Sideline question/sharing and communication (Full Version)

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TemptingNviceSub -> Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 7:29:29 PM)

After reading the thread on sharing and communication, something came to mind. Say you request a moment to discuss something that you feel is best for the Dominant to be apprised of...and then you wait.....and wait....and wait...Do you assume the Dominant has forgotten and request again?.and if so would this be considered nagging? or simply checking to see if forgetfulness has happened? or do you wait..... and wait..... and wait ....and when no time is made to discuss what that issue is, that has been of concern ,do you then assume that the Dominant has decided to not listen to what it is you have to say?..You see in my mind I would have to think that he has simply forgotten the request (he.she is human) and ask again..but maybe he/she did hear just decided to ignore..hence you are accused of nagging..To me this wait and see thing can sometimes go awry, due to simple human failing..and thus resentment crops up..to me rock and hard place..so how do you know???..Tempting



Mirysien -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 7:48:41 PM)

I would prefer that my sub ask me how to handle that situation.  It may be that it slipped my mind or not.  I hate nagging behavior, as much as I hate forgetting something important -- such as a request for my time/ear.

Those things do happen, and I am in the habit of asking the sub if they have any questions/concerns/etc. that need to be addressed.

(p.s. .. love your second blooming signature line :))



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 8:53:01 PM)

Thank You..I found the quote rather appropos at this portion of my life..And thank you for your answer to the question..very common sense..Tempting



Masternslave07 -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 8:56:56 PM)

I think asking twice would be fine. Unless he's a jerk or has Alzheimers' he should deal with it by then.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 9:23:55 PM)

Are we talking online or offline?  Are we talking during the busy time of the year or on vacation?  Lots of contextual differences to take into account.  But, generally, speaking up again and saying "Is it ok if I ask about this again?" seems fine to me.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 9:39:20 PM)

I usually ask again and then if he doesn't want to talk about whatever it is right now he will say so. Most of the time he is busy and gets sidetracked and I will ask again.



came4U -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 9:47:55 PM)

put it in writing, and plaster it on a post-it-note on his briefcase/computer.

or a journal., if he isn't reading your journal, pft. his loss.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 10:04:15 PM)

it would only become nagging if after saying "I don't want to talk about it anymore", something I rarely ever say.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/30/2007 10:32:46 PM)

He forgets things sometimes, juggling what he does.  I'll likely say something like, "Master, I don't know if you forgot or if you're wanting to post-pone or to not talk about it.  Will we be able to talk about such n such?" 

After that I don't ask again, and I drop it.  Since I journal all my thoughts and feelings daily, he knows what's on my mind and is apprised of everything anyway.  Sometimes I'll ask him questions in those journals/letters.  But we found that I can ramble on and on sometimes (heh), and it can be easy to miss the questions.  So I'll bold and italicize them in those particularly long scripts, so they stand out.  It is understood that I'm doing that simply to help him see them, and not to bonk him over the head with them. 

But yes, I'll follow up after a few days of asking an unanswered question, and then I don't bring it up again.  If it's a request for permission to do something and not answered after a second nudge, I won't do it, and I drop the subject.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/31/2007 8:03:32 AM)

~grins~  I prefer to be asked again.  I am pretty good about paying attention to it the first time as I am not one for leaving things hanging...it bugs me when I know something is out there but I have forgotten what it was.  That is one reason I prefer to deal with it right now or after some thought. 



Celeste43 -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/31/2007 9:05:43 AM)

If he's forgotten something we talked about, I'd remind him in an email with that as the only topic. That way he would be likely to respond to it. But this is something we've come to do to prevent the other one feeling ignored. If he didn't respond to that, I'd call him on it.



CreativeDominant -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/31/2007 11:36:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If he's forgotten something we talked about, I'd remind him in an email with that as the only topic. That way he would be likely to respond to it. But this is something we've come to do to prevent the other one feeling ignored. If he didn't respond to that, I'd call him on it.


That's a good idea...I know I check MY email every day.  I will keep that in mind Celeste...thank you.



sleazybutterfly -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/31/2007 12:00:43 PM)

Master does forget things, it's part of his illness.  I feel as though I am nagging, but he really doesn't remember me asking.  I am sure it differs from dom to dom.  My dom is also very straightforward and prefers I just ask something rather than messing with permission and things like that.



kyraofMists -> RE: Sideline question/sharing and communication (7/31/2007 5:27:27 PM)

Before I even became his slave, he addressed this issue.  When I first met him he worked shift work, 4 days on, 4 days off.  The first two days were day shifts and the second two were night shifts. 

I can't remember now if I asked him about this or if he just gave me this standard...  If I asked him a question or had something I wanted to talk about and he did not answer it or make time for the conversation within 4 days, I could remind him.  It didn't happen often, because on his days off he would catch up on all the things that needed discussing.

About a year ago he was promoted and he is now on call 24/7.  The hardest thing for me was the lack of time to have the discussions that were important to me.  The little free time he had was spent trying to stretch himself and take care of all his responsibilities.  Many things were put on the back burner to handle more immediate needs.  Then many times he would just forget about a topic that he told me to wait on. 

To remedy the problem every night I send him a task list and at the bottom is a Pending Conversation list.  Any topic that I wish to discuss with him goes on this list.  It does not get removed from the list until I have nothing further that I wish to discuss.  It took a couple weeks to get the conversations that had been holding for months discussed, but since then it is rare to have a topic on there for more than a couple days.

This works pretty well for us.  Also I do not have to wait for him to bring up the topic.  I am allowed to ask if he has the time to talk about it at that moment.

Knight's Kyra



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