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RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 5:31:19 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
So, let me get this straight... you just insulted every participant on these forums by calling them the "mediocre herd.

Just a small point here - I think it takes at least two people to accomplish a successful insult. There is the sender: the person making the possibly insulting comment; and the receiver: the person choosing to be insulted by the comment made. Personally, I didn't choose to feel insulted. I think it's possible the statement was poorly worded rather than an insult being purposefully intended.

I more or less agreed with what the speaker stated. Others have made note of an issue of conformity - and these "silly" questions do indicate some kind of perceived "herd" mentality at work on the part of the person asking them. They do want to belong and conform instead of thinking for themselves. They want to be told what to do.

I think it's more acceptable from a Sub than a Dom however.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 5:36:13 PM

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From: Tidewater, VA
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quote:

Ok ... so what kind of shoes should I wear on a first date anyway?

Midear Caitlyn-

Comfy ones- with some weight to them...

you might have to kick someone, and then walk home...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to caitlyn)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 5:37:57 PM

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From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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and these "silly" questions do indicate some kind of perceived "herd" mentality at work on the part of the person asking them. They do want to belong and conform instead of thinking for themselves. They want to be told what to do.

I think it's more acceptable from a Sub than a Dom however.
==========
yeah and see, THIS is one of MY issues because i do NOT conform...and piss people off by it. but ya know? "I" am a 60's child...........i have fought AGAINST conformity ALL my life.

take care

(in reply to Chaingang)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 5:59:00 PM

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Some very intellectual responses to this thread, I'd like to keep my opinion simpler. I'd rather hear the same basic questions over and over again than have people afraid to ask.

Is there a wealth of information out there?: Certainly, sometimes it's easy to find, sometime's it's not.

Is there a wealth of disinformation out there?: you betcha.

Making someone new comfortable and allowing them to ask what may seem like a thoroughly basic question without ridicule hopefully will allow them the courage to ask the questions they no doubt have that are not so simple. Ones that their safety and well being may depend on. Besides, in any community, an attitude of elitism ultimately leads to stagnation and decay.

There have definitely been times I have come across a newbie who obviously wants to be spoon fed, but who knows if they're lazy, scared to their wits end, or get off on being baby-stepped.

If it bothers you or tires you, you are not required to pay them any attention. If it chafes on you that you feel obligated to assist, that is your issue. Not theirs. If you take on a pompous attitude in defiance to them and are ridiculed in turn, don't expect pity.

We were all new once, just because you may have learned in a different fashion does not make us better... just... well.... different.

I am not saying for a moment that I am above sniping at anyone... I have, and no doubt will in the past, but I tend to take offense at a lack of courtesy and respect, not questions.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share this with you as my first post. :)

Rogue

(in reply to veronicaofML)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 7:39:36 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Greetings Rogue,

Sir you are quite correct and I framed my responce more in frustration that in compassion for the new ones. Those who do know me know that I will spend what time I have helping and answering questions for those who are new and perhaps as you say a little timid to post. However we do get some who either see asking basic questions as a game for their entertainment or are too lazy to search and locate answers posted. I believe each of us must make up our minds as individualsd when looking at questions and thus I should perhaps just do what I usually do with certain posters, pass them by without comment. My thanks for posting and pulling me back into the line I have set myself. (Is it possible that even ancient Grizzlies have bad hair days or could it be male grizzly menopause? Hmm I'll have to hibernate on this.... Where is that slave i want to hibernate with????)

For any who found my original post either in bad taste, rude or uncaring, my appologies.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Englishrogue)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 7:56:13 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

I reply to the op..It's just basic stupidity born of insecurity, People don't want to think for themselves.

Hang on just one cotton pickin' minute. There is a difference between stupidity and ignorance. Ignorance is curable with education, stupidity is not.

I am sorry but I take a bit of an issue with this statement because one of the FIRST things that people tell newbies on this (or any other site for that matter) is to ask questions. This lifestyle is replete with etiquette and protocol and rules and regulations. How is anyone supposed to learn if they don't ask questions? Perhaps they might seem trivial to some, but to the one that is asking the question their issue is important. Maybe it is an old subject that has been beaten to death, but so what? People post links in order to point the new person to an old thread about the same question.

Come on... has everyone forgotten that they asked questions too? I am sure your questions weren't original and had been asked before but someone took the time to answer you and educate you. Were your questions born out of stupidity and insecurity?

not often you run across someone that speaks for you so clearly.. but yes... this said it all. ..... i'm not a "newbie"... or so i thought till coming to this site. .... and now even i too am full of questions... again... but no worry, i'll keep them to myself ... because asking one got me in trouble already and post removed..so i'll go on a hunt and "look it all up too"....

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 8:02:06 PM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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truesub4u, dont let some of cantankerous old farts scare you off asking questions. Sure go and do some hunting in the archives and then ask what you need clarification on. For every one who passes the question by there will be more who are willing to reply. the secret is to look at all the answers and take what applies to you and place the rest to one side. I know there are those who are also happy to talk and help via messenger as well........ In the long run it is better to ask and be slapped down by some cantankerous old fart athan never to ask at all.....

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 8:05:17 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pleasureforHim

"Yes, there are some shining beacons of truth out there, honest voices who tell us that there is no One Twue Way of doing any of this, but for the most part they're drowned out by two groups: the bitter, jaded, cynical old-timers who resent having their views on things bent by impertinent whippersnappers and the fluffy bunnies'n'rainbows crowd who turn every scene into a Disneyfied wankfest of glittery souls connecting on a spiritual plane beyond this one."

ROFLMAO

One Twue Way; Well, i'm f**ked; because i never follow the rules or read the instructions; i generaly learn from watching others or hitting my head on the wall (two, three times, LOL).

Disneyland wankfest? Well, i'm f**ked again. in my limited sex ed 101 knowledge, i dunno how a woman would "wank", LOL. And i adore Disney films. i get wet every time i see "Fantasia". i suffer from "species confusion"; i wanna scene with the coca cola polar bear. ROFL.

As for asking questions; if yr so mighty then i assume you also have the restraint to ignore little newbies and their annoying habit of asking questions about things you learned a long time ago...probably by asking questions yourself.

pleasureforHim

ROFLMFAO.... OMG.. this was toooooooooo funny.... so colorful.. so gloriously put... so right on the money, seems some have forgotten that before they walked.. they crawled... (or before they crawled... they walked)

(in reply to pleasureforHim)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 9:42:38 PM

MissDiandSirHugh

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From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
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Well what a pair of stupid old farts are we.
When we say G'day to those that introduce them selves and are new we also most times tell them to have a read through the forums and if need be ask questions to help in their learning and to gain knowledge in what ever they feel needs it even if to them it may sound silly or not worth asking even if they get mixed answers just read them all and think on it all to get to understand betterand ask agian then as well.
But after reading this we will now tell them to shut their gobs and just stay unsure and dumb on it all no matter what it is they need to know or wnat help with (Bloody don,t thing so).
Yes we have all seen ones that are only for the wank brigade or just to get a bite from others but if we can"t help those that really need it then best not have the forums at all just profiles and thats it.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to truesub4u)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/22/2005 10:44:08 PM

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Yes, of course they do. Questions posed to me have ranged from unintelligible to ignorant to downright stupid. Perhaps one of the most rude exachanges occcured in a chat room when someone sent me a private IM saying only, "a/s/l?". To which I replied
"What? Please explain?" The response was a smarmy "You don't cyber often do you?
That is age/sex/location". My retort was a terse, "Didn't your momma teach you better manners than that boy? How about some conversation and getting to know you first?"

Needless to say he vanished in cyber space.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/23/2005 5:22:56 AM

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Vendaval

Perhaps one of the most rude exachanges occcured in a chat room when someone sent me a private IM saying only, "a/s/l?".

My response usually is ancient/often/here.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to Vendaval)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/23/2005 6:29:04 AM

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I don't chat in chat rooms. I do use Trillian messenger, but I only have 5 people listed and most are family or very close friends.

Presuming that one's presence in a chat room is to hook-up on some basis, I just wanted to say that I can't see why "a/s/l" isn't relevant. I understand what you people are saying in that it's not much of an introduction and not very polite when a simple "Hello" might make a better ice breaker, but it's not silly. In fact, it's one of the recommended pieces of information that is part of one's profile on the other side. If the chat names are the same as the profile I guess people could do their own research too, so that might be an issue - but I don't chat so I don't know.

As to the question: "How about some conversation and getting to know you first?" Well, "a/s/l" is getting to the point isn't it, if perhaps too quickly?

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/23/2005 7:41:57 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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This is just a general sort of reply; it is not aimed at any particular poster.

If one hates to see questions and posts that don't meet their high standards, this is not likely the place for them to hang out. That likely goes for many other, if not most, online forums.

If the header of the original post does not interest you, or it seems to be an over-flogged dead horse, don't open the thread.

Many well-meaning and sincere people can ask seemingly "stupid" questions, for any number of reasons - inexperience, embarassment, not immediately grasping what someone else perceives as "blindingly obvious" - but it doesn't make them bad people.

It seems to me that a lot less effort is expended by skipping over questions you have no interest in answering or following, than in complaining about people who are merely using this board as it was meant to be used.

Just my 2¢ worth.

Tasha

_____________________________

"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/23/2005 8:08:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I don't remember these types of questions happening much on usenet in the days of alt.sex.bondage (maybe someone from the old days can chime in), but it seems like a great deal of them are absolutely subjective. Things like "am I a bad slave because...." or "he collared me, what does this mean?" or "how do you pick a slave name?".

Do vanillas in new relationships ask things like:

"He started to refer to me as his girlfriend. What does that mean?"

"What kind of shoes should I wear on a first date?"

"She said he loves me a week after we met. Does that mean she really loves me?"

"Who should drive on the first date?"

"I heard him swear on the phone talking to his friends, but he doesn't swear in front of me. Is he a potty mouth and hiding it? Does being a potty mouth mean he's a bad person?"

It's one thing to ask about bdsm technique and whatnot, but so many questions are about relationship protocol -- when in reality there is no specific, approved relationship protocol, just like vanilla dating. It all depends on the two people involved. To ask questions about what is right or wrong will never get a clear answer.

What's even more odd is that these questions come up very regularly. Is it a quest for conformity -- or are people just trying to "fit" into a lifestyle/kink by doing what they think is the "approved" way, regardless of what their actual relationship dynamics are?

Akasha

Gee.. I don't know. I spent many an hour on the phone with my best friend going "Do you really think I should wear the skirt to meet him? Will it match those new shoes I just bought? What about that sweater?"
*grins*

-nena{R}

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/23/2005 9:16:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Ok ... so what kind of shoes should I wear on a first date anyway?

When in doubt either black flats (which go with damn near everything except flowery mumu's) or go barefoot.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to caitlyn)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/25/2005 5:42:26 AM

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SophisBelle: I like your attitude! I will disagree with the part of your post about "timid, insecure and stupid questions" because in this lifestyle, the ONLY stupid question is the one you didn't ask. Research is a wonderful thing, but I've also gone thru a lot of sites for information, and a lot of times, this information is confilcting from one site to the other...who to believe?
In this lifestyle, there are so called common protocols of behavior which also vary from area to area, group to group. It is somewhat safe to say that common "company manners" will suffice at any public BDSM function as a good place to start. As for protocols and behaviors within a personal BDSM relationship, those are as numerous as the relationships they occur in. It's extremely personal and individualized in each relationship...we simply take what we want(metaphorically speaking), and leave the rest.
I do admire the final paragraph of this admittedly edited quote below...strong, independant and beautiful is a wonderful description and goal for us all. No matter what role we have in this life, those goals are respectable. It begins with an understand of who we are and what we wish to accomplish. Remember, this is a journey with no final destination....just a journey. You have begun yours in style, continue to do so, and your rewards will be plentiful.

SirButchTX.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SophiaBelle

I would consider myself young, at twenty, and notably I am conflicted with the question.

I still have questions though, and the people who have to suffer my questioning are getting bothered with timid, insecure and stupid questions. Maybe you see the spirit of the Life, or the Scene, as fitting into your unique dynamic- representing yourself comfortably. Of course, from the reading I've been doing, even though the MOST important thing is the dynamic, there is still a lot of stock in the way things are "done." I don't want to say the life is a bizarre social heirarchy that functions with rigorous standards, but it sort of seems like it is. Then again, I haven't partaken, so I can't really say.

I genuinely hope that I will become a strong, independent and beautiful person who is appreciated by others like myself once given the chance- but right now, I feel like asking stupid questions too- because even though I "Know" things, I don't feel confident in my knowledge, or up to par with others.

Sorry for the diatribe.

(in reply to SophiaBelle)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/25/2005 6:40:59 AM

ExistentialSteel

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I nod to most of the posts on the subject. Subs want to fit into the community. It is human nature to want to be accepted by groups we admire. Most doms know that new subs don't quite understand things, yet also realize they want to fit in and will do most thing to become a respected "member."

What does this have to do with the orginal post about asking newbie type questions? Just that it identifies one as a newbie to doms who may use the "need to be accepted factor."

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Do some questions seem plain ridiculous? - 11/25/2005 6:44:23 AM

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

(Is it possible that even ancient Grizzlies have bad hair days or could it be male grizzly menopause? Hmm I'll have to hibernate on this.... Where is that slave i want to hibernate with????)

IronBear

~waves hands in the air~

ROFLMAO.

candystripper

(in reply to IronBear)

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