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RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/25/2007 6:10:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

Will Crimson and SirSix appear again soon as well to talk about how knowledgeable and wise they are and how stable and fabulous their lives are as they slip collars off and on every 6 months or so?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterNdorei)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/25/2007 10:17:57 PM   
Argentopal


Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline 		Good Evening/Morning,

I had not peeked in here in a couple of days - been kinda busy!  But tonight here I sit ... lol.  Christina (the girl) wanted to take the trian - a 29 hour trip.  Well thanks to break downs, freight train breakdowns on the same track, a medical emergency that intailed EMS getting on the train and who knows all what ... Argent sits at the train station in Austin and chugs Taco Cabanna coffee and she talks to him on her cell every few minutes.  I spent the last week going round and round in my head and heart and stomach - is this right, is it too fast is it too (fill in the blank).

I do want to think everyone for their input, I ahve found in most walks of life - for me at any rate - all sorts of different ideas help me sort our my own feelings.  Thank you for the sincere good wishes and the confirmation that some scared butterflies are OK (man do I have them right now and I have been crying off and on at nothing all day!).  I know that good communications take time, and I have no false ideas that this is going to be peaches and cream 24 7.  I do hope that the communication skills that have helped keep Argent and me together for 27 years will help us now as well with her.

We have a pre-set weekly "free-time" where we will all sit together, probably holding hands or touching in some way because that is something that gives both Argent and me comfort if we ahve to talk about something difficult.  Free time for us means anything at all can be said - respectfully - with no repercussions.  That has always helped Argent and me when one of us was upset (mostly me).  We have already had free time with christina both when she visited us and on the phone since then, so it is sort of already in place.  Any of us may also sk for free time at any time we need to, so important things don't have to fester for a week.  Mostly free time is for all 3 of us, but any 2 can ask for it alone also.  We have in fact, already had an instance of me saying something over the phone that upset her because she "heard" something different that what I said.  She asked Argent if she could tell him about it about an hour later in chat and he understood exactly what had happened and once he "interpreted" what I said for her she was OK and later she told me it had happened, so - it seems as if we are off to an OK start on the communication thing.

She and I will be home all day together, so we will have pleanty of together time and I know 24 7 is WAY different that a few hours a day on the phone, but so far we do seem to be getting along very good.  She and Argent will have some private time every evening at bed time, and for now she will sleep in her own room, so he and I will always have bed time together.  I hope/think things may evolve from that.  He and I just love talking to each other - he is an incredibly smart, intelligent and interesting person and he has a very cool job that I enjoy hearing him talk about.

MaamJay - wow, good luck to you as well.  it sounds like you are on a good start as well - dogs are pretty good judges of character imho!

it's always nice to hear TammyJo, and how y'all do things, it seems like you have a good formula for y'all and it does help to know what works for others.  Likewise Gypsygrl - that you are the 3rd and have a good home/family is nice to know, we have seen a lot that didn't work for very long and we just already like christina so much and we want to be good for her, so it's nice to hear from a girl who is happy.  i hope our situation will evolve like you say yours has, so it doen't feel imposed or no one feels pressure to things one exact way.  Just because we are "the domly ones" doesn't mean we can't learn something differnt along the way.

SayaNereida ~ what a beautiful name!  I do understand what you mean, and probably you came very close to saying what I worry about.  If 2 are in 1 room talking and 1 is in a different room, they are in fact "left out".  I know that I may be the one to feel it a lot at first because I have never been "left out" before.  I know it has to happen and I know it is important and frankly I like it when Argent has friends up here and they go do work stuff or whatever (and yes some are females sometimes, and I like that he has female and lesbian/butch friends as well as guy friends).  I just go one wiht my cooking or ironing or gardening or movie or whatever  I want to be sure and just always let her know we are 'talking about her' or delibertly doign somethign to make her feel unwanted, which has been a problem in the past for her.

Stephann - than you for the candor.  I do think we have gone fast and at times i have worried about it.  We did everything "wrong" - she came to visit w no safe call and stayed at our house in the middle of nowhere without meeting us first.  Her father knows all about her and us and he did have all our information, but never called to check on her. We played the 2nd night she was here.  We did make her go home even though she didn't want to!  However ... lol, Argent and I met casually in a groupand did not date or anything and 3 months later I invited him to my house for supper ... he went home 4 days later and in 3 more months of mostly staying with me he moved in ... 28 years ago!  Sometimes it does work.  I also think/hope our age and maturity and just what we have lived through together has given us some good coping skills and yes, we have slowly developed the communications.  I don't expect miracles and anything worthwhile is worth working hard to keep.  I don't think we are unprepared for the rough spots.  But I do appreciate everyone's pointers of what works and what to watch out for.

I know this got long - thanks for reading and for all the good wishes, pointers, ideas, and honesty.

MsOpal


_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

... and i did.


~Surrender without Fear~
~Power without Guilt~
~Love without Doubt~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/25/2007 10:36:29 PM   
Belladonna82


Posts: 171
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		LA, For one I dont slip on and off collars and for second I have no clue if Crimzon or Sir Six will pop on...I have not talked to Crimzon in a yr and Six Six in 4 months. I see you have yet to stop acting like a know it all. Each poly home is diffrent, you should have learned that by now,But usually a slave has no part in a Master's affairs or thoughts unless invited into those affairs or thoughts. A slave is property, how often do you ask one house if you can buy anouther house????

_____________________________

Blessed be!

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/26/2007 4:06:10 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82
A slave is property, how often do you ask one house if you can buy anouther house????


Except that a slave is not an inanimate object.  They are a living, breathing, cognitive and emotional being.  Like a dog owner who decides to bring in a new pet, it would be irresponsible of the owner to bring in another without considering the ramifications and impact of adding another living, breathing being to the house. 

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/26/2007 4:26:01 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Currently we do not live together, so our experience in this is rather limited.  However, this thread did spark a nice conversation between he and I.

The idea of needing and arranging private time on a regular basis is somewhat contrary to his idea of our family.  The three of us are the core of the relationship and there are no secrets from each other.  From the beginning they both sought to include me in everything and it is only my interest or lack thereof that has limited my knowledge in certain areas, i.e. I am not all that interested in the details of his financial situation at this time so my knowledge is limited, but the door is open should I want to know more.

Private time when we are together has happened rather naturally.  Alandra needs to go to the store or run errands for the kids, he and I get a little private time.  He and I like to sleep in and cuddle in the morning and Alandra is an early riser, so we get a little private time.  I have to go to work, so he and Alandra get a little private time.  We try to take advantage of the times that life presents us.

In the beginning of our relationship he said that if either Alandra or I wanted/needed private time with him we were to let the other know before asking him.  Something as simple as, I am struggling with something today and I am going to ask him for a little time to talk about it this evening.  In the last 2 plus years we have not had to do this because the discussions needed have taken place during the times when privacy just naturally happened.

I would recommend that you be aware of the circumstance when life will just naturally arrange a little private time for you.

Thank you for sparking a discussion in our family.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/26/2007 4:28:08 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		I guess ours is a rather confusing house to some..
*Griffin is Master of the house
*myself is under a service contract to Him, and His slave in relationship.
*lorrie is a kinky roommate with benefits, (a submissive who is learning and growing in her interests in the lifestle) and member of the household but under no contract or rules.

In addition to being His slave, Sir and i are partners, both of us 'own' the house and car and stuff. So we bounce easily from talking about business things to house thing. While i voice my opinion He has final say of course. lorrie kind of followed us home one night and never left.. LOL.. we love her here.. she is fitting right in.. both she and i are sercure enough to not worry about the other getting private time with Sir, for what ever reason.. We know each will have different needs and desires for talking,, and more.. I guess since Sir meets our needs, emotional, mental, and sexual, we don't mind when something does not include us.

We have no problem saying to lorrie we are talking about the house or budget or whatever and need some time alone and she just works with it..

Don't get me wrong,, we have been working out little issues here and there.. but the need for private time talking is just asked for outright.  and i, as slave, have many time been told to go away for a while.. or to give Sir some privacy for a talk or whatever.. as a partner i know my opinion will be taken into consideration.. as a slave i can back off and give Him what He needs at that time..privacy..

So guess this is a long way of saying.. establish it up front that there will be time someone will be asked to leave a conversation and it is nothing more then just that.. take it for what it is and do not read more into it.

good luck.

~ann
Griffin's girl

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 7/26/2007 11:29:01 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Belladonna82
how often do you ask one house if you can buy anouther house????


If the house can Talk.. I would ask it every single time!!!

Hell.. If a house could Talk..  You would have to know that it is One special House.. particularly since you don't hear of houses being able to talk.  SO... If a Dominant didn't enter into a discussion with a Talking House, when he had the opportunity... well I would have to question the wisdom and intelligence of such Dominant. 

Wise and Intelligent decisions have the best chance of occuring when one has as much of the pertinent information as possible.   But, foolish ego's have been known to cut thier nose's off despite their face and more than a few fools have been known to follow such individuals.  It's called a Train Wreck.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Belladonna82)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 8/1/2007 7:20:41 PM   
mercifulsiren


Posts: 339
Joined: 7/17/2007
Status: offline 		I have found out that to keep fights and disagreements from breaking out everybody needs to talk.  We also must keep in mind that if trust it to be built everybody must be able to talk in a way that is comfortable for them.  There are times, depending on the topic, my girlfriend and I will talk privately.  Then there are times were my man and I will talk alone.  Here is the key everybody needs to talk together, and be able to make there needs known.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 8/2/2007 9:27:17 AM   
gemy


Posts: 107
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline 		i want to thank everyone for posting in this thread!  it has been a tremendous help to me  ~~

opal, i have met a Ccouple here on collarme.  the slavegirl and i hit it off so quickly it was a lil scarey for both of us, but our affection and friendship just continues to grow.  and her Master is just awesome!  i respect Him, admire Him, and have become quite fond of Him.  i am heading from maryland to california for a 2 week visit this month.  some may think it has moved too quickly, but just as you, Wwe all feel it is just so right ~~

Wwe have already talked about time alone, trips alone, communication, and other stuff that's been brought up here in this thread.  i'm just tickled you knew to ask the question, as sometimes i'm not even sure what questions i have yet 

thanks again, and i wish you the very best!!!!
gemmie

(in reply to Argentopal)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 8/5/2007 9:32:05 AM   
MsOpal


Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		I wanted to post a sort of "update" to this thread.

First of all I do so appreciate all the good advice and comments and the good wishes!
gemmie - cool!  Best to you in this wonderful adventure - it is so scarey and so amazing at the same time!

11 days today.  Not all perfect, but all good.  Yes we have already had our 1st little road bump.  Solving it involved private talking between Argent and me and then Argent and her and then all 3.  We are all learning.  So far it has not really been a problem to talk and she does understand there are times he and I might want to talk about our children (grown), grnadkids, finances, or other stuff and she is fine and understands we are not leaving her out.  Argent has spent private time talking with her about her finances and other things and - so far - I am fine and don't really care when they are alone (give me a book or the remote!).

I wanted to say something I think is sort of funny - LA posted about the after dinner cuddle time and how left out she felt ... well, Argent gets home from work and christina take shim a beer and takes off his boots.  I am cooking dinner usually.  She kneels down and they talk and then he pats the couch and she sits next to him.  Next thing I know he is all over her, necking, making out, hugging and kissing while I slave over the hot stove getting dinner ... (that was typed with a smile and my tongue fully in my cheek!)  I thought about LA's warning that the new girl not feel left out because she had to wash the dishes after dinner.  I usually look over after a few minutes and say something like "get a room"  or " OK you look like 2 teenagers on the couch"  or I get this really sad -pouty lok on my face and with a strained, martyred voce say ... "it's OK, I'm just over here all alone slaving over the hot stove making your dinner, you go ahead and make out"  and I get a replay like "well cook dinner and leave us alone!"  I am NOT complaining, I love seeing it and I just thought it was funny in lght of LA's remarks!

thanks again,
Opal


_____________________________

He held out His hand and said "Step into the abyss with me."

and I did.

(in reply to gemy)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When 2 of the 3 just need private time to talk??? - 8/5/2007 9:45:51 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LOL I think obviously that frozen dinners or crock pots are definitely the way to go now ;)

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 8/5/2007 9:46:35 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MsOpal)
Profile   Post #: 31
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