First Meeting Safety Precautions

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

First Meeting Safety Precautions

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> First Meeting Safety Precautions

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/20/2007 2:49:45 PM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

It used to be so much easier: you'd see someone at a club and just pick them up and if they were into what you were, great - no worries no hassles. Then we started getting paranoid about meeting people we'd been talking to online...

So this is what I used to recommend as basic safety precautions for a first meeting: meet in a well-lit public place that there's a clear route to and from, have a safecall with a coded phrase that tells your friend to call the cops to said meeting place or en route, the meeting is of a fixed duration and you don't deviate from that location and route, and no play on the first meeting.

Now, hearing this come from the 6'3" 240# petite flower that I am tends to make some female associates who hear my safety rant want to be even more cautious than I am... which is sort of the point, I guess: I want my friends to stay alive for a while.

Then again, this is from a number of years ago. Do you think I should add anything? Remove things? Get over myself? Have things changed, or is this still good common sense?

Post #: 1

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/20/2007 8:07:20 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

It's all still good common sense. And, in the end, if it makes you feel better and feel safe, that's really what it's all about. If someone doesn't understand you desiring to keep yourself safe (by whatever process you've established), then that might be a pretty major red flag anyway.

Having said that, while I do take precautions when I'm meeting someone for the first time, they're a little less in depth... and I don't stick to them as hard and fast rules. I've met people and played within a few hours, and I've had someone visit from afar and stay with me when we hadn't met face to face. It depends on the person, how comfortable I am with them, and all that. And if someone else wanted a first meeting in a public place/etcetera, that's not a potential deal breaker for me.

I think it falls to each person to come up with their own set of requirements to feel safe. And while I might not agree with yours, I definitely respect the amount of time and thought that obviously went into them.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 2

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/20/2007 10:46:48 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

If you do your due diligence up front, I really don't see what the big paranoia is about. So far no one I know has suffered any ill effects from a broad daylight meeting for coffee. Common sense would tell you the basics about safely meeting a new friend in a public place.

I have a gauntlet I've had people run from the beginning. I've been e-dating for 7 years and have had only one negative experience. That's pretty good odds. Both the last 2 LTRs I had (in the lifestyle now that I'm in it) have been online meets. I met my ex husband through a dating service. You have to learn how to listen to your gut and trust yourself to make good choices. I got super-good at this while developing an outcall massage biz. It can be done.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 8/20/2007 10:48:16 PM >

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to SmokingGun82)

Post #: 3

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/20/2007 10:50:17 PM

Emperor1956

Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

It used to be so much easier. You just identified the one you wanted by her scent, clubbed her over the head and dragged her off to your den. When she woke up, you invented the missionary position...if she didn't cut your throat and steal your bear furs first.

E.

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 4

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 8:28:10 AM

e01n

Posts: 1472
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956: It used to be so much easier. You just identified the one you wanted by her scent, clubbed her over the head and dragged her off to your den. When she woke up, you invented the missionary position...if she didn't cut your throat and steal your bear furs first.

Ah, yes... before I learned to walk upright and use tools... ;)

But I think it's a valid observation: it seems like things are just that much "scarier" today than they were way back then. It might just be the fact that the media makes it easier to know about someone picking up people in bars, ruffy-ing them and take them back to his house for a bite to eat... or it might just be that there's more of a threat. I don't know. I don't care, within the context of this thread...

I'm looking at revising some old statements to reflect modern needs... that's it.

(in reply to Emperor1956)

Post #: 5

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 8:30:10 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I don't recommend safecalls. Do what works for you. I do think meeting for dinner at a nice place is a good deal- you're in public but can speak privately and you learn a LOT about a person by sharing a meal with them.

It all comes down to whether you can trust your judgement and have good fighting skills. Even the best choices end up down bad roads- you have to decide what level of risk you accept.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 6

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 8:46:01 AM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline

I agree- meeting for dinner is an excellent idea- it's public and gives you a chance to sit down and talk to one another..I met a few people in the mall for coffee- hung out there a bit..Safety is very imporant and unfortunatey, I haven't always thought of this but never had a real problem--- you never know who you are going to meet so always carry a cell phone and stay in well lit- public places.

_____________________________

Our greatest glory is not in never falling-but in rising every time we fall ( Confucius )

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 7

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:15:07 AM

favesclava

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

i did everything you guys say not to do.
even Master chided me afterwards for letting Him come to my home.
i never did that before. i felt no negativity from this Man. i trusted my instincts.
but looking back i'm scared of the choice i made. it could have turned out very bad if i had been wrong. so "DONT DO IT". be safe. please.

(in reply to JerseyKrissi72)

Post #: 8

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:21:17 AM

violetaelf

Posts: 74
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline

I'm not particularly Ok wtih safecalls either... How am I going to explain to a friend that I'm going on a date with someone I never met and they should stand-by to call the police at any time??? LOL>. my friends will go crazy with worry and be calling -me- ever 5 minutes to make sure my cellphone is on and I'm Ok. :)

I do suggest however that each person has their own mode of transportation and not depend on the other to take them home. If things don't go right, can always hop on the train, bus or your own car and depart. If the person you are meeting drove you here... it might become a problem (not to mention that you should remember what your mother told you.. "Don't get into a car with a stranger :)"

That said, I must admit that when I first met my Sir... I ignored about every single one of those safety points. I've know him online for a good year (that's not an excuse) But I felt very comfortable with him and trusted my instincts. Thankfully it was right and I had most wonderful first experience. But now that I think back... damn! It took lots of trust...

Stay safe everyone...

'violet'

(in reply to JerseyKrissi72)

Post #: 9

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:23:42 AM

Domina4femsub

Posts: 2
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline

Safety First. I always meet them in public for the first time. Better to be safe than sorry.

(in reply to favesclava)

Post #: 10

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:38:08 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: violetaelf
I'm not particularly Ok wtih safecalls either... How am I going to explain to a friend that I'm going on a date with someone I never met and they should stand-by to call the police at any time??? LOL>. my friends will go crazy with worry and be calling -me- ever 5 minutes to make sure my cellphone is on and I'm Ok.

Well that's not the part I don't like. My mother knows I meet people online all the time and she's been trained to be ok with it. I was raised to let someone know where you're going and when you should be expected back, that's just good manners IMO. I'd have no problems letting my mom know about that.

It's more simply that most people use safe calls in a worse way than they use condoms- I've even known people who had INTERNET safecalls which is just totally pointless. Secondly, they only let you know where to find the body. By the time someone knows something is wrong, it's already gone wrong.

Thirdly- they don't actually DO what people say they do. Relying on a safe call for safety is just all sorts of screwed up. They make people FEEL safer, but don't actually provide safety.

If I think I need a safe call to make the other person behave...why am I even RISKING to meet that person? If I feel I need one, I just refuse to meet at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to violetaelf)

Post #: 11

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:44:48 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I haven't read the other replies. Just wanted to add My two cents.

Safe calls are a very good practice, whether meeting on line or in person. I usually take them a step further than most, saying that they should be used at each new level of meeting. Even if you have met someone for public play, a safe call for the first private play meeting is in order. I find it to be a good method, regardless of role or gender. I insist on it, not just for Myself, but also for the bottoms who will be playing with Me. Yes, that includes those who stand a foot taller than Me and easily outweight Me by 100 pounds.

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 12

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 9:45:34 AM

daisymae03

Posts: 64
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

personally, with the safe call issue if i have the ability to make a safe call, meaning if im able to get to a place to call my friend and use teh special code, im in a private enough place to call the cops myself. but hey thats just IMO

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 10:16:38 AM

strongsadist

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

For me basic precautions are essential whenever you meet a person whom you have conversed online but never met in person.I dont think extraordinary precautions are needed at all.Meeting in a public place is in itself a precaution.Morever you have cell phone with you.Online conversations make it more easy and with a little bit of instinct and intelligence,one can judge the person on other end and can feel wheather the person is real and genuine.Basically there is hell of difference between trusting online and trusting in real.When you fix a real meet with that person,your online trust starts shaking and your mind raises lot of safety related questions .That is where real trouble starts.As a matter of fact we do not trust our own self.In case we did,there would have been no such questions.

(in reply to daisymae03)

Post #: 14

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 12:27:19 PM

subedana

Posts: 100
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

I'm one of those in agreement with a safe call, and definate public place on the first meeting or two. There is never play on the first meeting and I will not be getting into a car with anyone, nor will I expect anyone to get into a car with me.
Back in the day when I first got into lifestyle I had a meet with a Dom, first date ended up at his place for a session. No safe call no cell phone. Oh things were fine but it so couldn't have been. Better safe than sorry as they say.

_____________________________

Come here little boi, I've got some candy for you...

(in reply to strongsadist)

Post #: 15

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 1:55:05 PM

daisymae03

Posts: 64
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

its not that im not for any safety precautions, if you dont take any safety precautions and heaven forbid something bad does happen well its your own fault, thats not to be mistaken for me saying that you deserved it, it was probably just because of a stupid mistake on your part, liek fo rinstance not setting up some precautions. i agree with the no play on the first date point and definitly meeting in a public place, or better yet a group meet.

(in reply to subedana)

Post #: 16

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/21/2007 2:27:21 PM

cuteanduselesss

Posts: 7
Joined: 8/2/2007
From: A blip on the radar
Status: offline

Heh, I've broken every single one of those rules before. But that may be because I have a deathwish sometimes and meeting random new people is more fun & challenging than playing Russian Roulette. Boredom will probably be the death of me, whether it kills me directly or indirectly.

A couple weeks ago I drove out of state to meet a couple looking for a 24/7 after talking to the husband over the phone for a couple of days. I took no safety precautions and mentioned it after I'd been there a few days. They weren't very happy that I'd been so reckless and made some safety suggestions. However, my gut instinct had told me it would be alright and that I needed to go meet them. I'm glad I did, as I felt an unusual sort of affinity for them both. I usually can't *really* talk to someone for very long without frightening or confusing them.

Anyway, I shall try to be more cautious in the future and take these things into consideration rather than just disappearing without telling anyone.

_____________________________

Chasing the Meaning of Life
is very much like
a dog chasing its own tail

(in reply to daisymae03)

Post #: 17

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/26/2007 12:10:31 AM

oldgoth

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/1/2007
Status: offline

I must be overly causous in some ways. Public meeting...yup. For me it's public meetings until I trust the person and have built a good repore. Once it moves to play there are no interuptions by the silly phone.. however, I have the advantage that my kids introduced me to the local group, so I ALWAYS tell them where, who and edited what and when I entend to be home before I go anywhere...so far..so good

(in reply to cuteanduselesss)

Post #: 18

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/26/2007 12:38:21 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

Meeting people has always been risky. The danger isn't really greater, we're just more aware of it.

First meeting for me is always in a public place, with plenty of witnesses. Prudent precautions are never paranoid.

_____________________________

(in reply to e01n)

Post #: 19

RE: First Meeting Safety Precautions - 8/26/2007 6:43:37 AM

Alyoop

Posts: 138
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

I have even gone a step farther and invited a friend (who was nillia but knew what I was doing exactly) come to dinner. But he would sit across the room, and we had a code. If I put my hair up into a pony tail or something that was the big clue of I feel really icky and unsafe do something to get me out. This insured that the man couldnt follow and harm me afterwards (which I have seen happen) because I had a very intimidating man arround me.

Ally

_____________________________

----------------------
Alyoop

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.
~ Mignon McLaughlin

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Health and Safety >> First Meeting Safety Precautions

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.125