ModeratorThree
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This is my first short story- I write a great deal of poetry and have been working on a couple of books over the past few years. I am actually considering expanding on this and possibly turning it into a series. I have posted it here, because I want HONEST opinons of the work. Admitedly I wrote in in about 20 minutes, so it may not be very good to some. Of course I need an editor...lol But I wrote this about a year and a half ago, and have been tossing it around in my head again, with the thought of expanding on it. I have placed it here because I have seen a great deal of awesome work in this forum, and am hoping for some ideals as to the piece. I would like to know your likes, or dislikes about it. I of course already know that gramatically it is far from perfect, so maybe we could do without the spelling, grammar bashing. It is readable and I want thoughts on the story line. Can you envision it as you read it, what does it lack, what is good about it.. and so on.
If you are interested in my poetry I can post some of that as well, just let me know :)
Mod3
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As he laid the phone down he thought to himself, who is this crazy woman. What was her facination with him and why was she so sure that he was the one she wanted for all time. And what the hell was all time anyway. After two failed marriages and a few last attempts at the dating thing... who believed in that anymore. What a fruitcake he mumbeled as he headed for the shower, soon he would be lost in sleep and nothing else mattered.
Over the next few weeks she invaded his thoughts, always lurking somewhere in the back of his mind.. sometimes he despised her for that. They had a few conversations, but mostly he was just trying to be polite to her, and she sensed that in him. His life was far too busy and complicated for the mess she was wanting to throw herself into, he knew that and so did she. Finally after weeks of idle conversation, that sometimes lead to the raunchier side of things he decided that once and for all they would meet. He would satisfy her curiosity as well as his own. But he thought to himself as he drove toward her small hometown.. After this I will never have to hear from her again, once I do this she will stay away. He half wanted that, and another part of him thought.. what if she is right, what if for some reason we are meant to be together. Damn that woman, how does she creep into his head and occupy his thoughts with such sillyness? He drove on.
When he arrived at her home he was surprised that she did not run thru the door to greet him. She had always been so right there with him. He laughed to himself and thought.. did I realy expect her to hear me coming down the street and run to me? As he knocked upon the door he wondered if he had made a mistake, he really didn't want to hurt her. But it had been sometime since he had felt the soft skin of a woman and she seemed so eager to please him in any way he wished. He knew he didn't believe in love any longer, what was he thinking. She never asked him for that though, in fact now that he thought of it she never asked him for anything.
When she came to the door he was surprised at just how pretty in life she was. He had seen pictures, but they did not complete her beauty. She had penatrating eyes, the kind that look straight thru you, into your own darkness. They reflected his darkness back at him, for a moment he could only stare.As she said hello and stepped aside for him to enter his mind paused for a second. Then he remebered how complicated this could be, and walked thru the door. Her home was pleasant not nearly as feminine as he had expected. Most women go out of thier way to make it obvious that it is a womans house. Her home was just.. comfortable. They spent the next hour talking about simple things, and they laughed. He looked into her eyes again and slowly reached out for her. All he wanted to do at that moment was kiss her.
Her lips where like fire to him, hot and moist. She smelled of honeysuckle mixed with the faint smell of smoke, he was amazed at how good she felt. How good she smelled. He pulled her closer, her body pressing to his now, he tasted her desire mixed with his. It had been so long since he had felt a woman in that way, there had been the occasional sexual romp of course, but she made him feel alive. It scared him a little, but not enough to stop. She took his hand and lead him down a hall, toward a bedroom somewhere in the back of the house. He struggeled to adjust his vision in the dark then gave up, allowing her to lead him. Her room was soft, a crystal ball sat upon the dresser that flickered lights onto the ceiling, ever changing colors. It gave the room a mythical feeling. He felt as if they had stepped back in time. A cast iron canopy stood at the center of the room, adorned with white sheers, they swayed softly to the rythem of the ceiling fan. She stood before him and looked up at him, he felt her searching his soul, felt her looking inside of him. He quickly pulled back a little mentally, he had no time for complications. He wanted to taste her desire, more than anything he wanted her. But he couldn't forget the way it had to end. This was afterall one night, by tomorrow she would be gone from him and he would be able to go on with his life the way it used to be. Without her invading his thoughts. She never said a word, but he sensed she felt his shift in tempature. Slowly she removed her blouse, and he reached out to touch her soft breasts, then slowly bent to take one to his mouth, she exhaled deeply. Before there was thought he realized they were on the bed now, and as he reached up to adjust the pillow her head layed upon he felt the restraints. He smiled ammusingly to himself. He pulled the rope out and slowly wrapped it around the bend of her arm, tracing circles with it until he reached her wrists, then tied her to the corner post. He repeated the ritual on the other arm. Her breath quickened but she never spoke. It was odd, as if they spoke to each other without words. He found the silken rope that layed at the foot of the bed and began to wrap her legs from the knee down. But instead of tying her to the foot of the bed he threw the rope to the side, then got off the bed and shoved it under, going around to the other side and pulling it out. He then wrapped the rope up her other leg, leaving her spread wide upon the bed. Again she never spoke. He leaned over her now and kissed her fully, pushing his tounge into her hot mouth deeper than he had before, she squirmed against the restraints trying to get closer to him. He smiled. He looked at her and slowly unzipped his pants, her eyes met his and he shuddered with desire. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone and his body responded accordingly.As his pants slid off his hips his bulging cock pressed firmly and strained against his boxers. Her eyes had widened, he could see she was pleased and amazed, yet she never spoke. As he shoved the last of his clothing to the floor he climbed upon the bed.
First he kissed her neck, and she shuddered against him, he could tell she was lost in desire. He slowly began to bite her, soft at first than harder, he felt as if he were a vampire and he wanted to taste her blood. Odd he thought for a moment than he continued. She moved her head to one side as if inviting him to take her and he did. Her blood was like wine, it intoxicated him and made his head light. Softly she moaned beneath him. He started moving lower kissing and tasting her, she felt divine under him and tasted of pure desire. As he reached that spot betwen her bound and spread legs he stopped and looked up at her. She was beautiful and he knew it, this was just too good. He tasted her then, she tasted sweet, and felt better than he had imagined she would. He heard her moan softly and she raised her hips to his mouth, she was on the verge and he could feel her heat. As she came he heard her speak for the first time since they had begun, she said one word.. his name.
His cock swelled more as she spoke softly, as if by instinct. He raised up and moved toward her mouth. Kissing her deeply once again. Her lips felt so good. He raised up even further and took his cock to her mouth, she seemed eager to taste him. He slowly yet firmly rubbed it against her lips, damn she felt good. And she wanted him. He was getting more excited by the minute with her, she was making him feel as if he were in a dream, after a few minutes of her tounge against his skin he had to pull back. She was driving him mad. He moved back down and rubbed his cock against her clit, it was also hard and it felt good against him. He loved the way she looked bound to the bed in that manner.He slowly slid himself part way into her, her pussy was hot, and he wondered if she would be able to accomadate his size, it felt as if his cock was locked in a vise grip, she was tight and hot, and wet. She felt good, he heard a deep groan that barely seemed recognizable as his own. And he slid further in. He started softly breaking her into his size, then worked up to a deeper harder pace, she strained against the restraints, he liked that. He fucked her harder and harder and she began to scream his name.. she begged for more and he felt as if he would explode right then within her, but he wanted to wait, wanted it to last longer, it felt so good there between her legs. He reached above her head and untied her arms.. she immediatly reached for him, he slipped out of her grasp. He then untied her legs and was surprised when she flipped him onto his back. She mounted him with such fury it made him dizzy. She rode him with a passion that was animalistic, and as she came she soaked him, losing control and urinating as she came, he liked that and was even more hungry for her. He quickly rolled the two of them back over and hovered above her before he pushed hard into her. Deep this time without any need for gentleness, he was frenzied as he slid in and out of her. She wrapped her arms around him just as he felt the first spasm shake his body, she lifted to him, and he shook, his mind was black and she whispered softly in his ear she loved him, as he heard her voice he slipped further into the orgasm that was raking his body, his hips bucked against hers and in that moment he knew.. he loved her too.
< Message edited by ModeratorThree -- 6/10/2004 10:44:42 PM >
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