empathy's role in D/s

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empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 9:59:35 AM

aparootsa

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I'm not sure this is really applicable to switches any more than subs, but here goes anyway. When you play with switches, do you find them to be more sensitive to what you're feeling than pure doms? I was thinking that, having been on the receiving end of punishment and domination, switches may be more empathic, but I've not played with enough people of each to be able to say. On a similar vein, when you're in a dominant role, how much does empathy play into your experience of the scene? When I am, empathy is one of the prime motiaions and stimulations that I experience - every move I make is based on a blend of what I would feel in the sub's position and what I know of that sub's likes and desires. I'm not sure if this is a common trait of switches, and I'm just interested in y'all's thoughts on it.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 10:05:06 AM

SexyRed

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While I am not a switch, I think empathy plays a role in all of our life experience, be it D/s or vanilla. It is also a quality sorely lacking in so many people, whether it is in business or personal.

More empathy in our world would be so wonderful.....

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 1:02:22 PM

Phin

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I cannot speak for Doms/Dommes in general, but there is one Dom that I have in mind that is every bit as empathic as any switch I have met, including myself

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 2:09:29 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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As someone who is extremely unempathic, it's really not a part of much of what I do no matter what it is.

I just wish the empathic people (the supposedly "sensitive understanding" ones) would stop coming down hard on the NON empathic people. One of the world's great ironies.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 4:41:51 PM

aparootsa

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LA ~ I definitely wasn't meaning to impugn the domming of non-empaths; I was just wondering if the presence or absence of empathy makes a marked difference in the experience for the sub. There are all kinds of aspects of D/s that it could affect, and many of the arguments for or against empathic involvement are the same here as for clinical settings. In the end I don't know that there's an objective better or worse way to go about it, but subjectively it could be a maker or breaker for some people, and I'm curious to hear different experiences having to do specifically with empathy.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/22/2007 5:05:20 PM

ToysAndTies

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I would say that there is an important role for empathy in D/s. Personally, I don't perform any action on the Top end unless I've already bottomed to the same to gain that perspective. Part of the reason I do this is to better understand the whole mindfuck of it all in some situations, and the other part to understand the physical sensations and safety concerns necessary for ssc play. In D/s, as in any human interaction, empathy is crucial because it allows people of different inclinations to remember one very important fact: we're people playing with people, even if we occasionally like to think of them as pets, whipping posts, or children.

Cheers

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/27/2007 11:25:52 AM

Rockwell

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
As someone who is extremely unempathic, it's really not a part of much of what I do no matter what it is.

That sounds cold. Then I thought about where I stand. We don't know how others feel. Not exactly. It is perception. Subjective.

Like I've topped and done something that I could easily handle.
Next thing I knew : my friend was in tears.

I did have sympathy. (A touch of contempt). But, empathy? I guess not.

Is this what you are getting at, please?
Z.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/27/2007 11:44:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well, sympathy and empathy are indeed very different things.

But, from what I know of what people mean when they use the term empathy, I really suck at it, have very little of it, and it has caused some problems for me in the past.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 7/29/2007 2:25:51 PM

Urcreatrix

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Empathy is a major part of my nature, so it definitly affects my scenes. That said, as a Top I have to make sure I am not assuming that whatever would like as a sub would make any sub happy. I have been adding to my skill set in part because a sub I have become smitten with is more hardcore than I am, and I want to provide him with a good time as well as getting mine. I am as far from a pain slut as possible, but have been learning new tricks to help him reach a subspace I could get through other means.

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RE: empathy's role in D/s - 8/6/2007 10:02:24 PM

phoenixinchains

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perhaps i have no room to talk, but as i read the thread i hear an amused voice in my head chanting, "All things in moderation,"
oh dear, the voice are back... phoenix

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