question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (Full Version)

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aestheticsfirst -> question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/16/2007 9:19:53 PM)

I have been a masochist since I was sexually active but am mostly in the closet/self-taught- I have never been part of a larger BDSM community- just known a couple of people in the scene who knew I was on the same page.

I enjoy forced exhibitionism/humiliation/objectifcation and vaginal torture- but there has to be chemistry for me to be able to submit to someone- which is usually an emotional connection or a kind of respect that comes from being in awe of someone's mind/instinct. This isn't very easy to come by.

At times I find searching for a play partner daunting and have considered simply paying a pro dom to do these things for me. Has any other woman been in this place? Please post any advice you may have-

Best,
aestheticsfirst



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: question (7/16/2007 9:30:48 PM)

A pro dom can be an excellent outlet for all the reasons you've described here.  But really, the water's not so bad and there's plenty of opportunity to be had- though it does take some fortitude.



aestheticsfirst -> RE: question (7/16/2007 9:43:47 PM)

Hi LuckyAlbatross- thank you for your encouragement-

I am in the game/have put the word out for a play partner or a pro- and will continue trying to meet people here-

has it been hard for you? do you have play partners that are on the same page as you and how did you connect with them?

The other question I have for you is how to find a good pro male dom-(forgive me if this is not politically correct)

Where is the best place to look for one? Is it common for some female subs to hire male pro doms?





MissDiscipline -> RE: question (7/16/2007 9:52:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

A pro dom can be an excellent outlet for all the reasons you've described here.  But really, the water's not so bad and there's plenty of opportunity to be had- though it does take some fortitude.


I do agree Myself. But  you will find that there are some who disagree so strongly  they will  threaten you about your BDSM ideals and practices. Just recently... with in days I  was ridiculed, threatened and told I was reported to CM for statements relating to prodomming on My profile. I was ordered  ( WTF) by this psuedo sub - who I am so tempted to say names - but I wont , to change My profile to suit him. In fact this same pussy sent Me an email less than 2 weeks ago . He claims he is owned but spends  all his time critiquing My profile. I am sure He  harrasses all that have mention of any type of prodomme activity.  I am sure I havent heard the last of him. Maybe I should offer to wear his ass out for free- Anyone care to join Me?We can do tag team Domming [:)]. I digress.   A prodomme  may work for a while- but it is nothing like  a sub getting  a peronalized ass beat'n.



LadyHeart -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/16/2007 10:42:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aestheticsfirst
At times I find searching for a play partner daunting and have considered simply paying a pro dom to do these things for me. Has any other woman been in this place? Please post any advice you may have-
aestheticsfirst


This is not exactly "advice" but something I've noticed. A lot of women in your position seem to play with fem Dommes while they are looking. That way, they can play safely, get their "itch" scratched, and can therefore take their time looking for Mr Right (or should that be Mr Wrong, tee hee). Similarly, we get a lot of women offering to play with us as a couple, because again, we are safe, while they look around. Indeed, we help them look. We consider it our greatest success when we help find a suitable partner for one of our playthings. Playing with someone other than a Dom may not satisfy all your urges, but it's something to consider perhaps?

Happy hunting!

:))
LH



SubinMaine -> RE: question (7/17/2007 4:52:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissDiscipline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

A pro dom can be an excellent outlet for all the reasons you've described here.  But really, the water's not so bad and there's plenty of opportunity to be had- though it does take some fortitude.


I do agree Myself. But  you will find that there are some who disagree so strongly  they will  threaten you about your BDSM ideals and practices. Just recently... with in days I  was ridiculed, threatened and told I was reported to CM for statements relating to prodomming on My profile. I was ordered  ( WTF) by this psuedo sub - who I am so tempted to say names - but I wont , to change My profile to suit him. In fact this same pussy sent Me an email less than 2 weeks ago . He claims he is owned but spends  all his time critiquing My profile. I am sure He  harrasses all that have mention of any type of prodomme activity.  I am sure I havent heard the last of him. Maybe I should offer to wear his ass out for free- Anyone care to join Me?We can do tag team Domming [:)]. I digress.   A prodomme  may work for a while- but it is nothing like  a sub getting  a peronalized ass beat'n.


i never quite "got" the whole militant mindset against a pro Dom/me.  If a person (sub/slave) is having a difficult time finding someone for a FT/RT relationship, why SHOULDN'T they have their needs satisfied until they do?  It makes no sense to me that they should bank all of their desires until they find the perfect/right/wrong match..*shrug*...

To the OP, i hope you don't catch too much flack from the naysayers...good luck in your search, both for a RT partner and someone to take care of those "itches" until you do *smile*



Jasmyn -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 5:20:14 AM)

aestheticsfirst

It is common enough ... I can only see it getting more common ... I don't think of it as unusual ... 

If no male pro doms available a reputable female pro dom  might be easier to find.

Good luck ... I do professional sessions for all gender bents ... it's about the submission



GhitaAmati -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 6:11:33 AM)

I have never tried the "pro dom" route...but generally had no problem finding play partners at local fetish and bdsm parties...plenty of guys willing to beat on ya just for the night, and your at a public venue with people keeping an eye out for things....works out pretty well...



domiguy -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 6:42:44 AM)

Here are the facts....You are a woman...You are in demand...If you are confident enough to meet people and trust your senses you should be able to find exactly what you are seeking without having to go  the pro route.

It will take some time. Don't be in a huge rush....Just meet someone as if you were going out with someone in a vanilla relationship for the first time....If people ask you for things whether photos or physical actions or too much personal info that you feel are out of line then leave them alone and proceed forward.

Don't waste too much time online or on the phone...If you trust your "GUT" and all the signals are green, meet in a public place...You can gain more by looking directly into someones eyes in a few minutes than by spending weeks on a computer....Be cautious about giving out too much info....Don't talk about your work...or give out info about friends or anything that can lead back to you. I'm not trying to be overly protective or wig you out, but you do have to be prudent.

You are the one that decides when and where it is time to play.....If you are reasonably normal and quite frankly even if you are not...lol (whatever that means) you are going to be deluged with potential Doms....You don't have to respond to everyone...Be choosy...Stay away from the online bullshit just try and find someone who gets you makes you comfortable and provides the structure and excitement that you seek.

You live in NY NY....God, you are going to be buried in Doms...poor thing.



Cyntilating -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 7:58:13 AM)

 domiguy...a wealth of wisdom in that post  : ) thanks
 
and...I have a question for everyone on this thread..>

can you explain the difference between "bottoming for a Top" vs  going the "pro Dom/Domme" route?
or is it the same?
As aestheticsfirst said > for me, the connection and chemistry is important .........and is what I have had in my prior experience. Frankly, Im not certain I would make a very good "bottom" because of the need for the connection etc.. In my situation, where so much in my life is changing and perhaps even my location soon, it seems wrong to put myself out there "looking" ...but as many on here have mentioned > "the itch needs scratching" (its screaming! in fact ..and not a good frame of mind to be working from while searching (if I were ) ..) 
for those who might have answers and experience> what does a ProDom provide and expect? is it different than going to a Top at a public forum?
thanks for your thoughts..
 
ps.  aestheticsfirst> thanks for having the courage to bring this topic up : ) 
 
Cyndi
 
  



robertolapiedra -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 1:09:47 PM)

quote:

"I enjoy forced exhibitionism/humiliation/objectifcation and vaginal torture- but there has to be chemistry for me to be able to submit to someone- which is usually an emotional connection or a kind of respect that comes from being in awe of someone's mind/instinct. This isn't very easy to come by."


Helloaestheticsfirst. Just for clarification, because you used the words "submit to someone". If you meant "bottom to someone" it is one thing. If you think being a masochist equates to being a submissive, there are people who are not submissive and enjoy all the same pleasures.

You can have an "emotional connection or a kind of respect that comes from being in awe of someone's mind/instinct" with any "flavor" people in the community when you are interested in SM play. It does do have to be restricted by D/s orientation, unless this is really what you are after. Just a thought. RL.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 2:30:23 PM)

A pretty girl on CM with a pic posted can't find a Dom?  Call me cynical and suspicious.



aestheticsfirst -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 2:44:22 PM)

no i'm for real believe me Exsteelagain- maybe just impatient.

Thank you to everyone who has responded. its just going to take some time it seems- although sometimes I'm concerned about ever finding a right match.

I guess just to be clear: I am a masochist and a submissive, although thank you for the headsup- that they are in fact different-

thank you especially to Domiguy for the encouragement and SubinMaine & Cindy- pretty much everyone here.

if anyone specifically can tell me where to find a good pro male Dom here in NYC for sure let me know- Its hard for me to wait.

in the mean time I will keep an eye out for more advice and keep trying to meet a good match-

Best to everyone! Wish you were all here in NYC!



Rover -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 2:49:44 PM)

Perhaps you should consider becoming active in one of the numerous NYC (and surrounding area) groups.  Maybe visit Paddles on occasion and get to know some folks.  You're in one of the BDSM hotbeds, it shouldn't be too difficult meeting some folks you know, like and trust.  Heck, I live in Pittsburgh and have met plenty of folks in NYC.
 
John



heavenleigh -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 2:54:20 PM)

I don't think a pro-Dom is going to give you the experience you are looking for, you aren't going to have that emotional connection with someone in a situation like that. 

There is a very active lifestyle in NYC.  Not one I've been able to get involved with, unfortunately, because of family obligations, travel/distance, etc.  But rather than go the pro route, you might want to consider attending a munch, a social event, a class/lecture, and start meeting r/l people in the lifestyle. 

I know there is a munch group that meets in the city, has dinner, hangs out, then travels in a group to Paddles.  I know there are many other events in NYC, and I know some places where you can meet others and get info on these events.  If you are interested, PM me and I will send you some links and stuff.

If you drive/can travel (I know many in NYC don't drive), there is a really cool group having a munch tomorrow night in NJ, in the area of the Brunswicks. 



MaamJay -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/17/2007 11:07:56 PM)

Generally there aren't very many male pro Doms as few women are willing to pay for what they can usually get for free! Also women tend to look more for the emotional connection which isn't as likely to be there in a paying situation, at least not for the first few times. Sub males are more inclined to pay and are generally more focused on the physical experience of bottoming so that's why there are lots more pro Dommes. Yes I know these are generalisations so please don't everyone jump on Me for that.

So as you live in an area where there are local groups, probably best to start there. Take LadyHeart's advice and get to know an established couple first, they can look out for you while you are looking for partners. Good luck!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



aBondageTop -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/18/2007 12:24:39 AM)

I always expect that attractive female subs get so much interest that the problem is filtration.  Sure, you have to weed out the idiots but is it really that hard?  Someone enlighten me?



CreativeDominant -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/18/2007 12:08:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aBondageTop

I always expect that attractive female subs get so much interest that the problem is filtration.  Sure, you have to weed out the idiots but is it really that hard?  Someone enlighten me?


~grins in a smart-ass fashion and turns lamp on over BondageTop's chair~
[:D]

Seriously though, aesthetics...it will take some time, especially if you want the emotional connection.  Of course, how long it takes depends somewhat on how much of an emotional connection you want and the levels at which you can establish one and the speed it takes to establish that level.  For some submissives, there has to be that emotional connection that indicates a relationship is building; for some, that emotional connection can be built and they are in fact, within a relationship with the dominant but not necessarily a romantic one...and on and on.  The variations on that theme have been discussed many times. 

Be patient.  Establish correspondence and note the tone of the correspondence.  Note whether the dominant probes for anything other than how wet you get from a spanking/flogging/whatever.  Look for those indefinable factors within his words, his actions that touch those indefinable spots within your mind and spirit and sexual core.



onestandingstill -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/18/2007 12:26:42 PM)

I too wish there were Pro Dom's that have references you could call and pay to beat your ass ect....
Sometimes t seem like it would be a lot easier than having to establish all the interpersonal crap that gets involved when your meeting people and not professionally meeting up with them.
I think it would be a lot safer as I imagine they'd usually have pretty decent experience.
You can also have just specific things done as you're not really submitting as much as paying for a service so you can ask for specific things instead of hoping he'll accept your suggestion.
What I've done was just wait about 6 months to play and just ached and yearned for it before I found R the Dom I'm dating now came into my life.
It was very frustrating to carry myself around in my life so filled with needs.
Since I've met my potential Master R he's made me find perfect contentment now & is even helping one of my girlfriends get her fix.
He's spanking her when she just needs to be spanked so that her needs are not getting in her way as she's finding a Dom to date seriously.
Maybe one of your sub friends could lend you her Sir by asking him to help you out for free or a fee.
I think being Pro is more of something you find out about word of mouth as it's considered prostitution,it's illegal, and  it's not advertised that openly.
suzanne




aestheticsfirst -> RE: question re: finding a good male Dom/ or pro male Dom (7/18/2007 2:38:03 PM)

It is great to see everyone's responses- I am learning a lot-

The suggestions re: get involved in the local BDSM community here in NYC are encouraging, but I haven't had much luck at TES meetings- it is too much of a grab bag of diffferent folks- some sane, some really not (no offense to anyone- and not that I'm that "normal" for whatever that's worth.) Anyway, after years of making attempts to come out of the BDSM closet, I am somewhat scared off by public BDSM groups. I do keep an eye out for special interest meetings that relate to my preferences- but this hasn't really worked for me. Also, I am not that interested in public play-

That's how the Pro Dom route came to mind-



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