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first contact with a Mistress - 6/20/2004 5:10:54 PM

Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It's probably already been covered, but ladies, what do you want in the perfect first e-mail. Please be a specific as possible. (Remember thees will not be read buy the guys you delete anyway. [Reading, what work?

]) Do you expect proof he read your profile? (I.E. you said 5'10" to 6'2" and his profile states he is 5'2", does it make a difference if he asks how negotiable your height requirement is or not?) Does it matter if his fetishes do not match yours, but he adresses the ones that don't fit and asks how important they are. (I.E. he doesn't fetish feet but has no problem with it, but you listed foot worship.)

_____________________________

When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace.

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/20/2004 7:14:07 PM

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

This has been covered before, as I recall, and there will be variations on the answers with more than one common theme. One of them being courtesy. One of my pet peeves is an email beginning with "Hey". I'll delete it on the spot. The one sentence emails with a yahoo user name. Deleted.

I do look for obvious indications that the writer read and understood my profile. Similar fetish interests, and vanilla interests are a definite plus, with a variance on the vanilla interests in that I absolutely enjoy learning new things. I'm an artist (writer), so my mind is fascinated by new things and challenges, learning, exploring, etc.

Even if, from the email and reading the potential's profile, I decide that this is absolutely not a potential consideration, and the male has taken the time to write a well thought email, I will take the time to write him a well thought response. Just to demonstrate the fact that I appreciate his time, effort, and sincerity.

Regarding a possible compromise on height, etc. That is possible if there are other outstanding features. A great personality, the right chemistry, etc.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 12:50:45 AM

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline

What I want is a polite introduction. Perhaps two paragraphs long, describing themselves very briefly, and telling me what they are looking for in a Mistress. One-liners and books (extremely long-winded, self-indulgent prattles) are tossed upon receipt, as are those with pictures of genitals or worse.

I do not want a picture of their genitals, if or when I want that I will ask for it. A tasteful picture of the face would be OK. There is no need at this time to describe a favorite fantasy either, when I want to know that I will ask for it. A general description of how they wish to be of service would be good.

It annoys me when the submissive directs me in the manner that they wish to continue our conversation, such as telling me to contact them by IM. It is OK to give all of your contact information, as long as you leave it to me to decide how I wish to continue. I don't like to IM, some people do. If that is my only option I will move on to someone else more interested in how I want to continue. If I reply and tell you how I want you to contact me I expect you to contact me that way. If you can't follow that simple instruction, there's no way you could serve me.

Sometimes I get busy and a candidate may fall to the side unanswered. For that reason a submissive should write me again until I answer or tell them to stop. It is nice to be pursued sometimes.

StarMaiden

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 7:23:18 AM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Fist off one thing that I have noticed but not many have
recognized here on the forum is that there are more then
just Mistresses whom are a part of BDSM and a part of
this site and this might even be where the confusion and
ill first attempts in contacting a Woman are. First off you
have Tops. These are Woman whom basically only desire
to Top in their bedrooms and really have no other contact
with the BDSM lifestyle other then this one kink that They
enjoy and They really have no concern with protical nor see
the nessisity of it hence they totally throw it off. They will respond
to those whom are in their area and accessable to them in
their search for such a partner and really do not care how the
respondent writes them. There need is a mate whom is submissive
and really would prefer a submissive man whom doesent have
many kinks and is more attuned to the vanilla world.
Then there are the Dommes. There are the Lifestyle Domme and the Pro Domme. Both Woman are more into the Lifestyles kinks and take more
interaction into how the Life is played and enjoyed. The Lifestyle Domme
follows sum proticals but prefers to put in place Her proticals to follow and
they need not be a part of the Lifestyles set ways as long as they are followed in Her eyes. She looks for sumone to appoach her submissivly
and to ask Her if She has a interest in them. A Pro Domme expects the
submissives to approch Them and if they do not do so with respect in the
tempt to gain Their attention will be put straight in doing so. Both Woman
will answer back those whom approch them with respect. The Pro Domme
will expect to know up front what you are needing to learn and if you are
willing to pay the price for such information from Her. Then there is the
Mistress. A Mistress in the Lifestyle does not expect for any submisisve to
contact them. A Mistress being the Dominant will be the one whom seeks out what They desire and contact them. A Mistress is well established in
the Lifestyle and knows what She wants and does not waste Her time or
others with that which does NOT fit Her needs. A submissives whom tempts contact with this type of Woman whom does not fit what Her needs
but contacts Her will simply be removed for She will not waste Her time on
that which does not fit. Many submisisves make the mistake of tempting
to contact such a Woman not having proper training or kinks and then are
offended when they get no return or gain a sly remark from Her when
write sumthing that offends Her in sum way. This lifestyles rules teach all
Dominants that they should not take undue advantage of any submissive
person that does not fit with in their needs and this is whats practiced by
most Mistresses and even tho submissives whom contact them think they
know best it is actually the Mistress most times whom does and makes
that determination based off of whats read on the profile of the person
contacting them with out Their asking. Next is the Lady. She has over 20 years in the Lifestyle and is always the Teacher and will tear apart each
submissive whom contacts them to see what their purpose is for such. They will usually come back with a responce if They choose to answer with
sumthing constructive to teach the submissive how to better approch those
whom the subs seeks. They do not desire to be contacted and prefer to do
the contacting of the submissives that attract Their attention when They
are looking but will at times return contact to a sub whom looks promicing
in their actions and ways.
All Dominants regardless of experiance expect curtisy and any sub or slave whom fails to show such in any contact will be removed and if give
a negitive word will more then likely be let out of the bag their actions for
the Group as a whole to know what kind of negitive actions were used so
that the other Dominants in the Group can simply remove them as well
with out even reading them for Dominants have no desire to waste time
with rudeness from anyone and unlike sum others Learn from the experiance of Their Sisters and Brothers whats not worth Their tiime.
Now this is My round about Opinion from what I have observed from here
and other BDSM Forums in general and all tho I know there are always
exception to the norm a sub or slave can pretty much go by these
thoughts to know how to address those They seek. If a sub or slave sees
a Mistress that they desire to know more about they better have sum
pretty good suplicant moves up their sleeves and by all means their very first contact should be as simple as the words: this sub or this slave wishes and desires to have more time with the Mistress. Might this sub or slave have more time?And put the ball into the Dominants playground to
let Her deciede if She feels you are even what She wants. And dont feel
offended if you get no responce. My kink is not your kink but by gosh My kink is just as equal as your kink. In other words not everyones square
fits into others circles so expect to be let down and even sumtimes escalated when a Dominant contacts you out of the blue, and remember
check Their profile and if there is anything that you DONT think will mesh
do not hesitate to say so even if you desire the attention. I contacted a
slave whom seemed perfect for Me and he also felt that he fit all My kinks
as well except for one and unfortunatly that one was the one that he could
not confrom to and it was as simple as Me having a hair fetish that he
could not accept because he had been the type slave whom had served for
many years totally shaved and had grown accustomed to it and even tho
everything else with Us meshed well that one item was a major issue and
could not be looked over hence Our communication ended right there for
there is no use in going on any further if any issue is disagreed apon and
this was found to be the case after only two emails back and forth and
the thing is that if this slave had of read fully My profile he would of seen
that this is a fetish of Mine and its written plainly twice on My profile and he needent of even wasted My time with the two emails if he had of simply stated that he cannot accept the hair fetish and let it go from there but he felt that he could get Me to change My fetish because he truly
wanted Us to come together for all the other items that We fit perfectly
with but that was not to be.My point here is this subs and slaves, dont
think that you will change any Dominant in any way for you will not. Read through Their profiles if They contact you and be sure befor going any
further in communication that your circles fit in Their squares and if not
dont be afraid to say: ThankYou Mistress for Your attention but im afraid that i do not accept Your kink of .......... ThankYou for Your attention and good luck in what You seek Mistress. Truly slave .........
Get the picture? If you come across sumone whom does not have anything in a profile regardless if they are a sub or a slave or a Dominant this tells ME two things....... One they are new to the Lifestyle and havent a clue what this is for or Two They are smart alics or sumone
whom feels they dont have time for such trivilties as telling sumthing about their selfs hence in My Opinion are not My time either. Now as to
how I go about My search for what I seek. My profile is filled out completely with My kinks and what I seek.I go thru the lists once a week and those slaves ( yess I only contact those whom have slave as their role) sorry submisssives! whom sound like they have the kinks I seek
and whom are willing to serve in a 24/7 setting and can relocated and
serve ALL of My desires are the ones I contract. Out of the say 50 or so
I contact a week I will get a responce out of maybe 1 percent and out of
that one percent maybe a forth of those are actually sumone whom might
fit My bill and We communicate further. Those whom contact Me first if
they do so asking Me for a moment of My time for them to introduce their selfs or to speak I will give it to them. Those whom contact Me with the
attitude that they are anyones gift are banned from replying to Me and their emails thrown away. Those whom write telling Me that they are in
love with Me I also do the same as it is quite clear on My profile that I
do NOT seek a love interest in any sub or slave and only could put such
attention towards another Dominant, so subs and slaves read those
profiles!!!! More then once if you have to in order to fully understand what
We as Dominants seek. There are sum Dominants whom leave the search for other subs or slaves to their firstboy or firstgurl so dont be offended if
you are contacted by another sub or slave either. I personally do not
leave such work for My slaves as I feel only I can determine what is best
for Me but there are sum mainly Male Dominants whom leave such issues
to Their subs or slaves. And yes there are sum differances in Male and Female Dominance. OK Ive babbled off enough here and Beckett is
correct that there is a longgg longgggg post to this very subject but it
is obvious that iwillserveyou still needs more input on this subject hence
My inputting My Opinions here. My One Advice to any sub or slave is this.
Tops and Dommes tend to prefer submissives and Mistresses and Ladys tend to prefer slaves. Its the experiance and commitment of time issue with that. If you have a fetish the Dominant you are looking at does not address or have listed then you are more then liikely not a match. If the
Dominant has a kink listed that you do not like then you are NOT a match.
JMO

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 2:09:46 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

(A few things before I start this. 1) Contacting Mistresses is not really my thing, as I am very dom (I am doing this because I am a bit bored at work and I like to challenge myself) 2) I have been cold e-mailing women for 8 years, so maybe I can add something to the discussion. 3) I will always take feedback on my technique, so fire away if anything I say sounds off. 4) again, I have no practice emailing Mistresses, so I could be way off...but I love to learn and don't mind making a fool of myself in the process.)

(This email is essentially in two parts: a set of rules to follow and an example of how the rules would work in practice. I am going to the example first, so no one is prejudiced by the rules)

I am going to use Lady Beckett as my example...*wink*...here is the letter I would write if I wanted to submit to her:

**********************************************

Lady Beckett,

I have read your profile (ok twice (ok three times)), and I am honestly floored by your open attitude and self-knowledge. I have looked at a lot of profiles, but your style and grace have me intruiged.

I am a very successful 34-year-old gentleman. I am educated and articulate. I have achieved much in my life, from winning a world championship in ballroom dance to working my way from a lowly fact checker to a lead software engineer. Yet, I know that my life will never be complete until I find the Mistress to whom I can devote my considerable time, energy and talent.

Although I am sure you get much better offers, if you have found what I have described to be at all interesting, please have a look at my website (http://www.taggard.net) and perhaps we can begin a wonderful correspondence...

...or you can delete this and never think about it again.

Either way, I am humbly...

Yours,
Taggard

********************************************************************************

When I make a cold contacts (a first time contact without invitation), I try to stick to the following rules:

1) Start with a specific compliment. Try to avoid the obvious (don't tell a beautiful woman she is beautiful, she knows it. Tell her she is articulate or funny instead.) Don't be vague or general. Women hate form letters. This means you MUST read the entire profile before even thinking about starting your letter.

2) Be conversational. Don't go into prosaic or formulaic writing styles. Even if that is the lady's thing, she won't reject you outright for using normal speech patterns in your contact email.

3) Be funny, or at least light hearted.

4) Throw in a little self-deprication. True confidence is shown in your ability to laugh at yourself. Sell yourself hard, but don't forget to balance it with humility.

5) Find the balance between bored interest and desperation. A despearte email will get as quickly rejected as one that looks like it was written through yawns.

6) Be articulate, but not long winded. Your first contact email should wet their lips, not wash over them like a tsunami.

7) Have more information available for them to find if they want...web pages are good things. On your web page, be very specific about who you are.

8) Don't do nudity in a contact mail.

9) Spell check!!!

As always, comments welcome...

Yours,
Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 2:18:58 PM

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

Hello,

I wanted to throw in my $0.02 cents. Basically, cold-contacting anybody is a marketing activity. The contactor is attempting to market themselves to a specific audience. While I do not work in marketing, I have some familiarity with it. There is a concept called "positioning" which is used. Basically, this concept involves setting yourself up as the alternative to something else. The example most commonly used was Avis rent-a-car, who used advertisements which basically stated "We're number 2, we try harder" and knocked Hertz off their pedestal. Read the profile, see what they dont like about people who contact them, indicate to them you are not that sort of person, then dont do those things.

I want to caveat this with honesty. If you are a horny net geek who enjoys genitalia shots on your profile, dont actually want a relationship, and are just looking for a consequence-free good time at somebody else's expense, do everybody a favor and dont position yourself as something else.

Additionally, I generally wish the person success in their search, even if this search does not end with me, at the close of the contact email.

Regards,

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 4:39:07 PM

Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
Status: offline

A salutation, A brief first contact summary of who and what they are, and if there are vast difference a reason, besides, "if you meet me you will like me". And yes, there is a reason to use the comments side of the profiles, to address what you want. So if they have not bothered to read it, then no I will not respond with more than a no thank you. A closing with a name, any name, if they use buckaroo bill, go for it. But I prefer to have the ability to write back to them using a salutation as well. This is a poly household, if they are looking to be "the one and only" why email me? If they are a submissive, having only a few interests, why email me? One of my least favorite, though fairly polite, is an email filled with them telling me how perfect we would be for each other, littered with exclamation points.

_____________________________

~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/21/2004 9:01:08 PM

Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

hmmmmm sorry Taggard
You would of lost Me at the
first sentance. I would not
have read further being it
was a cold contact and
not a request for permission
to speak to Me befor giving
Me information I had NOT
requested. Good first try tho
I can see the Dominant writing
in Your words tho quite plainly.

(in reply to Sundew02)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/29/2004 5:13:21 PM

Posts: 8
Joined: 5/17/2004
Status: offline

I would like to add one small bit of advise to the letter ........
for crying out loud . dont tell us how big it is !!! I am sure if we care to find out . we WILL believeee me we will ..... and when you think about it . they arent that big when they are locked up anyway

MzDonna

(in reply to MistressDREAD)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 6/29/2004 8:21:17 PM

confusetheswede

Posts: 48
Joined: 4/5/2004
From: THE DIRTY DIRTY
Status: offline

i dislike any mention of sex in the first few exchanged emails. it shows that your mind is numb to other things and other key points of existance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

It's probably already been covered, but ladies, what do you want in the perfect first e-mail. Please be a specific as possible. (Remember thees will not be read buy the guys you delete anyway. [Reading, what work?]) Do you expect proof he read your profile? (I.E. you said 5'10" to 6'2" and his profile states he is 5'2", does it make a difference if he asks how negotiable your height requirement is or not?) Does it matter if his fetishes do not match yours, but he adresses the ones that don't fit and asks how important they are. (I.E. he doesn't fetish feet but has no problem with it, but you listed foot worship.)

_____________________________

The Scorpio with hazel eyes.

(in reply to iwillserveu)

RE: first contact with a Mistress - 7/4/2004 3:17:56 PM

MistressZanthia

Posts: 88
Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
Status: offline

I posted this almost two years ago on Bondage.com forums... in answer to the same question. It still holds true.

~*~ZAN'S RULES OF ENGAGEMENT~*~

Right off…
Forget all you think you know about contacting a Domme when you write me... toss it out the window! Now...

1. Be human, be real, be sincere and tell me what about me interested you. Have a sense of humor. Leaving off the fantasy narratives, unless you like to see them in the hall of shame on my web pages?

2. No W/we crap. Be literate in plain English, not D/s English. It's annoying as all hell. The caps stuff too! I am not a chat room, don't treat me like one. And I recommend spell checking.

3. Please refrain from calling me anything remotely fantasy based (Mistress, Goddess, M'Lady, Ma'am, etc.) You don't know me, nor have you earned the right… and I don't accept those terms until you do and I tell you to call me by one.

4. Make sure your profile is complete. Not the checklists, the profile. Because when I first meet you I could pretty much care less what your BDSM interests are. You're a submissive or switch and that's all I need to know. These are things to discover about you later, if I like you.

5. Sins of Omission: You leave off anything on the profile for instance: cock size, marital status, experience level, name it, and I feel like you are hiding something. If you are… my first thought is, "What else could he be hiding?" And will just blow you off. I don't do "sins of omission". (NOT APPLICABLE ON COLLARME.COM)

6. As I have a photograph on my profile, I expect to see yours. And I won't beg or ask for it. Preferably one with a nice smile up close. Offer it in your first mail if it is not on your profile.

7. Keep it clean. Behave as if your 80 year old grandmother was in the room. I don't want to know your fantasies - until I care about you. And that could take some serious time and more than a few dates.

8. Chats, I simply won't do. Too much room for a boy to sit and try and bait me for cyber crap, which is a waste of my time. I have never, ever met anyone I've ever chatted with. Do you know why? Because I can't take them seriously. If your intentions are to truly meet a Domme, I expect you to go the extra mile to do so. Chatting isn't it, phone calls aren't either. Putting yourself physically in my presence is the only way you'll convince me that you're sincere in what you seek. I am sorry that I don't chat, but to me it is no way to get to know someone at all. Chemistry is critical so if you want the conversation to go beyond an initial "hello, I'd like to get to know you" you have to come here. I won't waste my time chatting or endlessly emailing someone.

9. Romance. I want the romance... all of it. Dinner out... things in common, little thoughtful touches and gifts, special times. So considering this doesn't work well in an online medium... you'll have to ask me out on a normal date. In the flesh and pretty damned soon too. I don't wait around for people to decide whether or not it's kosher, be real. I am basically an old fashioned girl. If you aren't local to me, and it's a good bet you aren't, I want to know when you are coming to meet me. If you're too afraid to hop a plane/bus/train or drive and put yourself in my presence physically... you aren't for me anyway. I don't like paranoid wussies to begin with.

10. I like men who aren't afraid to go after their dreams. Anyone can hide behind a computer screen. I am real, I am here and you be too if you want to know me. I am not afraid to meet people... why should you be? As I keep saying, there aren't any more whackos in the world then there ever were... they just have better Internet access now.

Gee, sounds just like how you'd approach a vanilla date now doesn't it?

_____________________________

~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

(in reply to confusetheswede)

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