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RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 10:18:30 AM

subsfaith

Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline

Hi Jez123,

A good post and I agree with some of the answers, particularly slaveish (well said).

I am of the older variety too, and from my experience, people under the age of 20 do not settle down and marry their vanilla partners, and given that there are more areas to be made compatible in D/s, the chances of you settling down with this down are slim purely from a common sense point of view.

From a personal development perspective, sometimes getting where we are going is not as important as the journey that we have to take to get there.

To return to the OP: It can be difficult to provide spontaneous emails on a daily basis, but I would be tempted to ask for further clarification, does he actually want wank fodder (as someone so nicely pontificated) , does he want a journal type mail, does he want a list of what you have done through the day... what exactly is it that he wants? Once you know that you will be in a better situation to say if you can or cannot provide it. As for his feelings, if he is giving you a set instruction, why wouldn't he be hurt, or pissed off that you haven't complied with his wishes. However, all out sulking does appear to be a little over the top and more the actions of a drama queen.

Good luck in your journey and enjoy it.
Faith

:: smiles ::

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 21

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 10:29:40 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jez223

Heyo thats why im here, guidence and help. Obviously the majority see age as a huge factor in my understanding and interpretation of the situation im in, which is fine. However keep in mind im not just some 18year old who finds this lifestyle kinky and sexually gratifying(Be that true or not ). I am a bright and intelligent woman who is understanding and tolerant of other people and their own beliefs.

Considering that I'm 22 and therefore was recently 18, could you try to trust me that in about four or five years you will probably, almost assuredly, look back and realize you weren't half as smart as you thought you were?

It's been a week. I remember being 18. I remember being emotionally devasted when I didn't get a daily phone call. I still don't like it when I don't talk to my partner once a day. But why is he punishing like this so early? It's not a good thing. At the very least it's a red flag. And honestly, if you stink at writing interesting e-mails how about just calling each other?

Edited to add because it just popped into my head: If this person, after only a week, ignores you for an entire day because you didn't write him an e-mail, what is he going to do when you screw up and forget something more important? One of the reasons Valyraen and I get along so well is because we both feel that ignoring one's slave/sub/pet is a very strong punishment that shouldn't be handed out lightly.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/29/2007 11:31:15 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 22

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 11:03:04 AM

givemyall

Posts: 620
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

How about writing an erotic story about a young woman that is in the clutches of an online Dom, how he makes demands, how he makes her feel, how she turns him on, only to find out that hes been using her for wank fodder so that he can get it up with his wife........

I really hope the above senario isn't whats happening to you, im sure that you are very adult, very intelligent etc, but sometimes listening to the life experiences of 'older' people can be really helpful. Im nearly 40 and I still ask the advice of my elders - not because im not an adult or im not intelligent enough to work a situation out, just because my elders have more 'life experience' than me and most of the time a different and often better view. It seems that the advice you are being offered is sensible and in your best interest and even though you seem reluctant to believe that this man is using you, it may be worth considering.

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 23

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 11:06:01 AM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jez223

Thanks a bunch for that, really helped (Im sorry if i've frustrated everyone *giggle*)

You aren't frustrating anyone. It's more like everyone hastening to a distress call.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 24

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 11:39:42 AM

LadyOpinx

Posts: 35
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

Dropping out of communication as Punishment.

Red Flag for sure---unless you are just a masochist that likes having your heart broken Over and Over.

I wasted 3 whole years of my life waiting to meet a Dom who did that. He would just drop out of sight when I said something he didn't like--for days, weeks, sometimes months. But I foolishly keep believing the "Him" I met that crucial first week was the Real Him. I kept telling myself he had my best interests at heart with every choice he made, and that he was training me to be what he wanted. But he kept backing out of meeting R/T.

I missed out on opportunities because I was "devoting" myself to him. I didn't live my life for anything but to become what he wanted. I hurt and cried when he wasn't talking to me---but kept working on myself anyway.

So, in the end, he tells me that he can't have a relationship with me because I am too in love with him. He was never really serious about me, he just wanted to challenge me to improve my life.

He also said that he "brings out" many Dommes by having them submit to him. He said there is one woman who had known him online for 7 years and they have never met.

I don't know what all of his motivations were, but he certainly got a lot of wank material out of me over the whole time.

Jez, this is the kind of thing you are looking at---one thing I learned from my online fantasy relationship was that THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT COMMUNICATION.

If someone just hangs up, walks out, shuts down--whatever---as punishment it is Not a good sign. Because think of it, to increase the punishment with the severity of the offense---the only thing he can do is stay away for longer and longer periods of time.

Meanwhile, you will wait, look over your actions for what you did wrong, and Life Will Pass By.

Good luck in whatever choice you make.

*Bright Blessings*

Linda

_____________________________

"Every person, all the events in your life are there because you have drawn them there...What you choose to do with them is up to you." ~~~Richard Bach, "Illusions"

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 25

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 11:59:54 AM

MissOchistic

Posts: 315
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

When you're stuck for conversation, you could try linking to a funny video on YouTube, or an interesting thread here, perhaps.

You could start a sort of a theme where you email him something that really turns you on every day at the end of the mail. If he likes it, then on days when you don't have a good letter, he probably won't notice as much xD

_____________________________

"The amount i care for Thee
is more than two, but less than three."

"Submission is a potlatch."

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 26

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 2:27:48 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Good afternoon,
i'm sort of the same way with my Dom, whereas i have to give him a nightly im before i head to bed about my day, especially if i go out with other friends, male or female. i would say just say how your day was and if you did anything exciting. And if it doesn't have to be long, tell him what you'll do for him when he gets home from work.

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 27

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 2:42:16 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

To the OP
First, I would definately find out what sort of emails he wants, what he considers "exciting". The reason so many of us saw warning flags is becasue of your "keep things naughty" mention. Daily naughty emails, which if not upto snuff get you ignored are not the sign of a good D/s relationship. Especially if that relationship is but a week old. This is where he should be taking the time to instruct you on what he expects to be hearing from you on a daily basis, and where you should be asking questions of him about what he wants to hear.

Angel used to be required to be in touch with me daily, in the beginning of our relationship. It did get very difficult to think of new and interesting things to say on that frequent a basis unless it wasa 2 way conversation, so after a month I changed it to an email every other day. With him being a student, it wasnt hard to make an email out of how things went in class, what papers or exams were coming up, how work was going and things like that. When he began, he specificaly asked me what I wanted in the emails, and if there wa a format they should follow. While there was no format, I did not want to hear about what his friends were doing until after he had told me about his own day. I made that very clear. If, at some point, his emails did not live up to what I expected, we discused their shortcomings and made sure the next one the problems were fixed. I could not imagine cutting off communications over an email that wasnt properly constructed unless it was a repeat offense and had been warned against it.

Rather than getting ideas from us, here, as to what to write, why not find out what he is expecting to read. Maybe he wants you to be creative and write him stories. Maybe he just wants to hear about your day. In either case, his intent is the same as mine was with Angel. You are going to be on his mind every day, gauranteed for at least the time it takes you to write that email. Regardless of what it is he is wanting to read, what he is trying to accomplish with you is rather obvious, and effective. Now, the rest is gravy, how much he enjoys the end product.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 28

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 3:14:06 PM

queencaliph

Posts: 131
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

Here is a question. Is your Master "answering" your daily emails. Ongoing emails are meant to be a dialogue. If he is not answering them they are a monologue and that would explain your writer's block. If he is answering them, normally when people write back and forth, they take their cues from each other. If my sub mentions he likes poetry, then I mention poetry in my email to him. If I mention I like art, he comments on some of the art in his home in his next email. This produces continuous dialogue.
Since you two have been together a week, you should have a lot to talk about. Your likes and dislikes (not just D/s related) your childhood, your favorite colors, past relationships...etc. After a week not only should you not have run out of stuff to talk about, but you haven't really started talking about the things that really matter. Go DEEP with the conversations. Then go even deeper.

_____________________________

"awwww hell......the Queen!"

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 29

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 10:05:46 PM

Jez223

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/29/2007
Status: offline

Again I would like to thank you ALL for you comments and views on my situation. I've already learned more than I can handle :-). I'm going to talk in deep details with my Master and see if the relationship is going to work or not. All I can say to all of you is thanks for taking the time to read, understand and give your opinions. <3 Jez

(in reply to subsfaith)

Post #: 30

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/29/2007 10:13:11 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveish

Wooooooo. Goodness. Ok. ~pondering~

Baby, you're 18 years old. I know you are older now than you have ever been in your life, and it feels like you have the world by the tail, and it seems that you have all the answers to everything ...

... but take it from a woman who has been 18. And 21. And 31. And now 41.

A week is not long enough to know if someone is a beautiful person. He might be fun, he might say all the right things, and for all I know, he might actually be a beautiful person. But for someone to emotionally devastate you after a week, for someone to cease speaking to you for not sending an e-mail that ~he~ finds interesting, is missing a few blocks in the Lego castle of relationships.

Listen to women who have gone down this road before you. The path is paved with tears, clumps of hair, and broken hearts. Be smarter. Learn from us. Let us guide you, even when we aren't agreeing with you or saying something you want to hear. We have lived such things before and now we know better. There is a reason you can't spell "sage" without the "age" part.

Be well, Pumpkin. I know you will do what you will do, and you will believe what you want to believe, and you will probably do it the hard way (as most of us did). I will you a lifetime of strength and a universe of wisdom. And I hope you find joy, not sorrow, in the lessons.

This actually brought tears to my eyes...it was bar none one of the best replies i've seen. and still..... i hear you loud and clear slaveish but then again i have been 18, 28, 38, and now 43....

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to slaveish)

Post #: 31

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/30/2007 6:15:23 AM

shedreamz

Posts: 34
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jez223

Been with my Master for about a week ( Still a young blood ) and every day when he gets home from work, he expects an interesting and exciting Email. If he does not get one, he will not talk to me (Emotionally devestating). Seeing i have to do one of these per day for him . . . im begining to run out of things to talk about that would interest him. Could anyone give me any suggestions to keep my Emails naughty, yet exciting ? (First post, wooo be nice :P )

For six months now, pretty much my only form of communication with a guy I am really iterested in, has been email. I found it was best to write short notes (a line or two) with sexual themes then long, drawn out letters. Easier for me to do often. Easier for him to read. I send pictures sometimes of things I saw on the net -- or me. Like for awhile there it was shoes. I would send him photos of really hot ones for his reveiw. But we also did collars and toys for play. I write about fantasies of us. About accomplishments. About sometimes even the weather.

(in reply to Jez223)

Post #: 32

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/30/2007 7:05:43 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

now that i have finished beating my head against the wall, i have to say you have been giving great advice on here.........particularly what slavish said.....it is what i would have told you if i had been in a different frame of mind when i read your original post.....

to cut off communication after a week screams "DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!" to me.........being ignored is the most harsh punishment i ever received........gawd that one sucked.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to shedreamz)

Post #: 33

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/30/2007 7:24:42 AM

Domspaintoy

Posts: 158
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

been with? a week? on-line? emotionally devastated? arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i was just thinking same thing when i saw this response lol did make me laugh!

dpt.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 34

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/30/2007 11:33:45 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jez223
If he does not get one, he will not talk to me

This would be my cue to run like the wind. In my personal opinion, a "dominant" who "dominates" in this manner doesn't have a clue, especially since you are just starting out. He's going to end up "mastering" someone to whom he will not even speak if something doesn't go his way? Nah.....not for me.

quote:

im begining to run out of things to talk about that would interest him.

Another bad omen.....you have been together one week and you have already run out of things to talk about? Hon, can you see why this may not be the ideal situation?

I can't speak for anyone else but in my situation, Master and I have more to talk about everyday than we did the day before and it certainly doesn't all involve sex or something kinky. If you are already having trouble with this, I would suggest you speak with him about it. Trouble is - or at least it seems from this small slice of the picture - that he's not all that in to open communication. I mean, if he's refusing to speak with you when you don't have that daily email waiting, it seems he's starting off on the wrong foot. Imagine how it could go from here. In the very beginning of a new relationship, people tend to put on their best self/behavior in order to attract their desired partner. If this is his best behavior, imagine how it may deteriorate once you're together and you need to discuss something very important to you. Is he then just going to refuse to talk about it like he's doing over these e-mails? I don't know but it sure seems like a possibility.

I would urge you to really think about if this is what you desire. Best of luck..............slave luci

Luci speaks the truth here ...and exactly what i was thinking...you may want to evaluate this relationship before you get too attached hun...

Id like to ditto this statement... I dont take being ignored at all even as punishment sorry emotional blackmail and punishment just arent healthy and arent my thing, let alone for such a silly thing.. if he punishes you like that for something like this do you even want to know what he would do if you did something more seriouse??

Magik's slave

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 6/30/2007 11:37:36 AM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 35

RE: Online Relationship - Emails - 6/30/2007 11:36:56 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jez223

Heyo thats why im here, guidence and help. Obviously the majority see age as a huge factor in my understanding and interpretation of the situation im in, which is fine. However keep in mind im not just some 18year old who finds this lifestyle kinky and sexually gratifying(Be that true or not ). I am a bright and intelligent woman who is understanding and tolerant of other people and their own beliefs.

Considering that I'm 22 and therefore was recently 18, could you try to trust me that in about four or five years you will probably, almost assuredly, look back and realize you weren't half as smart as you thought you were?

It's been a week. I remember being 18. I remember being emotionally devasted when I didn't get a daily phone call. I still don't like it when I don't talk to my partner once a day. But why is he punishing like this so early? It's not a good thing. At the very least it's a red flag. And honestly, if you stink at writing interesting e-mails how about just calling each other?

Edited to add because it just popped into my head: If this person, after only a week, ignores you for an entire day because you didn't write him an e-mail, what is he going to do when you screw up and forget something more important? One of the reasons Valyraen and I get along so well is because we both feel that ignoring one's slave/sub/pet is a very strong punishment that shouldn't be handed out lightly.

Id like to echo this one as well.. im only 23 hon and when I think back the whole 5 years ago that I was 18 I can tell you wow how much I have grown and even now i know I still have a lot to learn and am still not makeing the best desistions. As grown up as we think we are even at 18, 22, and 23 the truth is we realy are still just kids with a lot to learn from life!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 36

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