From: Central Texas / Hill Country
I had not peeked in here in a couple of days - been kinda busy! But tonight here I sit ... lol. Christina (the girl) wanted to take the trian - a 29 hour trip. Well thanks to break downs, freight train breakdowns on the same track, a medical emergency that intailed EMS getting on the train and who knows all what ... Argent sits at the train station in Austin and chugs Taco Cabanna coffee and she talks to him on her cell every few minutes. I spent the last week going round and round in my head and heart and stomach - is this right, is it too fast is it too (fill in the blank).
I do want to think everyone for their input, I ahve found in most walks of life - for me at any rate - all sorts of different ideas help me sort our my own feelings. Thank you for the sincere good wishes and the confirmation that some scared butterflies are OK (man do I have them right now and I have been crying off and on at nothing all day!). I know that good communications take time, and I have no false ideas that this is going to be peaches and cream 24 7. I do hope that the communication skills that have helped keep Argent and me together for 27 years will help us now as well with her.
We have a pre-set weekly "free-time" where we will all sit together, probably holding hands or touching in some way because that is something that gives both Argent and me comfort if we ahve to talk about something difficult. Free time for us means anything at all can be said - respectfully - with no repercussions. That has always helped Argent and me when one of us was upset (mostly me). We have already had free time with christina both when she visited us and on the phone since then, so it is sort of already in place. Any of us may also sk for free time at any time we need to, so important things don't have to fester for a week. Mostly free time is for all 3 of us, but any 2 can ask for it alone also. We have in fact, already had an instance of me saying something over the phone that upset her because she "heard" something different that what I said. She asked Argent if she could tell him about it about an hour later in chat and he understood exactly what had happened and once he "interpreted" what I said for her she was OK and later she told me it had happened, so - it seems as if we are off to an OK start on the communication thing.
She and I will be home all day together, so we will have pleanty of together time and I know 24 7 is WAY different that a few hours a day on the phone, but so far we do seem to be getting along very good. She and Argent will have some private time every evening at bed time, and for now she will sleep in her own room, so he and I will always have bed time together. I hope/think things may evolve from that. He and I just love talking to each other - he is an incredibly smart, intelligent and interesting person and he has a very cool job that I enjoy hearing him talk about.
MaamJay - wow, good luck to you as well. it sounds like you are on a good start as well - dogs are pretty good judges of character imho!
it's always nice to hear TammyJo, and how y'all do things, it seems like you have a good formula for y'all and it does help to know what works for others. Likewise Gypsygrl - that you are the 3rd and have a good home/family is nice to know, we have seen a lot that didn't work for very long and we just already like christina so much and we want to be good for her, so it's nice to hear from a girl who is happy. i hope our situation will evolve like you say yours has, so it doen't feel imposed or no one feels pressure to things one exact way. Just because we are "the domly ones" doesn't mean we can't learn something differnt along the way.
SayaNereida ~ what a beautiful name! I do understand what you mean, and probably you came very close to saying what I worry about. If 2 are in 1 room talking and 1 is in a different room, they are in fact "left out". I know that I may be the one to feel it a lot at first because I have never been "left out" before. I know it has to happen and I know it is important and frankly I like it when Argent has friends up here and they go do work stuff or whatever (and yes some are females sometimes, and I like that he has female and lesbian/butch friends as well as guy friends). I just go one wiht my cooking or ironing or gardening or movie or whatever I want to be sure and just always let her know we are 'talking about her' or delibertly doign somethign to make her feel unwanted, which has been a problem in the past for her.
Stephann - than you for the candor. I do think we have gone fast and at times i have worried about it. We did everything "wrong" - she came to visit w no safe call and stayed at our house in the middle of nowhere without meeting us first. Her father knows all about her and us and he did have all our information, but never called to check on her. We played the 2nd night she was here. We did make her go home even though she didn't want to! However ... lol, Argent and I met casually in a groupand did not date or anything and 3 months later I invited him to my house for supper ... he went home 4 days later and in 3 more months of mostly staying with me he moved in ... 28 years ago! Sometimes it does work. I also think/hope our age and maturity and just what we have lived through together has given us some good coping skills and yes, we have slowly developed the communications. I don't expect miracles and anything worthwhile is worth working hard to keep. I don't think we are unprepared for the rough spots. But I do appreciate everyone's pointers of what works and what to watch out for.
I know this got long - thanks for reading and for all the good wishes, pointers, ideas, and honesty.
He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."
... and i did.
~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~