EmeraldSlave2
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Tasks from the Top: An Essay
This was inspired by a conversation with J, so thanks! I welcome feedback, good and bad.
Tasks can be great things, but have a lot involved with them, a lot more than people generally take into account. Bottoms tend to LOVE tasks. They LOVE discrete things to do for someone else, they LOVE the structure it gives them, they LOVE the feeling of usefulness and necessity, as well as a clear finished product to enjoy afterwards. Tops can use it as a great way to reinforce the dynamic and it not only feels good to give tasks and develop someone, but it should make your life easier! The little bottom scurrying at your bidding, muah-ha-ha!
Forethought: What tasks will you give and what purpose will they serve?
My task to DCS to get directions and get to the munch easily served an immediate purpose, with him dealing with geographical logistics which is something I suck at which relieved stress and worry on my end and allowed him to serve simply. It also is another brick in the top/bottom relationship we have and set the tone for the afternoon. It would hopefully make DCS feel more capable in his driving and directing and feel good about our date. Think purpose short term and long term. Not to mention, there doesn't always have to be a big purpose. Me wanting DCS to get me Pepsi serves nothing but my caffeine rush.
Another thing to consider is how the task will fit into THEIR lives. Will it take a lot of time? Energy? Do they have the skills, and if not, how long will it take to give them the skills? I had given DCS ANOTHER task for the weekend which he (eventually) respectfully asked me to postpone. As it was not a time sensitive task and I trusted him to know his schedule, I was fine with it. This even gave me an opportunity to show him my reasonability and give him practice speaking up and asking for things when he felt it was important.
But let's say you've thought it all through and have the task that you want to give. It really doesn't tend to take that long to figure out a task, specially when you get used to it. Sometimes you forget all the thousands of details that might make a difference, but that's why you gain experience and learn from the past.
Setting the task down: Communicating what you want to happen
This is a big communication thing. First off, the method. Online? Paper? Phone? Person? You know what I mean by how media can change the meaning so I won't drone on about that.
Will you be blunt? Will you be compassionate? Will you give context or expect simple obedience? What are you assuming the other person knows? This is where all that "forethought of how it effects them" comes in handy. By knowing this, you can tailor the task to how they will react best.
Sometimes you will want to make them ultra-receptive and happy like a puppy to serve, and sometimes you will simply want to throw it down and see how they react on their own. Only experience with the person will help you learn how to determine which way you want in which situations and how to evoke them.
But let's say you've communicated the task to the bottom, they are all set to go, they know what you want and how to go about it.
Relax!: Letting the bottom do what they are supposed to do
This is SUPPOSED to be the part where you get to take a break. You've given them the task so they can do something, so YOU don't have to do it. If it's just a fun task and you want to watch them go through the motions of it, feel free! Enjoy this time to take a breath, embrace your topliness, and get ready for the follow-through.
Follow-Through Short Term: Evaluating the task
So, if everything is peachy, the task is done to perfection, you've gotten what you wanted, YAY!
If not...What you wanted isn't really what you wanted? The bottom missed a few key elements? Your bottom is now a nervous wreck?
For good or bad, your bottom is now waiting for YOU to react to their work. This can be fun, keeping them in suspense. Many a bottom grows pouty/insecure if they don't get that immediate pat on the head and "good bottom!" response. You can use this opportunity to train it out of them, OR just have fun with it and indulge them. Hey, it feels good for ME to tell someone else they did a good job too you know.
The simpler the task, the simpler the feedback. Sometimes just "good girl" works perfectly. Sometimes thoroughly going through it, pointing out the great parts, the not so great parts, the parts to focus on next time, all that great follow-through is what's necessary.
Sadly, sometimes they didn't quite do it right, or worse, made a whole mess of the situation. In this situation, deal with the SITUATION, not the person. Re-explain what the task was to make SURE they understood it. Explain exactly how you feel at that point. Explain exactly what points you are upset by. Explain your expectations for next time. Allow them to explain their perspective as well and build on that. And as well make sure they know what they've done RIGHT as well. In the end, make sure everyone knows where to go from there, and that they know it's not the end of the world or the relationship. Giving something to look forward to doing helps as well.
Back to my example with DCS getting directions to the munch. He was pretty bad at letting me follow and made it a pretty stressful journey, more so than if I had simply gotten directions myself and gone alone. I took him aside and told him that I was angry, had made my expectations clear, and that we would deal with it later after the immediate event and when I had time to think. I gave it a few days to settle down and then we talked. I let him understand what he had done right and wrong and that I understood his situation. I reassured him that it was not the end of things but that I did want to see improvement and trusted him to show that to me. I think he was pretty releived about that.
Punishment? That's a serious consideration and another entire essay in itself. Generally I think punishment isn't necessary for tasks and if undertaken, seriously consider why and the consequences.
Follow-Through Long Term: Evaluating the Progress and the Process
So while getting a pepsi, getting directions to a munch, getting dressed or learning to scuba dive might all be discrete short lived tasks, they add up! At each task you are building another block to the network of your relationship. The communication, the feedback, the end results, the tasks themselves should all be reinforcing eachother. Like all good networks, everything should be spreading around and flowing smoothly into something else.
Most common problem? Burnout. The bottom happily whisking away to do a task, presenting it to the top, and then eagerly awaiting another task. Yay for exuberance!
But then you have a top constantly just passing tasks out like candy, getting tired out, beginning to miss steps, miss the big picture, the bottom begins to feel the awkwardness and overcompensates by trying to do MORE, which leads to overload. The top now feels like they failed, the bottom now feels like they failed, the top worries if they don't keep giving tasks that the bottom will feel unappreciated (which is true more often than not, DESPITE what the bottom SAYS) and the bottom feels a loss of their task-fix and rebels against that, despite their wishes to the contrary.
Whew.
So, avoid burnout. Don't give tasks frivolously unless they are frivolous tasks which require minimal energy from you. Evaluate the quality of tasks- are you being releived of work and stress, or are you adding onto it? If adding on, where is the cause? Are you spending too much time getting tasks together? Too much time on the follow-through? Are they progressing in their skill level like you need them to be?
Otherwise, the follow-through long term should be the same as every element in a relationship- are we happy? Are we fulfilled? Are we being true to ourselves? Where do we see this going in 6 months? A year? 5 years? Is this allowing us to express who we are and will become? Then make adjustments accordingly.
Tasks can be a highly useful tool in Ds-type relationships. They are unfortunately over-used, over-simplified and, as usual, cut and ordered to feed into the submissives/bottoms sense of self (or lack thereof) rather than a way to connect the relationship, reinforce BOTH sides of the slash, and allow fulfillment in the Ds-type ways. Take tasks in the context they should, use them as you desire, and hopefully everyone will be the happier.
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Tasks from the Top: An Essay - 
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