with a bit more tolerance for bawdiness and risque jokes, and a greater than usual proportion of pagans and self-described geeks.

"Fetish nights" at clubs are a quite different matter. Most of them have dress codes, and their social flavor resembles ordinary dance clubs. I don't find that sort of revelry to my taste--it's a fine thing to do, but not *my* thing--so I can't really offer you good advice there.

I'm with Trampler--ask your companion about the event, as she invariably knows more than I do. Ask the organizers of the event, too.

Thanks Pair - completely appreciate it. Just to clarify to the original post as well - it is a dungeon play party. Therein lie the true jitters! Thanks again for the feedback.

lach

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 2:20:03 PM

lachlann

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Trampler

Is there a website, yahoo group or something like that you could check out, maybe find a person in charge to write too? the vague term "public venue" doesn't tell me alot. And actually even if I did know what kind of venue it was, I still would trouble telling you, because they are all different. (different protocols and what not.) Maybe ask the lady you are going to meet? Or when you get there ask if there are rules.

thanks Trampler, for the input!

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 5:01:46 PM

openmindedslave

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Joined: 2/27/2005
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well first good luck ..I admire your strngth to play in the open.Many wish too but come up short .
Speaking of your fears...If your worrried someone will see you you know...don't forget you will also see them also..
What are your worries dealing with??

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 5:19:36 PM

Trampler

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I was nervous as hell before my 1st play party. (for a while I only went to private.) And then after when I was going to public it took me a while to get up the nerve to play. lol.

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 6:30:11 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear lachlann, Ladies and Gentlemen;

In the many years in life I've lived; it is easier for a person who knows what they know fully, as to speak of it well in public--such as public speakers on their topics.

It is difficult to be comfortable the first time at a public venue. It will not be the first incident and will not be the last; as many people enter the scene on a daily basis.

It really is the leap from want to, to will be public. Once there, one finds that you don't really stand out like a sore thumb after all.

Just take your time and be prepared to be visually and mentally overwhelmed. Private is nothing like public.

It does give me butterflies every time I am presenting or teaching a class. I loose them when I start, as I am experienced at this and have done teaching for many years in a presentation and or class forum.
If I didn't have butterflies, a bit of anxiety -- I think it wouldn't really be me. Impromptu teaching/mentoring cases; I am not prepared but go on what I do know well.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/23/2007 6:43:39 PM

LadyHeart

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I have just posted to another thread about play parties so I won't repeat myself, but I will add this:

Avoid the temptation to self medicate with alcohol to help "relax" yourself - you'll have a much better time if you are sober.

Everyone there will have been a play party virgin once - they do understand where you are coming from. You are lucky to be going with another person. That's half the battle won right at the start.

How much you enjoy it is a two way street. People will make the efforts with you, but you need to do the same. It's no different to any other social function in that respect.

We have been running play parties for 5 years or more now, but my first party is still etched on my mind, including all the nervous anticipation. As a fem sub I had only talked to other fem subs, and in my naivity had never even thought about FemDomme couples. The first sight that greeted me when I walked through the door was a row of male bottoms, with private parts trussed like turkeys, one of whom was being heavily caned. I nearly freaked and ran. An experienced person must have noticed the look on my face and quietly commented - "everythng you see is consensual, and is being done because the people involved like it." It calmed my panic, I stayed and I've never looked back.

You may feel like everyone is looking at you, but they are more likely looking at the Dom who is flogging his sub. So just relax and enjoy
:))
LH

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RE: Public Venue Jitters - 6/24/2007 1:53:45 PM

LadyPact

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(Looks at Lady Heart juts coming from the other thread)

Hey, are you following Me? <Laughs>

I literally just got in a little while ago from a great event that was put together in Atlanta. Like Lady Heart, I won't repeat what I said on the other thread, but there was one thing I forgot to add there that is signifigant here.

Play parties, meetings, munches, etc. are usually what you make of them. If you go with an open mind, and get into the spirit of the event, it's a lot more fun than being off to the side. Many people are a tad anxious about meeting new people, but just think of the fun you can have if you take the plunge!

Last night, I went to Sultan's Harem up in Atlanta. There was a really good turn out. Loved the show, the play, the vendors, and of course the DM's. However, through the night, I noticed a lot of wallflowers. Specifically folks that I could tell would be having so much more fun, if only they would muster up their courage, and step into the thick of things.

The great thing about meeting someone at an event is, even if you don't hit it off with the person you're meeting, there's still plenty of fun to be had at the event! Say hello. Meet people. Most of them won't bite........ Unless you ask them to.

(in reply to LadyHeart)

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