RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ?

RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (Full Version)

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SweetDommes -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 5:17:11 PM)
In addition to the points that you bring up, politesub, I think that rose needs to realize that there are a lot of submissives out there who DO want a type of tribute/financial payment ... they just don't call it that. I can't tell you how many e-mails I've deleted from submissives (both male and female) who want to live in our house, be our "slaves," and not have a damn job. They want us to support them while they eat our food and run up our bills ... but they'll be our sex slaves and serve us 100% [sm=rolleyes.gif] just don't ask them to run the vacuum or anything, because housework is a hard limit for these types [sm=ofcourse.gif]

planomaid -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 5:53:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stop352 i have been checking out a lot of the MISTRESSES here but all or most want finnacial tribute. That is something which will come on its own later . why at startup? I think you need to clarify if you are referring to a Mistress who identifies herself clearly as a professional dominant or a Mistress who demands money up front to "prove" yourself too her (i.e. to seperate the wankers and wannabee's from true submissives). A professional dominant should be considered like a dr. or lawyer or any other professional who consults for a living. Unless you have a personal relationship with them, asking them for advice or anything else beyond a surface-level inquiry is being unfair to them. They have stated that this is their profession, and that they earn (or augment) their living through professional domination. Of course they will ask for money to interact with you in the BDSM realm. It's their job. Show them some respect. If you truly value their input, then fulfill your end. A non-professional dominant asking for money to "prove" yourself is usually best avoided IMHO. I say this because they (often, though not always) are looking to profit from men for the wrong reasons. If this is their profession, then they should clearly state so. I disagree with the concept of having to prove myself with my bank account. Granted, they probably do receive large amounts of email that is clearly offensive or off base. It's easy to block a user, or simply press 'delete' and send the offensive and clueless email off to the nether. Demanding money from someone is not a good gauge of character (or perhaps its a good guage of the character of the person who is requesting it). The actions and words of someone is a far better measure when getting to know someone. At the end of the day you are going to have to decide whom you wish to contact. Spend a little time finding out about them, re-read your introductory email to ensure you aren't promising something you can't deliver, and that what you are saying is not only true, but that you mean it. Small things, but they often can add up to big rewards if you find the right one. Oh, as to other forms of 'tribute', I prefer a small stuffed animal over a greeting card... :)

MstrssScarlet -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 7:48:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Politesub53 quote: ORIGINAL: slaverosebeauty Personally, I think tributes are bs and should be illegal, unless its in the Pro [aka in person arena], its a way to get something for nothing or to extort money. Heck, if a slave asked for a tribute they would be laughed at or worse, yet, slaves do MORE work than most dommes. I would LOVE to get money from all those wankers who have IM'd me over the years telling me to get on my knees, {rofl}; yet, I am a person who earns money the old-fashion way, I go to work {in an office}, I support myself AND my child; and if God willing, the Universe, the Fates and Desinty agree, I will get remarried and not have to work outside of the home, yet, I will do MORE work being a stay at home mom/slave than most who work outside of the home, PLUS, I won't get paid in money, but instead,I will recieve love, devotion, admiration, loyality and 'fun' with my partner. I do intend on running my website in my spare time and on the side, and yes, I will be making money from that, yet I will NOT be getting a 'tribute,' I will be making HONEST money; no one will be GIVING me money, I will be EARNING IT {gasp, new concept, earning money by honest means}. Whats so hard about WORKING for money? Its it just laziness that some dommes won't work?? or is it that they think they are TOO GOOD to work and earn an honest living like everyone else? Sorry to tell ya ladies, but a REAL lady does NOT ask for tributes, a REAL lady earns her OWN money. If she wants something she works for it, she doesn't ask for 'tributes' to get it or for a tribute of 'xyz' instead of being an adult and working until she can get it herself. Its those who seek tributes form others, that give a decent number of ladies both tops and bottoms a bad name as to ONLY being after money. Besides, I thought that financial slavery aka tributing was against TOS on here?? How can you equate a tribute with financial slavery, if you have read the whole thread. Many Dominas replied that the tribute could be something small, even a postcard. Yet here you are, ignoring all of that and saying tributes should be illegal, worse still, you accuse anyone of asking for one of not being a lady ? You go on to suggest everyone should work for their money, have you not read the posts explaining the time and effort both setting up web sites and running them. i have nothing against people having their own views but at least the should have read and understood the whole thread first. edited for spelling My thoughts exactly. I have to admit that I used to think Pro Dommes were only in it for the money. After a long, exhausting and fruitless search for a submissive (and prodding from friends), I changed my mind. I can even tell you the exact date I made the decision to go Pro. I took on a new submissive. He had very little experience and, of course, no toys of any kind. I had a few sessions with him, teaching him as we went. I even loaned him books to read (that I'll never see again). Then the big step- a private party. It was a GREAT party and I was thrilled that he had such a great experience so soon in his learning process. The next day poof he disappeared. Wouldn't return phone calls, emails, nothing. After that, I decided that if I was going to spend that much time and effort on someone, I might as well be compensated for it. No, I'm not bitter. In fact, I should probably thank that submissive for teaching me an important lesson. My tribute is below most professionals in this area, but I enjoy what I do and I'm happy with what I earn. And yes, EARN. I have a dungeon to equip and clean, fetish wear to buy, etc., etc. I keep a very clean dungeon, so the cost of cleaning supplies alone is something I need to be compensated for. 99.9% of the subs that show up want something very specific and as long as I enjoy it as well, he gets exactly what he wants. AND.....I supply absolutely everything we need. Have you priced equipment lately? Ok, I'm done. I tried to stay out of this, but I just couldn't do it after that post. Everyone has their limits. LOL Mistress Scarlet

RchmdServiceNeed -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 8:46:37 PM)
SlaveRoseBeauty --- That is EXACTLY the point-- They ARE WORKING for the money. They are showing up a certian time at a certain place to give time, effort, energy, and perform duties they would not otherwise without being paid. That is what "work" is. Plenty of people in the world work in careers they are honestly interested in and enjoy doing. The answer for Subs for meeting would otherwise be "No." And there are plenty of Dommes that say No a lot and that's fine! Pro-domme just means the answer is: "No." or "Yes, if you pay me this rate I can do exactly what you want." Take your pick, "no" is always an option.... And thank God SOMEpeople are pro-dommes or else many subs would honestly Never get to play, experience, explore, and dommes would have even more emails from underserved subs. Sub aggression is bad enough as it as, as well as competition. It's not extortion. It's not even close. Extortion is when you threaten someone or blackmail them. Pro-dommes do not threaten or blackmail-- In fact, they are possibly the BEST option for someone worried about this type of behavior because they have a professional reputation to uphold and would not get very far if they did this type of activity. Pro- Dommes do not require payment for "nothing" -- It is NOT a "Donation" --- It is a payment for the time it takes to perform the services requested. Just like any other place of work. Is a Therapist asking for money for nothing and not working?? How 'bout a really nice teacher that enjoys her job and enjoys teaching -- is She extorting to be a professional teacher or getting money for nothing? How about you working for a non-profit-- I mean hey, it's a non-profit so no one should be making money, right? People should be giving up all of their free time and preventing them from working elsewhere because of the needs of others out of the kindness of their heart, no matter what their bills are, cost, or time out put is, right???

MsPleasure -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 9:23:04 PM)
My first time meeting a sub experience. We met at Hustler's to look at various things we both had interests in. He bought a nice collection of bdsm items to start me on my journey. I was stunned but happy. There are many subs that don't have a problem at all spoiling a Mistress. Some bring it up first as my first sub did, but he could afford it. Tributes come in all forms .... Physical service, domestic service, sexual service and financial service. Don't complain about what someone else wants. Keep moving until you find a match just right for you.

rob425 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/25/2007 9:59:59 PM)
Pro dominants I have no problem of tributing. They are providing a service and I am paying for a a service and their expertise. I expect a pro to be a high level. If the domme is providing the toys I have no problem paying for the wear and tear on the toys. But I do have my own toys I can bring. If we need a hotel room I'll pay for it myself. If a domme requires a meeting in a public place like maybe a dinner date ti see if there is a connection I have no problem paying the night treating it as a date. If I want a mistress to use a certain toy on me that she doesn't own I have no problem purchasing it. If I have been playing domme once or twice and she wants a toy for her collection I would be willng to get it for her as a gift and thank you but I do not want to spend that money extremely early especially cause there is no point. All my past interactions with dommes have always had a first meetings where I would pay for the meal or the activity(vanilla that is). It's like a guy paying for a date, it's the right thing to do. Also this meeting/first date is a great way for us to see if we get along. and I don't lose lots of money and the domme gets a free meal. One thing that i think is lost when a domme is asking for a large tribute(more than just the simple cost of wear and tear on toys and space) is they aren't really into the scene. Submission and trust is a huge gift to give. especially in some areas. But then again it's always 10 times harder for the dominant who might be worrying about the sub. However if the dominant is getting nothing from the having someone give themselves to you and put trust and you, Why are you even in the lifestyle, just for money is what it looks like. I understand asking for money when you are just doing the submissives fantasy. Personally thats not me. I don't like the idea of giving a fantasy cause then I know what will be coming for the most part. the Mystery of what could be next is gone and that is a huge part of my submission gift(Does creat more work for a domme to plan a session but being there as a submissive not a dominant i am there as a gift to serve her and to make her happy by serving. I do not submit to everyone person that calls them a Female dominant. So if I am submitting to you it's a gift. Just like domination might be a gift to a sub if the dominant doesn't dominate many people. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I do have a problem with before even just chating about non bdsm topics I need to tributre the domme to get her to read my email. I have a problem with tributing for online play that will never lead to real life situation with in 1 month of the chatting begins. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The more comments i read by the domme's I realize that subs like me that take the time to read the rpofile fully, in detail. Only contact when they are fully willing to play or converse are a rarity. But as I am finding a common problem with CM is that it's a free personal sites which doies bring out those not that serious and those dominants just trying to make a quick buck cause they have no true interest in BDSM. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stella talking that genuine subs are more likely to study the profile completely and comment on. Stella I agree with you of the sub trying to find everything they can out about the dominant. The more i examine my past D/s involved relationships the actual BDSM activities didn't take place until at least the 3rd date. I think maybe the 2nd date for one cause i knew them for awhile before we started in real life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Anyway I am going to stop rambling and leave with a quote I found extremely instersting from the forum post on Financial Domme's quote: ORIGINAL: BeachMystress I do agree with you about the people who take advantage of a free site to advertise to make money for themselves. I find it tacky at the best. While the site is free, they still have bandwidth charges and expenses. They should NOT be footing the bill of people who are here to make money. I truly feel that anyone requesting money, be it financial Domination or Pro Domination should pay to place their ad, even if it is a nominal fee. Five dollars a month would cut down on the number of ads placed just because people can, and it would help out with the bandwidth. People who are using the service for profit should be putting back into the site. Any who do not are taking advantage of the site and it's owners who are trying to give something back to the community. Pro Domination is when you pay a woman (or man) to Dominate you. This is a pure monetary transaction. You are paying for her expertise and contributing to the upkeep of her dungeon and toys. It is a nececary service since many lifestyle Domme are not willing to deal with married subs and some subs do not have the interest level to keep a lifestyle Domme. Some only feel the need to submit once a month. Most lifestyle Domme expect a lot more than that or they consider it a user relationship. Pro Domme have a reputation and you should check the reputation of any Pro before visiting them. Not everyone who claims to be a Pro is worthy of that title. Pro implies that they have a level of skill. A Pro should be able to tell you where she learned each skill, be willing to provide references and such. I've run into a lot of guys who have met "pros" on this site who turned out to be women with no experience but were asking for money to play with a guy. Tip offs that you should be warry of a "Pro": they do not work out of a dungeon and insist that you pay for a hotel or that you meet in one of your homes - they could still be a real Pro, but it sends up red flags, they do not have a selection of toys -part of being a Pro is providing the tools used on the submissive, they have less than several years of experience in real time Domination - you don't learn skills overnight. Financial Domination is when the Dominant controls the money of the sub. It also includes men who want to pay a woman for the pleasure of her company. There are people who find this a sexual or power turn on. I know of one Domme who pays her subs for the pleasure of thier company, because she says that by paying them, she has the right to do whatever the hell she pleases to them. That is a bit of an odd twist, but it still comes under this heading because it is a fetish involving money. That is the crux.. it is money used in a sexual/power dynamic. It should be a turn on for both people involved. And yes, there are far more women who want to be financial Domme than men who want to be financial subs. I consider most of the Domme in the financial Domination realm to be there to make a buck, rather than having a true fetish about it. I do agree that a sub should bring something to the relationship financially even in a lifestyle relationship. Because I have a wagonload of toys, I was constantly having subs want to play with me to try out X or Y. I'd tell them fine, buy it for me and I'll use it on you. I am not willing to foot the bill for the wear and tear on MY toys because someone else wants to try it out. It got to the point of being so prevalent that subs just wanted to use me for my toys, that I'd tell a sub I wanted him to provide ALL toys to be used on him the first few sessions. I was shocked at the number of men who called me a pro in disguise because I wanted them to contribute to the relationship. I didn't care what they brought or WHO ended up with the toys, just that mine were not being worn out playing with some jerk who was using me as a service top. Since that did not fully take care of the "subs" trying to use me as a service top, I started requiring that they contribute a toy from my wishlist to my collection the first time we played. The items on my wishlist range from $18 to $200, and they were free to choose what they wanted. That item would be used on them, so I told them to choose well. I never required another gift of any type from the sub, (although if he didn't show up with something on my birthday, heaven help him. That is true of any relationship though. grins) For some reason, many subs seem to think that the offer of their body is enough to make us want to play with them. We are women. We are not driven by the need to have sex with anything that moves. You have to bring more to the table. For me, what I want brought to the table over the long term is love and devotion. What others seek differers. All relationships are a transaction of sorts. I feel MadameDahlia did a good job of explaining it in http://www.collarme.com/forum/m_68580/mpage_1/key_transaction/tm.htm#68899

Najakcharmer -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 10:28:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rob425 I do have a problem with before even just chating about non bdsm topics I need to tributre the domme to get her to read my email. I have a problem with tributing for online play that will never lead to real life situation with in 1 month of the chatting begins. You do need to do SOMETHING to get a domme's attention. To get mine, you have to show you've read my profile, and then initiate an intelligent conversation showing your depth of interest and involvement in one of the subjects mentioned there. Describe your D&D character, discuss the implications of guild affiliations and roleplaying in your favorite MMORPG, kick off a discussion on different philosophies of diet and training in weight lifting, talk about swordfighting and the SCA, or Ren Faire costuming, or the pet reptiles you keep. That is guaranteed to catch and hold 100% of my attention because it interests me, and because it's an appropriate conversation starter with someone you don't yet know. The specifics are obviously going to differ from domme to domme, but the general approach works amazingly well - find out what hobbies and interests you both share and start by talking about them, NOT by talking about how big your dick is when it's tied up and how much you like to wear women's panties and be forced to lick pussy. That's a singularly horrible sort of conversation starter, likely to get you ignored and blocked by any woman who wants to talk to a person and not a penis. But for men who actually need their interaction to be that shallow because they aren't willing to share more of themselves, it's a damn fine thing that there are pro dommes who will accept cash as their end of the transaction.

rob425 -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 11:32:40 AM)
Tribute in that sense I ment monetary. I pesonally read all the profiles and gather all the information of the dominant before i chat. If they would spend the time to read my email they would understand that I fully read their profile. I am a rarity I guess. None og my my first conversations with a domme with involve any BDSM contact nor will it be talked about if we can communicate on a vanilla level

DiannaVesta -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 11:36:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer quote: ORIGINAL: rob425 I do have a problem with before even just chating about non bdsm topics I need to tributre the domme to get her to read my email. I have a problem with tributing for online play that will never lead to real life situation with in 1 month of the chatting begins. You do need to do SOMETHING to get a domme's attention. To get mine, you have to show you've read my profile, and then initiate an intelligent conversation showing your depth of interest and involvement in one of the subjects mentioned there. Describe your D&D character, discuss the implications of guild affiliations and roleplaying in your favorite MMORPG, kick off a discussion on different philosophies of diet and training in weight lifting, talk about swordfighting and the SCA, or Ren Faire costuming, or the pet reptiles you keep. That is guaranteed to catch and hold 100% of my attention because it interests me, and because it's an appropriate conversation starter with someone you don't yet know. The specifics are obviously going to differ from domme to domme, but the general approach works amazingly well - find out what hobbies and interests you both share and start by talking about them, NOT by talking about how big your dick is when it's tied up and how much you like to wear women's panties and be forced to lick pussy. That's a singularly horrible sort of conversation starter, likely to get you ignored and blocked by any woman who wants to talk to a person and not a penis. But for men who actually need their interaction to be that shallow because they aren't willing to share more of themselves, it's a damn fine thing that there are pro dommes who will accept cash as their end of the transaction. Good luck in getting any of that. I mean seriously you’ve been in the scene as long as I have. You know damn well that most approach with "dick in hand". That out of 100 toads there MIGHT be 1 Prince. Let’s face it, when you’re networking in the so-called community there is an instant agenda. You approach people with that in mind. It should not be the only thing that is compatible but it happens to be at the forefront. Now I know you hate the whole gender issue (we’ve discussed this before) HOWEVER the obvious is clear and no one would know this better then you. I too have been down that road many many times. I contribute far more then I take. Still, I believe my system works for me and have proven to be effective. It’s simple; support my work, be consistent and prove you are worthy to enter my world. That just happens to mean dipping into your pocket; no damn free rides and I ain’t got time to waste on chit chat. Be my slave FIRST; prove your loyalty and commitment. Then I’ll naturally want to know more about you and a friendship is inevitable. Lol- and you already know how I feel about snakes.

SweetDommes -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 1:25:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer quote: ORIGINAL: rob425 I do have a problem with before even just chating about non bdsm topics I need to tributre the domme to get her to read my email. I have a problem with tributing for online play that will never lead to real life situation with in 1 month of the chatting begins. You do need to do SOMETHING to get a domme's attention. To get mine, you have to show you've read my profile, and then initiate an intelligent conversation showing your depth of interest and involvement in one of the subjects mentioned there. Describe your D&D character, discuss the implications of guild affiliations and roleplaying in your favorite MMORPG, kick off a discussion on different philosophies of diet and training in weight lifting, talk about swordfighting and the SCA, or Ren Faire costuming, or the pet reptiles you keep. That is guaranteed to catch and hold 100% of my attention because it interests me, and because it's an appropriate conversation starter with someone you don't yet know. The specifics are obviously going to differ from domme to domme, but the general approach works amazingly well - find out what hobbies and interests you both share and start by talking about them, NOT by talking about how big your dick is when it's tied up and how much you like to wear women's panties and be forced to lick pussy. That's a singularly horrible sort of conversation starter, likely to get you ignored and blocked by any woman who wants to talk to a person and not a penis. But for men who actually need their interaction to be that shallow because they aren't willing to share more of themselves, it's a damn fine thing that there are pro dommes who will accept cash as their end of the transaction. Hell, at this point, I'd be thrilled to get one that mentions that they love animals and DOESN'T call me "ma'am" ... Is that really so much to ask?

openmindedslave -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 1:49:19 PM)
Then let me ask this question..for those who have made it clear that they want or expect tribute...Do subs/slaves ,show up more often or do what they say, because they tribute or is there really no difference.?... I just read a prodoms blog the otherday onanother site,,and she complained about the fact that she traveled to Cleveland for sessions and no one showed up at all. So if they paid ahead of time at least she had that to show for her expenses,,,but still ..

MistressRouge -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 1:59:31 PM)
Because we get them [:D]

subfever -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 4:58:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes Hell, at this point, I'd be thrilled to get one that mentions that they love animals and DOESN'T call me "ma'am" ... Is that really so much to ask? No, Ma'am. Ahh... just couldn't resist... [;)]

Najakcharmer -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 7:49:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta Good luck in getting any of that. I mean seriously you’ve been in the scene as long as I have. You know damn well that most approach with "dick in hand". That out of 100 toads there MIGHT be 1 Prince. I did get some of that. Collared one, made good friends/play partners of a few more. [:)] The one I collared introduced himself in a friendly way and cited interests in various science fields, sci-fi/fantasy and gaming. We met for a friendly no-strings coffee and chat, made a date to go play D&D together, and he was naked and tied up in short order thereafter. If a sub has the attitude it takes to get my interest, then he's definitely got it. So it makes me wonder WTF is going on when I state perfectly clearly what it takes to get my interest as a domme, and wannabe subs do instead what I state is guaranteed to make me not interested. I find that weirder than snake shoes. You want me to do you? Then do what I say in my profile. Duuh. It's really not rocket science.

SPOILEDOMINA -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 8:25:57 PM)
I was watching this nature show about the courting behavior of animals in the natural world. Long story short, it was pretty much the male of the species always competing or running around, dancing, flaunting, and generally making 'much ado' to attract the female. My favorite segment was the part about and species of insect where the male will spend and enormous amount of time and energy finding, killing and then WRAPING a offering of food in a leaf to give to the female. Somebody ask that question again. ........ you know... the one about tribute.

SweetDommes -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 8:40:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subfever quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes Hell, at this point, I'd be thrilled to get one that mentions that they love animals and DOESN'T call me "ma'am" ... Is that really so much to ask? No, Ma'am. Ahh... just couldn't resist... [;)] You are quite the brat, aren't you? lol [sm=tongue.gif]

RchmdServiceNeed -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/26/2007 9:35:49 PM)
In answer to someone's Q -- Yes, they do show up [more], do what was agreed upon and pay. I think in some ways it is actually less stressful for a sub that is paying to show up-- They know exactly or close enough what will happen, don't have to worry about prep, clean up, toys, place, any preparations, have some faith that seeing a professional means they will not be abused, have no fear of being "found out" or exposed if they want to stay in the closet, and the idea that they are Guaranteed whatever play scene they have been jacking off to for the past year is a huge motivator to show up. lol You are not guaranteed any of those things if you are meeting a lifestyle Domme and I think that adds to the nervousness and leads to less showing up. The trust in a pro-domme is built into the agreement, with a lifestyle domme it is not and must be earned. Also, play activities/scenes must be earned and worked on which may be "not worth the effort" for a non-guaranteed specific play for a sub depending on what they are looking for, how much time they have, and how "open" and public they can be in their search. So, my $200 then please? ;)

WyckedMystress -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/28/2007 1:29:56 AM)
As said - its simple - dont want to pay a tribute move on. I dont ask for a tribute I dont see the need but that is also My personal choice. WyckedMystress

skareamoos -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/28/2007 8:15:50 AM)
May I interject some sanity? They do it because they can. When supply and demand conflict, the supply alwsys wins. Why do you think they should do you for nothing? Answer THAT intelligently and they just may do it.

ObedientYYC -> RE: why do MISTRESSES ask for tributes ? (6/28/2007 11:50:13 AM)
When I run into a profile that demands monetary tribute, I just click the big "hide" button. Clearly they aren't serious about wanting a genuine relationship of the type I am seeking. This is my way of separating the wheat from the chaff. ;)

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