What makes You Dominant?

What makes You Dominant? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

About2Hyde -> What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 12:16:31 PM)
Even though I’ve been active in the lifestyle for a decade now, I’m curious. For an attractive, successful, and psychologically healthy woman, what’s the erotic appeal of Domination? (I’m excluding the plethora of “Dommes” out there whose profiles scream victim, issues with men, and/or self-esteem problems – which, let’s be honest, are not exactly dominant attributes.) Why a naturally dominant personality might seek their complement, a naturally deferential one, is more understandable – but that’s something different. My question is more TPE-related – what’s the long-term appeal in dominating an intelligent, successful, and very confident partner – and in time deepening that control?

Wickad -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 12:49:46 PM)
Interesting how you seem to connect Domination and 'erotic' appeal. There are many reasons for being Dominant and finding it erotic is only one of them. Wickad

AAkasha -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 1:30:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: About2Hyde Even though I’ve been active in the lifestyle for a decade now, I’m curious. For an attractive, successful, and psychologically healthy woman, what’s the erotic appeal of Domination? (I’m excluding the plethora of “Dommes” out there whose profiles scream victim, issues with men, and/or self-esteem problems – which, let’s be honest, are not exactly dominant attributes.) Why a naturally dominant personality might seek their complement, a naturally deferential one, is more understandable – but that’s something different. My question is more TPE-related – what’s the long-term appeal in dominating an intelligent, successful, and very confident partner – and in time deepening that control? Ok, I'll bite. I consider myself an emotionally well-adjusted femdom type with a very normal lifestyle and career, but also am kinky-as-hell and live in a 24/7 "femdom" relationship, depending on your definition of the day. I never had much interest in a man that would defer to me automatically because I am a woman or a femdom. I also could not find myself attracted to men who were meek, lacked ambition or had low self esteem. My successful relationship (6 yrs now) works because there's a ton of mutual respect and affection, yet we both know that I am in charge. I still value his opinion greatly because I recognize that he has knowledge in many areas that I do not. I liken being a good femdom partner in a relationship like being a good or fair boss; I know what I know and want, I have high expectations, but I value autonomony in my man and know when I need to use his intelligence or respect his opinions. Sexually, it's an entirely different dynamic, where my needs are clearly always at the top of the list and I have a strong appetite for surrender, sacrifice and suffering that he gladly endures because his lust for me makes it fulfilling to see me over the moon for his plight. Akasha

thetammyjo -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 1:50:20 PM)
It just seems normal to me. Beyond that I can't give you specific reasons. Sorry.

LadyHugs -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 1:57:37 PM)
Dear About2Hyde, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eyes I see --that what makes me Dominant is how others behave and their attutides towards me. I am just 'me' but, how I behave and my attitude will influence other's around me--since I am Dominant that transmits on how I carry myself and what I say or do is just more 'seen' than what is contain within my person. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 2:33:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: About2Hyde Even though I’ve been active in the lifestyle for a decade now, I’m curious. For an attractive, successful, and psychologically healthy woman, what’s the erotic appeal of Domination? (I’m excluding the plethora of “Dommes” out there whose profiles scream victim, issues with men, and/or self-esteem problems – which, let’s be honest, are not exactly dominant attributes.) While there is an erotic appeal to it that is simply just one of many facets. The basis, however, is that it is simply who and what I am to begin with. It isn't a conscious choice I make. It isn't something I am capable of not being. Why a naturally dominant personality might seek their complement, a naturally deferential one, is more understandable – but that’s something different. My question is more TPE-related – what’s the long-term appeal in dominating an intelligent, successful, and very confident partner – and in time deepening that control? I have to agree with Aakasha here. I can only give my take on it from my own personal experience. I don't want or expect a naturally deferrent attitude from a sub. To me that would be indicative that it isn't ME he's deferring to but simply any female would do. Not at all something that appeals to me. Thanks, but I'll pass. Common courtesy and good manners are something else alltogether and have been discussed numerous times within this board and others. The difference is that the one I choose will defer to ME because he knows and trusts that I will take the care and consideration to do what is best, for not only him, but for US as a couple. That trust and knowledge is the key because it comes from getting to know who I am as a person not just as a FemDom. While his deferrence to ME will not be something he can neccesarily control, it is something he feels compelled to do for ME; it won't be something that he does simply just because I'm female or a Dominant. The long term appeal of a TPE is that it's simply the way it will be. I wouldn't be happy or fulfilled in a relationship that didn't have that as a basis. Just as I wouldn't be happy in a relationship where my level of sadism wasn't something that was appealing. I think the deepening of control comes naturally with the length of the relationship itself. As two people grow, evolve, and communicate openly and honestly with one another, the depth of the Exchange grows comparitively

Grlwithboy -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 2:35:24 PM)
It's as much about ain't as is. A diet of sexual submission would traumatize me and I'd probably be a penis snipping headline after a while. A diet of egalitarian vanilla bliss - tried it. Unfulfilling. A sweet and lovely boy with submissive demeanor and maso desires? Cake.

earthycouple -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 3:38:14 PM)
my twue domi card I got when I passed the multiple choice test softness gave us on the random stupidity thread. Ok, in all seriousness.... I am naturally dominant and cultivated it over years and years of random life happenings.

Lashra -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 8:05:55 PM)
I am a naturally Dominant female and I've tried to live with a Dominant male in the past. It did not work because we were always butting heads and arguing. I much prefer a strong submissive man our personalities work together better that way. I enjoy making decisions and having control, I am good at doing so. This works for me and mine. ~Lashra

MissSCD -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 8:19:05 PM)
Let's go back to the first part of the question. Power Exchange enables a M/s relationship. My slave gives me that power to control him. The long term advantage of a relationship of this nature is order and control. I like things a certain way, and he likes to do things for me in a certain way. Regards, MissSCD

WyckedMystress -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 9:16:03 PM)
It's who I am and its Me being true to Me.

Spitfiregrrl -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 9:32:00 PM)
I really never knew what the term Dominant was, until people started telling me I was, and I look back at the type of men and women I dated, they were all very submissive, the ones I didn't get along with were the ones who liked control, we butted heads, not a pretty thing. I think opposites do attract along with some common interests, morals, and goals in life, etc. at least in my opinion. I'm not that experienced in the lifestyle, but I have found that the appeal of being a Dominant is the reaction the response the exchange (cliche). The feeling of being able to make a difference and see the results. It is unexplainable why I feel this way, I'm exploring it currently and hoping to find some answers.

joyinslavery -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/29/2007 9:41:26 PM)
I'm going with 'label'. Just playing the percentages. Have fun.

ocilla -> RE: What makes You Dominant? (6/30/2007 8:15:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Ok, I'll bite. I consider myself an emotionally well-adjusted femdom type with a very normal lifestyle and career, but also am kinky-as-hell and live in a 24/7 "femdom" relationship, depending on your definition of the day. I never had much interest in a man that would defer to me automatically because I am a woman or a femdom. I also could not find myself attracted to men who were meek, lacked ambition or had low self esteem. My successful relationship (6 yrs now) works because there's a ton of mutual respect and affection, yet we both know that I am in charge. I still value his opinion greatly because I recognize that he has knowledge in many areas that I do not. I liken being a good femdom partner in a relationship like being a good or fair boss; I know what I know and want, I have high expectations, but I value autonomony in my man and know when I need to use his intelligence or respect his opinions. Sexually, it's an entirely different dynamic, where my needs are clearly always at the top of the list and I have a strong appetite for surrender, sacrifice and suffering that he gladly endures because his lust for me makes it fulfilling to see me over the moon for his plight. Akasha This fits perfectly with my life and recoginition of myself as a Dominant woman. In all previous long term relationships (considered vanilla) I was still in the dominant role - and I agree too, with what fem4cuck says in making decisions that are not just best for her but for them as a couple is key - and yes to gain that trust it takes conscious cultivations and consistent, reliable actions. As to why - I am good at it and feel very comfortable in such a dynamic. I come from several generations of dominant women on both father and mother's side too, so I feel like having been raised and steeped in such a household that I have a better understanding of how to make it work well than most folks.

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125