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RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/15/2007 10:42:02 PM   
SaintAllie


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		couldn't agree more LadyPact..

regards Allie


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 3:29:01 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
If you read a dominant woman's profile on the boards, you may take away a sense of "strictness" from the profile, in that she wants things done her way. But when you deconstruct that, there seems to be more of a sense of "things are done my way, or you go away" rather than "things are done my way, and you'll be damn sorry if you don't comply." I find that nuance to be actually quite significant.

Hello littlesarbonn,
Just wanted to comment here.  I'm not coming from the perspective of a dominant woman or someone who has ever been in a relationship with one.  I'm commenting as a slave who is owned by a male Master.  But, I too see that nuance you mentioned in our relationship.  If things aren't done Master's way, there is no threat of me being sent away or disowned.  NONE.  It's exactly as you say: Things are going to be done His way or I'll be dealt with until they are.  Period.  There is a huge difference there.

I know not everyone agrees that this is possible.  I was pretty much shredded awhile back for daring to state that no amount of disobedience on my part is going to "earn" my being disowned and shipped out.  It is my belief (and Master's) that, if that was to be the case, that I would be in control of our relationship.  I know that ruffles the feathers of some who disagree and that's fine.  I'm saying that's how it is in OUR relationship.  If I were to want to get out and not be His property anymore, I would simply have to disobey to the degree that I got my way.  He has made it clear that that is not going to happen.  Disobeying is not going to get me sent down the highway.  It's going to get me corrected, disciplined, punished - whatever it takes to get my behavior where it needs to be.  And, btw, punishment in our relationship is not now nor will it ever be hot, kinky or physical so it's not like it would ever be enjoyable in that sense.

I guess I'm just trying to say that it really does make a difference in my mind that being sent away is not an option.  I'm not willfully disobedient but, if I ever were to be, I know that being released is not an option.  Knowing that I'm here for the long haul, so to speak, and that there is no threat of being tossed out really does make the commitment so much deeper.  And it's all kind of cyclical really because knowing I'm here permanently deepens the commitment and then the deepened commitment insures more obedience.  It's really a powerful thing to not have that threat of "going away," as you said, everytime I may not be totally pleasing or obedient in everything I do.  Nice post and I hope I was able to make some sense here......slave luci


_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 3:39:00 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SaintAllie

couldn't agree more LadyPact..

regards Allie




I am glad My fumbling for words was understood.  My thanks to you, Allie.

(in reply to SaintAllie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 7:07:48 AM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn,
I have read just a little of your journal - fun reading btw - and wonder...
Your initial entry to BDSM was through military hazing and training thus your expectation and desire for discipline is fairly specific.  We have the absolute that we've become an instant gratification society but we also have become less tolerant of "old style" disciplne in schools, sports and the military to the degree that criminal plus charges have been won.  So a mindset that was once more acceptable as part of discipline instead is sought in a BDSM relationship - where the idea is not so much discipline for the sake of the iron fist mentality of upbringing and/or a tear 'em down and them rebuild 'em training but instead an agreed to power exchange between two consenting adults.  As a society our acceptable and typical methods of gaining compiance migrate or shift - I suspect that has happened since your earlier endeavors.  I know I would hesistate to use a strict method in any situation, as a Domme or in my professional life as a person who trains, mentors and manages people, without specific 2 way communication.  I would instigate a explicit discussion to define the level of achievement and activites and areas of compliance desired with both parties along with ideas for the types of consequences for non compliance.  I would have no problem reinforcing, training, meeting out discipline there after.  But I would not operate this way unless my sub and I determined that it was desired.

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 8:41:50 AM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline 		My take on littlesarbon's post is that he's perhaps looking for a sadist who enjoy's using corporal punishment for any infraction, whether real or imagined (or just because "she can"), in order to exercise and maintain her control and reinforce the D/s dynamic.  I also suspect there's a strong element of what slaveluci posted going on in that there's a commitment of sorts to repeatedly administer whatever it takes to teach him to do things her way or get them done in the manner she desires. 
 
I do know of a number of couples who have a ritual where the sub gets 10 with a crop or cane every night before bed, the instrument and severity depending upon the Domme's mood.  That's simply part of their dynamic and something both the Domme and the sub need to feel the relationship is complete for them.  Perhaps this or what slaveluci posted is the kind of dynamic that littlesarbon is looking for?  I can appreciate the security that rituals provide for many as exemplified most prominently in many of the major religions and churches, where those rituals have a particular meaning and often provide great comfort and a sense of security to those who practice them.
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to ocilla)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 9:08:16 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline 		I read this yesterday. I took some time pondering what you wrote. I have also been thinking about this. Like you I stepped away, so to speak to reflect and do other things in my life. I never completely left, like you and had a small presence.
 
 
 
Now I have truly lived a full blown lifestyle. I have had several live-in slaves at one time and I often showed up at events with at least 3 slaves. My point to this is that my life was 24/7 this fantasy I lived in.  I was very happy. I had some personal things happen in my life where I had to withdraw and I also felt that I needed a break from the whole thing. I took a few years to think, remodel a very old Victorian house in the mountains and try and understand my life.  Like you I was spiritually conflicted. That’s a whole other thread! Lol
 
 
 
Ok fast forward…. Lol I am guilty for starting these long ass posts only to have the phone ring a million times. Forgive me if I am disjointed.
 
 
 
I now know this I can’t live any other way. Being Goddess Dianna Vesta is so much a part of me & I just don’t fit in anywhere else.  I am direct, to the point and many say that I am strict.  Just showing up doesn’t work for me. Lets face it the times have changed and although the internet has been a blessing in networking people and providing information, it has also paved a road for less sincere people. I think this is the biggest hurdle today. I also have a 3 month rule… I will not agree to meet anyone until they have been in training with me at least 3 months.  I can’t tell you how many jumps on my band wagon just to disappear within a few weeks. I’m sure many women have this problem. Finding someone that is consistent is a real problem.
 
 
 
The times have changed or maybe I’ve changed.  Maybe my walls are too high for most but I also know from experience what works for me. I lay it out clearly and expect my instructions to be followed. This is very important to me. When I find someone that jumps through the hoops and follows my instructions THEN I am more willing to talk about a relationship. Is this putting the cart before the horse? Maybe, but I also know that building a relationship is a lot of work and requires an emotional investment. I’m not willing to invest that way only to find out later that we’re not on the same page. No thanks! I’ve done this too many times. Because I AM strict, controlling and demanding, I need to make sure they “get” this first. If they do then I feel comfortable moving forward.
 

 
I am seeking possibly a live-in slave. In this case I am going to be even more “strict” and have GRAND expectations prior to that person coming into my home. The guys I train and spend time with part time I can send home but the person that is dealing with me on a daily basis must be able to handle all aspect of my personality.
 
 
 
Wow my head is spinning thinking about all of this because to be honest I’m trying to understand all this better myself.
 
 



_____________________________



(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 9:45:33 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

My take on littlesarbon's post is that he's perhaps looking for a sadist who enjoy's using corporal punishment for any infraction, whether real or imagined (or just because "she can"), in order to exercise and maintain her control and reinforce the D/s dynamic. I also suspect there's a strong element of what slaveluci posted going on in that there's a commitment of sorts to repeatedly administer whatever it takes to teach him to do things her way or get them done in the manner she desires.

I do know of a number of couples who have a ritual where the sub gets 10 with a crop or cane every night before bed, the instrument and severity depending upon the Domme's mood. That's simply part of their dynamic and something both the Domme and the sub need to feel the relationship is complete for them. Perhaps this or what slaveluci posted is the kind of dynamic that littlesarbon is looking for? I can appreciate the security that rituals provide for many as exemplified most prominently in many of the major religions and churches, where those rituals have a particular meaning and often provide great comfort and a sense of security to those who practice them.

- pixel

Collared to Majik




That's a great idea, pixelslave.

I know a female dom/male slave couple that I greatly respect where the slave is given a certain number of strikes from her nastiest cane every morning before he goes to get her coffee. The rest of the time this couple seems very laid back but that ritual is important to them both and helps them start their days off grounded in their dynamic.

I haven't asked them whose idea it was but I see nothing wrong with either person saying during negotiation that he/she wants some type of SM every day at a certain time. If you don't bring up those needs then you have only the person you see in your mirror to blame when you discover you aren't getting your needs met.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 2:39:07 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Dianna, my walls are high because the right submissive will jump over them.
My initial expectations and standards are high, to weed out the flakes and those that are not
willing to work to get me.
I agree with the initial training period to keep those that are not serious away.
Great post Dianna.

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 3:02:02 PM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Strictness. Yeah, that sounds strange, but let me explain. In previous relationships, I always seemed to be involved with women that were set in their ways, and they would go out of their way to make sure you understood that. A lot of women I've talked to claim to be exactly that, but I've observed a variation to that rather than what I remember being more of a norm. There is a strictness to detail, a desire to have exactness in one's interactions, but there's another piece to the puzzle that was hard for me to realize was missing. And I think I finally put my finger on it. "Expectation."

So, let me explain because that's probably confusing now. I'll give an example that a lot of people might recognize. If you read a dominant woman's profile on the boards, you may take away a sense of "strictness" from the profile, in that she wants things done her way. But when you deconstruct that, there seems to be more of a sense of "things are done my way, or you go away" rather than "things are done my way, and you'll be damn sorry if you don't comply." I find that nuance to be actually quite significant.


I'll take a stab at this.

I think what you're talking about is an attitude of "written in stone" expectation. Consent has already been given.

"Things done my way or you go away" implies negotiation, does it not? It almost gives a choice. That's where I think you're feeling the lack of strictness.

In my mind, once consent is given, I don't want to negotiate every service. I want it done the way I want or there will be consequences.

I'm not sure what's in my mind is translating well to the keyboard.

MC

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 3:27:17 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Strictness. Yeah, that sounds strange, but let me explain. In previous relationships, I always seemed to be involved with women that were set in their ways, and they would go out of their way to make sure you understood that. A lot of women I've talked to claim to be exactly that, but I've observed a variation to that rather than what I remember being more of a norm. There is a strictness to detail, a desire to have exactness in one's interactions, but there's another piece to the puzzle that was hard for me to realize was missing. And I think I finally put my finger on it. "Expectation."

So, let me explain because that's probably confusing now. I'll give an example that a lot of people might recognize. If you read a dominant woman's profile on the boards, you may take away a sense of "strictness" from the profile, in that she wants things done her way. But when you deconstruct that, there seems to be more of a sense of "things are done my way, or you go away" rather than "things are done my way, and you'll be damn sorry if you don't comply." I find that nuance to be actually quite significant.


I'll take a stab at this.

I think what you're talking about is an attitude of "written in stone" expectation. Consent has already been given.

"Things done my way or you go away" implies negotiation, does it not? It almost gives a choice. That's where I think you're feeling the lack of strictness.

In my mind, once consent is given, I don't want to negotiate every service. I want it done the way I want or there will be consequences.

I'm not sure what's in my mind is translating well to the keyboard.

MC


This is my take on it also MsCameron.
In a Dominant and submissive relationship, the submissive may or may not want or enjoy
everything that will take place.
To me, that is the cost of being involved.
If the submissive does not want to give consent and be controlled, maybe he would be happier
in a Top/bottom situation.
In a Top/bottom situation everything can be negotiated.

(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 4:34:33 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Nice point of view Lady Ice. i feel if i subscribe to set values at the start, then thats what goes...... No more need be said Ma`am.

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 4:56:47 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I am glad we agree politesub, see it does not have to be that hard.
I am the Dominant and you are the submissive.
Most of us Dominants appreciate a good and loyal submissive, and will do what
it takes to make our relationship work.

< Message edited by LadyIce -- 7/16/2007 4:57:54 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 5:50:40 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyIce

I am glad we agree politesub, see it does not have to be that hard.
I am the Dominant and you are the submissive.
Most of us Dominants appreciate a good and loyal submissive, and will do what
it takes to make our relationship work.


I agree with this statement.  I just may have different views on what makes a good and loyal submissive.  IMO: A good submissive does what he is told to do.  A loyal submissive is one that will always be by your side, even when you have PMS (lol)
That said, my current sub is my very spoiled pet switch.  He doesn't always do what I ask him to do, but he is getting better at it.  In the beginning, he was expecting me to differentiate between and order and a request.  I simply told him that I do not have time to add "And thats an order" to everything and that he should just take anything I say as an order. 
The exceptions of course, are anything I may say to tease him, and he is allowed to tease me back- to a point. 
It works for us, would it work for someone else?  Not necessarily, some people need more structure than I can give right now.  I have a young um and there are things I wouldn't want him to see or hear in a highly structured and diciplinary household.

Psy * who is currently biting blackwolfswitch*

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to LadyIce)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 6:05:28 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to think I'm about half and half.....

Granted as far as emails and the first stages I've been played so much on this thing, I am inclined to just say "buh bye" and move on.

However, I am picky, I will take my time and pick the best that suits me....after that, I am not the type to toss someone aside...I obviously found something special in him, so I plan on working hard on any problem that arises.

what a great thread....

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 6:47:53 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCameron

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
Strictness. Yeah, that sounds strange, but let me explain. In previous relationships, I always seemed to be involved with women that were set in their ways, and they would go out of their way to make sure you understood that. A lot of women I've talked to claim to be exactly that, but I've observed a variation to that rather than what I remember being more of a norm. There is a strictness to detail, a desire to have exactness in one's interactions, but there's another piece to the puzzle that was hard for me to realize was missing. And I think I finally put my finger on it. "Expectation."

So, let me explain because that's probably confusing now. I'll give an example that a lot of people might recognize. If you read a dominant woman's profile on the boards, you may take away a sense of "strictness" from the profile, in that she wants things done her way. But when you deconstruct that, there seems to be more of a sense of "things are done my way, or you go away" rather than "things are done my way, and you'll be damn sorry if you don't comply." I find that nuance to be actually quite significant.


I'll take a stab at this.

I think what you're talking about is an attitude of "written in stone" expectation. Consent has already been given.

"Things done my way or you go away" implies negotiation, does it not? It almost gives a choice. That's where I think you're feeling the lack of strictness.

In my mind, once consent is given, I don't want to negotiate every service. I want it done the way I want or there will be consequences.

I'm not sure what's in my mind is translating well to the keyboard.

MC


Actually I read "my way or you go away" as being the exact opposite of negotiation. No negotiation, merely one way and you aren't important enough to even attempt to figure out if there is a better way to do things.

The consequences are rather final in that situation. There will be no attempts to bend you or break you or teach, you are dimissed. Period. I think that could be seen as th height of strictness and viewing the sub/slave as nothing but a disposal object.

I, personally, think that in a healthy full-time Ds relationship all that is needed is the displeasure of the owner/dominant when something is not correct. Someone who makes errors a lot either is not mature enough or frankly not a good match for that person. At worse they may be acting up to earn punishment.

I don't think being strict is about correcting it's about supporting the authority dynamic you have agree to, both of you have agreed to. I don't think that being strict should be a reason to do SM or anything else.

My ownership gives me the authority to do whatever I wish (in that relationship) I don't need more of a reason than I want to at that moment.

Being my property gives that person the responsibility to tell me when he/she needs something they lack, that's part of taking care of my property after all.

Acting up instead of addressing the need openly and honestly is playing games. I don't play games with my 24/7 Ds relationship, well, at least not those types of games. Everyone may play these sorts of games early on because they feel unsettled in a new relationship but I think over time that should disappear as you help each other fully explore and embrace your Ds position.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 7:36:09 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I apologize, but I will discontinue contributing to the thread from hereon, mainly because the back and forth that has gone on has actually derailed the original intention of this thread into commentaries that are part of the fill in the blank commentaries that come from other threads, like "I do things my way, and therefore I don't play games" which actually is feeding into the problem I was talking about before. For my last comment on this thread (forgetting about 90 percent of what has been printed in this thread), the point is that over the last decade, relationships in bdsm seem to have turned into D/s-lite because instead of the environment AFTER the negotiation, relationships still tend to be watered down with "I don't have to put my foot down because if he doesn't want to serve me, then I don't want him". It's like so many new guard relationships are sprinkled with this new attitude that I feel like I traveled forward in a time machine and see something different than things used to be.

What has happened, and I kind of suspected this myself, is that the whole spectrum of bdsm has moved so far to one end that practically EVERYONE in it responds from the edges of that new spectrum, incapable of observing anything that exists outside of the present limitations.

Now, an immediate response may be to argue with me or tell me how I'm wrong, or whatever, but please don't. Continue the thread as you were all doing. My contributions further are irrelevant as I don't feel anyone actually understood what I was saying in the first place because people kept trying to cookie cutter what I said into what everyone has been discussing in so many other threads rather than take it the next step. And that's okay. I was trying to address something much deeper than the standard conversations we had here, and I failed.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 8:09:37 PM   
ocilla


Posts: 1764
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Oh littlesarbonn that is so sad.  You are blue and disappointed.  I wish we could get it for you.  You bring such value to the forums - hate to think of you pulling away.  I run a non profit organization and one of my most powerful tools is the one of planting a seed and then cultivating it patiently.  I know you planted a seed that I am still thinking about....I am sure I am not the only one. 

_____________________________

Ocilla

Nature is not a place to visit. It is home.
~ Gary Snyder

It takes a kinky village...

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 8:11:55 PM   
Najakcharmer


Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
over the last decade, relationships in bdsm seem to have turned into D/s-lite because instead of the environment AFTER the negotiation, relationships still tend to be watered down with "I don't have to put my foot down because if he doesn't want to serve me, then I don't want him". It's like so many new guard relationships are sprinkled with this new attitude that I feel like I traveled forward in a time machine and see something different than things used to be.


I was active in the BDSM/leather community two decades ago, and honestly, I saw much the same thing.  Once the submissive partner truly withdraws consent in the relationship, it's over.  It's generally agreed by most sane folks that hunting a runaway slave down to punish them is criminal stalking, not consensual D/s.  There have always been a handful of folks who ran their mouths to say otherwise.  Of that handful, the majority are complete bullshitters and the rest end up in the newspaper when they do something criminally insane to a partner who tried to leave them.  It's not completely impossible to make "irrevocable consent" work in real life, but it is very nearly so, especially if you have any minor points of reality to deal with like a family and a job.

The average dominant is not going to instantly dump a long term relationship by the side of the road the first time they hit a rough patch and the submissive needs a firm hand, leadership and guidance to find their willing submission again.  But the average dominant is also not going to put up with endless drama or genuine lack of consent, or a partner who isn't willing to put their time and energy into the relationship.  Eventually even a saint's patience will come to an end, and that would be true in any relationship whether it was D/s, vanilla marriage, casual friendship or business. 


quote:

Now, an immediate response may be to argue with me or tell me how I'm wrong, or whatever, but please don't. Continue the thread as you were all doing. My contributions further are irrelevant as I don't feel anyone actually understood what I was saying in the first place


Willing to try again to explain?  I *thought* you meant that you felt the need for consistent discipline, rules, rituals, structure and strictness in a relationship, and a domme who would commit to correcting you rather than dumping you if you ever acted up or lost your feeling of submissiveness.  Was that incorrect?


(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 8:59:22 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Littlesarbonn's comments tie in very well with a conclusion that my Master and I have just come to - that the only genuine players seem to be out there playing, and the rest are just playing on the internet. Many of those who are genuine do have CollarMe profiles, but the reverse is not the case - few of those with CollarMe profiles seem to be genuine. I have just been "sub shopping" and have come to the same depressing conclusions as littlesarbonn but from the opposite end of the dialogue - that most of the so called submissives I have talked to want to please themselves but have no idea of the fact that they are also supposed to please me! No, I'm not so foolish as to think that "it's all about me." But I know from experience that if I walk through the door of a play party, there any number of subs who are delighted to play with me. It's the reverse on the net - I seem to be the one trying to talk them into it. Forget it!

I am  a strict Domme when I need to be. As an experiment, I set about trying to get a sub who has been talking to Mistresses on the net for SIX YEARS without meeting one of them into talking to me face to face. I achieved it in 3 days. It was very satisfying, chuckle. But do I want to play with someone who is that much effort? No. That's the sort of situation in which someone later turns around and claims coercion. But it really confirms my suspicion that there are fewer genuine BDSM'ers around than the growth of sites like CollarMe seem to imply. As Master always says: "Anyone can pick up a whip, but that doesn't make them a Dominant." The corollary is: "Anyone can allow themselves to be tied up, but that doesn't make them a submissive."

:))
LH

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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: The thing I keep missing (not a complaint, but an o... - 7/16/2007 9:15:39 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I think if he said what he really wanted to say, he'd be labeled a "bottom" and be told "find a top" or labeled a "do me sub" and told to go find a professional.  Isn't the real question, "I want a little kink with my power exchange, thank you?"  The new power exchange, as he explains it, is "I am the dominant. Do as I say or leave."

But to acknowledge what he really wants is a woman that backs up her authority with a whip, with a cage, with a smile in her sadistic words, with an erotic rush from enforcement, with a playful desire to see him jump through hoops -- well, the more you start defining that, the more you sound like you are ordering off a menu and it does not jive with the image of the service submissive. 

Is it that lots of women are attracted to the "femdom lifestyle" because they get to have it all their way and not work hard at it?

There's plenty of kink and power exchange in my relationship, including the latex, whips, cages and "punishments" but all of that is simply romance, not rules.  If I had to use my kink to get things done or my way, I'd be shopping for a new partner.  But I do think there are dominant women that love the erotic power exchange as their lifestyle, and are plenty happy to enforce their rules that way.

Akasha


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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Najakcharmer)
Profile   Post #: 40
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