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Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 3:35:18 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I udpated my profile on the other side recently and spent more time over there, and was inundated with messages.  Since I am not looking for an immediatel real life hook up/partner (I already have that covered), the responses were skewed toward those that knew they'd at least be starting via email and phone and should be open to that kind of exploration.

It was impossible to know who to take seriously - there's just no way to know.  At first I got 10 - 15 emails every time I logged on for more than 5 minutes, and most were one liners ("wanna chat?" or a one-line question).  I don't ask for gifts, or tributes, or anything to demonstrate sincerity other than an investment of time.  I suggested that they read my profile a little more carefully, check out my web site, and at the very least, submit a writing sample for a fun "contest" I had on my site (free contest) about writing a little story to "push my buttons."  The instructions were pretty detailed, but NOT asking for erotica; in fact, it clearly aske for something NOT sexual in nature.

Of about 125 contacts, only 1 guy took the time to enter the writing contest.  I find that mindblowing. Yet, many of them still continue to contact me and ask for time.  The writing contest had no minimum word limit; really, they could have written a paragraph, but put some thought into it. 

I find it impossible to consider that 124 men could be "written off" because they don't care or are not serious. Instead, I think there's got to be another reason, and it's perhaps just a flaw in my own methods.  I can understand why some men would not want to waste their own time in completing an exercise in futility  - but how then do they suggest a woman take seriously all of the requests for her time and attention?  How do you sort them?

Another thing I was doing with those I tried to start a communication with is see if they could hold up their end of the conversation effort and it just never worked - but the third email, it's me asking questions and them answering them and the emails get shorter on their end each time.  It's impossibel to work that hard to keep it going when you get 5 - 6 more new emails in your box each time.

I've been on the net a long time and consider myself fairly savvy in identifying what I want/need and making it work, but I am not sure if this medium (collarme) is too crowded to make any sense of it.  Maybe I need an easier contest? :)

What's most frustrating is that I know I am overlooking the 'diamonds in the rough' because I have many emails I intended (intend) to answer but they get buried as the one liners pile in.  By the time I write back to some of the men who put more thought in their email, I get "this profile no longer exists."  Yikes!

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 5:04:41 PM   
louisfceline


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hello AAkasha. First, let me tell You that i stumbled on Your website many years ago and was BLOWN AWAY. LOL. i kept thinking to myself, "who is this woman writing these......stories?" Wildly erotic to say the least. Although i have no idea how much of those stories and ramblings were based in fact, i could tell they were personal and enjoyed the trip. Thank You.

As for Your recent post, i read all the time about one line messages and men asking inappropriate questions and making inappropriate suggestions. i hear they send pictures of their genitalia instead of their faces and tell the Ladies nothing about who they are. i also hear that many of them are "do me" messages or are seeking "wanking material". i hear that the messages are not a reflection of anything real. i  don't send messages to everyone i see online, very few actually. When i do, i try to let the person know who i am, why i'm interested in them, my level of experience (or lack therof), and what i feel i have to offer. i never get so much as a "no thanks" from them. The only replies i ever get are from those that are geographically out of my reach when i found something interesting about their profiles and i took the time to compliment them.

Is this just symptom of a free website where anyone can post messages or replies?


lfceline

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 6:20:12 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

  Since I am not looking for an immediatel real life hook up/partner (I already have that covered), the responses were skewed toward those that knew they'd at least be starting via email and phone and should be open to that kind of exploration.



I'm sorry, but I do think the bolded information skewed your sample. The virtual world lends itself to men [and women] who only want to live in their head. Hence the endless emails about *their* fetishes, and refusal to put any effort into anything outside that.

Submissive men who are ready to live it in real life and refuse to settle for less in spite of the lottery-winning odds, have been, in my experience, a different breed, even when they haven't been a match for me.

Of course, then you have submissives that only *think* they're ready for real life, lol, but that's another topic.


_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 6:30:17 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		Makes perfect sense to me.

Submissive guys are stupid and lazy. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 7:07:48 PM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Since I am not looking for an immediatel real life hook up/partner (I already have that covered), the responses were skewed toward those that knew they'd at least be starting via email and phone and should be open to that kind of exploration.



I'm sorry, but I do think the bolded information skewed your sample. The virtual world lends itself to men [and women] who only want to live in their head. Hence the endless emails about *their* fetishes, and refusal to put any effort into anything outside that.


Can't argue with that... my own perception of people looking for online-only interaction is that they're geared more towards chatroom/IM/Second Life-style interactive dialogue than extended missives of seduction... At least to me, while it's not an unreasonable amount of work to put towards building a potential RL relationship (big payoff, difficult to come by), it would be a lot of work for a strictly virtual relationship (small payoff, easier to come by). Although i might have taken a swing at it simply as an erotica writer/fanboy

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 7:08:40 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Okay, so I went and took a peek on the "other side"...

Honey, your profile is an HNGs wet dream!

For one, you're pretty. First ingredient for a flood of emails, since a good number of men don't even bother to read a profile once they see a photo that gives them a stiffy. You are very forthright about what you like to do, and give examples... which, to be blunt, has the unfortunate side effect of being wank fodder. I am not critisizing you at all for your choice of words, it's just an unfortunate reality that a lot of horny net geeks are probably already reaching for the lube before they can even type out their one liner. This may partially explain why you have been so incredibly inundated and overwhelmed.

Really, my only suggestion for something that may help curb the asshatery a bit is to make it clear - preferably at the header of your profile - exactly what you expect and what you will not tolerate when it comes to introductions. Like I said, many people don't read profiles, and amongst those that do, many only read the first few lines or only scan superficially so you need to find some way to get your point across clearly and hopefully consistently.

I have a similar problem of not always having a chance to reply to people that I'd really like to right away, and very frequently lately end up finding "profile does not exist" when I've gotten around to it. It kind of sucks. To compensate a little, I simple just don't even bother with one liners and messages that clearly are just way off base.

IMO, YMMV and all that jazz.


_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 7:31:19 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Did you get as many responses like this prior to a picture?
I don't get a lot of those types of responses, but I don't have a picture up.
Let's face it, many that come here are not seeking serious relationships, and most
have no intention of working hard at all.

< Message edited by LadyIce -- 8/27/2007 7:32:29 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 7:49:13 PM   
Dilseachd


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		With all due respect...and I do not intend this to be a flame at all...you have been asking this same question and making the same observation for years now.  I recall ten years ago on IRC how you used to come on and rant about this and people said the exact same things then that  they do now.  It was always a good mix of...submissive men are clueless pigs...and you bring this on yourself.  

In my opinion the net has only gotten worse from what it was back then.   Its a shame too.  When I first started exploring this lifestyle the web actually had good resources that were easier to find that you could use to learn about it...including your website.   Now it is 99.9% porn.  You ARE a webcelebrity in many ways so its only natural you are going to get your share of HNG's.   I commend you for finaly putting up a picture of yourself...lol..somehow the mystique of Akasha has been lessened to me though.   I remember evenings of you and I goading each other on IRC back then...which I always took to be good natured fun.  

I can relate though to your email problems.  The same can be said of Dominants as well.  I often get email's from a Lady and when I send a formal well written response in return I get nothing back...or one or two short responses then nothing.  It is one reason my "net time" is minimal anymore.  I still prefer to go out to local events and meet people face to face.

Best wishes,
Dilseachd..although you knew me as Oisin ten years ago. :)

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 7:57:47 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		I could be wrong here, but it appears as if she is looking for submissives to write
stories for her, for free.
Yet, you must pay to read them on her web site.

WTF is that all about?

(in reply to Dilseachd)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 8:59:00 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		*chuckles at the quote from her profile: "If you play ice hockey...or are Russian...I may make an exception, because those happen to be two of my very, very hot buttons right now...." *
 
OMG hahahahahhaa.  I love it.  I've got a thing for ice hockey as we've discussed before, and german men.  Together that makes for a lovely conversation.  Dennis Seidenberg, now with the Canes (http://tinyurl.com/2853xs for a pic) could struggle in my chains for a long time and I couldn't get tired of it :-)

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 8/27/2007 9:05:43 PM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 9:00:12 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*chuckles at the quote from her profile: "If you play ice hockey...or are Russian...I may make an exception, because those happen to be two of my very, very hot buttons right now...." *
 
OMG hahahahahhaa.  I love it.  I've got a thing for ice hockey as we've discussed before, and german men.  Together that makes for a lovely conversation.  Dennis Seidenberg, now with the Canes (http://tinyurl.com/278xys for a pic) could struggle in my chains for a long time and I couldn't get tired of it :-)


The picture did not work  - I am dying to see :)  Yes, hockey is a fetish of mine now.  I am so miserable during the offseason.  Two weeks until camp.  Counting down the days. 

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MisPandora)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 9:04:44 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dilseachd

With all due respect...and I do not intend this to be a flame at all...you have been asking this same question and making the same observation for years now.  I recall ten years ago on IRC how you used to come on and rant about this and people said the exact same things then that  they do now.  It was always a good mix of...submissive men are clueless pigs...and you bring this on yourself.  

In my opinion the net has only gotten worse from what it was back then.   Its a shame too.  When I first started exploring this lifestyle the web actually had good resources that were easier to find that you could use to learn about it...including your website.   Now it is 99.9% porn.  You ARE a webcelebrity in many ways so its only natural you are going to get your share of HNG's.   I commend you for finaly putting up a picture of yourself...lol..somehow the mystique of Akasha has been lessened to me though.   I remember evenings of you and I goading each other on IRC back then...which I always took to be good natured fun.  

I can relate though to your email problems.  The same can be said of Dominants as well.  I often get email's from a Lady and when I send a formal well written response in return I get nothing back...or one or two short responses then nothing.  It is one reason my "net time" is minimal anymore.  I still prefer to go out to local events and meet people face to face.

Best wishes,
Dilseachd..although you knew me as Oisin ten years ago. :)


Despite the complaining over the years, I still always managed to find what I wanted. I had the perfect phone boytoy for quite a long time, I had a man who created awesome videos for me when I sent him toys, I had plenty of real life partners.  I met my husband via my web site, so who am I to complain?  I've been monogamous for 6 years and am inching toward a few new outlets/experiences and it gives an opportunity to meet submissive men, but I am in no hurry to run out and meet anyone because I am fluid monogamous and intend to stay that way for the time being.

Those that suggested the online vs. real life issue is what attracts the worse element are probably right; although I'm not looking for an online relationship as much as I am looking for a phone/video relationship, which I consider slightly different.  But yes, maybe 7 - 8 years ago when I looked for that sort of thing it was easier, and now times are a big different. 

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Dilseachd)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 9:08:07 PM   
MisPandora


Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The picture did not work  - I am dying to see :) 


Sorry, I forgot that it's a login site.   I uploaded the pic onto my own server so the new link should work.
http://tinyurl.com/2853xs

quote:


Yes, hockey is a fetish of mine now.  I am so miserable during the offseason.  Two weeks until camp.  Counting down the days. 

I just stopped at our team's practice arena and picked up AHL tickets as well as passes for camp and pre-season!

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/27/2007 9:40:46 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
A maledom this full of himself would be slapped upside the head.

Of course its all apples and oranges, which I suppose makes it interesting.

(A maledom would never be so beseiged, unless of course it were Amayos, but he's changed teams.)

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/28/2007 2:35:25 PM   
planomaid


Posts: 77
Joined: 10/4/2004
Status: offline 		The "Shotgun" approach has been around since, well, pickup lines I guess.  For a very long time men have used it to find potential bedmates.  The logic being if you ask 100 women, 99 will say no, but 1 (and it can be more than 100..) will eventually say yes.  Personally it seems like it is far more effort to find that "1" than it is to invest in a personal relationship, but for some men, that just seems like too much work.

Women, on the other hand, haven't had to do this, as they are almost always the ones being pursued.  Were a woman to walk up to 100 men and ask them to bed, I'm sure she would probably have 99 'yes!' to the one 'no'.  Well, hopefully for my gender there would be more no's, but lets not get picky with the example.

When you put yourself out there on the web, asking for attention, you will get it.  You can't avoid nor stop the unwanted attention, as the medium is not set up for something like that.  What you can do, however, is pick and choose who, if any, you desire to continue contact with.  You can delete/block the rest.

Dommes are not the only ones who get frustrated with this sort of thing.  Men get frustrated as well, perhaps not in the same exact manner, but they still have their own share of the problem.  We have to deal with the flaky/horrible/add-your-own-description-of-bad-domme-here ourselves.  I've yet to figure out a method that doesn't involve sifting through the bad to find the good ones.  If anyone else has, please share!

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/28/2007 5:25:01 PM   
SlaveTurtleFL


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline 		i think a lot of men are just not that verbal.  i run emails for a famous Dominatrix and i see mails come from friends She has known a long time, out of touch for a while, that are nothing but brief notes with a phone number.  Others come with these elaborate declarations of undying submissive love, and on the rare occasions that i hear back from the Mistress about them, they turn out to be weenies that can't respect Her on the phone.  There doesn't seem to be a set rule about this except that male subs and masos sometimes lose all good sense when they're writing to a given Mistress for the first time, and most of the rest of them blow it on the phone or in person.  They may not necessarily be losers in life or even insincere about serving a Domina, but they have poor communication skills, for which i would blame the usual suspects -- schools, parents, watching too much TV -- plus, some of them write after getting lathered up reading bondage magazines or websites, always a mistake.  :)

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/28/2007 5:30:49 PM   
SlaveTurtleFL


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*chuckles at the quote from her profile: "If you play ice hockey...or are Russian...I may make an exception, because those happen to be two of my very, very hot buttons right now...." *
 
OMG hahahahahhaa.  I love it.  I've got a thing for ice hockey as we've discussed before, and german men.  Together that makes for a lovely conversation.  Dennis Seidenberg, now with the Canes (http://tinyurl.com/278xys for a pic) could struggle in my chains for a long time and I couldn't get tired of it :-)


The picture did not work  - I am dying to see :)  Yes, hockey is a fetish of mine now.  I am so miserable during the offseason.  Two weeks until camp.  Counting down the days. 

Akasha



i happen to be a Tampa Bay Lightning fan... one other thing i'm pining away for is the beginning of the NHL season.  But, i miss spankings a lot more.

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/28/2007 9:09:21 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveTurtleFL

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*chuckles at the quote from her profile: "If you play ice hockey...or are Russian...I may make an exception, because those happen to be two of my very, very hot buttons right now...." *
 
OMG hahahahahhaa.  I love it.  I've got a thing for ice hockey as we've discussed before, and german men.  Together that makes for a lovely conversation.  Dennis Seidenberg, now with the Canes (http://tinyurl.com/278xys for a pic) could struggle in my chains for a long time and I couldn't get tired of it :-)


The picture did not work  - I am dying to see :)  Yes, hockey is a fetish of mine now.  I am so miserable during the offseason.  Two weeks until camp.  Counting down the days. 

Akasha



i happen to be a Tampa Bay Lightning fan...


Well, if we're *really* going to turn this thread back to hockey...GO SHARKS !!

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to SlaveTurtleFL)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/29/2007 5:01:57 PM   
louisfceline


Posts: 13
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Misstoyou


quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveTurtleFL

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

*chuckles at the quote from her profile: "If you play ice hockey...or are Russian...I may make an exception, because those happen to be two of my very, very hot buttons right now...." *
 
OMG hahahahahhaa.  I love it.  I've got a thing for ice hockey as we've discussed before, and german men.  Together that makes for a lovely conversation.  Dennis Seidenberg, now with the Canes (http://tinyurl.com/278xys for a pic) could struggle in my chains for a long time and I couldn't get tired of it :-)


The picture did not work  - I am dying to see :)  Yes, hockey is a fetish of mine now.  I am so miserable during the offseason.  Two weeks until camp.  Counting down the days. 

Akasha



i happen to be a Tampa Bay Lightning fan...


Well, if we're *really* going to turn this thread back to hockey...GO SHARKS !!


Respectfuly, keep Your eye on the Blackhawks. They're gonna be back in force soon bringing respect to the original six. LETS GO HAWKS!!!

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Do male subs just need to work harder? Or work at all. - 8/30/2007 12:05:17 AM   
Grlwithboy


Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		I got a delete key. And I have a couple profile.  Those trim the fat super well.

I also wound up marrying someone I met in person who subsequently revealed himself as a crap emailer/Im'mer. It has seriously made me re-evaluate generic handles (bottomsup4u) and less than great spelling in favor of eye candy with heart in the right place and few words. That's probably not going to help you find stiumlating phone/text but vid guys may not all
be into the long winded.


FWIW he's book smart and educated, just bored to tears by email/messaging/bulletin boards. Not his kink.



< Message edited by Grlwithboy -- 8/30/2007 12:10:49 AM >

(in reply to louisfceline)
Profile   Post #: 20
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