RE: Compartmentalized Switch

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 8/30/2007 7:13:56 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: e01n

WD - I apologize for ever calling you normal. Care for the full apology to come in Gaelic?

What I mean: is this a typical or common reaction?

If it is, then it explains quite a bit of where a number of really good relationships started to go south...

No need to apologize, but if you must - Gaelic is appreciated.

It has been typical for me, but my experience at actually switching is rather limited really. My first D's relationship was as a sub to a sadist. My second was as a slave to a Gorean Master and my topping was as a Pro Domme (first in training then on my own). My first experience with the switch dynamic was my experience with a self-proclaimed Master I had known for years online who came to visit me. Within 30 minutes of scening with him, he was bottoming to me. I did not see him as a Master after that. My most recent experience was a submissive that I've topped who tried to spank me. I was not the least bit interested in his doing so.

As for your own problems with your past relationships relating to mine, I don't know sexy. Hang in there. Perhaps "D" can help you work through these issues with her experience in things.

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 8/30/2007 7:15:45 AM >

(in reply to e01n)

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 9/2/2007 2:01:12 AM

DarkLovelyDomme

Posts: 43
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I find that when I do Switch sessions, I'm really just dominant throughout: I top from the bottom when I'm supposed to be subbing!

The dynamic that makes me decide whether I am top or bottom is immutable: some personalities I can't help but defer to, and others I can't help but take charge of. Either way, I can never bring myself to top a significant other: it kills the attraction somehow.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 9/2/2007 7:41:07 AM

CatKnight

Posts: 37
Joined: 8/31/2007
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I'm inclined to say that the ROLES are harder to switch. Assuming they developed naturally (as opposed to strictly scening) then someone's probably going to tend towards the leadership role as the other tends to let him/her. Dynamics within a relationship tend to remain constant barring some major shake up in peoples' lives or change of how they feel, etc.

I'd say true 'switching' within a relationship, like michaels4ever described, would only be likely if their tendencies to lead/follow while the relationship developed pretty much evened out. I like what she described though, it sounds ideal.

Topping and Bottoming....probably insufficient experience for me to give a good answer. I see that as more mutable. As DarkLovely said, it's perfectly possible to domme from the bottom. E01n carefully seperated Top/Bottom from D/s for me in my thread, for which I'm grateful. My fiance and I have switched top/bottom within a single evening, not far from ToysandTies' example. "Alright, my turn! Bwahaha!"

The problem I forsee with switching either role OR activity would be if both people are feeling aggressive or passive at the same time. That sounds like a route to embarassment or disappointment to me.

(in reply to DarkLovelyDomme)

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 9/3/2007 12:23:41 PM

BayouSub

Posts: 40
Joined: 4/2/2007
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quote:

Actually switches who switch WITHIN a relationship are rare in comparison- most switches by far are ONE orientation in one relationship and another orientation in another.

I've never been able to switch within a relationship so I guess I'm normal....so to speak. I only submit to people that I feel submissive to...that's arkward but the best way I can put it. So, my power orientation vis a vis that person will always be submissive. I'm not playing a role with the person. With another person, the power orientation may be the opposite--I'm dominant and they are submissive. It's hard to quantify or describe, but I usually know withing 15 minutes of meeting someone whether I will be on the dominant or submissive side of the power scale WITH THEM.

I recognize that few people are 100% dominant or 100% submissive so I understand that the person I submit to may also have a desire to be submissive. I just don't want them to submit to me. And if someone is submissive with me, it is very unlikely that they will ever dominate me. I have learned to compartmentalize switching.

I have foolishly avoided seeking out switches under the false notion that a switch would expect me to switch WITHIN a relationship with them. As that does not appear to be the case, I am changing my profile.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 9/3/2007 5:29:04 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BayouSub: I have foolishly avoided seeking out switches under the false notion that a switch would expect me to switch WITHIN a relationship with them. As that does not appear to be the case, I am changing my profile.

Which is a somewhat valid view - the relationship attitudes don't switch very much... But the actions often do.

Vanilla example: I'm a pretty good cook. I may let someone be more dominant than me in most other parts of my life ("You want me to get a Victoria's Secret card for you? Sure, why not?"), but frankly, they'd be a fool if they were to say that they *never* wanted me to cook for them...

If I'm dating a Domme who's never done fireplay - something I really like - I might broach the subject of discussing what it is that I'm so keen on. If we agree, then it might move beyond that... Does the discussion itself make her less dominant? Does even having the capacity for self-knowledge to say "I don't know" eliminate that either? Does even "bottoming" for purposes of demonstration change that?

Personally, the answer has consistently been no. But if this were WD, she'd probably be giggling her ass of at me...

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 12/21/2008 10:09:50 AM

boytoyinatlanta

Posts: 75
Joined: 7/24/2007
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when i am fucking am switching...it doesn't matter if the other person is a dominant or not

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RE: Compartmentalized Switch - 1/3/2009 5:27:20 AM

Aswad

Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

Are there any other switches out there who don't like to switch with the same person?

Are you sure you're not confusing the term switch with the concept primate? Hierarchies are established through this mechanism in nature, whereas in "civilized" society, hierarchies are assigned. Since your sex-life and relationships aren't so tightly regulated by "civilization," you can let the instincts tied to the spectrum of dominance and submission work their magic, alongside evolutionary adaptations. In short, you can let go, and just relate to people as you "feel like" (an aggregate of instinct and past experience).

The short answer to "are there any...?" is always "yes," by the way.

Health,
al-Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to xoxi)

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Post #: 27