RE: SAFE WORDS/ SIGNALS

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RE: SAFE WORDS/ SIGNALS - 8/27/2007 7:52:01 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

My advice, jumping in a little late it seems.
Safe words are not a failsafe. Before you know one another well enough to read actual body language rather than depending on a safe word... you shouldnt be doing anything rough. No matter who starts it.
Especially if you are inexperienced, safe words are often forgotten in the heat of the moment. This is exactly why I stopped using them. Never once did my pets remember them, however I was asked to stop or let up several times. So, now , I go exactly by way is said If someone says stop, I stop. If they dont mean it, its their own fault for calling it quits. I am very literal, and it avoids a lot of problems. Id ratehr stop short on a scene going well than overstep and let one go bad.

My opinion, at least.
DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to celticlord2112)

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Post #: 21

RE: SAFE WORDS/ SIGNALS - 8/27/2007 7:58:38 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

I wish your post had been placed on the General board where it would get more reads. It is a good example of the reasons I have adamantly posted so many times against the use of safewords. They do nothing to keep one safe when they fail....and that happens fairly often.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Trust me on this....the boat you are in is very crowded. In my own experience I can relate countless tales of safeword failures that I am personally aware of. I would guess that a part of your brain was waiting for the utterance of that word or signal and until that happened there was an assumption that all was well. So many times this is exactly what people who are new are taught. You should give yourself credit for having the wits about you to sense that all was not well in the absence of such a word or signal. Many others would not have.

Don't let this experience stop you on your path, simply learn the lesson from it and move forward. A safeword is never a replacement for a Dominant who is in tune and paying attention.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to PAINTRAIN)

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RE: SAFE WORDS/ SIGNALS - 8/28/2007 7:07:38 AM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PAINTRAIN

are we all not reading the same post here? i did stop... when i felt something was not right... the emediate moment i felt it... if that was not soon enough... please forgive my ignorance... but bare in mind... i admitted i am still green, and nomatter how much experience you can not read minds. i dont need to be chastizes by anyone... trust me when i tell you i am still beating myself up over what happened... so much that i was the one to end the relationship... because i needed time to figure out how to clear my mind. i know i fuked up... but to this day i cant honestly tell you how. as for someone observing... sorry thats one time no one observes... it was sexual in nature and i dont do well with an audience. and if you look, i beleive i have a post on here announcing myself and welcoming any assistance since i am new... and dont want a bad experience to ruin it for me. as for blaming her... i only blame her for the inability to use the safeword... SHE CHOSE!!! i blame me every single day... hence the reason I have posted here. however it seems that most of you are so quick to jump the gun that none can actually give the advice i actually need1

Okay , already we all now know with several posts that there is no abuse in BDSM now leave her alone with that. Wow, where is the compassion!!! She is beating herself up as any experienced dom would have if something had gone wrong.

Pain...call it lesson learned and move on. You are the dom in this so why go on the advise of your sub? You have admitted you are new...fine....take things slowly and learn your sub's reactions first before doing anything heavy. It takes time to learn anothers body langauge. Sometimes it is easy and some are very subdued. My advise for what it is worth is slow up , make sure she/he is warmed properly and move ahead.

TO ALL THE REST CUT SOME SLACK

(in reply to PAINTRAIN)

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Post #: 23

RE: SAFE WORDS/ SIGNALS - 8/28/2007 7:58:54 PM

MissRayne

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline

Safe words arent a perfect thing.You admitted to being green and noone is perfect.Even those who have been in the life for 2576854367 years..

I think your best bet is to chalk this up to a learning experience and In the future....Pay close attention to reactions .Thats all the advice I can give you from both sides of the paddle