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"Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 3:01:26 PM

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I pulled this from another thread, because it was veering way off the original topic...

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

You are not a Dom/me, Master, or Mistress if you attempt to steal a sub/slave from another, in fact, you show yourself to be completely without honor, not worthy of being served.

When I see things like this I always wonder....

How can you "steal" someone away from someone else? If the person being approached is satisfied in the relationship, then why be concerned that s/he will go elsewhere just because someone approaches him/her? And if the person isn't happy in the present situation, then it is really "stealing" if s/he gets a better offer and decides to take it?

Looking through my personal filters, you can't "steal" someone. People partner willingly, and when that partnership isn't satisfying their needs, they may go elsewhere. If you're concerned about your partner being swept away by someone else, perhaps you (generic you) need to look inside your relationship and see what might be missing that would make such a thing a likelihood. Someone from the outside can simply make clear what they have to offer, nothing more. They can't make anyone leave a relationship that s/he is content with. It's up to the person being approached to assess what best meets his/her needs and do what s/he feels is best.

Just my $0.02 worth...you get what you pay for.

-- Sherri

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 3:20:52 PM

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I have to agree with most of what Sherri says. Though it is of course an opinion, I think it the one (if either) that is showing a lack of honor is the one that is looking and staying inside the relationship. And I wonder why someone would want that person anyway. I mean, if they aren't honoring the commitment they have now, what makes you think they will be honest in your relationship with them?

Sandy

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 6:42:58 PM

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I think that there is much truth in what Sherri and Sandy say, but I think that Shadowhawk was talking about the kind of person who would knowingly attempt to steal away an owned slave or sub. My slave tells me that she gets men and some women trying to get her to disobey me many times when she is on line.
I am not worried about losing her, but I do feel that these people are scum. They have no honor. I would never do this to anyone.

(in reply to EStrict)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 7:37:18 PM

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Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

How can you "steal" someone away from someone else? If the person being approached is satisfied in the relationship, then why be concerned that s/he will go elsewhere just because someone approaches him/her? And if the person isn't happy in the present situation, then it is really "stealing" if s/he gets a better offer and decides to take it?

I am 100% with you here. Never have wanted to "keep" someone who doesn't want to be kept.

quote:

Looking through my personal filters, you can't "steal" someone. People partner willingly, and when that partnership isn't satisfying their needs, they may go elsewhere. If you're concerned about your partner being swept away by someone else, perhaps you (generic you) need to look inside your relationship and see what might be missing that would make such a thing a likelihood. Someone from the outside can simply make clear what they have to offer, nothing more. They can't make anyone leave a relationship that s/he is content with. It's up to the person being approached to assess what best meets his/her needs and do what s/he feels is best.

Once again I agree with you completely.

What I was referring to, though I obviously didn't say it all that well, is what EString picked up on... and that is when someone, who knows someone is involved attempts to do an end run, on the sly. And were you to take a poll I am sure you find MANY that have had those kinds of emails sent to them, the "I wont tell if you wont" kind of thing. That is the kind of thing that just really annoys me.

ShadowHwk

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 7:47:29 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

What I was referring to, though I obviously didn't say it all that well, is what EString picked up on... and that is when someone, who knows someone is involved attempts to do an end run, on the sly.

Again, if you (generic you, not ShadowHwk specifically) are secure in your relationship, then it seems to me that this should be little more than a petty annoyance and not cause for the insecurity that I tend to see manifest with these sorts of things. It seems rather akin to the old adage "if you love it let it go...if it comes back, it was always yours...if it doesn't, it never was". If you're secure in your relationships, then you have nothing to fear from outsiders. If there are unresolved issues, then perhaps the focus should be within and not on outsiders.

Just another $0.02 worth.

-- Sherri

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to ShadowHwk)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/8/2004 11:55:52 PM

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It appears the thread was started to get feedback on 'potential insecurity' of a Dom/me when their sub/slave is being battered with unscrupulous bottomfeeder type input.

The idea tossed out being 'isn't love strong enough to handle it'
... while the example used was taken from another context, which advocated the annoying advances were being made by Dom/me's with no honor or scruples, wannabe's with no clue, and predators skimming/circling looking for any weakness... ALL with the knowledge the sub/slave were owned/attached.

Who is on trial here, the violator(s) or the violated?
Even if she loved her Dom/me more or less, should she be violated?

It seems the original thread comments dealt with violator(s) and the lack of honor among theives concept...

This thread seems to be another angle regarding the 'violated' should weather the unwelcome or solicited barrages of e-mails and IM's received daily, in demonstration of their love/devotion...

While both are noteworthy contexts, they are indeed seperate contexts.

I understand ShadowHwk in that he seemed to voice frustration and disgust. These seemed to be based on unrelenting actions of others, unwelcome and uninvited outsiders who show little honor or respect indicative of most Dom/me's.

I understand SherriA in that she voiced strength of bond between Dom/me and sub/slave as having to weather annoyances such as this.

As I said, BOTH are noteworthy contexts, but again... seperate.

I mentioned in another thread of an 'onofficial protocol' I've noticed regarding subs/slaves who are attached/owned. Many will simply create a blank profile, a sort of blank window into themself. No explanation of I'm taken or collared... simply nothing offered, nothing available approach.

I feel most Dom/me's would respect this and honor their wishes, but as we all know you can't stop the wannabe's and predators... the very essence of all walks of life is full of them... we are surrounded! The lack of honor extends from the street corner all the way to corporate executive offices worldwide, and it is inevitable due to human nature.

Solution: None
Resolution: Awareness of all parties under assault... understanding both contexts of the subject and emphasising efforts where elements of control exist... in your relationship(s).

If you set it free and it doesn't come back, it may not have been your's... but in the same token it may have been your's, but may have fallen victim to predators and can't make it's way back? ...a Pandora's Box of 'if's'.

Unregulated behavior on the part of aggressive sharks should not affect your ability to swim... so dive on in and enjoy yourself. The only way to totally avoid sharks is to stay out of the water... or their domain. It is sad that BDSM sites are becoming the domains of predators, which seems to be ShadowHwk's basic context.

I would venture a guess most predators look for the weak link, and exploit same once it's discovered... and when none is found, their interest dwindles. This tends to parallel SherriA's context of bond strength.

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/9/2004 6:32:41 AM

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reads this thread and thinks oh yesss My ADVO would fit perfectly HERE!
CHOOSES TO POST MY OWN ADVO, WELL JUST BECAUSE....
(looks up at MODII with My Most inocent wicked smile)

MISTRESS SEEKS SLAVES!!BLACK HAIR, BLACK EYES,
6'-290LBS BBBW SADIST POLY DOMME NEEDS SLAVES.WILL
BE 24/7 IN REAL LIFE LONGTERM BUT IF OVER THE INTERNET
IS ALL YOU SEEK WELL I SUPPOSE I COULD FINANCIALLY,
SEXUALLY,MENTALLY,SPIRITUALLY,PHYSICALLY DOMINANT
YOUR EVERY MOMENT. SLAVES WILL WITHOUT A WORD
DO ANYTHING AND EVERY THING I SAY AT ALL TIMES TO
BE GIVEN THE PRIVILEGE OF MY PRESANCE ON LINE OR
BE GIVEN THE CHANCE IN REAL LIFE 2 SERVE. CONTACTS WILL BE
THRU HERE ON COLLARME.COM AND EXPECT TO GIVE UP
EVERYTHING IN YOUR CURRENT LIFE BE IT SOCIALLY OR
MATERIALLY TO BECOME MY POSESSION AND EARN THE RIGHT
TO SERVE ME. MY NEGOTIATION FORMS(CONTRACTS) ARE
EXTENSIVE AND THROUGH AND MOST WILL BE A BINDING
CONTRACT FOR VOLUNTARY SERVITUDE (DOMESTIC EXTREAMIST)
IM NOT LOOKIN FOR LOVE OR MY *ONE SO DONT THINK IT WILL
BE YOU BECAUSE IT WONT. I HAD A LOVE OF MY LIFE ALLREADY
IN A MASTER OF 27 YEARS AND BELIEVE ME YOU WILL NOT BE
FILLING HIS SHOES EVER AS A sa ms. IF YOUR YOUNG,DUMB,
AND FULL OF CUM WITH A NEED TO BE BROW BEAT AND SUMONE TO
SPEND ALL OF YOUR PAYCHECK WITH OUT SEEING ME,IM YOUR GAL,
AND I KNOW THAT ALL OF YOU worthless peon slaves are out
there looking for ME male and female, SO GET YOUR ASSES
ON HERE AND WRITE,MT HAIR AND NAILS NEED TO GET DONE TODAY.
P.S. ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU IN
A COURT OF LAW......................HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! BEEN
THERE DONE THAT!!Here is My question to this Board....
NOW WHAT slave OR sub WOULDENT JUST ADORE ME OWNING THEM??
(drops this here while sticking My tongue out at ShadowHwk
whom seems to be playing in the same schoolyard I do alltho
at oppisite ends of the playground and goes in running down the
collarme.com hall to General posts to find where else Im
suppose to drop this as well...scrolls up to read saphires
directions again so I make sure that I am in the least A
consistant Sadist.)

(in reply to inyouagain)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/21/2004 6:44:55 AM

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Joined: 1/21/2004
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In response to ShadowHwk and Estring:

i can appreciate the frustration of the situation. i have clearly posted on my profile that i have found a Dom to train me; but this does not stop the emails or IM's i get daily.

i get annoyed with the Dom's that do this, and share this frustration with my current Dom,
but it is aggravating.

i recently got an obnoxious email by a Dom who highlighted HIS own insecurities by stating that "you've found more Doms in 2 weeks, than i've found subs in two years..."

What i'm trying to say is that it appears some Dom's are jealous, and don't care whether or not you're unavailable, they want what THEY want, and they want it NOW.

my Dom just advised me to block any members who are so disrespectful.

i know that i'm new to all of this, but there does seem to be both a lack of honor, (by some) and a great deal of insecurity/jealousy by Dom's who are w/out a sub/slave.

just my two pennies.

Rain

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/21/2004 12:09:55 PM

RoughstringRider

Posts: 11
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline

Just a couple thoughts for folks to ponder.....

If, as is (generally) agreed, trust is the most important element to have in a D/s relationship...

And if trust is achieved through honest communication of wants, needs, desires and issues...

And if trust is maintained by following through on promises, and maintaining personal integrity at all times, even through the painful admission (By either Dom/me or sub, whichever is at fault) of mistakes... and honest efforts to correct those errors...

Then...

Would it not stand to reason that a person attempting to intervene in an established relationship, with the intention of sabotaging said relationship, for personal gain... Be incredibly NON trustworthy, and therefore incapable of an honest D/s relationship?

My girl has in huge bold type at the top of her profile "NOT LOOKING All messages forwarded to my Master". One could safely assume from that header, that she is, in fact, not seeking a Dom. Yet at least once a day, I find Myself sending a short polite note to someone, informing them that if they'd like to speak with My girl, they are free to do so in public chat rooms, and no, she won't be IMing you, or calling you, or meeting you.

Yet these same people, who would attempt to interfere in an established relationship, would attempt to behave in an unethical manner (and forgive Me, but I truly believe that attempted contact and meeting of another Dominant's property, without the knowledge and consent of that Dominant, constitutes attempted theft, and is therefore unethical)... These same people expect you to TRUST them, and give them authority over you?

Ladies and Gentlemen... I present you with the perfect example of hypocrisy.
Do with it, as you will.

~RR~

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/21/2004 3:41:30 PM

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Joined: 2/20/2004
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My 1.5 cents inputted.
I agree......how can you steal a slave from another Master when (at least in the USA) real slavery is illegal? In our lifestyle we only have "ownership" because it is allowed, but it is not binding....I guess you might say it is binding if you are married, but I don't think that would hold up in court.
If a slave doesn't like being with her Master then there is no legal way she could be forced to stay with Him if she wanted to leave. And, if I were her Master and she wanted to leave, then why would I want to keep her with me? If I did, then it would be something that could really be called "slavery."
Anyway, what makes a good relationship between a Master and a slave is how well they get along and like each other and how well things work out for them. If none of that is there, then there should be no relationship between Him/her.
Very good topic brought up.

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 2:39:05 PM

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I agree with Sherri and Sandi on this. You cannot steal someone when they were'nt out there looking to be stolen in the first place.

If you're happy, you're happy A bond that cannot be broken. Yes, other's advances can get annoying but that is all.

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 3:31:01 PM

LordODiscipline

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Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShadowHwk

You are not a Dom/me, Master, or Mistress if you......without honor, not worthy of being served.

I personally love this myself... not the content, but the context.

As though all the people we know in leather are 'honorable', are up to our level of 'snuff' - and, as though there is a solid definition of what "is" and "is not" a 'dominant'.

"Someone get me the handbook off the shelf - we might have another violation of section 32.b.a.[3]!!"

~J

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 4:04:25 PM

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Joined: 8/12/2004
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Poachers are scum.

And the only way to combat them is to have a good connection. I have had this attempted in the past and subs of mine call me to the computer,at which time I reply to the poacher. And what I have to say isn't nice,and immediately after place them in the "ignore list".

It's rather difficult to play power games with a blank im box.

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 5:15:43 PM

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my 5 CENTS worth.

i agree with both sides. you cant really steal some one who doesnt want to be stolen.

Also there are those out there with no honor or trust or integrity. They seem to find me on a regular basis. I quote " I dont mind being a back door man, i am a back door man" Which i nicely wrote back.. "back door men tend to get shot" this things arent a problem in my relationship, they hold no weight. BUT for me, its annoying and disappointing that its so difficult to find some one of the opposite sex to share knowledge with, with out them trying to jump in my pants or disrespect the relationship i have.

i do get so sick of all the wannabee Dom's who approach me as such. To the point where its difficult for a Dominant to approach me with out my hackles coming up. Also, i simply dismiss them as wannabee's because a real Dom would have respect. Atleast i would assume. Rather a Dominant that i would want to know would have respect. i think there is a sort of proctol within the lifestyle, and if so and so dom or domme has no respect then they obviously oblivious to the proctols of the lifestyle and there for not apart of it. So they are dismissed.

(in reply to RealityFix)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 6:29:52 PM

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quote:

i can appreciate the frustration of the situation. i have clearly posted on my profile that i have found a Dom to train me; but this does not stop the emails or IM's i get daily.

I get the occasional annoying email as well. But I have to say truthfully that most of the emails I get on this site are courteous. The majority say something nice, then ask that I pass their compliments along to my Master. It always makes me feel good to get an email like that and I don't really have a lot of problems over my ad.

Just an alternate viewpoint.

~Ophelia

_____________________________

"And every one of them words rang true And glowed like burning coal Pouring off of every page Like it was written in my soul..."

(in reply to belongtoyou)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 1/31/2005 7:48:06 PM

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I know submissives who admit that they can't say "NO!" to anybody when approached by a Dominating attitude. Even after they've been collared they admit that they can't be left alone or else they may become prey to a Dominate who wants to fuck them or steal them away. I'm not sure how many Doms/Masters take on ppl who claim to be this submissive or sluty but if you know they can be stolen, then keep the chains tight. For in Texas most of us know how to rope and lasso. Gette UP YeHa!!!!!

Attachment (1)

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to SherriA)

RE: "Stealing" partners - 2/5/2005 5:59:37 PM

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From: Sacramento, California
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I'm in agreement with Sherri, one can't steal unless the person wishes be *stolen*.

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

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