RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (Full Version)

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Joseff -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/22/2007 3:32:39 PM)

mons, you have my sympathies.  I am one of those very lucky (and rare) people who was blessed with a stable, supportive, and very intelligent family. I don't share details of my private life, nor do I pry into theirs, but we are all pretty much aware of what the others are into, and it doesn't effect how we treat each other. I know I can go to any one of them if I have a problem in my life, and they will help and not judge. Like I said, I'm lucky.
Joseff



MisPandora -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/22/2007 6:57:20 PM)

I've been outed at work, and much of my family knows of my involvement in the lifestyle to some extent or another (either offered information or involuntary.)  I've got an older family, some of whom come from germanic and quaker traditions, and their judgements were tough.   I trust you'll get through it.  Belive it or not, it's made my living much easier.  It's refreshing to not hide things from people.  My mother gets it now and knows that the gentlemen I date are generally submissive to me, and that they respect and adore me.  That's really all she wants, since she never really got that from her own husband.   My cousin talked to me about sex and relationship issues when she couldn't to her parents, and I was able to impart to her knowledge about consent, about safe responsible sex, and about mutual respect and communication -- things I don't think are emphasized enough to young adults.  I also find it downright amusing when someone acts out and they're warned to 'watch out for ______, the disciplinarian', as though I'm going to whip out a ball gag, spank them or march them into the corner! 



mons -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/23/2007 3:19:07 AM)

pandroa and joseff greetings

i trusted her we talk for years about all types of things, then i told her about how i adore white slaves and she was so open to the ideal and listen and just had me going. you see i am disable not in a big way but i can not work so i am home alot and it gets lonley so she would talk to me and i had no ideal that she was  making fun of me and telling all of the family about my private life she is one who can fool you fast. it took her half sister a long time to tell me she was hurt for me. but i letr her know i am not ashamed of mu life i meant the best people here. but what a mess i have a npwhew who just got out of prsion for a brtual beating and rape of a woman i thank god he does not live her in ca he was the one who was laughing and thought it was the funniest thing ever. but i am so glad my niece told me and i had stop speaking to her months ago and i do not know what is up with her but she is strange , she wanted me to take her two girls if something ever happen to her. i wil not do it not because her laughing at me but other things i hae find out about her that made me see they will be like her and i had enough i know kids are wonderful and i love them but they some much more going on,
i learn a hard lesson but what does not kills uyou you makes you stronger i will not speak to her ever again it sad but i can not do it thank you both my twin and my niece respect my liefstlye and never make jokes or tel anyone so i am okay

thank you for you wonderful insight on this

mons[&:]



MrsDiablo -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/24/2007 5:03:41 AM)

I am who I am, and I opt not to hide it.  However, we do have children, who are younger, so discreation with them is a must.  But, sooner or later they will be teenagers, and are going to figure things out.  My family knows about it all, it's more less of a unspoken rule, of don't ask, don't tell.  However, my older sister has all kinds of "wonderful" things to say about me,  and in turn that is how the rest of the family found out.  I explained it quite simply to them, yes I am a Dominatrix, and yes I whip people, beat them, degrade them, and have some chuckles with them, but how funny I am not the one sneaky around on my husband."  The sucky thing is, trying to explain to people what BDSM is.  Sometimes, it gets very interesting, lots of silly questions.  I laugh it off, because shit happens, and if you can't crack jokes about it, or laugh about it, what's the point.  I actually had a neighbor ask me, if I keep my husband chained up in the basement.  My reply to her, well if I did that, I wouldn't get things done around the house, now would I?  People are people, and they are going to talk about you, regardless of what kinks you are into, if they didn't have that to talk about, they would find something else.  Take it in pride, and tell her to piss off.



mons -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/25/2007 3:32:43 AM)

greeting to all.

i should had known she was milking me for more and more questions and o did not see what she was doing it hurt me but i am not ashamed , i was at first because it was my private life she had just stop talking to me to me all together she is the niece who stole. she told my nephew who just gotten out of prison he was in or for rape! so i am not ashamed i am who i am and proud of it i never hurt anyone at all the rest of my family knows and STOL love me still. they love me so but just to think she did this was hurtfully . my son knows and must important he loves me no one else matter but she tried to hurt me. it is OK and wow what family can do to hurt you is amazing . i learned a hard lesson. this is the place to come to for help thank you all

take care all i will remember your kind word and thought '
,take care of your hearts
Mons



VadFarkas -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/25/2007 4:19:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: HypnoticDan

The alternate solution is don't do anything you'd be embarassed to talk about and/or learn to stop being embarassed about what you do. I can happily talk about anything going on in my life with anybody (afaik) and if anyone laughs I just shrug and say "yeah, maybe, but at least my life is interesting."


This is exactly what was going thru my mind as I read up to this point.
I have a friend and some acquaintances that pull me aside when we are with their family or friends and remind me not to say where we met or anything else that would indicate their lifestyle choices. This puts me in an awkward situation since I feel the same as Hypnotic Dan. Although I don't flaunt it, I don't tell lies well either, when asked, I just answer truthfully. Plus I have no idea what they already told someone else. Most times it just compounds the suspicions that those others already have. I'm amazed at the intricate webs some people weave just to camouflage their life from family and friends. On the other hand I can understand not wanting your employer to know of course. These might result in negative ramifications. But friends and family should be with you, if not, they aren't really friends in my opinion.Maybe I'm just lucky like Joseff? MHOO314,I have a friend that has a tattoo that reads:"3 Can keep a secret if 2 are dead"



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: when you tell a family member about you bdsm lifestyle and it gets out (8/25/2007 12:28:19 PM)

I lived a open lifestyle life in Atlanta and I paid for it by losing my job with the Georgia Building Authority.  Now they didn't say that for sure but we all know that's why.  I have a mixed view about telling a family member about the lifestyle. I have shared elements with my parents. After all they "kinda" no already.  We're like Clinton: "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"



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