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Lending of the tools - 6/25/2007 7:03:10 PM

aparootsa

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Joined: 5/2/2007
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Do you often lend your tools to a dom/me for use on yourself? I've done this, and I quite like it (my chain flogger feel exquisite in good hands), but had the horrifying realization the other day that I've been perilously close to the faux pas of topping from the bottom in doing so. Thoughts?

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 8:44:15 AM

MasterFireMaam

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From: Charleston, WV
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Many submissives/slave have a toy collection. Some have it because of STD or other contagious conditions, some have it because they also Top and other, like you, have it because you like certain things and you hope that they will be used on you. If a submissive approached me with a toy bag, I'd go through it and pick out the things I was interested in using, if any. Maybe there's a toy in there that I've never played with.

It's all about how you present yourself. If you come in and place the bag aside while mentioning you have some things I might be interested in looking at, I'm more apt to do so (and thus more apt to use them) than if you come and dump the bag at my feet and demand, "Use these on me." My response is most likely to be, "No," just because you've pissed me off. If I'm mad enough, the response will be, "Go home." I would expect that if you have these toys for health reasons, you'd have told me those health reasons before you ever bring out the bag to show me.

Master Fire

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 10:36:22 AM

LotusSong

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quote:

ORIGINAL: aparootsa

Do you often lend your tools to a dom/me for use on yourself? I've done this, and I quite like it (my chain flogger feel exquisite in good hands), but had the horrifying realization the other day that I've been perilously close to the faux pas of topping from the bottom in doing so. Thoughts?

I'm a firm believer that the submissive should own his own play bag with the things he loves. One glance in it, and I know pretty much what floats the Submissives boat :) (kind of like looking in a woman's purse gives you an idea of what is important to her and how organized she is)

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 10:47:24 AM

GhitaAmati

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As a submissive, I have my own toybag...alot of items are things that were gifts to me from other vendors at fetish parties and conventions, and alot of items are things I made myself. I think it all depends on how you go about asking someone to use them. If you are already in the process of negotiating a scene and say "here, these are mine, feel free to use them on me, these are things that I enjoy" you arent saying "here...do THIS". You are still giving the Top the choice of what and how to use things, if any of them.

ghita amati

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 11:04:36 AM

santalia

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Greetings

i have a collection of toys that i keep for use on me. It is small now, but by the time i am with my Master i'm certain it will contain a nice array of things which will give Him great pleasure to use on His girl. ;)

Though, the collection "i" have now is really not "mine" because i am His and all i possess is His as well....but i will likely encourage any girls who might join Him and i to have a nice little collection of "their own" which of course would be His, but would be meant to be used on them...could be a bit confusing but it makes sense to me...lol.

i wish you well

-santalia{JR}

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 1:49:51 PM

Phin

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I will echo the posts about it is how you present the bag. "Here use these" would piss me off but if during the nogtiations if you say " I would rather you use my toys because..." I would be more likely to at least ruffle through the back and pick out a few items for use. If it is for health reasons I would also use from by bag rubber or metal objects, and you and I would sanitize them before the scene. Please do not worry about offending someone with the health reason, because if you do, that should be a red flag.

Phin

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 2:42:27 PM

angelicslaveMDF

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i had a few toys that i had before Master and i were together...they were things i enjoyed using and having used on me...but i dont feel that because you give them to one...that you are "topping from the bottom"...unless you demand them being used on you...you could suggest that they are things you like...it may help to fuel their imagination some...and also now as Master and i add to the collection we know some of the things that i might like multiples of..(no pun intended)

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RE: Lending of the tools - 6/26/2007 4:49:46 PM

lilacs

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I also have a number of my own items. I don't have a very complete toy bag yet, because of limited funds, but I'm building it up slowly. I see no reason why I shouldn't build up my own toybox. In it, I have a set of cuffs that I know fit me comfortably (I am not a dainty person - especially my ankles - and to assume that the ankle cuffs/shakles in a Dominant's toybox would work for me would be a mistake. I have a few basic impact toys that I know I enjoy, some lengths of rope, clothespins, some basic stuff. If 'insertables' type of things are on your 'okay' list, it is a good idea to have those things of your own as well - if nothing else for cleanliness sake. (I'm thinking I'm not the only one who is a little squicked out by the idea of sharing those items with other people even if well cleaned?)

I think it all depends on what the expectations are whether you are stepping over any lines as well as how you are asking the items you are bringing be used. I think different Tops/Dominants get off on different things - some get off primarly on the reactions of the bottom/sub and some get off primarily on the power. Those that get off a lot on your reaction will *love* your reaction and all is good. The others, just make sure you request or "offer" use of it and not demand and all is good. :) Who doesn't like to play with new toys?

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RE: Lending of the tools - 7/1/2007 3:18:23 PM

beltainefaerie

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I bring my toybag when there is an opportunity to play. I don't think it is odd or pushy to provide things for use. Sometimes my Master will specifically request certain items be arranged for him to use and other times he enjoys surprising me. I never ask to use a certain implement, because it would, in our relationship, be odd. Sometimes he will ask me to choose something I would like, though. I suppose the exception is a heavy metal choke collar I have, which I will put on myself because I like the weight of it. If he wishes it to be removed, like anything I wear, he will tell me and I will remove it or he will take it off. More likely, though, he will use it, as we both enjoy it.

My sub has brought me several things to use and I do sometimes, mized in with the toys I have and enjoy. If she was obnoxious about it, I would refuse on principle even if it was something I liked playing with. Really, as others have said, it makes sense to do it in a polite way, as offering something which might be of use, rather than presenting a toy which must be used on you now.

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RE: Lending of the tools - 7/1/2007 6:00:46 PM

aparootsa

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Okay, reading these responses, I think I've been on the right track, or at least not on the wrong one. Since my stock of toys is small as yet, I've not yet been able to present enough to be called a 'goody bag,' but I've always offered all that I have and never insisted that they be used. Still, it was a terrible realization, so thank you all for your thoughts on the matter.

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RE: Lending of the tools - 7/1/2007 6:54:52 PM

skaterboy

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I'll take your tools, I'll take your mind, I'll take your ass and I'll return your tools....coz, I'm good about that.
Tool time KC...smiles

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RE: Lending of the tools - 7/1/2007 8:18:32 PM

Evanesce

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Actually, I prefer that any dominant with whom I intend to play use *my* tools/toys on me. I know where they've been, and I know they've been properly cleaned and cared for. Not everyone takes care of their things the way I do.

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RE: Lending of the tools - 7/4/2007 6:32:25 PM

nydeviant

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too funny....this thread reminds me of a recent scene I had with a group of friends that I know well and trust - it included myself (switch), two dominant women, a submissive woman, and a submissive woman training to top on master's order. Each of us came with a toy bag in hand.

At the end of an extended, multiple scene scene, we literally had to pick toys up out of a pile and sort them into whose was who's! It was particularly nice, because I got to use/have used on me toys that my partner and I don't own - kind of like being able to test drive the car before buying it...

So yeah, I'm all for sharing! I do agree though, that if a bottom came to me and said 'use this on me', I'd bristle at it. 'Course, I'm a little pushy to begin with, and generally will ask someone first if they brought any toys with them to start of with....in a addition, as a top, there are toys that I own that I adore, and seeing a person's reaction to something that has never been used on them before is always fun.

Last thought - I would hate to be restricted by the toys that someone else brought with them - perhaps their previous partner can swing a gigantic bull hide flogger for hours on end, but my arms get tired after a while with something that heavy! Same thing for toys like single tails - if you insist I use your single tail, we're probably not going to have too much fun, 'cause I'm not terribly skilled with them yet...

*caveat* of course, all this applies to hurty toys....vibes, dildos, plugs, gags, etc is a completely different can o' worms

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