Some of my poetry

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Some of my poetry - 6/18/2004 6:50:57 AM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
Status: offline

Again, pick it apart and give me opinions.

Mod3
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Sweet Release

She holds the blade in her right
and courage in the left
swearing this time its over
there will be no turning back

Countless tears she has cried
and one hundred nights alone
no more will she hurt this way
blade slipping quickly across the bone

Final tears of desperation
slide gently down her skin
her face feels hot, as her hand goes numb
she smiles, finally a battle she can win

The smell of flowers fills the air
and she feels so at peace
the end is now close, she feels it
drawing a last breath, letting go in sweet release

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Longing To Go

How do I put into words
feelings I cannot even speak
tears I struggle to hide
and pain that makes me weak

How do I tell you
I need more than you give
your hands in my hair
and your mouth on my skin

How do I show you
my love that runs true
it coarses my veins
and blinds my eyes, with images of you

How do I let you go
for it is not I that you need
not I that you long for
not I that your heart bleeds

How can I go on now
with all that I know
while you stand here beside me
longing to go

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Abandon

In a waking moment
your no longer by my side
there are no words left to say
only hours of tears to cry

You promised me forever
then quickly changed your mind
you gave me no reasons, I can understand
and left behind in your wake, sorrow yet again

I thought I had given up
on fairy tales and dreams
and quickly you came to my life
now I hold my heart, and watch it slowly bleed

There are a thousand pieces
of my heart, ripped from me
soon they shall evaporate
and eventually cease to be....

'The soul that has purged itself of heart, no longer bleeds'

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MISTRESS

I hear her screaming
calling out my name

This muse of mine
often dark, driving me insane

With pen in hand, I try to write
all the things she says

For she guarantees if I don't
she'll clutter up my head

She leaves me breathless, in the dark
searching for lighted torch

Tossing, turning, breathing,stopping
as her wickedness spills forth

My Muse the Mistress
to all things blood black

I have to pen, she screams at me
or my bending mind will crack

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Silence

Scream
As monsters crash your door
Scream
As they drag you to the floor
Scream
While they speak of things to come
Scream
Tonite your victim number one
Scream
See the blade shimmer bright
Scream
Demons giggle in delight
Scream
your blood, rushing to the floor
Scream
Drawing your last breath.. then no more

Silence

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Sorrow

Do my words beckon you
or tempt you with desire

Do you smell the smoke
as it bellows from my fire

Am I just a sorid thought
escaping from your mind

Or shall you tempt your fate
that has called us out in time

Sorrow has bowed her head
and asked you to come

She seeks to hold your hand
and express undying love

Charming while might it seem
to an innocent eye

Sorrow has come this day
and speaks, within you I shall die

------------------------------------------------------------

Mod3

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Post #: 1

RE: Some of my poetry - 6/18/2004 8:46:54 PM

chainedpoet

Posts: 87
Joined: 4/25/2004
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Thank you for sharing the lovely words from your pen and heart.As I recited them to my Mistress ,they flowed as if the words were familiar to me.Again thank you.

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Post #: 2

RE: Some of my poetry - 6/18/2004 9:41:39 PM

DomButNotForgotn

Posts: 108
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

you wrote:

quote:

In a waking moment
your no longer by my side

despite what is handy in IM and chat rooms, which is certainly a non-standard english, you should write "you're" - contraction for "you are", not "your", the possessive of you, if you want to be a poet, IMHO - unles syou want to describe a "cool, cyper" world, whern you can write:

"login D/s weapons done
your my fave cyber bitch"

or something like that.

I liked some of "Longing To Go" best - so, you're pretty well read, I'm guessing late 20's early 30's? (just by the content). I think you need to decide life is not so extreme, and experiencing everything is not possible - once you define yourself better, your poetry will be better, in my opinion. I really think you need to understand and know yourself better. Your work seems a little detached from who you are. Maybe you aren't comfortable really expressing yourself - so you take this 3rd person vantage point? keep it up - you have promise.

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Post #: 3

RE: Some of my poetry - 6/19/2004 2:31:30 AM

GoddessMarissa

Posts: 247
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Las Vegas NV
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As I have said before I love poetry, I must say you are truly gifted with your expressions through poetry much more than the short stories. I felt it while reading an can relate that's what makes it so great, when your in a state that you can truly relate.

_____________________________

D/s makes the world go round~~
www.Domina.ms/love

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Post #: 4

RE: Some of my poetry - 6/19/2004 5:57:48 AM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
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quote:

which is certainly a non-standard english, you should write "you're" - contraction for "you are", not "your",

I have always found it impolite to correct others grammar, I know what I meant, as did everyone else that has read it. I have never once claimed to be grammatically correct When I said pick at it I did not mean my grammar.

quote:

so, you're pretty well read

Yes, it's a habit of mine.

quote:

I'm guessing late 20's early 30's? (just by the content)

Closer to 40 actually.

quote:

I think you need to decide life is not so extreme

I disagree, life is extreme. We have only one and should make the best of it we can. I like the saying once seen on a t-shirt, if your not living on the edge your taking up too much space.

quote:

I really think you need to understand and know yourself better

Oh, I know myself.. very well actually

quote:

Your work seems a little detached from who you are

If you are implying I write because I write, and it has nothing to do with *me* in particular, then you are correct. One does not have to write about their own lives and feelings to be able to express something.

I appreciate that you read my words, and took the time to comment.

Thank you.

Mod3

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Post #: 5

RE: Some of my poetry - 6/19/2004 5:58:46 AM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
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Thank you for taking the time to read and respond Marissa and chained.

Mod3

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Post #: 6

RE: Some of my poetry - 7/5/2004 9:58:42 PM

Ladybug19