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RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/9/2007 10:50:04 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		You had a visceral reaction to a dominant action and wonder if this is an indication that you are a "real" or "true" dominant.  That's how i read your post.  As many have pointed out and probably will continue to point out, the word "true" anything isn't very welcome, it indicates, generally, lack of knowledge and newness basically, so many will want to educate you. 

i would say your enjoyment of this activity indicates you like being dominant.  The fact that you need positive feedback from the sub (her arousal and own reaction of pleasure) indicates you are sensitive to your partners needs.  A dominant who didn't need the same feedback and got the same amount of pleasure wouldn't be any more or less dominant, imo. 

i would be curious to know where you read that genuine dominants are very rare?  i wonder what they consider "genuine"? 

Welcome to the boards

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(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/9/2007 12:16:06 PM   
Paradoxic


Posts: 8
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

I've read that genuine DOM males are very rare. I've only had three scenes with two subs but in each case when I take control (usually by grabbing their hair) I get a sexual rush that is truly intoxicating. It's far beyond anything I've ever experienced during vanilla sex. The orgasm that follows later is incredibly intense.

But the important factor is - the rush I feel is wholly dependent on the sub going into sub space. If I can feel her gasp, see her eyes roll back and her muscles go limp - I get the rush. 

Lacking the response I'd get little or no pleasure. I'm not by nature a violent person quite the contrary so I'm no rapist. I'm also not a control freak nor am I an egoistic person so I don't think this is an ego thing.

It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become.

What is this rush? Is it an indication that I'm the real thing - a REAL DOM? Still trying to figure all this out...

=- MasterSteve57

I'm going to give you what is probably going to be a controversial answer and state YES - in my opinion - you are a Dom.

You wrote that "It seems to me that my dom fantasy feeds off her sub fantasy. The more pleasure she displays the more excited I become" In my opinion, this is a true Dom. I'm expecting those here to disagree, but this shows that you are truly connecting to her submissive pleasure in a non-judgemental and deeply emotional way. Because her submissiveness connects with your feeling of control, her submissive pleasure becomes your Dominant pleasure, which in my opinion is one way of being a true Dom.

Many years ago, a very hot 20-something girl I was dating (with Daddy issues) did this strange pose on the bed that vaguely reminded me of a photo I saw on the Internet. I later found the photo, discovered that the girl in the photo was being submissive in a scene, and it was this thing called BDSM.

I had heard the term but never read about it. This being at a time of Internet Explorer 4, there was little on the web, but I was lucky enough to have an advertised BDSM house (a very big house) operating as a business within a 2 hour drive.

I want to share what I was taught in that House - I was taught that there were three factors to being a Dom:
  1. The submissive must consent to my control. It must be consentual. It you try to force it, that's being a bully and you risk reprisal.
  2. You must be flexible. If your sub "moves" to a different emotional submissive state that you've never been to before, you need to adapt. This flexibility also involved Creativity. (Ten minutes into my first scene as a Dom, when I said to myself "what do I do now?", that's when I understood this factor.)
  3. There needs to be an emotional connection between the people involved. This lets me know, without even looking at her, how she's enjoying what I'm doing.

Now, I know that some people are going to jump out and claim you can't just say there are three rules, yada yada yada. I'm just sharing with you all what **I** was TAUGHT - my experience.

This teaching prevented a lot of beginner's confusion.

There was a lot of discussion on #2. Those in LTRs didn't think it was all that important, those of us that were searching for a wide variety of emotional experiences felt it was vital.

I was also taught that there are more pretenders than real Doms. I'd seen Pretenders in the House. Often they eventually tried to bully the wrong person, which sometimes got the pretender humiliated in front of everybody. I found that Pretenders were liars, argumentative, can't connect with most people, and intolerant of other people's opinions.

Those of us that are here can talk about sub-space, and trance, and going deep, but someone that is brand spanking new to the terminology (like MasterSteve57) is ripe for pretenders to shovel their ignorance upon him. He's asking beginner's questions, don't chastise him because he's not experienced.

< Message edited by Paradoxic -- 8/9/2007 12:32:57 PM >

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RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/9/2007 12:38:18 PM   
atendersoul


Posts: 167
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		girl found this posting and the replies to be quite interesting for she always had wondered here with this online media what makes One decide their position within the Lifestyle, specially since there seems to be many different paths of the Way.
In reality, you just had to look or talk with someone and know where T/they stood.....and have never heard of the usage of "true" or "real" when dealing in person....

(in reply to Paradoxic)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/10/2007 5:00:51 PM   
MasterSteve57


Posts: 28
Joined: 8/6/2007
Status: offline 		There' s a site called Taken in hand. The articles posted there seem very knowledgable. One said that the overwhelming percentage of men are submissive. They said the proof is simple to see. Type dominatrix into google along with your city name and you'll get a long list of ladies who offer to flog and beat men (for a generous fee).

Also a sub I know who attends play parties in three states told me that there are always too many sub men and too few dom men at these gatherings.

Is this accurate in your opinion?

=MasterSteve57 

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/10/2007 5:33:09 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

There' s a site called Taken in hand. The articles posted there seem very knowledgable. One said that the overwhelming percentage of men are submissive. They said the proof is simple to see. Type dominatrix into google along with your city name and you'll get a long list of ladies who offer to flog and beat men (for a generous fee).

Also a sub I know who attends play parties in three states told me that there are always too many sub men and too few dom men at these gatherings.

Is this accurate in your opinion?

=MasterSteve57 


Dude, out here there are a zillion swinging dicks for every twitchin snatch.....It's the lay of the land....The women out here will attest to being deluged with mail....Just take your time, be yourself and try to seperate yourself from the herd and hopefully good things will follow.

You seem like a nice enough guy....I wish you well in your pursuits.

Lastly, If you need to find out more info you can use the search engine to pull up old threads that might have much of the information you seek.....The house librarian is LA....she is a vicious woman who is incredibly hard on newbies.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/10/2007 5:40:51 PM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSteve57

There' s a site called Taken in hand. The articles posted there seem very knowledgable. One said that the overwhelming percentage of men are submissive. They said the proof is simple to see. Type dominatrix into google along with your city name and you'll get a long list of ladies who offer to flog and beat men (for a generous fee).

Also a sub I know who attends play parties in three states told me that there are always too many sub men and too few dom men at these gatherings.

Is this accurate in your opinion?

=MasterSteve57 


As a lifestyle D turned pro turned non pro again, I have to say I think that the existence of guys who are consumers of erotic services who have fetishes doesn't equate to a huge number of submissive men. Just a huge number of men with sexual needs. Met, unmet, weird, fairly mundane. Also a lot of houses have professional subs and switches for the curiously inclined. I'd say only about a third of my clientele would even call themselves submissive outside of the parameter of the scene.

Unless you go out into subniches of the scene, the pansexual mainstream of BDSM is M/f heavy. '

Doesn't make it any easier for people to find the right people, though.




(in reply to MasterSteve57)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/10/2007 5:46:47 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Screw everybody else.

But won't Val be jealous?


Hmm... very good point. OP: don't try to screw me. My owner is a bit possessive.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/10/2007 10:33:20 PM   
Totalmaster4you


Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Steve,
The group that you speak of is a little like people who are gay or transgendered. They've known they are "different" from an early age or when they hit puberty. You can pick them out in kindergarden because everyone else follows their lead. It's who they are at their core. Are they rare, I don't know. You'd probably have to narrow the focus and define several aspects. However as you've presented yourself I would have to say you're not one of them. They would never have asked that question because they already knew the answer. Doesn't mean you can't be a good Dom. Just take the time to read a lot and learn from others who have been doing this for a lot longer than you.
TM4Y

< Message edited by Totalmaster4you -- 8/10/2007 10:41:40 PM >

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Sometime ago I decided it was time to change my nic. However I didn't wish to disconnect from my original profile. Since then I've signed Touch your mind (TYM or Tym). Opinions in my posts should be taken as my opinion and my opinion only.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 6:31:23 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Steve, according to data accumulated by Trevor Jacques (a professional statistician), a plurality of those active in the scene are submissive women (ie: submissive females comprise the largest segment of the scene).  It's important to note that this study comprises only the active scene, as it's difficult (impossible) to reach and count those that are not active in the scene.
 
However, one can make a few informed assumptions (SWAG vs. WAG).  First, women have a much easier time with their fetishes in the vanilla world.  Most guys just want to screw them, and are willing to put up with just about anything for the pot of gold.  Second, guys have the more difficult time with their fetishes in the vanilla world, particularly if they run contrary to societal expectations for male behavior as is the case with bottoms/submissives.  Consequently, females have their bottom/submissive needs fulfilled via vanilla means, and many (certainly not all) males have their bottom/submissive needs fulfilled by discrete professional means. 
 
Beyond that, I'd like to note that you're asking complete strangers to assess who and what you are.  That's about as useful as your Magic 8-Ball. 
 
John
 
P.S. -  Did I miss your reply to the several inquiries as to why you call yourself "Master" Steve when unsure if you're even Dominant?

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 6:53:40 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Totalmaster4you

Steve,
The group that you speak of is a little like people who are gay or transgendered. They've known they are "different" from an early age or when they hit puberty. You can pick them out in kindergarden because everyone else follows their lead. It's who they are at their core. Are they rare, I don't know. You'd probably have to narrow the focus and define several aspects. However as you've presented yourself I would have to say you're not one of them. They would never have asked that question because they already knew the answer. Doesn't mean you can't be a good Dom. Just take the time to read a lot and learn from others who have been doing this for a lot longer than you.
TM4Y


So he can be a good dom but not a real "twue" dominant because "twue" masters never have to figure out what they are, they just magically know?

*eyeroll*

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Totalmaster4you)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 7:54:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
Lastly, If you need to find out more info you can use the search engine to pull up old threads that might have much of the information you seek.....The house librarian is LA....she is a vicious woman who is incredibly hard on newbies.

Hey!!

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 8:58:36 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately


What do you mean, "lately"?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

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RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 1:13:20 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately


What do you mean, "lately"?


YEAH.!!!  I been here a while!!!!  I am no johnny come lately!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 1:16:34 PM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately



Level:   What do you mean, "lately"?


Yah, Michael is right.  Its worse than usual.  Much worse.  What is it?  Cell phone waves?  Sunspots?   The silly season?   For some reason the bloody flow (that's for you, Ron) of morons has gotten extra heavy lately.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

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RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 1:22:07 PM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline 		should I buy stock in tampax?

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I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 2:02:23 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		seeing that your screenname screams "Master" then i suppose you're a dom but let's not get too carried away with the "real" part ...it's worst than saying you're a "twue" master.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 2:12:43 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately


What do you mean, "lately"?


YEAH.!!!  I been here a while!!!!  I am no johnny come lately!


I was thinking of you when I wrote that......

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 2:15:52 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:




quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately





Level:   What do you mean, "lately"?


Yah, Michael is right.  Its worse than usual.  Much worse.  What is it?  Cell phone waves?  Sunspots?   The silly season?   For some reason the bloody flow (that's for you, Ron) of morons has gotten extra heavy lately.

E.


E, I think the theory we may need to look at is......... global warming. Earth gets warmer, the blood in the moron's brains warms just a tad, starts to "de-sludge-ify" , and though their minds are damaged, the extra blood-flow allows them rudimentary typing and pc capabilites. Now, why they've decided to attack CM, is still baffling the scientific community....
 
edited to add a word, lest I be accused of having "sludgy" brain cells.

< Message edited by Level -- 8/11/2007 2:16:56 PM >

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 2:38:55 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

quote:



quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


We have had a rather heavy influx of complete fucking morons lately




Level:   What do you mean, "lately"?


Yah, Michael is right.  Its worse than usual.  Much worse.  What is it?  Cell phone waves?  Sunspots?   The silly season?   For some reason the bloody flow (that's for you, Ron) of morons has gotten extra heavy lately.

E.


Don't know about sunspots etc - but there is a meteor storm this weekend, which coincides with the new moon... The Annual Perseid Storm.
 
Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________
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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Am I a REAL DOM? - 8/11/2007 8:10:50 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		During the meteor showers is one of my favorite times to head way up north in Wisconsin.....Fish for salmon all night....The sky is so dark.....I was up last year under a clear sky, the meteors were falling at a pace of a several hundred per hour.......It was a humbling experience....Makes you think about how the universe works....Where is my place in all of this?...and why are all of the subs so goddam fucking fat?

Last sentence was in tribute to the op.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 8/11/2007 8:11:12 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 40
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