seeking Advice (Full Version)

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aestheticsfirst -> seeking Advice (8/17/2007 4:44:19 PM)

I have been seeking a Dom for a couple of months and have had some strange experiences with men not being who they said they were once we met in person- Does anyone have any advice for someone seeking a Dom in the NYC area?

I have lost faith in my instincts online and am serious about my search.




orfunboi -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 4:50:39 PM)

Yea, get off the internet, find some local munches or events and start meeting people.



mefisto69 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 5:04:47 PM)

always go slow.. meet a few times vanilla and lay out your expectations and limits.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 6:47:26 PM)

Well first off NYC from what I understand has a plethora of clubs, and a huge BDSM community..so why stick to internet?..second off,you've been mislead and this is unusual how???..as LA says (not exact quote,as memory sucks..~wink~).expect to be deceived and be pleasantly surprised when you are not..and thirdly, seriously you have been seeking for months!...try years, as so many have...best advice..considering where you live..get off computer and go R/L..then deception levels will be lessened....Tempting



sexyred1 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 6:53:46 PM)

I am another NYC/NJ girl and although NYC is billed as having a great BDSM community, it is not always easy to meet someone. I prefer privacy when approaching what I do, so I am not likely to be found at any of the clubs or munches.

So, sadly, I do not have any good advice for you other than as Tempting said, sometimes it can take years, not months, so don't give up yet.



Celeste43 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 7:42:42 PM)

Take your time, talk a lot, listen to what they say. Eventually a liar will trip himself up because nobody really remembers their own lies in such detail.

But this isn't an online problem. It's a people problem. You could meet a guy at a party who swore he was a partner in a big law firm and discover later on he was in the mail room.



breatheasone -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 7:46:34 PM)

Time is your friend....i took me two years and a LOT of heart ache and sifting through lies to find my Master. i understand how you feel.



becca333 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 7:46:57 PM)

Definitely go to munches, check the local scene, then you can get the background on any prospective partners.



fungasm -> RE: seeking Advice (8/17/2007 7:53:46 PM)

I know folks who've had great results with the NYC Craigslist.  But he had to be very specific, and really had to spell out what he was looking for.  Two sentences doesn't get it.  You have to really to be verbose.

It takes some time, and some wading through that which doesn't fit.

Good luck!

Alison



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 6:22:20 AM)

A couple of months is not time at all. I've got friends who aren't looking to be hurt who've been looking for years.  So patience is a virtue. you may find the public thing works for you.  It might not and that is perfectly fine.  I've never picked up anyone in public and don't think I'm gonna start now.   I only e-talk to folks who can be near me frequently.  And then I try to meet them asap.  Like within weeks.  Cause I'm a great judge of people up close.  But that is a skill developed over time and throughout the many facets of my life.  Oh -- and I don't chat!!  There is no instant gratification with me.



sub4hire -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 6:26:42 AM)

As others have stated.  Get out and meet people.  Stop searching so hard, desperation shows
on ourselves.  Just go out and have fun.  Before you know it you'll meet plenty of people.
Maybe the right one for you.



BeachMystress -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 10:30:14 AM)

Some links to get you started in your real time scene:

http://www.tes.org/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NYCmunch/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Staten_Island_Kink/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/applemunch/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/cldr/view.cgi?db=def
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MAsT_MetroNY_announcements/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LI_Leather_N_Roses/
http://www.leatherpridenight.org/
http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=NEW+YORK&view_records=View+Records&ww=on



BeachMystress -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 10:31:21 AM)

oh yes, and you may want to read http://www.soj.org/articles/A%20Beginners%20Guide%20to%20BDSM%20Munches.htm before you go if you're not familiar with munches. 



ExSteelAgain -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 10:34:40 AM)

Take your time and get to know him, online and the phone. Remember this though, if someone tells small lies, they will tell big ones.



thetammyjo -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 11:55:56 AM)

I know a lot of folks have said "go to munches, clubs, organizations" because you are in NYC.

They are right, I doubt the area has decreased in the number of these groups since I lived there.

However, don't go to meet a partner, go to learn more about yourself, meet potential friends, and just plain have a place to be kinky and have fun. When you go to those groups without the agenda of finding a partner you'll either find one or you won't care because you'll be having fun any way.



TheChastiser -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 5:42:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

Yea, get off the internet, find some local munches or events and start meeting people.

 
good advice.
 
Mike



Damocles809 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 8:42:04 PM)

Don't meet them too fast.  Take you're time trying to get to know as much as possible about them, talking about a lot of different topics.  Some guys are perfect gentlemen talking about movies their hobbies, but assholes talking about politics or past relationships.  Try to find those red flags fast. 

Do a lot of talking on the phone.  Hearing their voice can give your instincts a better idea of what they're like than just text. 

If they have a cam, ask to see that too, body language can also give cues to their personality.  



becca333 -> RE: seeking Advice (8/18/2007 8:47:36 PM)

Assume everyone online is lying.  Then meet real people in real life in the real world. 

And it'll take time to find the one you're looking for.  Don't give up.



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