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Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 11:54:07 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		Would you ever be interested in going to a bdsm get together/party where people were instructed to not wear their BDSM orientation on their sleeve? No collars allowed, no "scening" allowed, and no huge obvious hints dropped. People would be behaving as they would if they were at a social get together for their business or a wedding reception for a vanilla friend, for example.

Then, after a few hours, people would be allowed to "let their hair down" and be open about their submissive, dominant or switch roles.

One of the things I found limiting about bdsm parties and munches (even the non-play ones) was that most submissive men behaved absolutely submissive from the get go. They already were in a serving, accommodating, passive mode. It was nearly impossible to get to know any guy on a level of normalcy -- I would have to think this same man would behave differently in a room full of vanilla people. I like to see both sides of a person.

It also gives people an opportunity to talk about something OTHER than kink, or who they played with, or what new toys they have. People could talk about outside interests. More well rounded flirtations could develop -- people would learn about the person behind the role.

I think it'd also be incredibly exciting to wonder which of the men were subs; some submissives really come across as assertive and dominant in a social setting. The "reveal" at the end of the evening (or, the start of "part two" of the evening) would be exciting and entertaining.

Has anyone been to any event of this kind? Would it be interesting, or do you prefer to know right out of the gate who is dominant and who is submissive?

Are there any people that think they could not "hide" their dominant or submissive role at a "no reveal" party?

Akasha

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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 12:01:14 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Would you ever be interested in going to a bdsm get together/party where people were instructed to not wear their BDSM orientation on their sleeve? No collars allowed, no "scening" allowed, and no huge obvious hints dropped. People would be behaving as they would if they were at a social get together for their business or a wedding reception for a vanilla friend, for example.

That's what a lot of parties I go to are like.

Then, after a few hours, people would be allowed to "let their hair down" and be open about their submissive, dominant or switch roles.

quote:


Has anyone been to any event of this kind? Would it be interesting, or do you prefer to know right out of the gate who is dominant and who is submissive?

I find it amusing that people DO think that you can tell just from watching who is what. I find it amusing to watch them as I kneel and serve the Owner, and then get into a scene where I top my boyfriend.

I prefer to just let people be people, some will always have an idea of who "should" do what, and the idea of taking collars from these subs sometimes is worse than telling them to stop breathing so that wouldn't be very nice.

quote:


Are there any people that think they could not "hide" their dominant or submissive role at a "no reveal" party?

Akasha

Since it's not a role...I don't hide it or really think about expressing it, I am who I am and encourage others to be the same.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 12:47:12 PM   
dommemagnet


Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
Status: offline 		Not quite on point but i attended a local munch once close to home. Since i was the new person (at least i thought i was the only one) i took the look, listen and learn approach instead of diving off the 10 meter. They all thought i was most definitely a Dom. In public life, i am and will most likely always be so i think i could stump the panel at your hypothetical no play/play party during the first half.

my guess would be that others probably would be able to do the same while others have the role firmly engrained in their personalities, therefore wouldn't be able to hide the fact.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 2:06:45 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		At our parties we rarely have people dressed in any fashion that you could tell orientation anyway.

Assuming people were just dressed as people. What would it prove to later reveal what each person was?
All submissives are not submissive to all. While all dominants are not dominant to all?

I can't say I've seen only lifestyle talk at parties either. Generally it is a group of friends who talks about everything under the sun.

I guess I throw the wrong type of parties, also go to the wrong type. Most parties I go to are just like the one you are describing.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 2:07:33 PM   
ChainedAngel


Posts: 72
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		I really wish I could find something like this. I can;t tell you how many times people thought I was a domme at gatherings just because I spoke clearly and looked people in the eye. Ridiculous, I know, but it's true. Of course, it would be REALLY interesting to see how many people EXPECT each other to change behaviors upon revealing their D/s role and then get pissed off because they refuse to stay in character.

(in reply to dommemagnet)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 10:19:02 PM   
MsPurrmeow


Posts: 261
Joined: 10/30/2004
Status: offline 		I find people more attractive that can just truly be themselves in a crowd, whether it's vanilla or a BDSM group. One of my biggest turnoffs is theatrics, and it has an even stronger odor in the BDSM world. That being said, it's truly delicious when a person is not being theatrical, but their power or submission is obvious in their every word and move. It's intoxicating to observe and at times, be a part of.

I'm a firm believer that people CAN exist as a neutral, without choosing one side of the dynamic or another. I work hard at considering everyone an equal and neutral unless and until they inform me that they choose one or are pursuing one of those paths. I think it would be wonderful if people were overall less focused on dressing the part or living up to a label.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 10:38:20 PM   
testlimit


Posts: 47
Joined: 6/11/2005
Status: offline 		This sounds like a really fun party idea......And you're right, many people don't come across as what they orient themselves as. If I were to be open about my interests with everyone who knows me, but not tell them which side i oriented to, most would probably place me in the submissive catagory, just because I tend to be very mannerly and accomidating most of the time in my "public" life. Of course what they don't really pick up on is that I get them to pretty much do what I want them to by being mannerly and accomidating.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 7/14/2005 10:52:43 PM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		actually, yes!

my 1st Ms, had parties, in the house. they were always, dinner parties.
everyone ate, had non booze drinks, and had a merry time, in-the-living-room set.
THEN after this, they were allowed to go to the dungeon and play their lil hearts out.
of course, "I" was main server, in the dinner area AND in the dungeon.
AND, yes, "I" cleaned up after, by my lonesome.

so the answer from here, is, yes Ma'am.

the wolf


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(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/4/2005 8:58:50 PM   
bladerunner5


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Would you ever be interested in going to a bdsm get together/party where people were instructed to not wear their BDSM orientation on their sleeve? No collars allowed, no "scening" allowed, and no huge obvious hints dropped. People would be behaving as they would if they were at a social get together for their business or a wedding reception for a vanilla friend, for example.

Then, after a few hours, people would be allowed to "let their hair down" and be open about their submissive, dominant or switch roles.


Hm. Sounds like a vanilla party. I already go to enough of those. But then in my community, many of the parties aren't strongly role-oriented. Now, there's always individuals who take their roles very seriously, with their partners and occasionally with everyone else. But there's very few *parties* where the point is to be in a certain role all of the time. Most folks I know of, certainly the ones I hang out with most, are pretty danged casual about their interactions with the attendance at large. They talk about work, their kids, their last vacations, their upcoming surgeries, their schoolwork, their yardwork, where they got their clothes (whether it's fetishwear or not), and how fabulous the brie on the snack table is.
It's also the way many of our munches go. Granted, the Portland area has more munches per capita than just about anywhere else in the US so maybe we can afford to have some munches be casual and some munches be more role-focused (I'm not aware of any that are specifically for role-playing, though), but munches are for the purpose of getting to know people in a non-play, BDSM-friendly atmosphere.

Bladerunner

"...and my heaven will be a big heaven/
and I will walk through the front door"
--Peter Gabriel/"Big"

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/5/2005 6:32:29 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Has anyone been to any event of this kind? Would it be interesting, or do you prefer to know right out of the gate who is dominant and who is submissive?

Are there any people that think they could not "hide" their dominant or submissive role at a "no reveal" party?



It would be rare to "know" what someone's orientation is, until they are asked, or they reveal it themselves, through their words or actions. In my experience, many of our local gatherings are found to be attended by those that feel the need to self identify by their "role" immediately.

At some parties, the style of dress can be a giveaway, although not always obvious, as I've seen Dom/mes with collars too. I've noticed many Doms introducing by "Sir" or "Master," and many Dommes using "Mistress" or "Lady," and other derivatives. I have never heard a submissive person adding their orientation to their name, during vanilla intros.

We have one local party group that has name tags, at play parties, that clearly show the "orientation" of the person, as Top, bottom or switch, as well as "observer." While I think this helps some, many people ignore the tags, just as many don't read profiles. HA!

I enjoy getting to know the 'person, over the player,' and would enjoy having a social gathering where "roles" or orientations were put aside, for those that seem to only identify by their role.

While I could refrain from identifying as a "Top," I could not hide my personality at a "no reveal" type party.

In the past, I ran a BDSM orientated singles group that had the sole purposes of vanilla social events, for bringing like folks together. The group was an alternative to other BDSM oriented groups, to offer an opportunity to get to know the person, over the player. The first time around, the group was VERY successful with many happy relationships resulting from the brief period of time we were together. The second time the group went around, the people seemed more interested in the player, over the person, and it became just another "role" oriented group, with no interest in vanilla social. Too many wanted to "play" with little having interest in the person. The group folded.

I like figuring things out, on my own. I enjoy talking and getting to know others, not just one group, or people within on "role" or "orientation." I think a "no reveal" type party, would be quite interesting.

K

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/5/2005 8:07:27 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Are there any people that think they could not "hide" their dominant or submissive role at a "no reveal" party?

Akasha


I've never tried to hide my orientation in a social setting, but neither does it wash from me in waves of potency that bring random strangers to their knees. :) I tend to be polite, withdrawn, even a little standoffish towards people with whom I'm not very familiar. The impression I make on casual acquaintances is that I'm either shy or aloof-- both of which are true to an extent-- and certainly not aggressive. So it would be fairly easy for me to be 'mistaken' in the setting you describe.

best,

Ceyx

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/5/2005 8:19:24 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Use to go to the London munch which they call a vanilla munch so as not to scare the newbies..... I dress how I always dress and I behave how I always behave it is what I am. My definition of a vanilla munch is I won't do anything that I wouldn't do in the middle of Piccadilly Circus and as people who know me will tell you that there isn't alot I wouldn't do. Sorry not a good idea for me as I refuse to pretend to be something I am not.

(in reply to Ceyx)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/5/2005 9:25:29 AM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		This is how we handle things when we meet someone. Though we know their orientation when we plan the meeting, the conversation starts with things well outside of the D/s sphere. We discuss philosophy, current events, politics, education, reading choices, movies--and the conversation about these things gives us a general idea of whether or not the person would be a good fit for our collective. We look for a variety of ideas and preferences, but for core beliefs and philosophies that correspond to the nature of our gathering, and these are things that are hard to learn if you can't get a straight answer out of someone because he or she is so focused on presenting him or herself in "role".

So, in answer to your question, yes... this is supposed to be the basis of the munch, but I think that sometimes, the expectation of being with others who may share one's deepest hidden drives causes this to be the entire focus of the gathering. We've also found it difficult to figure out who we are compatible with and not, because, of the things that shape compatibility for us, the D/s realm is only one peripheral portion of a much greater whole.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Not so obvious about orientation - A new party twist - 9/5/2005 11:44:05 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I think it would be hard for people to pick up my role at all. If I'm not in scene, I'm definitely not submissive. That's part of why I don't go to munches. Well, that and people make me nervous (joking). I can't help it, though, I've always been strong willed. Master's really the only one I calm down for.

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"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to AAkasha)
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