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Would you consider a sub as "dating" material? - 6/16/2004 5:18:26 PM

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I read a confusing post. This was my take on it. I could be wrong on his intention. However the question is valid.

Would you consider a sub as "dating" material?

If you have a subby hubby was he your hubby before he was your subby. Do subs stand a chance in Hell of wooing you?

Anyone can answer, but if you can't tell, the question is kinda for Dominas. (Whether a Dom would marry me is irrelevant.

)

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 6/20/2004 4:54:06 PM >

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/16/2004 6:54:25 PM

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I would go out on a date with a submissive
either male or female if either asked Me out
on one no strings attached. However LOL
I have never EVER
been asked by either out on a date. In fact I
have never been asked out on a Vanilla date
ever with no strings attached. I am just not
the kind of Gal that either Men nor Woman
who are submissive feel comfortable
approaching. In My 8 years of single life now
I have been asked out on two dates and
both were by a Dominant Lifestyle Male Friend.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/16/2004 7:24:50 PM

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Hello,

Interesting question. I have tried the exchange checklist, have coffee, meet and beat, have sex approach to acquiring a submissive and found it wanting for me.

I need more than just her sexual proclivities and bdsm desires, I am seeking a ltr submissive, and during those periods where we are not having sex, engaged in BDSM activities, I want a partner that I can have a real conversation and relationship with.

So at the moment, I am approaching BDSM from the standpoint OF dating them in a vanilla sense first, and saving the "get weird" stuff for later on down the trail.

As usual, just me, could be wrong, but that is the approach I am taking.

Sinergy

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David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/16/2004 7:31:45 PM

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Like Dread, I would consider dating a submissive male, depending of course on the submissive male. However, also like Dread, I have never actually been asked on a date by a submissive male.
When I am asked out it is either by "vanilla" males, or friends (which includes Dominant males) and it is platonic in nature.
A submissive male would certainly stand a chance of "wooing" me.

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Lady Beckett

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"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/16/2004 9:17:09 PM

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From: southeast Mississippi
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As a mere sub, my opinion is probably worthless, however, i can never keep my mouth shut. I've always resented authority... passive/aggressive.. and all that. I married someone who has quite a few sub tendencies of his own. I have dominated him to some extent when I wish he would yank me over the arm of the sofa and paddle my ass and then order me to bed. (But that ain't gonna happen, no matter how many times I attempt to explain it to him.) On the way to Georgia last weekend, I punched him in the thigh over something he had forgotten to do (not hard). He fairly screamed, "I don't like it when you hit me!" I laughed, but I don't think he understood the irony of his statement. What I'm trying to say in this ramble is that if two subs make a poor match, then maybe two Dominates would too. Maybe what makes a good match would be one Dominate and one sub... similar to the birth order theory of marriage, which is that oldest in a family should marry youngest of another family. The oldest is used to taking charge and taking care of younger siblings and the youngest is used to being taken care of. At least that part is present in my marriage.

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dixiedumpling

My mind is no place to play alone. Anna Pigeon as written by Nevada Barr

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/16/2004 11:05:59 PM

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From: Sacramento California USA
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Yes I would enjoy and have enjoyed dating subs. For a long term relationship, live in or just play, the vanilla stuff needs to be there. And yes a sub would have a chance to woo me over time. YMMV.
Ana :)
PS: I know of Dominant couples who have very happy marriages and each has their own sub.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/17/2004 6:35:59 AM

rain

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i realize this question was intended for Dommes, but wanted to reply anyways.

i'm a sub and i'm currently dating a man who is primarily a sub, but for some reason i bring out his dominant side... it's fun b/c there's the opportunity for reversing the power exchange- sometimes within minutes...we do, however, play with other Dom/mes in order to get our "fix" as it were.

cheers,

~rain~

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(in reply to MystressAna)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/17/2004 8:08:16 AM

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At first blush your question seems quite straight forward requiring a yes/no response. But as I reread it and the other posts I find that my response requires a qualifier. WOULD I? Yes, if the sub/slave male had simular interests (smile, I mean vanilla ones here). And as long as he did not expect a strictly vanilla date, I still insist on being in control of the situation, if he attempt the tradition "man leads woman follows" the date would end abruptly. As to dating a Dom, no thank you, if I want to engage in a constant power struggle I would become a politician. But as friends I enjoy conversing with Dom/mes and have many wonderful dominant friends. Am I so rigid that it has to be my way or the hiway? Yes, laughing, when it comes to what I want in my house and in the things I do. Males may suggest, ask, or beg, but they cannot tell me what to do, buy, or eat. I am never totally "off", I enjoy the lead and the control, vanilla or D/s. Tess

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(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/17/2004 4:03:38 PM

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Of course I would date a male sub, but there are many qualifiers and each instance needs to be examined on its merits.

If it is just a man in my vanilla world who asks me out, all I consider is whether or not I would enjoy spending a few hours talking to him, is he interesting, is he fun, would my time be well spent with him.

If a sub from my D/s world asks me out, I would wonder why he would want to spend vanilla time with a woman who Dominates him. A solution is to engage an examination of his intentions. Many times I've gone out to dinner with subs -- hey, we all have to eat -- and had a exciting fun filled time. But then, I permitted him to remain his vanilla self, not my houseboy.

Subs are people, dommes are people, we are all people, acceptance is a powerful three syllable word.

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/17/2004 10:23:52 PM

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I have dated subs, aside from my profession. Because of what I do and who I am, I dont think I could be more compatible with anyone else as far as my personal life goes.

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(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/18/2004 1:58:58 AM

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dixie,

Your opiion is only worthless when dealing with idiots.

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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to dixiedumpling)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/18/2004 8:26:50 AM

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iwill,

It would cost you a LOT of money to date me. (g)

For some reason this theme is big in the boards the past couple days. I would date any woman regardless of her BDSM proclivities (Dom, sub, Masochist, Sadist, Switch, or plain Vanilla) if I thought she was intelligent and friendly. I've known dominant women who felt very submissive around me... and it seems common for submissive women to feel less then submissive in my company At any rate, you never know how the dynamics pan out until you ask. Besides, lunch always tastes better when you have good company. I cannot imagine why a Dominant woman would take a different approach to this matter - perhaps one could clue me in?

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/19/2004 7:18:18 PM

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From: Sacramento Ca
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I not only would, I EXPECT that there will be vanilla interaction. You have to come out of the chains and restraints sometime. I am lifestyle, Dominance is my essence, not somthing I play at ocassionally.

I want a person I can go out to dinner, go to a movie, go hiking, travel and see the world with. Yes a sub/slave can woo me.

I introduced a Domme friend of mine to a sub I worked with we were good friends but that special click wasn't there. She saw him, dated him, collared him and then married him. not a bad thing to do.

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/20/2004 12:16:19 PM

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I would say that the answer to this is yes for me! I am not looking for an insecure, whimpy doormat of a male submissive/bottom.. I seek someone who is as strong willed as I am, confident, humorous. I also expect that with the right man.. our chemistry and energies will inspire him to want to submit/bottom. If the right man can sweep me off my feet, I will be devoted to him.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/20/2004 1:35:36 PM

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From: Brentwood, TN
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I fully agree with Lady Sirona...this is a lifestyle for most of us. I couldnt imagine being with a man...on any level, who wasnt of a submissive nature. I am bisexual but am only attracted other Dominant women, I dont submit to them..we are just equal. A submissive male could definately woo me! He just needs an imagination.

(in reply to Destiny59)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/20/2004 4:55:05 PM

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quote:

iwill,

It would cost you a LOT of money to date me. (g)

- Voltare

That was a joke, right? It is in response to my joke, right? If not, um, you know I'm a heterosexual male, right?

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

(in reply to Voltare)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/23/2004 9:02:10 AM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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Yes, that's how I feel about it too. I'm looking for a person first and a sub/ switch later. Most likely a sub since I've never had things work out well with Doms. It is nice to look here and already know that information but I still want to know who they are before I want to know what kink they are into.

Anyway, I'd prefer someone I could chat with, go out for coffee, bring home for a family BBQ, whatever. I don't plan to do this as a lifestyle, 24/7. There is too much of life to live to stick yourself (myself at least) in a rut.

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Sinergy)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/23/2004 1:55:03 PM

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From: Philadelphia, PA
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In short, my answer is yes.

My former fiancee was also my collared, marked property.

I have a tough time finding a suitable alpha slave, as I seek out a type A, aggressive personality that is compelled to serve me. Whether I find him out there or not is a whole 'nother subject!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/23/2004 5:13:07 PM

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Yes, I would date a sub man or woman. My slave Phil was a date and now after living with each other for over a year I still find him exciting and a joy to be with. We do live each day as if it's our last and enjoy each other. We know how to talk to each other and make sure we are on the same page on this thing we call life. He respects me and I respect him, yes I respect him as a strong submissive male and his wiliness to give all that he can. He comes from a place of love and joy. As a strong dominant woman I need a strong sub that can stand on his own. When I first started dating him I did not realized how sure of himself he was. He is a slave to me but me only.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: Would you consider a sub as "dating" mate... - 6/23/2004 10:42:10 PM

Laura

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Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
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I was thinking more about this while I was at work today, I can't remember all of my thoughts now. But, I decided that it would actually be a turn on to know a man was a sub. It would add a lot of fun to the whole dating thing. Usually a date is kind of figuring out who is in charge anyway. With a sub you already know who's in charge and (as you choose or feel comfortable with him) you can take advantage of that. Put him to good use. ;)

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Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to Missangelmist)

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