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Termyn8or -> RE: Safety in meeting others in this lifestyle (9/9/2007 3:19:31 PM)
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As a Man I have alot less worries about this, but they still exist.
Many good suggestions in this thread but I would like to say that a picture ID doesn't mean shit. Ever heard of underage drinking ?
You need more. That can be a tall order. As much as I hate to suggest it, get them to have a couple drinks at the bar, but also have a friend at the bar that does not associate with you during the meet, just watches. I guess this is mainly for Women, because it is prejudicial as well as true that mostly Men (or boys actually) will be the perpetrator. I know this is not the case all the time, but mostly it is.
Personally I am not afraid of anything. But, I am not stupid. Even as a Man, if I go to meet a Woman it will be a public place. Of course I am in danger as well, because I am a switch and chivalry would make me bottom first. No matter how strong I am, if I am restrained I am as helpless as a little girl. Things could happen to me, very bad things. It is a concern.
I am not all that worried about the first meet, it is the private meet that is scary. That friend was not assaulted at a bar or restaurant. People have ways of hiding their tendencies, especially if those tendencies are malevolent. Look at politicians. Specific advise is hard to come by, of course there should be a safe call, of course trusted friends should know where you are going. this is simple common sense and applies to alot more situations than this. Any internet site could yield you a whacko, but here on CM we let people know what king of whacko we are.
This assailant should not be kicked off CM, he'll just get another name. Then he can do it again. Revenge is a word that sticks in my mind, although many people have not the means to accomplish it. In other words, if someone exceeded my limits after agreeing not to, I would fool them and lure them to another meeting. Then the fun starts. If I got busted by the cops I would willingly share many things, and we would be considered mutual combatants or something like that.
The word NO has no meaning for some, they are too absorbed into themselves to understand it. All they think about is their own desires. These are worthless pieces of meat and should be treated as such. When she says no, stop, uses a safeword or even looks like she is in distress you STOP, back off. Ask her if she is OK, does she want out ? What kind of people don't understand that ? you might not like the answer. Alot of people. People who do not respect limits are the same as a rapist.
Come on, I thought we met for our mutual pleasure, not that of just one.
You can tell on the first meet. Make them drink alcohol, see what happens to their attitude. People who hide malevolent tendencies might let their guard down. However if they don't drink, you will niot have that indicator. You can't force them. So what now ? There are other ways, but it requires alot of reasoning. Loaded questions can help. A person who is self centered and doesn't have a degree in psychology can be tricked.
Let's say you are a Woman meeting a Man for the first time in a public place neither one of you had ever been before. You must choose the words but the question is this : What if someone came up and accosted me right now, what would you do ?
The answer could be quite telling. It could be vague, like "There would be trouble" in which case you need to dig further. Or he could say "I think I would have to teach the asshole some manners". An intelligent Man might ask "Well is this someone you know or a total stranger ?". Intelligence is required for that base level of empathy that true numan beings share. There are plenty of stupid people with degrees though, so avoid the technical. Ask about people situations.
It may be hard to judge the answers. People can be slippery when they have ulterior motives. I know somebody like that. I have had the oppotunity to study him. Now this guy is not a rapist or anything, he doesn't hurt people, but he is nuts and would like to live his life like the grifters. When he gets into action, he can screw people out of a bunch of money, but never really makes anything for it, except enemies. This guy is smooth, and a Phd. He has graduated but never did his dissertation, otherwise he could actually call himself a doctor. A guy like this can fool many people, luckily he doesn't hurt people, just screws things up.
There is a contingent of the population who are insidiously dangerous. They can fool you, and even me. However they are few and far between. Most of the malfeasants we want to avoid are not so well educated. We can detect them with the proper questions. The guy I mentioned has some notable accomplishments. First of all he is the only one I have ever heard of who took a gun into a mental institution. Really. He walked in there with his briefcase, and it was not discovered until his release. But even then he fooled the psychiatrists there, because he went out and did a bunch of crazy shit. I don't really include his moving to Utah, but some would.
He had money, a good job, owned the family hoime plus a rental double which was bringing in some money. One day he happened by a DeLorean dealership. Well this guy really could've afforded a DeLorean, but instead he decided to make a down payment on ALL OF THEM. What ensued afterward wrecked the family finances.
Note that people who are that sharp and demented are rare, I would say 5% of the population at large, and really I have no way to know if that is higher or lower for CM members. From what I have read on the boards I say lower, but I could be wrong.
So we have an incident where a CM member assaulted someone. How many members does CM have ? It was bound to happen sooner or later. And we have a previous incident where an ex-husband signed up as his ex-wife and got her raped, saying she wanted a rape scene with alot of reality. Wouldn't most people at least check a few things out before raping someone ? I would.
So we got three bad apples. Thusfar we are doing better than congress or the judiciary branch of government. And what happened to these malfeasants ? The guy who signed his ex up and got her raped should get more jail time than the actual rapist. In the real world, what happened to this latest guy ? I know what would happen in my world, I would show up with a bunch of brothers and torture the fuckhead so bad he'll never do anything like that again.
But others have no choice but to turn to the government. Some people have very few real life friends, and in some cases none of them are able to pull this off. The only chance is prevention.
So when you go to that first meet, maybe your favorite song shouldn't be the main topic for discussion. People tend to show their true colors, it is up to you to read them. This applies to "normal" dating sites, it almost applies everywhere. Let your instinct for self preservation guide you rather than your libido. The most evil motherfucker in the world can be so chaming and devonnaire, act chivalrous and couteous in public, treat you like a queen. And then when he gets you alone you could wind up in a pot of soup. Jeffery Daumer did quite a bit before they caught him.
How did he meet his victims ? He wasn't on CM as far as I know. Why wasn't he caught the first time ? Easy, he was smart. How many years did he do this before getting caught ? But understand, he is part of that 5% I mentioned. That means a one in twenty chance of meeting someone who is deranged but fooled everybody.
I am in the 6%, let me warn you now. I almost can't bring myself to hurt anyone, pain is a different story. If you ant to be spanked expect it to hurt, and expect it to hurt alot. I expect the same if the tables are turned. I mean a big paddle like they used to use in the schools, perhaps even bigger. There is a word, not a safeword that indicates the limit has been reached. This does not mean release, just stoppage of the paddling. Stretching limits is one thing, breaking them is another. The problem is sometimes defining that point.
The guy mentioned in the OP might be deranged, or just an asshole. If an asshole he might be able to be taught. If deranged it might be hopeless. In wither case they don't get it, if you take someone to your bed, it is not to hurt them. Fuckin-ay, just how dense are people going to get before the end of civilization ? I mean really, this perp might not have been malevolent, just a total asshole. And there are more and more of them every day. Don't believe me, just take a drive on the freeway.
So as the human organism becomes more and more polluted with assholes, we can expect more here. We can expect more everywhere. That is life, and protecting one's self from them is important. You have to be able to read the cues and clues when judging someone. There is no substitute for that. Fuck your favorite color, ask "What would you do if this" and "What would you do if that". This way you get a glimpse of their mental state.
You really don't have much else to go by when meeting new people. Just don't jump into their bed the first day. (especially if the restraints are permanenly installed). I don't know what else to say. Rapists have driver's licenses too, they have ID, credit cards, a gas bill, all that. Credentials mean nothing. Even if you get their SSN and see they have no record, you might be first. There is no way to tell except to eventually trust. Just don't do it until you are satisfied that you can.
T
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