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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 4:40:57 AM

MstrssPassion

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quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi
<snip> I'd never be able to tell my husband I was heading to Philly to go to some BDSM club.

This will most likely become a real problem. It is best to not start down a path of deception.

quote:

So about the slashing and capitalization of words...what are the guidelines there?

Take note of the way people are responding... no slashy-stuff on gere so far, right?

The general concensus about the slashy netspeak is don't do it. I/it R/really I/is H/hard T/to R/read P/posts W/when T/they A/are F/full O/of S/slashes. The capital thing... they aren't necessary nor required. Do a survey, ask how many dominants need a capital in order to feel dominant... pffft.

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 5:25:25 AM

NControlofU

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What's to be ashamed or embarrassed about? My slave, and she is a total slave to me, is one of the strongest people I have ever known. Being strong and being submissive are completely compatible and are two important qualities I was looking for in a slave. If being submissive makes you feel weak, that's something you need to work on. I wouldn't say that submission is my slave's strength but neither is it her weakness (her constant horniness is her weakness). And, she lives for hearing her Master say to her, "On your knees, whore." That's one of the things I love about having her with me 24/7.

I've never heard that "war is peace" slogan or any of the other ones you listed. I don't buy into slogans, some are clever but you have to do what feels right for you, not for someone else's idea of what's right for you. Write your own slogan and live by it. One of mine is "Life is Better at the Top of the Food Chain."

Since you said you are totally new and have "no idea" what you're doing here, maybe it would be better for you if you have a little more time and experience before you make up your mind about what submission means to you and how you feel about it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

    So the topic says it all. I'm new..totally new. I have no idea what I'm doing here. I've never had a BDSm experience in my life, other than a bit of MMO RP. I'm completely embarrased and ashamed because I'm starting to realize I have subbish tendancies. I always thought of myself as a strong person, independant and the like.

   And yes, I've heard the "Oh...submission is strength!" Argument before but I just don't buy it. It seems like doublethink to me, propaganda to get me to just stop whining and bend over. War is Peace, Slavery is Freedom, Submission is Strength, etc. "OH sure...you're being really strong right now, I mean it. Now shut the fuck up and get on your knees." I just can't believe that by being submissive I am being anything other than weak willed. I've been trying to convince myself to be more dominant in my fantasies, but it's just not working. yet.

   So...it took a lot for me to even post here. Please no flaming me.

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 7:40:52 AM

patwi

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     To illustrate how generally confused I am about things - I htough a sub -was- a bottom, and a dom a top? There's a difference? At any rate, I already know I couldn't do anything 24/7. I mean, I live with my husband which is already a 24/7 relationship. If I turned into a slave i'd be forever fetching him Doritos and Mt. Dew.

    My problem is that I haven't really let myself think good and hard about what exactly it is that I want from BDSM. I've been avoiding getting into that discussion with myself. I do suspect my husband has some dom or top (not knowing the difference, I'll type both) tendancies because of some of his actions. But I think it would be a better course of action for me to figure out what I want first before saying to him "Well, honey, I'm sort of curious about this, but I'm not exatly sure what it is that I enjoy or what it is that I need from you."

    I want to thank everyone for your patience, by the way. You all may have gotten a little giggle out of seeing me in the local bookstore, agonizing inthe kinky erotica section over what suited me best. :)

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 7:47:47 AM

Lordandmaster

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Most subs are bottoms and most doms are tops, but they're not the same thing. "Submissive" and "dominant" refer to emotional (some people say "psychosexual") orientations. Submissives are fulfilled by submitting; dominants are fulfilled by dominating. "Top" and "bottom" refer to roles in physical sex play. The top takes the lead, the bottom follows. A dom could very well enjoy being the bottom, and a sub could enjoy being the top (although this usually happens only when the dom permits it). Also, most people who are submissive or dominant don't switch roles in that department, but many people enjoy changing off between top and bottom, at least from time to time. Now I said MOST people, because there are "switches" too, in other words people who really feel submissive in some situations and dominant in others, but they're a little rarer than people who are steadily submissive or dominant but enjoy both topping and bottoming--since that's actually pretty common. (There are lots of threads on switches if you're interested in finding out more about that.)

Hope that helps.

Lam

quote:

ORIGINAL: patwi

To illustrate how generally confused I am about things - I htough a sub -was- a bottom, and a dom a top? There's a difference?

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 7:57:13 AM

patwi

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OH! *lightbulb goes off* I see the difference between the two now, at least somewhat. Thank you.

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 8:08:19 AM

GhitaAmati

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As to the slashy thing...most Doms I have ever spoken with prefer to see that girls can use proper grammer.....

As to the strength versus submissive issue. Alot of people forget that assertiveness and passive behavior are compleatly different from being dominant or submissive. Assertive does not mean aggresive.

As to the husband thing...don't leave your husband in the dark. I've never met a man who really did "subtle" hints (no offense men). Sit him down, explain that you've read some things on the net that interest you, see what he says. Think about what parts really interest you, are you wanting to be submissive to someone 24/7? Mentally? Or are you just hoping to enjoy a scene as a bottom and then go home and be an equal wife again? If all you really want is to add some S&M to your bedroom...thats alot different than becoming someones submissive. There are lots of different levels to this lifestyle, lots of different aspects, and lots of people incorporate varying amounts into their relationships. There is nothing wrong with whatever it is you want. Dont ever let anyone tell you you arent being a good enough submissive. Or that you arent a submissive...unless well..you arent. *grin*

Play parties, munches, scenes all have different vibes too. Some seem to be more of a swingers party, others are full of peolpe who live a 24/7 lifestyle. Others have couples who come out to get beat on then go home to be "normal" again. Wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Ive been active in the lifestyle for about 10 years...I still show up in jeans and a t-shirt because well...thats what im comfortable in, if they dont like me in it, so what? Im not there to please everyone in the room...just because im submissive, doesnt mean im submissive to everyone.

ghita amati

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 9:56:47 AM

Cdnont

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patwi, you are getting a lot of GREAT advice. As some one has already suggested, you need to sit back and CHILL! From My sight line, there are a number of people that you SHOULD be asking your questions. As for all of those that haven't shown themselves HERE, think about it!
From My situation, this is a wonderful (to put it midly) "Interest". And ALL of U/us should explore it to O/our MAX!
Best of luck,
Interested

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RE: Embarrased. - 6/25/2007 1:17:38 PM

vhyden

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I am also new but on the Master side. No matter who we chose to be, choosing is the hard part - living the role we choose for ourselve whether we lie to ourselve and live in a type of misery or choose to breakout of what society thinks and be FREE - it still requires strength and courage to be alive. Recognize who you are not to label yourself as strong or weak but to be happy and fulfilled. You are still caught in the mire of self judgement and you are also judging other slaves and submissives as weak. I have realized that to be fulfilled I must be a Master so that I can recieve the powerful and humbling adoration of someone who I am going to torture. Ultimately its not fear of pain that I recieve from a slave/sub it's vunerability and trust. You are wired to want to give some of the hardest virtues that exist. I am wired to thirst for those virtues.

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Slaves be obedient to those who are your Masters according to the flesh with fear and trembling, in sincerity of your heart

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