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Something I'm curious about - 6/17/2005 1:49:05 PM

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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As a switch, did you always know you liked both sides of the "BDSM coin" or did you begin thinking you were on one side, find it unfullfilling and try the other and then decide you liked it all?

From people that I've spoken with, it seems that most of them began as subs/bottoms and then changed over. I've talked to very few that did it the other way around (Top to bottom). In fact, some feel that it is embarrassing to have been a Top and then let someone else top them.

Just wondering...

_____________________________

~*~ Scars are just tattoos with better stories ~*~

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/20/2005 3:16:28 PM

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Joined: 6/3/2005
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As a Dom, I've always been interested in having a woman top me....preferably sexually....a one time thing with someone I most likely would never meet again....this thought, I have shared with my wife but I have yet to meet the Dom that interests me...Although there are two frequent posters here that interest me greatly, I have not contacted them.....maybe someday....Mmmmm

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/26/2005 4:33:09 AM

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Joined: 4/4/2005
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I began as a submissive because the men I played with seemed to enjoy it. But I'm a little too dominant to stay submissive forever. So once I got on the other side of D/s, I found out how fun it can be.

_____________________________

"Silly Christians. The net is for freaks!"

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/26/2005 7:44:50 AM

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Joined: 2/21/2005
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I started out as a Domme and decided that I really only wanted certain aspects of it. For example I love to do CBT. For the most part I prefer to be a sub. I find I like giving up control to someone I trust

(in reply to allybear)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/26/2005 2:51:33 PM

Posts: 28
Joined: 6/24/2005
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Well Ms. Lynn, I think you have to search a little bit deeper to understand exactly where these feelings are coming from. There are many different reasons a person can be a switch. Personally I have always been aware of my ability to dominate a situation if necessary, and that is truly one of the reasons why I am so submissive. I realize how it would feel to have something fully capable of wielding the power... submit it to you. That is my goal, to make someone I love feel special. To me it is all about self-expression, though. By submitting to someone I am expressing a whole pallet of emotions including the idea that they could mean more to me than I mean to myself. Others do not share my views on BDSM. Some people are only interested in the sexual "game" aspect of the lifestyle. These people tend to be switches because they want a wider variety of fun available to them. Rather than commit to being the protagonist or antagonist in the story they choose to be both. This is a logical decision if you are only interested in the pleasure part of the relationship. If you are more interested in the emotional side, your desire to switch may come from several different origins. I'll list a few and perhaps after analyzing them you will find one of them holds true in your situation. I hope you find your true self one way or another.

[Emotional Reasons For Switching]

#1. Unable to find an adequate Dom/Sub and therefor choosing to become that for someone else rather than sit there complaining about the circumstances. It's not uncommon for people to become what they desire if they are unable to find it... I see this most often with gay men. Whether it be a gift to someone deserving or simply an impatient act, switching due to lack of other options is a possibility. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"-syndrome relates to this as well.

#2. Some people are naturally dominant and submissive at the same time. For example, a person can be willing to lick their mistress' feet and do her laundry.. but be unwilling to admit they are a lower life-form. The submissive part of them is trying to make their mistress happy by submitting, but the dominant part is unwilling to submit to someone who doesn't view it as a loving choice rather than a deserving act. I would say most people in this situation will believe they are a switch but if they look deep enough inside themselves they really want one or the other. The best way to figure out what you want is to stop and analyze what you have been looking for. Find out why you're looking for it and what caused the desire to do so. How valuable is it to you in comparison to the other things you are looking for?

#3. Misunderstanding your own emotions, as far as i'm concerned, is the biggest reason for all confusion in life. Submission and Domination are not as black and white as they might seem. So many people assume that because they feel a certain way that they must be dominant or submissive. For example, wanting to control someone or wanting an over-abundance of attention. These things are not necessarily signs of dominance. Many submissive people desire to control and that is exactly why being submissive sends such a strong message to their Dom. Everyone wants lots of money, right? But does that mean you want to be a doctor? No. Not all of our emotions are so directly linked to human definitions. Sometimes an emotion feels a certain way but it comes from a much different place. If someone makes you angry and you want to hurt them, that doesn't always mean you're evil or hateful. It could also mean that you don't know of any other way to show them how badly they've hurt you other than making them feel the same way. Going into great detail about all of this is very difficult, and typing it in text is even harder. I wish I could help you understood exactly what I mean but I think the best way for you to do this for yourself is to simply listen. In your heart you will feel it... while doing or thinking certain things, that this is or isn't what you really want in the end.

Keep in mind that there are many many more reasons why you could be confused or a natural switch. These are just a few I thought of on the spot. I hope they help.

(in reply to dovemagic)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/26/2005 6:00:27 PM

terah

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/17/2004
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Hiya Maggie,

What I find hard bottoming to someone is that fact that they feel uncomfortable with my experience as a Top. When I bottom I give myself to that person totally, they forget I am there to bottom and they frrl intimatedthat I might critique them.

Or sometimes the opposite happens they think I have all this experience and that nothing will shock or hurt me.

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 6/27/2005 1:23:14 AM

Posts: 93
Joined: 6/21/2005
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Ummm *raises hand* I started out as a top.

Or at least, I thought I did. I have come to understand the difference between my behavior then and my sadistic inclinations now. When I first became sexually active, I often did sadistic and/or controlling things to my partners. I realized later that subconsciously, I was trying to provoke them. I was often involved with men I found weak and, over time, repulsive. I don't know where I hoped to go with it, but I somehow thought that if I controlled them enough, they would rebel. I had known for some time I was a sadomasochist. I deeply enjoy inflicting and experiencing pain. But it never occured to me that I would enjoy being dominated. I was too much of a control freak, and I enjoyed the look of fear in my partner's eyes a little too much to consider trading places. But I didn't want someone to just lie back and take it. I wanted a fight.

When I finally stretched my sub legs, as it were, it was with someone far more experienced than I. His theory was that I became so repulsed/infuriated with the men I had been topping because I was jealous of what they experienced. I was, in essence, angry that they didn't reciprocate. Whether or not that theory holds any water, well *shrug* I couldn't say for sure. But it hadn't occured to me to sub until he suggested it. And I put up a fight, now.

I am by no means extremely submissive. It stops outside the bedroom door (or hotel door, whatever). And I still get the itch to hurt someone pretty often. Ultimately, yes, I enjoy PARTS of each side, but to be wholly fulfilled I require just that. PARTS of each side. So I am submissive at home, and exercise my sadism outside.

Wednesday

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/4/2005 6:40:15 PM

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Joined: 6/18/2005
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Clink CLink..My two cents worth here. I started this lifestyle as a submissive..only to find that submitting was not My souls desire. And switched to eventual Dominating. What I brought with Me into the arena as a Domme though, is the desire, allbeit a rare one, (for the partner would be a rare find indeed, ) is the desire to be sensually topped. NOT to be submissive to anyone, but to delight in the feelings and flow of bottoming. At the other end of this equation, I often find Myself asking the age old question..Who is submitting to whom, whether it be a SM scene..or a D/s relationship..and the answer I keep coming up with is an ancient Lakota proverb: 'As above, so below'.

I do have a wicked sadistic side to Me along with a very nurturing caring side, and on the opposite side , I also enjoy..those masochistic moments, where I can just let go and fly with the dance of the whip..or whatever else is being used. The problem: Finding the O/one who does not insist on putting Me in a proverbial box or definition..I define Myself. I trust this answers the question and wish A/all a wonderful evening.

Lady Wings

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/4/2005 6:54:50 PM

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Joined: 6/27/2005
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For me I started as a Dom in a relationship when I was 18. A few weeks after the relationship started I willingly became a sub for my girlfriend. Well that really changed since we were caught by her mother and sister...........long story short, I grew to like both roles.

In the vanilla world I wield authority, I am responsible and in control at all times. But there are times when I just want to be free of all that. It is then that I become a sub. I also turn into a sub when I want to learn more about BDSM. I grant that one can learn as a Dom, and I do learn as a Dom when I have to. I feel I have a unique point of view and manner in which I approach a D/s relationship, I will not do unto a person unless I have had it done unto me. I know sounds weird right?

Now, as a Dom, I am very loving, devoted, and centered on my sub. She commands my full and undivided attention. I respect my sub as I wish to be respected. And at some point I may become a sub right next to her and learn with her. In my mind this with not only strenghten our relationship, it will bring us closer in body and mind.

(in reply to LadyWings)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/4/2005 6:56:34 PM

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

Well, I started off thinking that I was Domme only, then I started having random moments of times where I realized that I wanted other people to be in control, though not for really long periods of time. I'm probably like an 85/15 split, with Domme preference.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to LadyWings)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/7/2005 10:03:57 PM

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Joined: 6/1/2005
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i found that being married for 24 yrs (both of us being Dominant) that the switch side for me came from us trying different play ideas we wanted to try out, that in the submitting side to the Dominant side, and the power exchange to be awesome. now no longer being married i still have the desire for the switching side, its hard saying i am still strongly Dominant lol but i am, but there are the times i just want to disgaurd the Dominance inside me and bask in the Dominance of a strong lady, and swim in the power she gives off.
Wolfen713/Richard

(in reply to CalliopePurple)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/8/2005 1:31:38 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaggieLynn

As a switch, did you always know you liked both sides of the "BDSM coin" or did you begin thinking you were on one side, find it unfullfilling and try the other and then decide you liked it all?

From people that I've spoken with, it seems that most of them began as subs/bottoms and then changed over. I've talked to very few that did it the other way around (Top to bottom). In fact, some feel that it is embarrassing to have been a Top and then let someone else top them.

Just wondering...

I remembered several years ago, a "scene" where I was dominating a young girl, along with my older friend...making her do things we told her to do, and spanking her when she would not do them immediately. The submissive girl was about 3.5, the older girl was about 5, and I was about 4.

I am unsure what caused me to remember it....I had already been in the "public scene" for a year or so, after having practiced BDSM all of my adult life.

I remember feeling embarrassed by it. I thought, "How could I have been so mean to her?", knowing that is not really my style as a Dominant.

But then, it occurred to me....that yes, I do have a sadistic streak! And what I felt as I dominated the little girl, is the feeling I can get when I am dominating a big 6'3" man! Only now, I do not have any feelings of remorse!

As for my submissive side....I cannot say how far back the fantasies started...I am sure they were triggered by watching old movies on television...especially, the pirate movies!!

I only know that my favorite fantasy was that I was an orphan, put under the care of an "older man" in his twenties, my Guardian, who had complete control over me. He was responsible for me...sent me to school, made sure that I got good grades, clothed me, fed me, disciplined me in both the normal and more ingenious ways. He ran my life!!

As I got older, so did he...and his role changed, bit by bit....until he was teaching me about sex and showing me how his adult friends and he practiced BDSM.....only I had no idea it was called that.

And I, of course, fell deeply in love with him! [Not so different than now, is it?]

Esmé

"He only may chastise who loves."
~~~R. Tagore

< Message edited by esmerant -- 7/11/2005 2:10:08 PM >

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/8/2005 6:59:54 AM

Gem

Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Brightest Blessings

For me it is a simple answer I found some one who I was attracted to who's aura of dominance was more powerful than mine. It is completely a primal thing, it feels right and natural to surrender to Man, and it feels natural and right for us to co-dom another.

I believe that you would not have much self esteem, or a sense of much self worth if you are ashamed that you surrender to somebody who flips your surrender switch. It would mean you are ashamed of your self, and the nature of who you are.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

RE: Something I'm curious about - 7/8/2005 5:10:15 PM

LadyMindParadox

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline

I'd have to honestly say I was confused about whatever I was for a VERY long time...

My gut reaction is to say I started out trying to develop a submissive personality. I thought I did a pretty good job, but I think everyone else saw me a little better than I did myself. Mainly, I spent a long time trying to fit a mold that didn't quite work for me.

My fantasies for as long as I can remember were submissive-oriented. However, I have always craved power and wanted to succeed. I think I learned how to "submissive-coat" my Dominant tendencies. Certainly weird, but my type of Switching appears to be somewhat different than the most posting here.

I think in terms of two different aspects of myself that present themself uniquely, kind of the difference in someone between when there happy and upset.

I have found being aware that I am a Switch I live a much happier existence as I am able to truly embrace myself.

LadyMindParadox

partner to LordMindParadox

(in reply to MaggieLynn)

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