What should I do? (Full Version)

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defiantbadgirl -> What should I do? (7/1/2007 3:58:04 PM)

I met this guy on another site about 3 months ago. We experimented and he discovered he's a Dom. Everything was going well for awhile. We both called each other and had regular sessions. I really trusted this guy. All of a sudden, his unmentionable started saying he was either asleep or gone every time I called when she used to put him on the phone right away. I said something to him about it and he assured me this wasn't the case. So I decided to conduct a little experiment. I waited until I saw that he had only been on this site a few minutes ago and made it a point to call then. I did this several times and his unmentionable still insisted every time that he was either gone or asleep. I was sure this time he would say something to her, but he only made more excuses. Two of my friends told me she must be doing that as his request or he would do something about it. We had talked about attending the next munch together and I wanted to order some toys from a website. He suggested that I put the money in his bank and he order them with his debit card assuring me he would give them to me when they came in. The last time I went over there, I sent him a text message saying I was coming over and he replied saying that was fine. When I got there, his unmentionable answered the door and had to go wake him up. He came to the door and asked if I could come back later. Then he came outside and we started talking about the toys on his front porch. I didn't think this was a very good idea with his unmentionable being just inside and I suggested several times that we talk in my car. He refused. A few days later, he sent me a message saying his unmentionable had overheard and started asking questions. He said he was mad at me. First, I talked too loud, then it was my fault because I didn't change the subject. When was I supposed to talk to him about it? His unmentionable wouldn't let him talk to me on the phone and she was always home. He wanted the toys as much as I did. I ended up going off on him. I reminded him that I had asked to talk in my car several times and he was the one that refused. Then I told him I didn't want him ordering the toys because I felt like he was blowing me off since he kept making excuses for his unmentionable instead of asking her to stop refusing to put him on the phone. I was also worried that if she did that on the phone, she could refuse to answer the door too and I'd be out both the money and the toys. He got upset because he felt like he was being compared to a scam artist. I sent him a mail explaining how I felt and why saying I was hurt and confused and he blocked me. The munch and play party is coming up this Friday night. Even if he doesn't show up at this one, he could show up at others. I'm embarrassed about this whole situation as it is. I certainly won't want to be there if he is after he blocked me the way he did, but if I see him and take off it will give him more opportunity to say things behind my back if he should decide to. What if he tells people something crazy like I like talking about bdsm in front of unmentionables? I don't know how I should handle this situation if and when he does show up at the munch and play party. Also, am I the one in the wrong here because I didn't trust him? Is this whole thing my fault?




lighthearted -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:08:46 PM)

there's obviously something else going on and he is using the toys as an excuse.  why he is choosing to act in such a childish manner, I don't know, and to be honest with you, you may never find out.  I suspect your trust in him has been shaken; it may be better at this time to cut your losses and say goodbye.

as far as anything he may say behind your back, that's the risk we all take in any sort of relationship gone wrong, friend, lover or otherwise.  it hurts, but is it worth losing sleep over?  as long as you know the truth, I don't think so.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, it must seem like a nightmare.




popeye1250 -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:23:21 PM)

It says on your profile that you're looking for a Dom who's unattached.
I think he's "attached."




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:24:38 PM)

So you don't think he had a right to blame me? What should I do when he does show up at a munch? Even if he doesn't this weekend, I'm sure he will sooner or later. He wants to go pretty bad.




AquaticSub -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:27:09 PM)

No matter how great a guy this could be, it sounds like he has issues at home he needs to deal with before getting involved with anyone. I would suggest finding a guy who has his life in a bit more in control.

Of course the real question that occurs to me is: Ok so his kid wouldn't put him on the phone. I can understand that being a pain, but he is the adult. Exactly what kept him from calling you?




SaintAllie -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:28:04 PM)

Agrees with lighthearteds' post..

Take a deep breath and go to the munch, brazen it out.. so far he seems to be avoiding you , he may not even turn up and even if he does, it would be a shame for this to ruin your opportunity to meet the people there. Your actions and behaviours will define you.. people are generally good judges of character, don't allow yourself to be chased away over this.

regards Allie xxx







LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:28:41 PM)

I feel sorry for the UM who has a dad who obviously can't be responsible or mature. 

I'd say act like nothing happened or is happening.  The fact that you're worried about him talking behind your back shows that you put too much into gossip and care too much and can easily get sucked into the drama.  Stop worrying and just be the mature one in this.  If people ask, just say "We had some issues as a couple does when they are breaking up and it's over now" and that's it.

You act like the calm mature stable one, don't feed the fire, and don't react to bait, and it will be fine.  If he tries to make an issue out of it, just let him show his true colors.  Drama eventually reveals everything inthe end.

And next time, realize after three days if a guy isn't taking your calls and isn't calling you- he's not interested and you need to work on ending it yourself.




GrizzlyBear -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:31:44 PM)


.
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So you don't think he had a right to blame me? What should I do when he does show up at a munch? Even if he doesn't this weekend, I'm sure he will sooner or later. He wants to go pretty bad.


I think the suggestion that he is otherwise attached is probably right on the money.  Just be very polite but a little distant, and otherwise occupied.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:33:47 PM)

He tried to say it was because of his schedule change at work (I work until 8:30 and he has to be in early now) but he quit calling before his schedule changed. His unmentionable started not putting him on the phone before his schedule changed. I asked him if he was so hard to get ahold of, why wasn't it like that in the beginning? That was one of the questions I asked right before I got deleted.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:41:16 PM)

No, he's not attached. The teenager at his house is definitely his daughter. When I used to call, I asked for her dad when she answered. When we were on his porch the last time I was there, his daughter called him inside at one point and she called him Dad. Although I had to stay outside when she was there, I also went inside his house the one time she wasn't there. I didn't see any female clothes in his bedroom.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:48:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

No, he's not attached. The teenager at his house is definitely his daughter. When I used to call, I asked for her dad when she answered. When we were on his porch the last time I was there, his daughter called him inside at one point and she called him Dad. Although I had to stay outside when she was there, I also went inside his house the one time she wasn't there. I didn't see any female clothes in his bedroom.Plus, guys that are married don't usually give out their home numbers and addresses to begin with.




Wildnfreehrt2004 -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 4:58:11 PM)

What should you do? Either keep on looking for reasons/excuses for his behavior or decide that this isn't how you deserve to be treated and put lots of distance between you and him. There are plenty of red flags waving if you're willing to look at them. I'm sorry he didn't turn out to be who you wanted him to be. Go to the munches, buy your own toys (never put your money in someone else's account unless you have means to get it out). His pattern of behavior will be evident soon enough, be thankful you got out before getting majorly hurt in some way.

Hugs,
Wildy




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 5:29:12 PM)

Actually he was the one making excuses and I was the one asking the questions. I was just saying I didn't think he was attached. I agree that there are alot of red flags concerning the situation with his daughter. Most people don't refuse to allow anyone in their house just because their child is there. Most people don't allow their child to say they're not available when they are. Also, it was really weird the way he wouldn't leave the front porch. She looked older because of her short hair. If she hadn't called him Dad and I hadn't asked for her dad when I called, I might have suspected she wasn't his daughter at all.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 5:37:44 PM)

So far nobody seems to think I overreacted when I went off on him or that I was suspicious for no reason. I'm just going to be nervous for awhile at munches and play parties due to fear of him showing up.




SweetAndInnocent -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 5:38:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Actually he was the one making excuses and I was the one asking the questions. I was just saying I didn't think he was attached. I agree that there are alot of red flags concerning the situation with his daughter. Most people don't refuse to allow anyone in their house just because their child is there. Most people don't allow their child to say they're not available when they are. Also, it was really weird the way he wouldn't leave the front porch. She looked older because of her short hair. If she hadn't called him Dad and I hadn't asked for her dad when I called, I might have suspected she wasn't his daughter at all.


Just a thought, plenty of people in D/s relationships have "Daddy"s.  Also sounds like this guy was definitly NOT in control of his house, hisself, or his "child".




SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 5:40:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

So far nobody seems to think I overreacted when I went off on him or that I was suspicious for no reason. I'm just going to be nervous for awhile at munches and play parties due to fear of him showing up.


why would you fear him showing up?  if things happened as you have stated, you had every right to get upset...just chalk it up to experience, but dont let him make you afraid.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 5:50:47 PM)

He still gets on this site twice a day looking for women on a profile he created on my computer at my house and with a pic I took of him. . I'm the one that intruduced him to bdsm and this site, yet was awefully good at being a Dom with no training. This whole thing is just too weird *shakes head in bewilderment*......anyway, thanks everyone. It's good to hear this whole thing wasn't my fault and I didn't overreact with misplaced suspicion.




defiantbadgirl -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 6:04:15 PM)

I don't fear him. I just fear the embarrassment I will feel.




IrishMist -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 6:32:40 PM)

Hmmm...you seem to think that this person has the ability to somehow harm your reputation in some way? You are afraid of the embarassment that may come from him showing up somewhere that you are?

No offense, DBG, but I have seen you cut someone to ribbons on this site simply because they disagree with you. Are you telling me that in real life, you don't possess the same ability?

It's no secret that online, I don't like you one bit. But, it's also no secret that  you are more than capable of holding your own against the best of them. From the sounds of it, this man does not even come close to the best. Don't let his own cowardice lead you; do what you do best. Shine; and shine so bright that you blind him.




Arpig -> RE: What should I do? (7/1/2007 11:48:20 PM)

You should learn to break long posts into paragraphs




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