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LDR and sickness or death - 7/12/2005 7:51:33 AM

MHOO314

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Here is a topic I haven't seen addressed-- I'm sure it has and if so please redirect Me, and it goes to Dominants and submissives both--with the net, scores of us are involved in long distance relationships, whether in the exploratory stages, or short or long term--how do you handle the fear of serious sickness, or even an unexpected death?--I think this is geared more toward new relationships where there isnt yet that depth of relationship where relatives or friends dont yet know you are a significant---how do you handle that? has it happened that you were starting in a prospective and they got very sick or died?

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/12/2005 8:05:08 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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It hasn't happened to me, but I know people where it's happened. THis is why it's good to work out things like wills, property assets, benefits and all that jazz when you are healthy and happy now. Specially in non-traditional relationships like ours, it can be imperative to assure some future stability.

A book the Owner always recommends is "Death and Dying" as a great resource for people who are dealing with death.

I don't think the mourning process is any different in Ds than otherwise, we all do it differently and it affects us all deeply.

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/12/2005 8:29:10 AM

MHOO314

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thank you for your insight, and one would agree with the "arrangements" I often think that the mourning for us in the life is harder because of the unique bond that binds us--

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/12/2005 8:32:45 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

thank you for your insight, and one would agree with the "arrangements" I often think that the mourning for us in the life is harder because of the unique bond that binds us--

That's arrogant and false.

How could I tell my sister that I was having a more difficult time than she was if her husband and the Owner died at the same time?

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/12/2005 9:11:20 AM

MHOO314

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point taken, grief is what it is, no matter, I apologize and stand corrected.

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/14/2005 8:11:28 PM

lonewolf05

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MH00314?
has it happened that you were starting in a prospective and they got very sick?

----------
yes, i would suppose this qualifies. my 1st Mistress has extreme kidney problems, SO She decided to retire. thusly, i was of no more use, and She has Her #1 boyfriend with Her.
so i left and have been looking for a year now.
supposedly----i am going to wisconsin soon. not sure just yet. Her emails are becoming scarce and Her IM's are getting shorter. i am seeing a RED-FLAG here. so i am not sure.
but yes,......my 1st became sick. i was 24/7/365 for 15 months.

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/15/2005 9:50:56 AM

sub4hire

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Essentially you are going to be out in the cold. There are legal ramifications. The mere fact you are not together and have not met any family memeber's really means you don't have a leg to stand on anyway.

What relationship? Not trying to downplay it here but...what is the grieving family going to say? He or she had this friend they really liked on the pc yet forgot to ever tell me about?

I have a couple of friends I've never met in person yet known them for 15 year's on the internet. Their friends and family know about me. I've met family via the phone.
Yet, many who even have a "romantic" relationship never get that far.

Put it this way. My dom and I have been together now 6.5 year's. His entire family know's me. Marriage is pending strictly because of logistics or we'd been married 2 year's already.
Extended family, friends...everything.

However, if he were to die today because of the law I would be helpless. Because the law clearly states if you are not married your parents dispose of your body...make arrangements in other words.
If no parents it goes to the oldest sibling. Then down the line. Significant other is never mentioned.

Of course there are ways around this but if a family member wants to be an issue they will be.

Someone you've never met online but talked to for year's. Sure you may be a big somebody to them but you aren't going to be anybody to that family.

So, you grieve with your friends and hope all goes well.

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/15/2005 9:57:32 AM

SweetDommes

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We didn't have a death, but serious illness with the boy from Seattle. It was miserable knowing that he was sick and needed us to take care of him and we were just too damned far away to do anything. That is part of why I flew out there to see him - I wanted to check on him and make sure that he was ok. Not that it did any good in the long run, but at least I got to see him one last time before he turned chickenshit.

As everyone else has said, the big thing is to make arrangements beforehand if things are that serious. It's also good to let someone close know - like a sibling/parent/close friend - that you have someone that you are getting sort of serious with, just so they know that, should something happen, yes this person has a right to be there grieving with them.

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RE: LDR and sickness or death - 7/15/2005 10:06:16 AM

sub4hire

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quote:

As everyone else has said, the big thing is to make arrangements beforehand if things are that serious. It's also good to let someone close know - like a sibling/parent/close friend - that you have someone that you are getting sort of serious with, just so they know that, should something happen, yes this person has a right to be there grieving with them.

They do have a right, but the bottom line is living will's do not work.
The reason I say this is, I buried my mother 3.5 year's ago. I had to go back and forth from the cemetary to my father too many times to count. He was after all her husband. Even though I was her daughter and he totally shut down..refused to do anything.
Didn't matter, she had a husband. It was his responsibility wanting to or not to make arrangements.
So, after about 15-20 trips back and forth through towns to get the proper papers signed with him and them. I could bury my mother.

Because of this fiasco I had, when my sister was sick month's later. I knew there would be issue when I had to bury her. She had a husband who had been declared incompetant by the state of California. Which would make a person think they had no rights....well that could'nt be a more wrong assumption.
Essentially an attorney or two told me that when she died. Even though her request was to be cremated...and he wanted her buried she would be buried. So, she was going to put her wishes in a living will. We were then told, if your husband wants you buried you will be buried.

The way out was to actually take her to the cemetary and have her sign the papers for her own cremation. That was the only way I would have a leg to stand on is if the process was already put in motion by her upon her death.

I'm not trying to sound cynical here but I've been through it a few times in recent year's. Living will's work for somethings but not for other's. Hence the Terry Schiavo case.
There are way too many loopholes people will use.

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