RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave"

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RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 4:33:48 AM

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Joined: 7/26/2006
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Honestly, I think you handle disagreements in this sort of relationship with way you should in any kind of relationship, through communication.
I believe, in my past relationship, the only way I would have been punished for a difference of opinion would have been if I were disrespectful,arrogant, or rude, in the way I presented it, and refused to hear my Masters thoughts.

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“Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?”

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(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 5:20:17 AM

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I'm rather outspoken and opinionated and I've noticed some men view my political views as a challenge to be tackled. They seem to think that if the 'little lady' just had a little help, she would understand why Bush is good, the war in Iraq is good, global warming is a myth and Paul Krugman/Howard Dean/Al Gore is stupid. This is quite helpful, because it helps my immediately eliminate men I would never, ever, ever be compatible. My values are my values and they are not going to cahnge.

The only man I submitted to was as smart as I was, had relatively similar political views, and cared about politics as much as I do--we disagreed on some implementation and whatnot, but those conversations were fun, intelligent, respectful and, frankly, sexy. I don't know if I could date someone who didn't match my intellectually on some level.

(in reply to k8trix)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 6:50:05 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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Daddy appreciates that i have strength, control, intelligence and more importantly a sharp opininonated, thinking mind. even though we do think alike on many things, we do have opposing povs and i'm allowed to express them in respectful manner ...yet there have been times when i did get punished but that was because i was being rude and disrespectful of His authority in the situation. other than that, in my relationship with Daddy, my opinions/views do matter ...our discussions would be very boring if they didn't.

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(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 6:59:04 AM

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quote:

I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him

That is a good indication that the "dom" in question is very insecure. If he doesn't have the confidence to discuss and debate differing opinions on any subject it can be a warning sign about other aspects of the relationship.

I think if we counted them, there would be more issues we disagree than agree. It changes nothing regarding our 24/7 dynamic. Why should it? Intellectual intercourse is as important in a long term relationship than any other kind. I respect beth too much to ever tell her seriously to "shut up" on any issue. And she's never had such a compelling argument against me that would corner me into using the "shut up" tactic to "win". Pulling the "shut up" card out of a Master's bag of tools is the same as someone reduced to name calling or profanity. It indicates a fundamental lack of information or communication skill.

Now when she is distracting me by talking while I'm trying to watch some critical Yankee game or something, I may pull out a ball gag - which is more effective than "shut up" anyway, and fun to look at. Then, as has been the case this year, if they lose, she's prepared for the dungeon.

beth has reminded me that I do sometimes recommend that she should keep quiet on some issues in some company but its more to protect the people she's talking to as opposed to beth. her adamancy and advocacy is amazing and I encourage it. she represents herself as being shy and reticent to speak in or at a group, but get her rolling on certain subjects, like the medical industry for instance, and I may end up wanting to use the "shut up" option. But I never have and never will. she's too cute when she gets on a roll.

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 7:16:45 AM

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I'm also one of those outspoken and opinionated submissives. I tend to get loud and passionate when I'm on a roll. I have no problem telling my Joe that I disagree with him. Of course I disagree respectfully, and if I didn't would expect to pay the consequences. He will occasionally tell me to settle down if I'm getting overly excited. Mostly because he doesn't like to see me get upset. I really can't imagine him ever telling me to shut up. That would be rude and my Daddy is never rude.

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 7:20:57 AM

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I've never told my sub to "shut up" when he tried to express himself. I encourage him to think and to communicate with me, it is a part of our relationship. However I do know there are those out there that have a different twist on their relationships. I think when someone just says "shut up" it means that they are tired, perhaps insecure and unsure of how to handle a slave with a mind and the ability to speak up.

Personally I enjoy listening to my sub and I value his opinions. But he always voices them in a respectful way which makes a big difference.

~Lashra

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(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 7:28:54 AM

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There's a large difference between he and I having a debate because we don't agree on a view point and fighting.

We debate quite often. We enjoy this about each other.

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(in reply to petal7)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 7:30:35 AM

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Hell, I've been in a totally vanilla relationship where I was told to shut up for having a differing opinion... I wasn't allowed to dissagree with him, full stop!!!

There are people out there kink or not, who don't like you dissagreeing... just coz it's a D/s relationship doesn't make this any different.

If you're happy to not be allowed to express your own opinion, then that's great for you... if you're not, D/s or not, the relationship is not likely to be the right one for you.

I know that is a sweeping generalisation, but if you're not happy, it's a sign that things aren;t right.

I tried to remember who Iwas and know that my opinions were right for me... but in the end I risked losing my identity by not being allowed my own opinion.

YMMV tho

Puss

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RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 8:16:22 AM

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Hubby listens to my opinions but if we disagree on some action, like what TV show to watch, or where to go out to eat, it's always His choice.

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(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 8:19:29 AM

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There are only 2 things Master ansd i disagree on and are 2 hot button topics. One is reglion the other is politics. We never get loud but he always allows me to state my opnion tell me his side and we just talk about it. We will never agree on those 2 topic but we are ok with it. We are happy and that is what matters.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to petal7)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 8:31:44 AM

forbiddendreams

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my slave is very outspoken but only when he 's my body and I andress him by his birth name ''giannis'' , if he's ''monika'' he is not allowed to say a word.

(in reply to littleone35)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 9:08:53 AM

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Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00

I'm a little confused about people with this lifestyle 24/7
If sub or a slave ( if there are any difference between the answers for sub/slave, do tell ^^ ) disagrees with their master, not about sex or something, but about a social issue or...anything really, how would it be handled?
I just know that my dom is going to jump up and say "shut up or ill punish you" the instant I argue with him, I think I am going to have to sit down and explain that I DO have opinions.

But, how do you handle disagreements?

Greetings

Master and I handle disagreements the same way we would with anyone. Calmly, respectfully state our opinion; and then calmly and respectfully allow the other person to do the same.

I wish you well

melissa

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 10:07:42 AM

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It's not ~having~ or ~voicing~ the opposing opinion, Hina; it's all about how that opinion expressed. Handling disagreements is a symbiotic process in any given dynamic. I don't know of many Doms who would not allow their subs or slaves to have or to voice opinions, although particular protocol of free speech seems to be the divergence.

Some Doms prefer strict protocol. Some don't care about protocol as long as the thought is formulated with courtesy and respect. Some don't mind going toe-to-toe with his or her sub at any given time (although I think this is the rarer sort). It depends on the Dom and his expectations for the sub and her willingness to follow those guidelines.

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You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to petal7)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 10:46:57 AM

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Sir and I speak openly about all kinds of things, I think if I was to stay silent and agree with everything he said he have a heart attack. Alot of people above me have mentioned "how" the disagreement was said, and I agree, its possible to have a debate without being disrespectful, but alot of times, we have basic conversations about all sorts of things like any other vanilla couple, I dont mean a debate about politics and religion, I mean, "hey I think its gonna rain".."no, I dont think so" Thats a disagreement right there, I stated my opinion was different than his, didnt say "you idiot, its aint gonna rain for a nother bleeding week"

Now there are times, in a more formal situation like a Leather social, where I basically keep my mouth shut and if anything happens that I dont really see eye to eye with, we talk about it later. We have worked out a way of my getting his attention that somethings going on that I dont like, without me stepping out of role though, and he wants me to use that....basically a D/s version of kicking your husband under the table.

(in reply to slaveish)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 11:06:58 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hina00
how do you handle disagreements?

The same way I handle all other disagreements outside of this lifestyle, with tact, intelligence, patience and respect.

In the M/s dynamic, at least in mine, we TALK, a lot. When I get upset, I have a tendancy to shut up and not talk, which after this long, MJ KNOWS something is up and He knows that I have to talk or I will get more pissed, so we talk. He will tell me 'talk to Me, don't get quite on Me,' and we talk. I can ask to have a bit of time to think or to calm down, thats understandable.

If He or anyone else ever said, "shut up or I'll punish you," I would be out the door, no hesitation. That phrase is VERY disrespectfull not to mention a bit of a challenge from my ornery and bratty side.

We all have opinions, its just on how you present that that makes the real difference. Be honest, be respectfull, be straight forward and communicate. That goes for ALL involved.

Heck, I have opinions, very strong ones, you see that from reading any number of my posts, just reading MJ's profile on here is enough to get those opinions up in a roar at times [He hasn't updated His profile interests in a long time], yet, we talk and we have gone over those things that bother me, no big deal.

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(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 11:59:53 AM

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I believe owners don't want a drone, they want a slave with feelings opinions and passion. A slave or sub that has those qualities and a strong mind that they've agreed to surrender to their owners is priceless. Not that I'm a Mastercard commercial. While I believe that there needs to be a lot of similarities or things in common besides the Power Exchange, there should be differences too.

(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 12:02:29 PM

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From: Palm Beach County, Fl
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The key, as stated by many posters, is HOW you disagree with your Master. Respect and tone of voice mean a lot. Also, if the difference of opinion is concrete, like where to go out, rather than ideological, like politics, Master makes the final decision. Period.

Also, as Merc stated, Dom security is evinced in how these things are handled.

I remember the first time I ventured to publicly disagree with Master. We were going out with old (vanilla) friends of his who were visiting. He gave wrong (or not so direct, let's say) directions to the restaurant. I repectfully suggested another route. And believe me, I did this with trepidation, having come from a relationship where my opinion as a slave was VERY discouraged. Master heard me, looked at me for a split second and announced to the car "See the benefits of a good co-pilot?"

Just one of the reasons I love Him so much and we fit.

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(in reply to slaverosebeauty)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 12:26:17 PM

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I'm curious as to why you would get into a relationship with someone who would punish you for having differing opinions when you want to be allowed to express those opinions.

I'm allowed to express my opinions. Most of the time he values my views when they don't coincide with his because it allows him to see things from a different angle. I value his for the same reason.

The times it has come down to arguments are usually emotion driven and one of us is stewing over something and not yet able to say ie; "I was very frustrated yesterday when you" or "I'm resentful of your doing this". Once we can figure it out and say exactly what the problem is, we can begin to work on a solution.

(in reply to hejira92)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 1:46:57 PM

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I don't consider differing opinions on a topic to be an argument. Alandra and I are encouraged to express our opinions, even if they differ from his. The caveat is that we have to do it in an appropriate manner.

In other words, we have to ask permission to express our opinion. Once permission is given, the opinion must be expressed in a respectful way and demonstrate thought and consideration for the topic. If an opinion is given based on assumptions and negative judgments he will get annoyed. But if we express a well thought out and educated opinion that may differ from his own then he will hear us out and we will have a constructive conversation.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Hina00)

RE: "I disagree" "Shut up, slave" - 7/9/2007 2:13:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

If an opinion is given based on assumptions and negative judgments he will get annoyed.

mmmmm annoyed would seem to be an understatement is alot of cases.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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