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unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:15:17 AM

Finagle

Posts: 11
Joined: 7/7/2005
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did anyone else find it hard to unlearn the old habits that get ingrained? Things like, "let me get that" or "don't worry about it, I'll clean that up"?

I'm a new master, and I'm finding it difficult (but not impossible) to catch myself before I say those things or similar.

Ah well... I'm sure I'll get it. :)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:19:47 AM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
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My suggestion: Tackle them one or two at a time. Talk with your subbie about her helping (reminding you that she can get that). Depending on your interests, make it a game (if she doesn't manage to anticipate a need and you get up and get it yourself, there can be consequences). If you are less into that, but just after the service, remind her to remind you.

So, perhaps starting today, you won't get your own drinks anymore... or she'll lay out your clothes for you in the morning, or lay out hers and have you pick which she will wear.

I've also adapted several 'nilla habits into D/s habits. For example: I get the car door for my girl... she sits on her hands and I buckle her in. It's very subbie for her and dominant for me, even though it looks the other way around.

(in reply to Finagle)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:31:06 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Finagle

did anyone else find it hard to unlearn the old habits that get ingrained? Things like, "let me get that" or "don't worry about it, I'll clean that up"?

I'm a new master, and I'm finding it difficult (but not impossible) to catch myself before I say those things or similar.

Ah well... I'm sure I'll get it. :)

Why shouldn't you say those things? This is about doing what you want, so go for it.

Yes there are some habits we have to unlearn in order to truly be ourselves, but don't fall into the trap that doms don't do things or that only subs do certain things.

A dominant who is polite and knows how to help out is generally very good.

(in reply to Finagle)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:47:39 AM

Gemeni

Posts: 255
Joined: 2/19/2005
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First, unlearn the habit of 'thinking in stereotypes."

Everything gets easier after that.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:54:17 AM

JerryInTampa

Posts: 138
Joined: 2/19/2004
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quote:

Why shouldn't you say those things? This is about doing what you want, so go for it.

It's possible that he/they want to explore serivice (specifically her service of him) and find that their habits interfere with their desires... that has been my assumption at least.

(in reply to Gemeni)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 11:57:32 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JerryInTampa

quote:

Why shouldn't you say those things? This is about doing what you want, so go for it.
It's possible that he/they want to explore serivice (specifically her service of him) and find that their habits interfere with their desires... that has been my assumption at least.

It's possible, we were given no indication of reasoning behind wanting to change their speech habits.

However, newbies in the scene often fall into the trap of thinking that certain habits and behaviors should be changed simply due to orientation. I was following down the most likely path and intuition.

(in reply to JerryInTampa)

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RE: unlearning "vanilla" habits - 7/12/2005 12:14:45 PM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
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To me, I think that most vanilla habits can be adapted to the D/s relationship, but it depends a whole lot on the nature of the relationship as well. I find it unlkely that a Dom in a really close, personal relationship would want to completely shut down some of the politeness, particularly if you happen to be married. It is satisfying even if you're a complete Dom to do something nice for your subbie every now and then, as long as the sub know how to properly react and thank you for your kindness. Just my 2 cents.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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