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RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 1:01:08 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		~fr~
All you can do is try and live your life happily.  Why waste time thinking about the lack of a relationship in your life?  You have other relationships, with coworkers, family, friends, etc.  Find other ways to fill your life.  I'm not sitting around waiting for someone to enter my life so that I will be fulfilled.  There are some things you must do on your own.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 1:25:47 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

... It doesn't happen through a chat room or a message board or a dating or personals site.  It happens when you join writing groups, workshops, taking dancing lessons, cooking classes, book clubs, join a baseball team, get caught up in butterfly collecting; whatever floats your boat. ...
....
Stephan


While it is true that many of these places would provide the OP the exposure he needs to get a date a cooking class wouldn't be my first choice in finding someone who also has interests in BDSM and I'd feel somewhat deceitful for not disclosing my true feelings to begin with.  

I know there are plenty of BDSM related workshops in the SF Bay Area, but maybe the OP doesn't have access to such places for whatever reason.  Perhaps that is why he's become frustrated with message boards as a means for forming this type of relationship. 

But, you're right, since message boards aren't working for him he needs to find another way. 

_____________________________

Vengash
(hsagev backward)

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 9:46:08 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

... It doesn't happen through a chat room or a message board or a dating or personals site.  It happens when you join writing groups, workshops, taking dancing lessons, cooking classes, book clubs, join a baseball team, get caught up in butterfly collecting; whatever floats your boat. ...
....
Stephan


While it is true that many of these places would provide the OP the exposure he needs to get a date a cooking class wouldn't be my first choice in finding someone who also has interests in BDSM and I'd feel somewhat deceitful for not disclosing my true feelings to begin with.  

I know there are plenty of BDSM related workshops in the SF Bay Area, but maybe the OP doesn't have access to such places for whatever reason.  Perhaps that is why he's become frustrated with message boards as a means for forming this type of relationship. 

But, you're right, since message boards aren't working for him he needs to find another way. 


You can find people into BDSM ANYWHERE.

You do not have to go to a BDSM based anything to meet people.  You just have to know how to talk to them and bring up that kind of subject without making them go run screaming.

Then again, even if they do run screaming, it's probably for the better.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 9:49:26 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BIllCT

Ever feel like life is rough and your getting no where?
Seeking a female submissive who wants and needs a Dominant in such a way to fullfill her needs and his at the same time is not easy?
Trying to match personalities, kinks, desires, needs, wants and more is not easy to do.
 
Seeking and not finding seems to be what is happening maybe I am trying too hard or, I am looking in the wrong places here on CM or Elsewhere?
 
Seeking and not finding, can actually make one depressed!



Didn't you just apologize for this sort of thing on the sub/slave forum? 

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to BIllCT)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 9:56:18 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

... It doesn't happen through a chat room or a message board or a dating or personals site.  It happens when you join writing groups, workshops, taking dancing lessons, cooking classes, book clubs, join a baseball team, get caught up in butterfly collecting; whatever floats your boat. ...
....
Stephan


While it is true that many of these places would provide the OP the exposure he needs to get a date a cooking class wouldn't be my first choice in finding someone who also has interests in BDSM and I'd feel somewhat deceitful for not disclosing my true feelings to begin with.  

I know there are plenty of BDSM related workshops in the SF Bay Area, but maybe the OP doesn't have access to such places for whatever reason.  Perhaps that is why he's become frustrated with message boards as a means for forming this type of relationship. 

But, you're right, since message boards aren't working for him he needs to find another way. 


It's my understanding that because men frequently troll BDSM events for single women and single women often get pounced upon, you actually have better odds looking for women in other areas where you share interests and then finding out if they are also submissive. I imagine the success rates are different for different communities though.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 9:59:03 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		Well, either way, loneliness sucks and it is hard to find that diamond underneath lumps of coal.  However, one has to have some experience with the lumps in order to find that diamond.

Get out to some of the local munches and meet people.  I found that I have had success in the munches than online where people can lie.  When you see people, most are apt to lie less to your face.

I have had one experience that a dominant's wife tried to match me with her ex-dom.  The date was nice but later on, he turned out to be flaky with them as he was renting a home from them and promised to do things but failed.  So, I consider myself to be lucky to be alone than to be in a relationship that could be filled with drama and misery. 

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 8/6/2007 10:00:12 PM >

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:02:16 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		do like i'm doing. sit back, throw up your hands, and say, screw it...lets have some fun instead. i figure, why dwell on the chase that leads to a brick wall...have fun, let things go and forget the negative.

live life to it's fullest. whatever happens, happens.


_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to BIllCT)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:11:46 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		uh... well....yeah....anything is possible I suppose, but I really wouldn't expect to find a girl interested in BDSM through everyday and ordinary events.  I suppose if there's a secret handshake (that somehow everyone knows about) then that might work, but even with that  the odds of finding that person in an everyday crowd would be slim indeed.  I would think some social event having something to do with the topic would be better. 

_____________________________

Vengash
(hsagev backward)

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:13:41 PM   
michaelOfGeorgia


Posts: 4253
Status: offline 		what's this? nobody's shown you the secret handshake yet? OMG...LOL

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:23:13 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

uh... well....yeah....anything is possible I suppose, but I really wouldn't expect to find a girl interested in BDSM through everyday and ordinary events.  I suppose if there's a secret handshake (that somehow everyone knows about) then that might work, but even with that  the odds of finding that person in an everyday crowd would be slim indeed.  I would think some social event having something to do with the topic would be better. 


Why on earth wouldn't you think you can find BDSM girls at normal events? We BDSM girls don't spend all our time tied up to crosses and being flogged after all!

Good places to find BDSM girls in my area: Ren fairs, SCA meets (I've had many people on this contact me about the SCA and encouraging me to come), fabric stores, hardware stores, cooking classes, college classes (that's a BIG one), if you are geeky a LOT of geek girls are into BDSM to one degree or another. At Otakon I was found by a lovely master who "knew" and while we didn't do anything, I'm owned, we did have a very pleasent lunch together.

Get out into the world. We are out there. Trust me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:33:23 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

uh... well....yeah....anything is possible I suppose, but I really wouldn't expect to find a girl interested in BDSM through everyday and ordinary events.  I suppose if there's a secret handshake (that somehow everyone knows about) then that might work, but even with that  the odds of finding that person in an everyday crowd would be slim indeed.  I would think some social event having something to do with the topic would be better. 


Why on earth wouldn't you think you can find BDSM girls at normal events? We BDSM girls don't spend all our time tied up to crosses and being flogged after all!

Good places to find BDSM girls in my area: Ren fairs, SCA meets (I've had many people on this contact me about the SCA and encouraging me to come), fabric stores, hardware stores, cooking classes, college classes (that's a BIG one), if you are geeky a LOT of geek girls are into BDSM to one degree or another. At Otakon I was found by a lovely master who "knew" and while we didn't do anything, I'm owned, we did have a very pleasent lunch together.

Get out into the world. We are out there. Trust me.


I need to learn the secret handshake immediately!

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:47:29 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

uh... well....yeah....anything is possible I suppose, but I really wouldn't expect to find a girl interested in BDSM through everyday and ordinary events.  I suppose if there's a secret handshake (that somehow everyone knows about) then that might work, but even with that  the odds of finding that person in an everyday crowd would be slim indeed.  I would think some social event having something to do with the topic would be better. 


Why on earth wouldn't you think you can find BDSM girls at normal events? We BDSM girls don't spend all our time tied up to crosses and being flogged after all!

Good places to find BDSM girls in my area: Ren fairs, SCA meets (I've had many people on this contact me about the SCA and encouraging me to come), fabric stores, hardware stores, cooking classes, college classes (that's a BIG one), if you are geeky a LOT of geek girls are into BDSM to one degree or another. At Otakon I was found by a lovely master who "knew" and while we didn't do anything, I'm owned, we did have a very pleasent lunch together.

Get out into the world. We are out there. Trust me.


I need to learn the secret handshake immediately!


It's less of a handshake and more of conversation. I can generally tell if someone is into the lifestyle, or at least open to kink, by having a few conversations with them. My time honored test is crack the joke "Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!" and see how they respond. It's never a sure fire thing but it can help you feel out the situation. Unless they start talking about their favorite floggers afterwards. Then you have hit pay dirt.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 10:58:25 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It's less of a handshake and more of conversation. I can generally tell if someone is into the lifestyle, or at least open to kink, by having a few conversations with them. My time honored test is crack the joke "Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!" and see how they respond. It's never a sure fire thing but it can help you feel out the situation. Unless they start talking about their favorite floggers afterwards. Then you have hit pay dirt.


I hear you, but I must point out that many have never 'come out of the closet' (shall we say) and thus a wink, wink and a nudge many not be recognized by those that really enjoy BDSM deep down inside yet are trapped in their own secretive world with their guard held high.  One way to get beyond that this would be to head for official BDSM events/socials. 

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 11:05:42 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It's less of a handshake and more of conversation. I can generally tell if someone is into the lifestyle, or at least open to kink, by having a few conversations with them. My time honored test is crack the joke "Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!" and see how they respond. It's never a sure fire thing but it can help you feel out the situation. Unless they start talking about their favorite floggers afterwards. Then you have hit pay dirt.


I hear you, but I must point out that many have never 'come out of the closet' (shall we say) and thus a wink, wink and a nudge many not be recognized by those that really enjoy BDSM deep down inside yet are trapped in their own secretive world with their guard held high.  One way to get beyond that this would be to head for official BDSM events/socials. 



Somehow closeted gay folks find each other and it's usually not at gay pride events. Besides, the sort of people that are so closeted that they wouldn't respond to that joke probably won't be at BDSM events. While we are all supposed to, and in some cases even sign contracts, never reveal who was were, outting still happens. If they are that concerned, they probably won't be there.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 11:08:57 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Somehow closeted gay folks find each other and it's usually not at gay pride events. Besides, the sort of people that are so closeted that they wouldn't respond to that joke probably won't be at BDSM events. While we are all supposed to, and in some cases even sign contracts, never reveal who was were, outting still happens. If they are that concerned, they probably won't be there.


getting out there into the open can be a very large step for some people

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 11:15:53 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Somehow closeted gay folks find each other and it's usually not at gay pride events. Besides, the sort of people that are so closeted that they wouldn't respond to that joke probably won't be at BDSM events. While we are all supposed to, and in some cases even sign contracts, never reveal who was were, outting still happens. If they are that concerned, they probably won't be there.


getting out there into the open can be a very large step for some people


Definately. It's a huge step. Which is why, if they are so worried about being out there that they wouldn't respond to that joke, they probably wouldn't be a munch or event.

I was terrified when I went to my first group, even though I had my owner with me. It's still a little scary being as out as I am (which is pretty out). Sometimes I wish I could go back in!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/6/2007 11:27:16 PM   
charlotte12


Posts: 471
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		Being lonely is not fun. But i have started to believe that no one but you can fix that. If you are trying to find someone to fill a void then even if you do for a while what if they leave? that void will still be there. Instead try to be the most healthy happy person you can be and others will want to be around you. Enjoy life and i guarantee others will want to enjoy it with you. This doesn't have to mean getting away from the internet completely but i will say the people i enjoy talking to online the most are the ones i can discuss things with that don't all pertain to bdsm. There's a difference between wanting a partner and needing one. I know for me i am always very careful around guys who are so desperately seeking. Makes me wonder if they like me so much for who i am or for the fact that i have shown them interest.

I can see from your posts on these boards that you are eager to get involved in this community. I liked the suggestion to respond to other posts, or maybe start some posts that aren't solely bdsm oriented. I know the site is a bdsm site but most of the subs i've seen here seem to want to get to know a person as a person before they consider him as a Master.

Good luck


_____________________________

Stephan's slaveling

"I'm not superior, I'm just more important." Master (Stephann)

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/7/2007 4:25:13 PM   
Aine


Posts: 820
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsagnev

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
Somehow closeted gay folks find each other and it's usually not at gay pride events. Besides, the sort of people that are so closeted that they wouldn't respond to that joke probably won't be at BDSM events. While we are all supposed to, and in some cases even sign contracts, never reveal who was were, outting still happens. If they are that concerned, they probably won't be there.


getting out there into the open can be a very large step for some people


Like I said before. 

We are normal people that have normal interests just like everyone else.  We just have some others that are....a little less than "normal".

I met my fiance/switch partner at a dueling piano bar.

His best friend's current girlfriend has dated a submissive before.  Which I found out on a little outing on the boat after she made a joke about cuffs and I just kinda looked at JL and smiled.  She cracked up and told me that she dated a sub and had actually met his former Domme.

Weird convos happen all the time.  You just have to learn how to "joke" about it and perhaps you'll get somewhere with someone outside of a BDSM event.


_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to hsagnev)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/7/2007 4:37:02 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Biggest piece of advice I can give you is to get rid of that dark red background in the written part of your profile.  It's impossible to read. 

I do give you points for being "Expert" in Giving Massage, though

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Aine)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: I seek and Do not find...... - 8/7/2007 4:47:38 PM   
hsagnev


Posts: 188
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		My gosh you're right, I can't read a damn thing on BIllCT's profile.

(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 40
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