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Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 8:16:30 AM   
LdyScarletDomina


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I am 20 weeks pregnant.  We found out yesterday that I have placenta previa (low placenta blocking the birth canal) Right now the docs are being cautious but since I'm not bleeding I'm not on any bedrest. when I'm full term I'll probably have to have a c-section.

For right now they have me on abstinence because they said semen can trigger contractions. I'm assuming orgasms of any kind can do this as well.

What I'm looking for are ideas, advice, and tips on how to keep the intimacy going in my relationship with my Master.  He's wonderfully supportive and very understanding and I have NO problems pleasing him so that he doesn't suffer.  But I am normally pretty oversexed anyway and the abstinence thing is going to be really hard on me. 

So what can I do for the next few months to keep myself calm?  What can Master do to help alleviate some of my angst?  He actually asked the doctor outright if spanking me was ok and the doctor laughingly agreed that it is.    Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.  (teasing is also acceptable LOL I'm getting a real ribbing about this from friends that know me and laughter seems to be helping!)   I also have one or two submissives that normally keep me "entertained" when Master isn't available.  What can I have them doing to alleviate some of my frustration? (aside from the obvious paddling their butts til I feel better LOL)

Lady Scarlet

< Message edited by LdyScarletDomina -- 9/7/2007 8:18:44 AM >


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"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar." Scarlet O'Hara, Gone With The Wind
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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 8:31:26 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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Why assume that your orgasms will likely trigger contractions?  Semen causes a lot of reactions in your body.  So I'd get confirmation on that before forgoing orgasms for the next 20 weeks.

As well- males can orgasm whether their cocks are inside a vagina or not.

I'd say go back to the basics.  What do vanilla couples do when they want to explore?  Find intimacy in everyday things.  Rekindle the delights in the ordinary and go to lots of late night movies because you won't be able to do that very much after the birth.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 8:42:02 AM   
LdyScarletDomina


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:) Thanks LA!  I'm not really sure about manual orgasms/masturbation for myself.  I see the perinatal specialist tuesday  - it was the perinatal ultrasound doctor that said no sex because any contractions could cause problems.  I know from experience that you can get contractions from orgasm so I was assuming that those were off limits too.  I will definately ask the Doc on tuesday for clarification.

Late night movies? Rock on - I didn't even think on a vanilla line. Master's been wonderfully understanding and I have no problem helping him find pleasure in other methods.  I've tried to reassure him that I'm not jealous of his right to masturbate and in fact want to help in any way possible, but he's one of those Doms that gets off on my pleasure so he's worried that I'll feel bad or left out.  (isn't he sweet LOL)

Lady S



_____________________________

"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar." Scarlet O'Hara, Gone With The Wind

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 9:17:26 AM   
nyrisa


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First of all, congratulations and best wishes on your expected little one. *smiles*

Having been an OB nurse for years, as well as having had several pregnancies that required high risk care, I can see both sides of the coin on your dilemma.

From the medical standpoint: the placenta is a dinner plate sized disk of soft tissue, about the consistancy of raw liver. It is laced with blood vessels on the baby's side of it, just like the roots of a tree; withe the "trunk" being the umbilical cord, which has two arteries and one vein leading to the baby, and the "roots" being a profuse branching of blood vessels in the placenta which carry blood from placenta, to umbilical cord (to baby), and back to the placenta. On the side of the placenta which is imbeded in the uterine wall, arteries from the mother's uterus bring her blood to where the placenta attaches. There is like a "pooling" area where mother and baby's blood is only separated by the thinnest of cell layers, to allow oxygen and nutrients to be transferred to the baby, and waste products returned to the mother.

At birth, when the baby is delivered, the uterus contracts, and the placenta separates and is expelled. There is a gush of blood, which normally quickly drops to a trickle when the uterus contracts firmly and presses closed those arteries and veins in the uterine wall. The problem with placenta previa is that the placenta, instead of being implanted along the uterine wall, has managed to develop either slightly overlapping the cervix with one edge, or fully over the cervix. (picture a pancake that has slid down the side of a funnel, and is either partly over, or covering the funnel exit).

During early pregnancy, when the cervix is tight and closed, no problem. But during later pregnancy, the cervix softens and in the last weeks, begins to thin and dilate partially in readiness for labor. As the "hole in the bottom of the funnel" gets bigger, areas of the placenta which were snugly sealed become open for bleeding as the raw areas are exposed. Since the uterus is not empty, it can't contract and clamp off these vessels, so there is a possibility of profound hemorrhage for the mother, and loss of blood or damage from interrupted oxygen supply for the baby.

The uterus normally gets more "irritable" the closer you get to term, which is the reason those Braxton-Hicks contractions get more and more frequent. Things that cause the uterus to have increased irritability include semen (it contains prostaglandin, which causes contractions), and sexual arousal of the woman. Orgasm actually does cause contractions of the uterus, and arousal without orgasm increases the uterine irritability.

In my pregnancies, because of premature labor, I spent six months with orders of no sex. Since I hated to give this up, I asked my doctor, "Define sex?" (having a Bill Clinton flashback here. *L*) He said "no sexual stimulation, no penetration, no orgasm!" I was having to do home monitoring for contractions for an hour morning and evening, and it was easy to see from the increased uterine activity on the tracings that even things like watching porno movies, or reading erotic books caused increased contracting. *sighs*

I hope that when you see the perinatologist, he will have good news for you, that only a small edge of the placenta overlies the cervix. Often in those cases, vaginal delivery is possible. But be really sure to write down all your questions before the appointment so you don't forget any, and get all the answers you need. I would really advise following his orders to the letter, because placenta previa can be extremely dangerous for mother and baby.

Please give a follow up of what you find out, if you don't mind? I will be thinking of you and wishing you good news.

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 9:29:13 AM   
LdyScarletDomina


Posts: 118
Joined: 4/22/2007
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nyrisa

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! that was more info than I was able to find online and it helped so much to see it in undestandable terms.  I'll definately let you know after my apt tuesday how things went.

How did you personally cope with the . . .  pressures . . . of abstinence for 6 months?  (you can message me privately if you don't want to post it)  I tell you this could be a really amusing situtation - I'm a romance author (you know, porn for bored housewives) and sometimes my own sex scenes get arousing LOLOL I may have to switch to writing kids books LOL. 

Lady S

_____________________________

"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar." Scarlet O'Hara, Gone With The Wind

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 9:38:35 AM   
came4U


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From: London, Ontario
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Cumming WITHOUT intense orgasm (through mental/little physical contact) will help you along.  It will not only help with easier labour, it can ease tension.  Extreme orgasms can make for a tight cervix explosion that is dangerous for you and baby.  These times can be the best 'light' orgasms of your life, having the pressure from above and below. With your partner or masturbation, be on edge.  You will find after delivery that orgasms are much stronger and easier (yet harder to control), probably for a lifetime.

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 9:47:30 AM   
GhitaAmati


Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
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oh gads I feel for you...I was only on the "no sex" rule for the last 6 weeks of my last pregnancy and that was hell...of course all my pregnancies have been hell for the main reason that for some reason whenever I am pregnant I am unable to have an orgasm at all...kinda sucks...could be horny as hell and try anything and just....nothing...

Anyway, like nyrisa explained (so much better than I could have) not only are contractions sometimes a problem, but arousal of any kinda can get the uterus moving around more than it should be when you have comlpications. Talk to your doctor about your concerns and see just how much restriction you need to be on. As far as staying intimate....cuddlings, dinners out, movies, any time that the two of you can be close and quiet together...make more time for you to be a "couple" than youve ever taken before......talk talk talk....

As far as stress of no sex goes....like my mother told me.."learn needlepoint"

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I said I was a submissive, I never said I was a GOOD submissive.


Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
~Woody Allen

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RE: Abstinence, pregnancy and BDSM - 9/7/2007 9:49:50 AM   
nyrisa


Posts: 1830
Joined: 11/20/2006
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I am delighted if I could be of help in any way. *smiles* I miss working with moms and babies, and being able to help even a little still makes me feel like I have a part in this magical process.

Although I like giving oral, it does not stimulate me physically, so I was able to keep hubby happy (although, like most men, he missed being able to have it "all". *L*) For myself, I just kept my mind away from the physical as much as possible. I slept in gown and panties (had been nude prior to this). I kept stimulation of my nipples to a minimum (wore a bra, didn't let the shower touch them more than momentary for rinsing). I kept focused on the baby, put some of the baby stuff I was collecting around the bedroom (nothing more designed to decrease ardor than a box of pampers and baby wipes staring you in the face. *L*). I taught myself how to crochet, from a book, and spent time making a baby blanket, which was a soothing hobby, and helped pass the time. As the blanket got closer and closer to completion, it was like a visual reassurance that the baby was getting bigger and bigger, and the due date was getting closer.

Talking with others who are in similar situations is helpful. There is a support group for women with high risk pregnancies: http://www.sidelines.org/ You might find it helpful to check it out. Again, I am hoping that the ultrasound dude was just an alarmist, and you won't need any of this at all, but just in case........ **smiles**

A friend of mine also had a long period of medically induced abstinence in her pregnancies. Their anniversary night, to keep the romance alive, she left on his pillow a lovely single red rose, and a tube of KY. *L* She also said, one day, as she was rubbing cocoa butter onto her belly, he walked by, and she lifted her slippery hands and said, "hey, c'mere, sailor!" Sort of a little bit of impulse improvisation which he appreciated.

Don't feel guilty that you can't do as much for your Master's pleasure as you would like to. When I did, my husband was deeply offended. He said "I want this baby as much as you do, and I want you both to be safe. It is not a sacrifice on my part." I can understand that your Master may feel bad about being able to have pleasure when you can't. But, like I told my husband, "Having you content and relaxed is a plus for me, and leaves you better able to support me when I am stressed." So, encourage him to look at it in that way. Just think of this time in your pregnancy as being an important project that both of you are involved in, and both are working as a team to see it to a successful conclusion. The time goes by faster than you'd think. *smiles*

_____________________________

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your persona requires. Robert Heinlein

The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it is still on my list.

(in reply to LdyScarletDomina)
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