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LadyHugs -> RE: RED Flags (9/13/2007 9:03:20 PM)
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Dear kirby104, Ladies and Gentlemen;
What is offered as a list of observations--is really poor and or no manners, regardless if Dominant and or submissive, male and or female. It really is an individual person's issue more than anything else.
I have seen and or experienced ugly behavior from Dominants and submissive types, to which have been revolting to me.
The fact that people come here, use a variety of nicks for evil intentions, like create two people as to play the game of good person and bad person; when in fact they are one in the same. I've seen one Dominant male have two "screen identities" same time so he could play this 'game.' Only when that person slipped up--did I know for sure. There are a host of others who seemingly think that people won't pick up on small details to catch them doing multiple screen names and playing all for fools. This is the hazards of cyber exchanges. Some do not find it necessary to create multiple personalities, profiles and the like--which is often creates the drama and nothing to contribute other than jerking people's chains.
Insecure people and controlling and or domineering,(not to be confused with dominants) have a tendency to blame others for their misfortunes. It could be in a reality, a conflict of interests and or personality traits--both are not wrong or right--just a miss-match. Paired up with a person who is better suited--opinions and experiences change. To be right at any cost to the point of becoming a rear-end to a huge smelly and lack of hygeine to which dangles a hanging chad of "BS" -- Only shows the attacker to be an exact mirror of what they hate in others. I don't call others on how obvious this is to me--I wait for someone else to call them on it. Not responding to the baited behaviors of an insecure/domineering know it all, just drives them to attack people who they cannot control and or intimidate all the more.
As to the issue of 'safe words' and 'safe gestures/signals' -- I am of the hope that these are seen as helpful tools but, not the fail safe behaviors in stopping things going badly. There might be a time when a submissive/slave cannot respond, e.g. in a state of subspace where they are out of body and though screaming to stop, their body is limp and unresponsive and or look of relaxation on a physical state for a Dominant. Dominants are not mind readers but, experience teaches. When in a scene, I tend to be understated and check in to make sure I have a person who is aware. Subspace/flying affects people differently and a Dominant needs to act as to the situation they have. The possibility of seizures or a stroke should be discussed. It can happen to anybody-anytime without prior history. I cannot see how a Dominant can be held accountable for a siezure and or stroke that is just as much of a surprise to the submissive/slave as it is the Dominant.
As for many other spelled out examples, like submissives taking off their collars--I've seen plenty of 'said' submissive/slaves take their collars off when it isn't playing into their self gratifications 100% of the time. When it is self serving and the motive is for self gratification and not invest in another--it will fail. I see them as spoiled brats who can't get their way all the time, so they tear the collar off, grab their marbles and stomp off in a dramatic huff. Such people don't play well with others and they are attention vampires. A Dominant tired of being the 'service Top' grows tired and quits if they don't get fed also. Relationships aren't about just one person--it is about both and or more involved. It requires a lot of communication, understanding and huge doses of patience and compassion. You get back as much as you invest--especially when dealing with other people.
Just some thoughts.
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
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