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"What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 6:38:10 AM

MsLilac

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I was just in ‘Ask A Master’ forum, and saw an interesting post from Celtic Lord. He asked "What is self control". He rightly observed that this quality gets thrown around a lot as being desirable in a Dom.

There were some interesting replies. I am very interested in Fem Doms opinions to this question. I assume that this is applicable to Female Dominants as well, though, I get the impression that there are differing expectations, but I suppose that is a question for a different thread.

And why, if at all, in your opinions, would this differ from the kind of self control a sub/slave of either gender should have?

My apologies in advance if this has already been asked recently in this part of the forum, I did look, but couldn't find anything.

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RE: "What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 8:06:35 AM

earthycouple

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Self control is something, as far as I am concerned, all of us should have...humans that is, not just dominants. To what extent we exert that control varies day to day, minute to minute, situation to situation.

I hate to wait. I absolutely hate with a passion to wait for something I want. I've said it many times before "I want what I want when I want it". That's not to say don't save my birthday present for my birthday but if I feel strongly about meeting someone I don't like to delay it. I prefer to not exercise my self control there and will work to make it happen as quickly as I can. When it comes to my want to strangle someone for doing something I don't like; well then I exert self control and don't strangle em.

We are all human, and as I believe I said just here yesterday, we have foibles. No one is perfect and we all must adhere to common sensical things day to day. It's ok to not always have control of one's self...but it is imperative that we always know when we should have control and exert it at those times.

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RE: "What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 8:19:10 AM

thetammyjo

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I think that earthycouple's answer is good.

I will only add that I think part of self control is also self awareness.

Knowing your limits (all not just scene) and knowing what can and can't, should and shouldn't be worked on, is a big part of self awareness.

I think it is very difficult to have self control of one is not self aware.

Beyond that I think there is also the need to make healthy choices.

I think too often we see someone who is stoic as a person with self control. Stoic isn't always healthy. What externally looks like self control can not only be unhealthy but also the exact opposite. Take eating disorders. To the person who refuses to eat or hyper exercises, she is the height of self control yet she is also harming herself and in reality obsessed with food and body image. Or look at the man who refuses to cry and never discusses his feelings and never asks for advice -- is he doing damage to himself but not releasing his emotions, are they building up just waiting to explode, or is he simply so concerned about looking in control that that worry is now is obsession?

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RE: "What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 10:08:57 AM

TNstepsout

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I agree with what has already been said but would like to add a few things. (of course because I like to hear myself talk) Self control is important for everyone. I think it's especially important in a Dom/me because there is the potential to do greater than normal harm to someone both physically and mental/emotionally. Self control is not suppressing feelings or emotional reactions, but it is learning not to impulsively react on emotion, but to run the emotion through the filters of logic and reason before deciding on a course of action.

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RE: "What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 10:49:38 AM

MiladyElaine

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" Self control is not suppressing feelings or emotional reactions, but it is learning not to impulsively react on emotion, but to run the emotion through the filters of logic and reason before deciding on a course of action."
That summed it up marrvelously, Darrrling!

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RE: "What is self control?" - 9/13/2007 1:07:35 PM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MiladyElaine

" Self control is not suppressing feelings or emotional reactions, but it is learning not to impulsively react on emotion, but to run the emotion through the filters of logic and reason before deciding on a course of action."
That summed it up marrvelously, Darrrling!

That's great.

I'd add that I've learned through my therapy that sometimes the best course of action is to admit to the feelings and that's it. Not taking action beyond this is also exercising self control based on your self awareness that other actions may be to colored by the feelings or the past to be best choice.

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