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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 7:18:23 AM

littleone35

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If he knows your money is tight then he should offer to pay for half. As for meeting the kids that is a litle soon i mean you need to know each other first befire bringing children into it. Maybe should at least pay for a babysitter so you 2 can get to know each other alone.

My Master does not let me pay for anything. The first time we met at a Starbucks he was a little annoyed because i got there first and bought my drink and did not wait for him to buy it.

I say the man you are meeting, half is his responsibility.

Matt's littleone

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 8:11:19 AM

Celeste43

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He doesn't need vacation time to visit for a weekend. Demand that short a visit first, you might take one look at each other and discover you hate each other/are third cousins/he looks just like your brother and that creeps you out.

As far as meeting his family? Unless and until you know that you want to be together full time, this is way too early. The Man didn't meet my kids until at least a year after we had met.

Besides having been a child of divorced parents I can assure you that there were many of my father's dates whom I disliked intensely on first meet, just as I recognized on the first meeting that the one he remarried was a wonderful woman.

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 8:51:09 AM

adaddysgirl

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From: Syracuse, NY
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Without reading all the replies, i have always been invited, and he has always paid for everything. And personally, that is the only way i would do it.

Good luck

Daddysgirl

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 10:12:56 AM

SayaNereida

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Joined: 7/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingRLagain

when you are making plans for a real life meeting.. who pays for what. the one i am speaking with is telling me it is fuly my dime. but being on a very low/limited budget i really cant afford to stay for the entire 2 weeks he wishs me to. if its my dime i can only stay a weekend..lol... between hotel plane fair food and so on.. i almost want to say no to the meet if thats the case. he speaks of real life soon 24/7 and marriage later but if its that serious in my eyes shouldnt he pay half? sorry to be blunt .. but if i am paying my whole way and the chance of play or even sexual encounters.. i dont want to come home feeling i got screwed in more ways then one....any ideas? thanks teri

Teri,
Why not say, given my budget, if I'm paying for everything, I can afford to stay *** long (be it a weekend or whatever) and get myself back home. IF you wish me to stay longer, you will have to assume the finacial responsibility for that, otherwise I must leave.

Is this a first physical meet?

If so, I'd say plan for the shorter trip you CAN afford without his help but be open to the possiblity that things go well and he may be willing to pay to keep you there longer.

Good luck.

<edited to add>
but he wishes me to do many things in the local area PLUS meet the kids.. and kids just dont know if they like a person in a few days.. its a adjustment for us all.. hope this clears this up a small amount... plus i am not willing to stay at his home until the kids are ready for that... so we both have moral issues to deal with it as well...

If he wishes to things in the area, to me that's a 'date', you've been 'invited' and he should cover the cost.

I admit, I may be misunderstanding, but the OP left the feeling this was a first 'getting to know you' kind of meet. The second post feels more like you 2 have been talking about making this a 'real living in the same town or home' kind of relationship. Posters responses will vary, depending on which of these it is.

IF it is a first meet in person:
Use it to see how the 2 of you work. If it ends up being well, then talk about another trip, perhaps that trip you could lessen finacial constraints by staying in a spare room at his place. Just because you are in the same house, does NOT mean you need to share a room or a bed.

As far as the kids, as a first meet, I'd say just plan a meal with them not a whole day. Let them see you and talk a bit but don't over do it. There is no sense in to involve them more until you and he knows what you want for the future.

Out of curiosity, has been telling the kids about you? If so, what?

just my 2 cents

< Message edited by SayaNereida -- 8/14/2007 12:20:11 PM >

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RE: who pays for what?/OP no loner registered - 8/14/2007 5:43:21 PM

HisAlphaSlaveJ

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Has anyone noticed that the OP is no longer registered on CM? I went to check the profile to gain understanding and it was not there.

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 6:36:02 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingRLagain

when you are making plans for a real life meeting.. who pays for what. the one i am speaking with is telling me it is fuly my dime. but being on a very low/limited budget i really cant afford to stay for the entire 2 weeks he wishs me to. if its my dime i can only stay a weekend..lol... between hotel plane fair food and so on.. i almost want to say no to the meet if thats the case. he speaks of real life soon 24/7 and marriage later but if its that serious in my eyes shouldnt he pay half? sorry to be blunt .. but if i am paying my whole way and the chance of play or even sexual encounters.. i dont want to come home feeling i got screwed in more ways then one....any ideas? thanks teri

in my opinion, if you told him you could travel to him, you should pay for yourself, and vice-versa.

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 7:27:25 PM

valkyriesdaughte

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OK, i just have to throw my $0.2 worth in here.

1. He's Christian and doesn't "believe in living together?" But having you hang around for 2 weeks on your dime so he can test drive you is OK???! That makes about as much sense as my college roommate who didn't use birth control because "it was against (her) religion; convientely skipped the part about fornicators going to hell. Hello-o-o: if you want to claim a religion, you can't get by with picking and choosing the parts of it that suit your needs at the time.

2. He wants you to meet the kids, and kids don't know if they like someone is a few days-so does he want a sub/lover/wife first; or a ready -made Mama? For any blended family relationship to work, the adults need to have one first! The kids get to accept whomever their parent chooses to bring into their lives; "liking" is irrelevant, a real father will simply inform them that his chosen spouse will be accorded the respect given any adult.

To be generous, if he has 4 kids under 12, chances are good he might be tapped with either child support, or housing/feeding.dressing/daycare for all of them. In which case, he needs to just say so, and work out a reasonable compromise for both parties involved.

It sounds like this is about a whole lot more than money- like honesty and communication.

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RE: who pays for what? - 8/14/2007 8:20:08 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Have not read the whole thread, but here is my take on it..Who pays?...The person most able to..personally for me however..living paycheck to paycheck,I would need to stay closer to home, that is simply the reality, I would feel guilty if it were constantly up to the one interested in me to continually pay for all expenses...So, best ,if you are unable to contribute ,that you seek closer to home..Tempting

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Post #: 68