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Calandra -> RE: Domme Drop? (6/26/2007 9:39:13 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Bella1965
What I will chide you for? Your churlish behavior by retreating to the bathroom. The breakdown of communications is a no-no. Understandably, we're all human, but that's not acceptable. That's something a tormented teen does, not a full grown adult. If you must hurl things? So long as the sub isn't tied down so they can avoid being damaged, I say let fly. Great release of pent up emotions that have gone awry. But removing yourself from the equation so your partner can't console you and hash things out? Tsk tsk. You only poison yourself that way. Next time, even if you must sit at opposite sides of the bed with your back to him, stay available for talk and the chance to make amends.
I must respectfully disagree with you here. I have experienced a flood of negative emotion similar to what Lashra describes. In the exact moment it happens, I know it is unreasonably out of balance with what triggered it. There is anger, LOTS of anger. Sometimes there is emotional pain, depending on the situation that caused it. Often there is fear because the emotions are so out of control/balance.
I respect that communication is vitally important, however when I feel out of control, sometimes the only thing I can do to avoid causing true hurt between Myself and My sub is to call a "time out" and go off alone for a time. If I do not "retreat and regain control" I may say things that cannot be called back and can never be forgotten. I deserve the freedom to stop the scene and remove Myself from the situation just as much as a submissive may have the right to safeword and/or retreat for their own good. If the submissive I am with cannot or does not respect My right to privacy, then I can't imagine ever playing with them again.
This isn't the same situation, but it does describe My feelings: Last week My toad called Me when he got off work. He asked if I was crying, I replied yes. He asked if I would tell him what was wrong, I told him not now, but if I needed to, I would later. We ended the conversation and he turned to My cubby (they work together and commute for an hour each way) and told him "Something has happened and Mystress is crying but she won't tell me why!" Cubby simply told him that I would reach out if I needed them, but that if he pushed it would upset Me. Cubby was right. While I adore both boys, I don't need to cry on their shoulder everytime I am in a blue mood. In fact, I'm not necessarily sad everytime I cry. Sometimes it's to release tension. (Hell I cry at weddings!)
I don't need a super sensitive submissive who's world falls apart everytime My mood changes. Returning to the original OP, I make sure before I ever play with someone to let them know that I will communicate My needs as we continue. If I suddenly "need" to go to the bathroom to collect My thoughts, I damned sure don't want them beating on the door and begging for reassurance while I am already depleted. IF they have done something wrong, they can be sure I WILL bring it to their attention, AFTER I am under control again - and not a moment sooner.
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