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AAkasha -> RE: How to NOT find a male slave (9/17/2007 8:26:09 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cloudboy
quote:
ORIGINAL: Misstoyou
Luckily, I was smart to embed the phrase in my profile when I was looking. Or perhaps the key is not using caps. Or maybe the two long-term submissives that I found through CM were discerning enough to look beyond that apparently hated phrase. lol
In any event, when I said "Your sexual proclivities are irrelevant. This is all about me," I meant it. [:D]
Not to quibble, but is it really "all about you" or did you simply seek someone who pre-existently alligned to you?
The corrollary of "all about me" is "I don't give a shit about you."
It seems to me that your proclamation merely proclaims, "I don't want to compromise in what I want."
There's so much area between "it's all about me" and "I don't want to compromise in what I want" -- namely, the attitude of the man toward his submission. My man does not WANT me to compromise nor would he ask me or pressure me too. It's not fair to say that it means my attitude is "I don't give a shit about you," as a result. This is the key: For a sucessful femdom relationship, the woman must not take his submission *for granted*. It doesn't mean I compromise when I want an orgasm and he gets none. It means I never take for granted that he puts my pleasure above his. He gets joy in knowing I don't have to compromise, I am completely fulfilled, and I treasure his devotion and never take advantage of his generosity.
Managing an arguably "one sided" relationship is not possible, in my opinion, unless both people are equally committed to each other AND respect the dynamic and how it works.
There is a great deal of spoiling one another going on both ways. But his attention is focussed solely on my needs, 99% of the time. That doesn't mean I ignore his needs - but they are fulfilled in a way that is accommodating to me, and on my terms.
When I step out of my relationship, it's very easy to see, for example, that he puts himself in an extreme position to be treated like absolute shit, taken advantage of and be walked on; fortunately, that's not my style or my desire. I am sure, though, if a woman tried to take advantage of his undying devotion, he'd wise up to it fast and leave the relationship. He isn't a pushover. That's why I never forget how good I have it, and I take good care of him.
A great deal of that is addressing his *needs* (sexually or otherwise) before he has the opportunity to want. You see, I do spoil him, but it's on my terms. I don't leave him wanting anything (unless it's to build sexual tension) in this world because I want him to be happy. Without that kind of mutual devotion, yes, a relationship would be onesided and selfish. But when I am having a crappy day, or week, or my head is in a bad place, he doesn't expect me (or want me to) compromise for his needs, he wants to take care of me and mine. It's in his wiring.
Akasha
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