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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 3:31:09 PM

kyraofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I also had to learn to stop saying "I am sorry" when I didn't do anything wrong.
Knight's Kyra

Oh boy, do I know how that goes?!?! That's a whole other thread there......luci

You are probably right that it is another whole thread... For me it meant "I feel bad" and it was not an apology for wrong doing. However, many take it that way so I have stopped it. I am much more sensitive and emotional than most people realize and I would feel bad often if someone else was in distress.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 3:44:02 PM

Tannie

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I just realized that I have no clue what my stance is on accepting an apology from someone, because I hardly ever offer them myself. I simply try to make amends through actions instead of words, and I guess I have always accepted that from other people. I've never placed much importance in the verbal aspects of an apology... I am going to have to think about this.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 4:00:52 PM

ChainedExistence

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One thing I won't do is demand an apology. If someone offers one, that tends to be more heartfelt than one I've had to ask for. It could be that they just felt bullied into it, or felt it was the only way to save face in a group, or so on. Now, it could be that they don't realize that they did something that hurt my feelings, offended me, or whatever and I may need to tell them why I'm upset. Still, it's up to the offender to offer the apology.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 4:13:56 PM

Nikolette

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What are the important aspects of a sincere apology to you?

What type of behaviors ruin an apology?

For me an sincere apology is simply stated. It does not offer excuses, justifications or back handed insults to others. It is an admission of what I did wrong and apologizing for it. If I continue the same poor behavior then the apology is meaningless.

Knight's Kyra

uh. Ditto. That is exactly how I feel about it. I would add that I like to hear WHY they are sorry. I'm basically fed up with people just dropping the word "sorry" out of their mouth. I hear that a lot and it drives me crazy. When I offer a sincere apology I usually try to say why I'm sorry and I really appreciate that from someone else. This is totally different than an excuse of course. It goes something like: "I'm so sorry that I ______ I see how much it hurt/upset you and did _____ damage." etc etc. I find that few people are wholly connected to why they are sorry, and I think that sort of prohibits it from being sincere since if they aren't profoundly connected to whatever made them really sorry, they are likely to repeat it since the consequences weren't consciously examined closely. Also a lot of people can't grasp that repetition of the thing they are "sorry" for makes it meaningless. That has often frustrated me. My mother always told me when I was little "If you were sorry, you wouldn't keep doing it." and I guess that really stuck with me.

An interesting concept that I read in a religious book was on the concept of sorrow. It was saying that sorrow is a pretty impotent emotion, and that to be repentant means to be sorry enough to do something about it. So I suppose that what I ~really~ look for is the atmosphere of repentance in their behavior.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 8:32:36 PM

DomKen

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For me to accpet an apology it needs to be simple and direct. No weasel words and no body language showing that this is just some attempt to smooth over my ruffled feathers.

When I screw up I own it as soon as I find out and am sure it is my fault. If you expect an apology from me when I don't feel I did anything wrong you'll be in for a long wait. However if I feel I wronged someone I'll do my best to make it right including a sincere, direct spoken or written apology. When I became able to do that when I knew I was wrong was when I knew I was finally grown up.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 8:57:55 PM

Termyn8or

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Here's a novel idea, don't wrong anybody and this will be a non-issue.

The Woman, the Mother of one of the three cousins I described has never apologized in her adult life. Her Husband told me this but as I think about it, she has nothing to apologize for.

Would that not be a good goal ?

T

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 9:07:33 PM

YesMistressIrish

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomKen

For me to accpet an apology it needs to be simple and direct. No weasel words and no body language showing that this is just some attempt to smooth over my ruffled feathers.

When I screw up I own it as soon as I find out and am sure it is my fault. If you expect an apology from me when I don't feel I did anything wrong you'll be in for a long wait. However if I feel I wronged someone I'll do my best to make it right including a sincere, direct spoken or written apology. ...............................

Me too. Thanks for being concise.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 9:32:05 PM

littlesarbonn

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I study language, and one thing I've noticed more and more is that people apologize less these days without using some qualifier or justification, almost as if the thing they're apologizing for wouldn't have been needed if....

It makes it harder and harder to even believe apologies these days, especially because more and more of them tend to come AFTER the person's actions have been discovered and the lack of apology will cause further ramifications.

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 9:40:57 PM

Termyn8or

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In Austria after WW2 my boss's Father's factory was taken. This was common practice, somebody comes up "I remember my Grampa" and they take your shit. That's what happens when you lose the war.

Well he called the person who took his factory the biggest asshole in the world, and then the government ordered him to apologize. He said "You are not the biggest asshole in the world". The guy spoke the truth actually, the judge that ordered him to say that was the biggest asshole in the world.

Case in point, if you make someone apologize it means nothing.

T

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 9:55:11 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or
Here's a novel idea, don't wrong anybody and this will be a non-issue.

No, not a novel idea. Just kind of impossible for most of us "human," fallible types

. I don't set out to "wrong" anyone but, being less than perfect, I sometimes accidentally do. I've never had the privilege of meeting anyone who has never made a mistake or error.

quote:

Would that not be a good goal ?

No, it would be a great and noble one. But I don't think any human will ever attain it..........luci

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/4/2007 10:23:57 PM

Termyn8or

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But if you try...............

T

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RE: Sincere Apologies - 8/5/2007 9:36:46 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

But if you try...............

T

I do try. And, frankly, I have made some progress

. I suppose you're right. If we all did our best to not wrong anyone else, it definitely would be a better world.........luci

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