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The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 1:53:11 PM

ToServemyMs

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Joined: 6/18/2007
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i have had an interest in cross-dressing for some time and noticed on the various forums that there seems to be a common 'issue' for my fellow gurls and that involves the occassional 'purge' of your feminine persona. Perhaps it is driven by guilt, the feeling that 'it' is wrong, or that your significant other will not accept it. Whatever the reason, they end up tossing out the acquired wardrobe...and in the process, a part of themselves.

Does this 'purging' hit submissives as well? Do you ever experience guilt for who you are or just get so frustrated in your search that you try to 'purge' yourself of your submissive desires?

Post #: 1

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 2:03:22 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ToServemyMs
Does this 'purging' hit submissives as well? Do you ever experience guilt for who you are or just get so frustrated in your search that you try to 'purge' yourself of your submissive desires?

Once I actively acknowledged who I was and what I thought would make me happy within a relationship, no I have not done this.

However before I accepted that part of me, I worked really hard at changing my behaviors so that they were more in-line with mainstream society and to keep me from being taken advantage of. I am a recovering people pleaser and I learned to say no and learned to do things that would make me happy and not because they would make someone else happy.

I was pretty successful at it because many of these things have become second nature to me and I am having to unlearn them in my current relationship.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 2

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 4:36:25 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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While I was still fighting with the acceptance of the fact I was submissive I'd get rid of everything occasionally because how i was raised it was weak to want to be dominanted by a man so I figured I was wrong or something was wrong with me that I felt I needed to do so.

After finally embracing myself for who and what I am. I've not had the desire to "purge" my submissive existance. I find i'm more embracing and even willing to be open about it with others. Even my family knows now, up to a point.

_____________________________

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 5:05:20 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
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I've never heard of this, I look forward to hearing if anyone else has experience with it.
For me, finally sorting things out has allowed me to feel more self-confidence and less guilt than I ever have. I can't imagine wanting to toss it aside.

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 4

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 5:19:03 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I can't say i've ever tried to 'purge' in the manner in which you speak. Like KyraofMists, i have tried to work on aspects that i once believed to be part of my 'submissiveness', such as thinking the whole worlds happiness rode on my shoulders. This took my Master pointing out to me how terribly selfish that was - making it all about me when it truly wasn't. It's something i still occasionally struggle with.

I have noticed a trend in profiles lately, though......"i cannot deny it any longer"..."I've tried to fight it", etc. Perhaps this is for dramatic effect, i don't know. It always makes me kinda squint my eyes and tilt my head and wonder why they act like it's such a terrible trait. Being submissive.

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 5

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 5:44:49 PM

BalletBob

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
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Yes it did HIT ME ! And HEAD ON too ! I got guilty and threw out some neat Toys and not regret it. I also done it with my Leotards and Tights and things, and will NEVER PURGE anything again.

It cost too much to replace, when I get my head back together.

Sincerly, Sub BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 6

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 5:55:53 PM

GoddessinDallas

Posts: 57
Joined: 11/25/2006
Status: offline

Trannies always feel guilty about dressing and purge...until they finally accept that dressing is simply a part of themselves...like a hand or a foot.

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 7

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 6:05:50 PM

petdave

Posts: 2479
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
I have noticed a trend in profiles lately, though......"i cannot deny it any longer"..."I've tried to fight it", etc. Perhaps this is for dramatic effect, i don't know. It always makes me kinda squint my eyes and tilt my head and wonder why they act like it's such a terrible trait. Being submissive.

When you're trying to make a relationship work with a vanilla partner, it can be a real pain in the ass. It's also not particularly popular to be a female submissive if you have feminist friends, or a male submissive if you live on planet Earth

i've done it a couple of times. Solved nothing.

< Message edited by petdave -- 6/23/2007 6:06:25 PM >

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 8

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 6:12:01 PM

GeekyGirl

Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
It always makes me kinda squint my eyes and tilt my head and wonder why they act like it's such a terrible trait. Being submissive.

Because for some of us, both male and female, we were raised that it WAS a terrible trait, a sign of a weak character, etc.

I hear lots of people commenting on coming to terms with their kinkyness....That was never an issue to me, because I was never raised to believe that sex in general or even kinky sex was "wrong" "dirty" "deviant" etc.

However, I WAS taught that it was a horrible thing for a female to be "weak" or let a man "boss her around". I was raised to be a liberal modern woman, and sometimes I still feel shame for desiring submission.

And yes, I've gotten frustrated and "purged" my submissive persona...swearing to "be normal" and trying to go vanilla. Always ended up being a dreadful and heart wrenching endeavor and I'd have a mini-break down and come back to the lifestyle desperate for a dominant and usually end up falling into an unhealthy D/s relationship with someone who didn't have my best interests at heart.

It's better to just accept who I am, even if I don't understand it.

< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 6/23/2007 6:16:35 PM >

_____________________________

"It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms you have complete power over me. So be gentle if you please, 'cause your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth and it makes me want to make you near me always."

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 9

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 6:16:06 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Hi petdave - i can completely understand that. It surely wasn't my point to insult you and so i hope i haven't. i just found it particularly strange when it's in a profile on an alternative website where most of us are seeking a dominant partner :)

But you're point was very well taken.

(in reply to petdave)

Post #: 10

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 6:43:41 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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Hi trica and everyone,

I can see where you are coming from on the profiles statement, but have a few comments I would like to make. I change my profile constantly! lol Mostly because of other people's reactions and actions. The facts remain the same, but I change the format or general mood of what I say. Sometimes the trolls just get to me and I allow myself a response.

When someone is in love for the first time, they often wish to scream it aloud to the world. I think that we often wish to share our joys and experiences with others and it is a process of coming to terms with ourselves and life that we admit what a struggle it was at times. When I see someone say what you were commenting on, I am happy because someone has had the courage to face themselves square on and are willing to share what the process was like to some degree. I think the more openly we speak about the lifestyle and don't shy away from coming out in society, the sooner our lifestyle will be more readily accepted. I may be wrong... I don't know.. but I remember the day when spousal abuse wasn't talked about and the abused hushed up and in the course of making this topic easier to be talked about, people found that sharing their struggle and hearing of others struggles helped them to not feel so abnormal.

I have my pictures here... I don't hide much and I am proud to admit to who I am and what I am about. Of course I am worried about coming out so publically because I am dealing with the government and some legal issues and this could pose some difficulty to me. But I will gladly and a bit fearfully stand up and defend the lifestyle in a public way even if vanillla's think I should be embarassed. When we are accepted, people won't have to struggle so much with coming to terms with who they are and what they need.

To the OP... I think that any position we are in in the lifestyle, there can be an aspect of purging so to speak. Dominant or dominance aren't socially acceptable words in many ways and I think that even we have some issues to deal with. I know I did. I worked in domestic abuse and had some real issues to get over. Defining these words in the lifestyle and outside it can mean a totally different way of useage and application of the dominance.

I look forward to the day when society can see us as the people we truly are and not look at us like we are freaks. Will it ever happen? I don't know... but I can dream about it and do my part to make it happen!

Lockit

(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 11

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 6:55:00 PM

curiouslyseeking

Posts: 924
Joined: 1/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToServemyMs

Does this 'purging' hit submissives as well? Do you ever experience guilt for who you are or just get so frustrated in your search that you try to 'purge' yourself of your submissive desires?

Greetings ToservemyMs...

When reading questions and posts, I try to relate it to experiences in my own life....however, I can say without one shadow of a doubt...I've never felt "guilt" in my desires and in my need to be a slave.

I do have trouble understanding my cravings at times, but never guilt.

I wish you well.

inner peace,
~curious~

_____________________________

"The ultimate freedom is the freedom to choose to have no choice"

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 12

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 7:21:25 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

Once I actively acknowledged who I was and what I thought would make me happy within a relationship, no I have not done this. However before I accepted that part of me, I worked really hard at changing my behaviors so that they were more in-line with mainstream society and to keep me from being taken advantage of. I am a recovering people pleaser and I learned to say no and learned to do things that would make me happy and not because they would make someone else happy. I was pretty successful at it because many of these things have become second nature to me and I am having to unlearn them in my current relationship.

Wow. For a minute there I thought we were the same person. Mine was a case of a Dom making an offhand remark (I had no idea he was a Dom before then) which brought my submissive side out in the open. Realizing who I really was, realizing I didn't have to fight it an more, and realizing that my submission was a ~desirable~ quality, was SUCH a relief! I still fight with it sometimes. It's hard to unlearn 36 years of training in less than five.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 8:18:00 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Hell no. I'm not throwing my toys away, it took me too long to collect them. And they'd cost a fortune to replace. Besides, I've got no shame our guilt about my sub side, I love the joy I get from all the things I do (and have done to me), and they'll pry my toys from my cold dead fingers.

Which will make for one heck of a funeral service, too.

(in reply to ToServemyMs)

Post #: 14

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 8:36:23 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
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Woman dead with vibrators in each cold hand..smile quiet a headline

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 15

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 8:39:33 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish
I still fight with it sometimes. It's hard to unlearn 36 years of training in less than five.

One of the big differences between Alandra and I is that she entered the relationship with him will she was quite young and didn't have to unlearn any habits from other relationships. For me, I had 34 years of habits to unlearn and most of my adult years was spent not in a relationship. I have always been very independent and I had to learn a lot of skills to cope with my life without a dominant partner. It has had an impact on how our relationship has developed. I think I may start a thread to discuss just this topic rather than hijacking this thread...

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 16

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 9:11:13 PM

sublimelysensual

Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
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I don't know that what I experienced was guilt so much as "what the hell's wrong with me that I feel this way". I think a lot of us growing up in the 70's got so used to women's lib, etc, and were a bit programmed to believe that women are equal to men, it's wrong to submit to a man etc etc, and that made some of us feel like wanting to was just, well, wrong. Once I came to accept that this is just who I am, and got out and into the l/s, that all disappeared. I no longer feel "warped", and love the person I've grown into....

-a

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." -Simone De Beauvoir -'The Second Sex'

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 6/23/2007 9:19:14 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
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I got the full-on womens lib thing growing up - and I'm totally in agreement with it, I'm not in any way a second-class citizen, and I expect full and fair treatment from the government, and from society.

But I also really absorbed the thing where we have the right to make our own choices for our own reasons. And being a sub is what I want, and what I am. Works for me. And I consider myself TOTALLY liberated. So I've never had a problem being liberated and a sub - giving it up because someone else thinks women shouldn't want that is, to me, just as patronising and controlling as the stuff we fought against.

End of rant. It's Sunday afternoon, I'm allowed to rant.

*wanders off to find a nice cup of tea*

(in reply to sublimelysensual)

Post #: 18

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 7/10/2007 6:56:06 PM

Corve

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/23/2006
From: Boca Raton
Status: offline

good for you

Master Daddy Corve

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 19

RE: The submissive 'purge' - 7/10/2007 8:04:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I've not known anyone to purge all things related to a single kink- but I have known people who did an entire kink purge- sometimes to marry a vanilla person, and end up having the divorce and buying all the toys again and starting over that way.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Corve)

Post #: 20

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