Behaviors unbecoming of a slave

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Behaviors unbecoming of a slave

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Behaviors unbecoming of a slave

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/24/2007 10:31:54 PM

improperattire

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline

OK, I have some issues with authority and am struggling a bit early on in the process of being a sub/slave. I'm doing my best, but have a terrible time talking about things. I sometimes just draw a blank when told to talk about something and I get punished. Sometimes I get mad and get punished some more. He knows what really ticks me off, too. I have a terribly strong will and he's being tough with me for good reason. (Is it obvious Mom and Dad weren't so good with the discipline?)
So, this "bad child" issue I have, how does this make a Master feel? Is it worth the trouble for you?

Post #: 1

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 12:07:38 AM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

Hello improperattire. I will give you my take on the subject. First, I am sure that you value your dom and properly defer to his authority. Second, you have a problem obeying (like most slaves). Third, there is no way to know if your are following his lead as this is personal to you two.

If it was me, when you draw a blank, say that you are drawing a blank. Ask for time to reply. If it is no? well that's tough bananas. Maybe the point of the exercise is not answering the question, but simply having you in an instance to instill acceptance or something else similar.

You have strong will? No. You have strong "resistance" that is fueled by your vanity. It takes a strong will to obey, to overcome ego, when you are a "strong" submissive. I guess you are going through some "humbling" training to help you obey.

If you are doing your best? you are a perfect slave in my book. Everything takes time. Nothing is perfect.

How does this make your master feel? hum......attentive. You like that? of course you do. See this as training, do your best and enjoy all that wonderful concerned attention. If you focus on this, you may get pleasure from obeying when you do no want to...

Hope this helped. RL.

(in reply to improperattire)

Post #: 2

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 3:01:16 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

You make an interesting point about the difference between will and resistance.

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 3

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 4:16:50 AM

RchmdServiceNeed

Posts: 36
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

If you are worried about the "bad child" issue and wondering how he feels and if , baisically, you are worth his time -- You need to ask him. Obviously outside of a D/s scene or role. You may be surprised and relieved at his answer, or you may be sad but at least have the ability to change and assess the situation in general and match.

If you feel that you are always bad, it will be hard for you to see yourself as good, even if you were being good at points, as well as hard for you to have any incentive to do well/not bad in the future if you believe that is who you *are* not how you *act*.

It will also be hard for you to trust a Dom that you feel may be thinking bad things about you, honestly not liking you/getting mad, and thinks you are not worth his time. The nagging idea that he will someday or someMoment decide you are not worth his time will sabotage any sense of security, trust, and ability to give fully.

You need to discuss these issues with him so you can grow in your submission and the only way to do that is to grow in trust, beilef in yourself and him, and , of course, be well-matched to begin with.

My personal opinion: Any Dom worth having wouldn't want his sub to hold back expressing his/her feelings and fears in a respectful way so you could both work on it or explore other options [other people].

If you can't trust this Dom thinks you are worth it or don't see why you would be worth it, unfortunately, you never will be. Asking adn talking about it can help. Hopefully he can provide some opportunity for you to be successful and gain favor as well so you have reason to continue.... Another possability is you mentioned you were "early on" -- i would examine the amount of time you play/are together may be too long. A 3 yr old is not expected to go to school in the 5th grade and opperate on a 5th grader's work load, ya know? I have a feeling the time-durration of sessions/being in "sub" space even if not directly scening is too long. People work up to that, and usually only with a LOT of talking with their partner and being honest about their feelings without fear of the person leaving any moment!

In Short: Your issue is that you have a fear of expressing your thoughts/feelings becuse you think people with leave/be upset with you and that is why you have trouble talking in the first place. Which is, ironically why you think he would not think you are worth it b/c you are not talking, lol, and possibly leave. You have to express your feelings, hopefully have some success with trust going well, and of course to do all that one had to know what they think/feel in the first place. For a new sub "i don't know" or "I'm not sure, would it be okay to think about a bit?" should be perfectly [non- punnishment inducing] acceptible answers.
Your lack of success has more to do with your lack of trust than your lack of will.
Him making displays that you are not good enough and setting you up for tasks beyond your capabilities doesn't exactly encourage much in the trust department.

Best Wishes. :)

< Message edited by RchmdServiceNeed -- 6/25/2007 4:25:05 AM >

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 4

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 4:35:14 AM

angelicslaveMDF

Posts: 43
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

by all means this girl is no "perfect" slave...and anyone who thinks there is such...is quite mistaken...

girl here is learning and believe me....i started on this site as a Switch...and now am learning my place as a slave...i have come this far from a lot of love, patience, understanding, forgiveness and most above all communication from and with Master.

i dont feel a slave should hide anything...if you have feelings that He is pushing your buttons, i think if you cant talk honestly with your Master/Dom then who can you talk to...it all comes down to tone...if you have to tell Him you need a minute to collect your ideas so your "temper" doesnt get out of hand and show disrespect to Him then i feel you should be able to say so, and would hope that He would relish in the fact that you dont want to disrespect of dishonor Him by your actions.

also i have found a sister on here who i have grown very close to...she and i can talk about anything as well and Master trusts her Master and her very much, that they are family to us...so it helps that He knows when He is not here that girl here does have someone to turn to..

know that this a growing and a journey that both of you are on together...and if you cant grow and learn together that you wont grow and learn at all.

hope this helps even a little.

_____________________________

*thats my opinion and Master says i am entitled to it.*
angelicslaveMDF

(in reply to RchmdServiceNeed)

Post #: 5

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 5:45:36 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I have a strong will but do obey. Having a strong will and not being able to obey are not coexistent. You should ask yourself why are you are slave and is it what you want to do? No one can make you be a slave. Communication is also very important. Talk to your Master about the feelings posted here. He knows you better than we do. Maybe he isn't sure of what is going on. No one is perfect but you need to find out why you are so resistant.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 6/25/2007 5:47:23 AM >

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to improperattire)

Post #: 6

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 5:49:04 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

when i would draw a blank, i was never punished.....i was given a set amount of time to write the answer and give it to him.......sometimes if i was given 24 hours, i was feverishly writing at 23 hours and 59 minutes, but i always made the deadline.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 7

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 7:10:55 AM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: robertolapiedra

Hello improperattire. I will give you my take on the subject. First, I am sure that you value your dom and properly defer to his authority. Second, you have a problem obeying (like most slaves). Third, there is no way to know if your are following his lead as this is personal to you two.

If it was me, when you draw a blank, say that you are drawing a blank. Ask for time to reply. If it is no? well that's tough bananas. Maybe the point of the exercise is not answering the question, but simply having you in an instance to instill acceptance or something else similar.

You have strong will? No. You have strong "resistance" that is fueled by your vanity. It takes a strong will to obey, to overcome ego, when you are a "strong" submissive. I guess you are going through some "humbling" training to help you obey.

You have hit the nail on the head as usual Robert, Bravo!!!! Many seem to need "humbling" training, it can work wonders!

If you are doing your best? you are a perfect slave in my book. Everything takes time. Nothing is perfect.

How does this make your master feel? hum......attentive. You like that? of course you do. See this as training, do your best and enjoy all that wonderful concerned attention. If you focus on this, you may get pleasure from obeying when you do no want to...

Hope this helped. RL.

Robert, I enjoy reading everything you write here. The class and wisdom you possess speaks volumes.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to robertolapiedra)

Post #: 8

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 7:19:59 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

You are who you are and cannot be what you cannot be. If you are drawing a blank and having difficulty communicating on certain topics you need to tell your dominant just that so hopefully both of you can work on doing things differently to get the results both of you want. The mind in this area can not just do it like being ordered to clean the kitchen or fetch a beer. To me your dominant punishing you because of your inability to discuss something is just setting both of you up for failure.

At the same time though being submissive is learning and accepting doing many things we do not or might not like to do and especially how and when. Being strong willed can often be a great asset but you must learn that your service is not about what you think but what your dominant wants. You have to learn not to judge right or wrong and better or worse based on your view.

To me your post has two different issues. Inability to talk on subjects and focusing your strong will in the proper way. One requires both of you to work on it in a productive positive way the other requires you to work on it and communicate with your dominant what would help you deal with that issue better.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to improperattire)

Post #: 9

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 8:55:24 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

wht do you want to be a slave?

write a list.

use that list as your internal compas.

there are two wolves inside you a slave wolf and and lone wolf, the one that will win, is the one you choose to feed.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 10

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 9:28:41 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Well, obviously, every relationship is different. For myself, I have a problem with punishing you for drawing a blank when asked to talk about something. That is not a time for punishment in my playbook. As long as you are really having this issue, and not just being stubborn about wanting to answer; and from your post it sounds like the former to me. Punishing you is only exacerbating this problem, not helping to solve it.

As others have already pointed out, having a strong will is a different subject entirely, if it comes out as disobeying. Then punishment is proper and required. I have had obedient subs and disobedient subs, and though there is enjoyment in both scenarios I find that I much prefer the former. Not because it is any less work, because it isn't. What it does do is allow us to jump right into the really important stuff.

My current slave is so sweet in her desire to please, so we don't have to waste a lot of time on correcting behavior. This gives us the freedom to develop the Master/slave relationship that I find most satisfying. Teaching her how to be the perfect slave for me. Helping her grow and become the best woman she can be. Enjoying the mutual gratification of growing ever closer together on so many different levels.

If you were to imagine a Master/slave relationship where you are growing together in mind, body and spirit with me that is the true joy of the M/s dynamic. It is a spiritual journey of learning the heart and soul of another human being. Now that is special!

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to improperattire)

Post #: 11

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 11:09:31 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Does being punished make it easier for you to open up to him, or do you become more afraid of talking for fear he won't like what you say and punish you for that? Because if you need acceptance to open up, then punishment would be counterproductive.

I'm not sure what you mean by strong will, does that mean that if he explains why he thinks you should vote Republican and you don't agree that you're strong willed? Because being submissive doesn't mean you lose your ability to think and feel.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 12

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 3:49:01 PM

robertolapiedra

Posts: 520
Joined: 5/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelicslaveMDF

by all means this girl is no "perfect" slave...and anyone who thinks there is such...is quite mistaken...

angelicslaveMDF. A perfect slave in the context I was talking about, is a slave that does her Best. I do not expect someone "new" to "out serve", "out obey" or to "out perform" a 20 year veteran of submission.

I know many old doms when they get together talk more about Heart than impressive "skills".

I will say it again, the "best" slave is one that does his/her "best". RL.

(in reply to angelicslaveMDF)

Post #: 13

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 6:53:59 PM

improperattire

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/18/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I'm not sure what you mean by strong will, does that mean that if he explains why he thinks you should vote Republican and you don't agree that you're strong willed? Because being submissive doesn't mean you lose your ability to think and feel.

Perhaps stubborn would be a better word. I see how much I can take before I obey and do what he asks. Sometimes I really need to be pushed HARD to do something. I even say "I don't want to" sometimes, and rather defiantly. I'm swiftly learning that's a VERY BAD IDEA. :-)
And my reasons for being a slave?
I have so much to give inside me but I need to have someone I admire, trust and look up to as my hero to be able to offer all levels of myself to another human. I need someone to believe in. I wasted a big chunk of my life with someone I didn't believe in. In turn, I'm learning to believe in myself with this training. I'm overcoming fears and worries that have ruled my life since I can remember. This is an AMAZING journey and very rewarding to me so far.
Someone has chosen me to experience this deep level of committment, trust and service by asking me to give to him freely and completely of myself; and I have gladly accepted his invitation. He wants me to experience things I only have dreamed or thought about. What more wonderful a gift can one human give to another? He's my own private Black and Blue Make-A-Wish Foundation.
My new joy in life is to serve (my) man.
And beyond the whole M/s dynamic, I accept and love everything about him just as he came to me. I didn't even know he was into this lifestyle. He also didn't know it had been a longtime fantasy of mine. How lucky is that? He is not only my Master, but my lover, teacher, companion and friend.

< Message edited by improperattire -- 6/25/2007 6:59:40 PM >

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 14

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/25/2007 7:16:39 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I mostly work like this: either you want to serve me or you don't. And, not only that, you do it my or not. It's you're choice. But, each choice has consequences, be they good or bad. I usually ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior, so, if you wanted to interact with me, it'd be in a positive way.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to improperattire)

Post #: 15

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/26/2007 7:03:57 AM

YourShyPet

Posts: 185
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

I have a strong will but do obey. Having a strong will and not being able to obey are not coexistent. You should ask yourself why are you are slave and is it what you want to do? No one can make you be a slave. Communication is also very important. Talk to your Master about the feelings posted here. He knows you better than we do. Maybe he isn't sure of what is going on. No one is perfect but you need to find out why you are so resistant.

What sweetnurseBBW said...I have such a strong will that my Daddy, and I butted heads constantly our first five years of friendship... and ask either one of us today if I am or could ever be a slave... we'll both tell you... ah No highly unlikely... someone else suggested making a list for the reasons you want to be a slave... when it boils down... being a slave just might not suit you... or maybe it does... I've talked to some people on here who seem to view not being a slave as some type of failure... and I see some people on here failing because they are trying to be something they are not.

_____________________________

kittin

http://www.myspace.com/daddys_kittin

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

Post #: 16

RE: Behaviors unbecoming of a slave - 6/26/2007 12:29:00 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I haven't read your profile so I don't know how long you've been together but I can tell you that even after four years I am not the perfect sub. Learning to trust him took months to begin and years later I'm still learning to put down my defenses. If he became angry because I couldn't do it overnight, then I would trust him less, respect him less, be more unwilling to yield to him.

But he doesn't want me to do things if I really don't want to. In situations like that he wants me to open up and talk to him so he can discover where the problem lies. And sometimes I really don't know, I can need a day or two before I can identify what the difficulty is.

In fact, it's taken over three years of him occasionally tying me to a pole and me promptly having a panic attack to discover the two problems; one I can't take my head being tied, and two I feel like I'm going to fall over, I need my legs braced. I still don't enjoy it but I no longer panic. If his response was to accuse me of being strong willed and deliberately defiant, I would have hard limited pole bondage immediately and I would have lost a lot of respect. The fact is, we're both of us in this for the long run so it doesn't matter if I need a week or two or six months to get over a problem. He's smart enough to let me have as much time as I need and he doesn't force the issue, he just switches to something else he wants for me to learn in the meantime.

(in reply to YourShyPet)

Post #: 17

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Behaviors unbecoming of a slave

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094