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Need advice - 6/12/2005 11:27:10 AM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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I started a relationship with my girlfriend 7 monthes ago. She decided to surprise me with some rope and a flogger for a little kinky play. I had never been tied up or flogged. The first time I was flogged I became extremely aroused and wanted more. When she had tied me up and flogged me I was slightly nervous not knowing when and how hard she would flog me or what she would do next. But this aroused me even more. Since then She has flogged me a small handful of times. Recently we went to gay pride and there was a leather tent that demonstrated some flogging techniques. I was sooo fascinated by this. When we got home the following day she whipped out the flogger and tried some new techniques. This experience was different because This was different because sex would not follow. It was just so that I could be pleased. She started slow with softer hits then gradually worked up to harder blows. I like thud and sting. And the harder she hit me the better it felt. I felt each hit go right through my body and it felt wonderful. When I had reached my limit she softly ran the tail along my spine and then ran some cold water down my back. This was the first time that I was in tears. It was such an amazing experience and look forward to it again. It has now been three weeks since my last flogging and I seem to crave it more everyday. My girlfriend has never praticed this with anyone else before. So we are both new to this. It is getting to the point where I really want to pratice this more often. It's almost like I am addicted to it. I need it. But I dont want to seem like a freak. LOL! She likes to do this when she is in the right mood. And when she is, it turns her on extemely. How do I tell her that I'd like her to please more often without sounding needy? LOL! Oh, and What do I call myself? LOL! I like to only recieve? Am I a bottom? Submissive?

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RE: Need advice - 6/12/2005 12:37:39 PM

jetsilver

Posts: 6
Joined: 5/29/2005
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You don't have to conclude that you are X because you like Y. Your gf is learning, paying attention and experimenting; so are you. It is terrific that you have a new dimension to your relationship. Maybe if you just follow it along the way it seems to want to develop you will learn more - and I hope one thing you learn is that you do not have to go in a box with a tag on it. Lots and lots of people like to get flogged but are at the same time not submissive - they just like getting flogged. My feelings of submission come around when I feel that -someone else is in control- and I cannot stop what is happening. Getting flogged without feeling submissive is not a contradiction in terms.

As for getting more, you say there is a certain mood your gf gets into when she likes the idea of flogging you. Can you work backward a bit and see what brings on such a mood? You may be giving her cues and -she- may be a little nervous herself. Here is one way she might be feeling: "Wow, I love flogging nn4th but I am afraid I am a bit too kinky, and don't want to chase him away." If you can talk with her about it or figure out the cues and offer them to her, little by little getting these feelings into the open, perhaps you will find out that you -both- are crazy about the idea and -both- want more of it. Let's hope so.

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RE: Need advice - 6/12/2005 1:23:31 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
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Actually we live together and she knows that I love to be flogged. She's not nervous about it at all. Am I supposed to tell her I'd like to be flogged (on any given day) or is she supposed to initiate it? Or if I am supposed to intiate it , how do I go about it?

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RE: Need advice - 6/12/2005 8:10:35 PM

jetsilver

Posts: 6
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Have you considered simply asking?

If you ask for what you want you might get it. If you don't ask then you -still- might get it, but as you say you would like to be flogged more - let her know and see what happens.

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RE: Need advice - 7/22/2005 3:53:34 PM

cumslutcockwhore

Posts: 46
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quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney

Actually we live together and she knows that I love to be flogged. She's not nervous about it at all. Am I supposed to tell her I'd like to be flogged (on any given day) or is she supposed to initiate it? Or if I am supposed to intiate it , how do I go about it?

put the damned flogger in your mouth....crawl to her like a ponyboy and then beg like a dog...........if nothing else, she humiliates you, then flogs ya till ya learn to simply state your needs.

what's it to ya?

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if you dont give a damn neither do I

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RE: Need advice - 7/24/2005 11:26:43 PM

elegantalexis

Posts: 237
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cumslutcockwhore

put the damned flogger in your mouth....crawl to her like a ponyboy and then beg like a dog...........if nothing else, she humiliates you, then flogs ya till ya learn to simply state your needs.

what's it to ya?

Promises, promises...

Cum, either you quit giving me ideas or else you have to write up a nice wee synposis for all of us!

BTW, is it a soft suede flogger? I had one once (it vanished) and a former BF loved flogging me when I begged for it. It was so arousing...

That was back when I was merely exploring the lifestyle.

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RE: Need advice - 7/29/2005 10:07:34 AM

fastlane

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Joined: 5/26/2005
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Good advice by all and asking or begging for it should be a turn on for both of you, however, if you want to be a bit more subtle and hope she gets the hint, why don't you just put it next to her toothbrush on the mornings you desire?

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Need advice - 8/8/2005 5:09:52 PM

TheLioness

Posts: 9
Joined: 2/18/2005
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sigh... you know, one of the points I go over when giving a class to new folks is that communication is THE deciding factor when it comes to successful kinky relationships. Nothing else really matters if you're not talking to each other openly and honestly.

If you're looking for help with "proper protocol", that's great, except if SHE isn't "up" on the "proper protocol" of D/s relationships, it ain't gonna mean much to her unless you get lucky and the protocol you use is a turn-on for her.

Talk to the woman, ASK her if there's a particular button you can push for her that will get you more floggings. Explore what it might be together. Try, try, try not to make your sexual relationship into a guessing game, it's frustrating for both sides.

One of the biggest problems I see in my practice, between couples new to SM and/or D/s play, is that they're still communicating like the rest of the screwed up world.. they're so afraid of being seen as "too kinky" or "sick" that they don't open up. Fear of rejection is huge, and it's a reasonable fear, telling the truth is scary as hell, but it's better than the alternative ... living out a life together in half measures and frustration because neither of you has enough trust in the other to just say what you feel without fear of rejection.

I mean, if you feel like you're so well matched that you live together, surely there isn't anything you can't talk about. Right? And if you DON'T trust her enough to just be honest, then now is the time to start building that trust together. Start talking, about everything, share something scary and ask her to share something scary with you, hold each other, let each other know you're not squicked or upset or turned off ... (even if you are, it's much better to simply say THAT is not your cup of tea, but it's okay with you if it's theirs). Just start talking, you'll be amazed at the leaps you make together if you really do love and trust each other. Of course, if you're just shacking up together for amazing sex and reduced rent, you really have nothing to lose either. (juuuust teasing).
Domina

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