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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I'm interested to hear what submissive males think is the right level/frequency of kinky, dominant-driven "play" in their relationship.  Don't say "Whatever she wants," instead, briefly summarize what would be ideal.  Acts like bondage, strap on, chastity, cbt, spanking, humiliation -- how much, how often? 

What about femdom acts that are more 'passive' -- ie, you worship her feet or give massages?   How often/how much in an ideal relationship?

Finally, what about a relationship without kinky "play" per se - but a woman that enjoys being in control, empowered, and calls the shots.  Is that an ideal?

Akasha

I think they are either afraid of coming off too demanding/needy (for kink) or they have so little real life experience the answer is "I have no idea." -- even so, they should answer and just clarify that and say "what they assume" they will need.

Still, I was hoping to have a lot of answers, and it's really puzzling how few of the "regular" subs just skipped this thread entirely.  Maybe those that did can step up now and just say why?

Akasha

I don't read or post very often in this particular Board, but Mistress pointed me to this thread.  At first glance, it appeared as bait to identify "do me" subs. 

After some reflection,  I think that relationships and the sexual energy within them, ebb and flow according to the quality of the other dynamics at work.  If Mistress and I aren't feeling connected, I doubt she's going to want to play, nor is she going to want to play in a manner that I'm likely going to respond to in such a way that things will likely spiral with increasing energy so that both of us will find ourselves really being drawn deeper into it.

I also see things from a "big picture" point of view and recognize that there's more to life than just play.  Having our emotional needs met, both hers and mine, taking care of her physical needs through foot rubs and massage (which often leads to other things as well), along with serving her in ways that are important to both of us that we've both acknowledged we enjoy and which we both feel helps add to our dynamic are also important parts of the total picture.  We've also talked and know there are times when we'll just want to cuddle and connect as two people, or do vanilla things we both enjoy; which is just part of meeting each other's emotional needs in a variety of ways.

As life is unpredictable and we tend to have to respond to it, relationships also tend to need to adjust to outside influences as well (UM's, work, etc.).  I think a "routine" in general terms would be important to me and to Mistress to help set the dynamic for us and to provide some consistency when we finally reach that point.  For me, a lot of that routine, would involve things we've discussed as service to her which I'd find exciting, erotic, sensual and constantly arousing.  For her, it might be part of a sadistic tease that I know she'd enjoy, find very pleasurable, and quite arousing as well.  You might say it would be our "Daily D/s Dance" that we'd both enjoy.  

Beyond that, how extensive the play and other dynamics would need to be or "how kinky" they'd need to be isn't an issue as I know that we'll continue to grow in our dynamic at Her pace or at whatever pace we're both comfortable with as we explore the possibilities of where we can journey down this path together.  It will happen as it happens and no faster.  There will always be something new to look forward to and many pleasurable memories for us to look back on and enjoy. 

As a final remark, I couldn't be in another of the 3rd type of relationships that you've described.  To my way of thinking and based on my experience, I'd describe that as more of a "Domineering Woman" and not as a "Lifestyle Dominant."  I enjoy doing things that help Mistress feel empowered, but a woman who "needs" to be in control all the time of everything around her, yet isn't capable of being fully sexual with me or who doesn't share my various interests or kinks isn't going to be one with whom I'm going to be compatible.  I'm smart enough to recognize that and just move on.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

AAkasha, this was a great complimentary thread to the one posed on "Ask A Mistress".  I very much enjoyed reading the answers.