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this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 6:52:21 AM

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2007
Status: offline

Pardon me while I grouse for a moment:
I just joined up and already I've gotten a number of e-mails asking me if I'm a domme-switch or a sub-switch, without the mention of *if* I have a leaning, just asking *which* leaning I take. Dear universe: I enjoy both, yes there is such a thing as someone with no serious leaning in one direction or the other, no that doesn't make me a flake, it means I enjoy BOTH EQUALLY, yes I have tended towards one side or the other in specific relationships to please my partner, but that was for THEM, not for ME: I enjoy both and a happy healthy sex life for me requires both. Yeesh! Just because some people have leanings doesn't mean everyone has leanings. grumblegrumble...
/end rant

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 7:13:26 AM

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I'll add a little rant then. I use to get "but your really a submissive..." I'm listed as a switch for a reason. Just laugh it off since they're "worse things" that people send/ask.

(in reply to tehf00f)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 7:17:37 AM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

That just reminds me of something I hear alot about bieng bisexual. If I decide to be monogamously involved with a man, then I am often told I am not a practicing bisexual. It ISNT a religion, for heavens sake...
There are a lot of people whe cant wrap their heads around someone who enjoys BDSM, not just one side of it. Much like there are some who cant believe that someone can be Domme without ever having been sub before. I get that alot.

DV

_____________________________

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VampiresLair

(in reply to SunNMoon)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 8:02:33 AM

Posts: 2652
Joined: 10/31/2006
From: Portland, Me via Las Vegas Nv
Status: offline

see i never had that problem but then I get about 5 more emails from doms than i do subs. Individiual msgs mind you because there are some persistant subs on here. my journals and profile also show that i am somewhere midstream so i have never had some one ask if i lean to one side of the other but i have brought it up on my own

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 10:49:55 AM

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

hmmm, i wonder what it means if i'm straight and haven't had sex in almost a year; am i not a practicing heterosexual?

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if only to keep me to herself.

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(in reply to CrimsonMoan)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 10:57:43 AM

Posts: 271
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Maybe you're on inactive status? At 2 years I think you qualify as a recertified virgin. ;)

(in reply to darchChylde)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 11:06:15 AM

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline

then i am a recertified virgin. i had no penitration for over 2 years and my hymen even grew back. my first sexual encounter was a shock to both of U/us. He said "I could have sworn you had done this before" and i said "no, never, that is why my 17 year relationship ended." not true of course, but i couldnt think of anything else to say.

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RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 5:55:54 PM

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

*snorts pop** damn I really need to not drink anything when I read the forums. Every once in a while I will get an email from an obnoxious little twit, asking (because I switch.) if I would sub for them, just because they are a DOM!! (one guy actually wrote that,well changed the sentence around alittle.)

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RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 9:16:16 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2007
Status: offline

So would the virginity certificate come with a unicorn logo?

(in reply to apettiger)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 9:20:57 PM

Posts: 17
Joined: 6/29/2007
Status: offline

"technical heterosexual", perhaps.

If you do what most of us do on that kind of hiatus, perhaps you're a dextrophiliac? ;p

(in reply to darchChylde)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/5/2007 9:38:25 PM

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

DV: (SNIPPED) If I decide to be monogamously involved with a man, then I am often told I am not a practicing bisexual.

I love it!. What they really mean, dear DV, is "you need MORE practice at being bisexual". NOW c'mere! (waggle waggle)

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/6/2007 1:34:09 AM

Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

There seems to be a mysterious BDSM Bible out there that I haven't managed to read yet. Anyone know where I can get a copy? It's the one with the tear out labels that say "Straight"; "sub" etc and there's a test inside for whether or not you are "real." If a second hand copy comes up on Ebay, will someone plesee let me know!

:))
LH

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RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/6/2007 2:40:53 AM

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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It could have been worse ... "you're not a REAL Domme (or sub)" if you switch!

I understand entirely where you are coming from, my sub side is incredibly happy with Master but I won't be fully complete until My Domme side has a sub of Her own too! Fingers crossed that recent discussions will be fruitful!

However, you can get away from the whole leaning tower of pizza thing *wink* by using the term my bdsm friends coined for M/me ... Duality! Both at once, that's the way! Use it with My blessing if it suits!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to tehf00f)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/6/2007 6:13:52 AM

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

MaamJay, I do love the term duality. It works better then the term switch. Makes the domination and submission actaully seem part of a person. Hmmm I might be using that in the future. Thank you. :)

Lady Heart, I think I have a copy of the bible or the handbook packed away somewhere from the move. If I find it I'll be sure to send it your way. lol

(in reply to MaamJay)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/6/2007 8:10:49 AM

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

I don't get people who can't just accept that there isn't a set of rules or a bible for life. People are different! I understand you completely. A guy I know says that he likes both on a sexual level, but couldn't imagine living with a guy for the rest of his life. Another guy used to be a homophobe but now flirts with guys regularily at the restaurant he works at, a third one has a hard time staying in a long term relationship, she is also straight but got very flattered when a girl grabbed her from behind. Myself... I am a 19 years old virgin who is just waiting for the right guy.

(in reply to MaamJay)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/7/2007 2:57:21 AM

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I just joined up and already I've gotten a number of e-mails asking me if I'm a domme-switch or a sub-switch, without the mention of *if* I have a leaning, just asking *which* leaning I take.

The reason you're getting this question is because *most* switches DO lean one way or the other. It's a harmless enough question, and hardly worth getting all worked up over. A simple, "Neither," would be an appropriate response.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to Tatshua)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/7/2007 7:37:36 AM

Posts: 31
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

True, I've asked a few of my bisexual friends wich way they lean most towards.

(in reply to Evanesce)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/7/2007 9:58:59 AM

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

I'm one of those dommes who started out as a sub. I still enjoy being sub to my husband as that's the way our relationship started. He is actually the one who pulled out the domme in me. Now he actually asks for advice now and then! I have a submissive male that I play with all the time, but my husband and I have stopped playing in public together because of the "image" it seems to portray to everyone else. I've heard it said at a meeting of supposedly very experienced players (by one of the subs) that "If I see someone spank your ass, you sure as hell aren't going to spank mine!". So, in their view, it would be better to ignore the vows I made when I married my husband/dom than to openly admit that I still submit to him (and ONLY him). I hate it because now my husband refuses to play with me at those wonderful public play parties for fear of what people will think.

By the way, I'm also bisexual.
Mistress Scarlet

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"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Tatshua)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/7/2007 10:26:27 AM

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I would ONLY allow people who I've seen get spanked to spank me, but I'm out of the norm, I guess.
I'm revising how I feel about bottoming in public. Bottoming for me is less about submission and intimacy and more about tests of endurance and diving into experiences - I like being up in the air as long as no one feels the need to diddle my parts once I'm tied up there.

I've ping ponged back and forth on my comfort levels with this, but I will say that I've felt most powerful when I'm feeling impervious to how other people might view me or what they might think. It's very freeing to feel you have only yourself to please.

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

RE: this is starting to annoy me... - 7/7/2007 1:15:31 PM

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy

I would ONLY allow people who I've seen get spanked to spank me, but I'm out of the norm, I guess.
I'm revising how I feel about bottoming in public. Bottoming for me is less about submission and intimacy and more about tests of endurance and diving into experiences - I like being up in the air as long as no one feels the need to diddle my parts once I'm tied up there.

I would agree. I used to enjoy pushing my limits just to see how much I could take. Doing it in front of an audience seemed to add to the experience. Of course, in public play there is very little 'diddling with the parts', or at least that's the way it was with us. That was reserved for play at home or at VERY private parties among friends, although even there I experienced some problems from time to time. I have seen another respected domme play with her dom/husband in public and she doesn't seem to experience any fallout. Or perhaps she just doesn't care. After watching her in the afterglow of a big suspension play at the last event, I've decided I'm going to have to have a sit down talk with her.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

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