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First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/15/2007 8:24:51 PM

abnas

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Hello everyone.

Can you, as a Dom, recall the very first time that you felt that being Dom was part of you, or at least the seed was planted in you? I'll go first, to give you an example:

The very first time I was fascinated by being 'Dom', I must have been around 6 to 8 years old. Was watching one of those old fashioned Superman cartoons. In one scene, a quite attractive woman was tied up to a pole, hands behind her back. This was in an open area, and a ring of fire surrounded her. She was begging for someone to save her. Surprise, surprise, superman came to the rescue. I couldn't stop thinking about how cool it would be to be able to do that. Fast forward a few years, was staring at the feet of the girl I loved in school. Developed fantasies about tying her feet up, tickling them untill she's begging me to stop. OK, fast forward again, 1998, first time on the internet, browsing around. "Click here for Japanese Bondage". "Hmm what's that?". *Click*. *jaw drops on floor*. Such beauty, such humble submission....

OK, your stories now please :) Soon I'll ask a similar question in the 'ask subs' forum.

A.

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/15/2007 10:06:55 PM

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Once upon a time I was a little girl with a pair of trick hand cuffs. I think I was 8.

Fast forward to when I was about 15, and I picked up a flogger for the first time.

It wasn't until recently that I've started exploring power dynamics.

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/15/2007 10:14:26 PM

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I realized I was always a female dominant when:
I became aware of the fact that "standard vanilla" relationships make me itch with discomfort and horrified at having to endure for years and years... Than there was the getting comfortable/even beginning to enjoy being called a b**** by guys who wanted to impose their position on moi simply because they were born with penises... M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 9/15/2007 10:15:05 PM >

_____________________________

"touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni
"Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." Erich Fromm

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/15/2007 11:29:02 PM

RRafe

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When I realized I wasn't a bottom or a switch.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 5:38:34 AM

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I was always the one in charge growing up. Oldest of five, the de facto babysitter from an early age, and the kid on the block that other kids came to so we could all play (play as in kids playing). I took charge in everything in grade school, every group project we ever did... basically everything. By high school I was already sexually active, and while I loved sex (and still love it) I kept getting involved into things more and more kinky--at least, for your average teenager.

By the beginning of college I'd gotten involved in a local BDSM scene and gradually learned techniques and how to be careful with the equipment at hand. I can't say that I had a sudden realization that I was dominant, I have been all my life. How I express it has changed over the years, but it is part of who I am.

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 8:49:37 AM

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Well I've always been into kink, but that wasn't the question. For the majority of my life I've been around scooter trash, not the yuppie bikers, rubs and weekend warriors we see so much of today, but the old school, the hardcore, the patch-holders, the cream of the crop. These were the guys that instilled in me the values and beliefs that in part make me the man I am today, good, bad or indifferent. But if you didn't have a Dominant personality or traits to begin with, you got your ass handed to you. Sometimes you got it handed to you anyway.

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-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!

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RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 4:14:33 PM

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I've knew I was kinky for a very long time. I like the idea of blind folding, tieing people up, and teaseing them with a knife. These ideas came to and intreged me starting in Jr High.

As I explored my kink in college, I started out as a bedroom dom only. I tried being tied up before but it didn't excite me. Anyways, after being in two relationships where they where both very demanding and bossy", I realized that I had to be the one incontroll and not just in the bedroom. When I put my foot down, I want it to be respected and not turn into a two hour fight. Orgasim denile may be fun but sex is not a bargining chip. Anytime I'm told "You need to buy me this, drive me there, cook me that, or you aren't getting any" I either called there bluff or replied back, "Ok, I may not be getting any from you, but I'll getting it."

I'm not made to be controlled.

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 4:44:17 PM

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Can't recall ever "realizing" it. It just seems natural to me. I'd always been under the impression that men were naturally inclined to dominate women, but we had to keep our urges to in check, because, otherwise, we'd be being abusive.

I'm at an utter loss to realize not wanting to own a mate as property. I can't begin to imagine wanting a mate to dominate oneself. Still, I rationalize it in considering everyone just to be different.

PS- I skimmed ove the thread and saw that a lot of replies included sadism as a means of realizing one's inclination for D/s. While I'm not seperating myself from this as it's wrong in any way, but to be upfront.. I'm not now, nor was I ever, really much of a sadist. I enjoy owning and controlling my mate(s), yes, but I can't say I derive much pleasure from inflicting pain on them.

I'm all M/s, but very little sadomasocism- a large reason I don't claim myself to be very BDSM-ish.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 9/16/2007 4:48:32 PM >

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 5:15:06 PM

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Being the oldest, I guess was the start..being overseas helped too. I found a few doms in the family too and a few sub men to their wives too..then again maybe it was the first time some tried to paddle me at school....I bucked up and made them stop..I was 5..lol..I think part of it is that the only captian of my ship will be me..right or wrong its me.

And I never minded watching out for the weaker ones in the family or friends even. Being protective,strong, and full of ideals just seems to be part of me. AS for letting them out[the ideals]..lol..seems subs can see as well as anyone what I am..Huntertn

(in reply to CuriousLord)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 6:18:53 PM

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Can't really say there was a defining moment.

I've always liked doing things my way, and constant decision making never stressed me out much.

That and sexual dominance gives me a wicked wicked boner.

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 6:40:39 PM

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Being dominant started out of the bedroom. Like the rest of you sicko's, I was a pretty kinky guy before I knew what was going on. But I was more submissive than dominant. I slowly realized dominance was a part of who I was and not just kinky, like submission was.

Where was I? Right, dominant before sex. My favorite part of being in a relationship was taking care of my girlfriend. When she was sick, hurt, emotional shaken... I really enjoyed stepping on her father's toes, so to speak. I liked being there, teaching them, showing them a world they never knew before, providing for them. Slowly, I started treating girlfriends like pets, in a way. Knowing and respecting them as equals, but day to day being submissive to me. The chicks I dated did NOT like that, and were not used to it, so naturally it didn't work out.

I met My Pet in a video game (we're dorks together), but it allowed us to be so open and honest with eachother. She had a burning desire to please. I have a burning desire to lead. Together, we are happy.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

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RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 6:40:51 PM

mmb1

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It's funny when i see people put down a "kink" with being a Dom, a true Dom to me sees things a little differently and it would not be the first word of choice IMO, but that is just me!

(in reply to Damocles809)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/16/2007 9:49:00 PM

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Hard to answer here as well because I honestly feel that *being* Dominant is simply what one was created to be, not something that suddenly occurs..now kink is a totally different thing..I first realized I was kinky when I was about 10 or so, when I got my hands on some pretty raunchy porn..although at that time I didn't know it was "kinky"..but just weird...I got off on stories of rape, bondage and even and a girl having sex with horses..stuff like that..only thing was..I imagined myself as both the powerful and the powerless..discovering that you are both submissive and Dominant is even a bit more tricky...

(in reply to mmb1)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/17/2007 1:32:52 AM

abnas

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Thanks for your replies sofar, I find it fascinating, keep it coming please. It seems that indeed it is somehow second nature to us. However, I'm then at a loss to explain the phenomena of Dom females and sub men ;). Maybe they're more products of their surroundings whereas the Dom men and sub females simply are how they were created? Going by personal experience, let me just say that growing up without a father figure does indeed turn you into a bit of a softy (outside the bedroom that is ;). Perhaps the Dom side in the bedroom is fighting the sub outside of it?

Anyway, I can image you find my amateurish pseudo-psychological profiling pretty boring ;) Sorry, can't help myself ;)

A.

(in reply to michaels4evr)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/17/2007 2:43:37 AM

Rule

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That is a question with a complicated answer.

In my model of the minds there are three primary types of dominants, representing a (bdsm) spectrum of dominant, neutral and submissive. (Here I will ignore the non-primary types of dominants.)

I am in the neutral part of the spectrum. When a dom tells me to jump, I will jump, I suspect, bemused and irritated for going against my apathic nature. It is a waste of my time and superior intellectual abilities.

I consider myself dominant (in bdsm terms), because infrequently some girls or women evoke the urge in me to correct their behaviour and to command them. (I never did.)

I do not consider myself a switch, but perhaps I should. I have yet to figure out how to get a dominant to voluntarily do as I say; I know that they ought to do so.

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/17/2007 3:41:52 PM

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I've always known. From my earliest memory, I have been a DOM and into BDSM.

(in reply to abnas)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/18/2007 6:22:39 AM

Uther

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An Interesting question , I was bought up in standard middle class family , Kink , dominance , BDSM were all foriegn things to me , we are not brought up in a society that makes these things open , So for many of my early sexaul years I was to be honest confused , my inner feelings say one thing my social conditioning another , I would like to point out that i believe dominance and kink are two differnet things , I am dominant , but not in an in your face way or do as i say or else way , but more of a quiet thougtfull state .
As for sexully , well i think the first time i got any idea of that was watching one of the old black and white king kongs , we all know the scene woman at posts , also i was always attracted to those period dramas were men were Dominant in society and women knew their place , but at the same time had their own rolls to play in society , those and arab bassed films with those hariems that got me so excitted on many levels. One moment of clarity came when i was watching the hellraiser film and terry farrell got tied up ... ..another was when i started to read the few Gor Books my parents had.
So not knowing when to be pricise , from reading books , films , things you hear from others , the fist time to a Fetish club is a growing realisation of who and what you are I would say i realy started to get an incling when i was also getting sexually more aware of women and it has grown since.
For me realising who i am what i am naturally and the kinks that i have discoverd and am still discovering I like , is an ongoing process , hindered in youth by lack of access to infomation , and exploding in adulthood as i got an ever clearer picture and a greater understanding of my self .

Be well , Uther

(in reply to AMaster)

RE: First time you realized you were Dom? - 9/20/2007 12:39:05 PM

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From: Indianapolis, Indiana
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It was always just sort of second nature to me to know I was a Dominant person but the first time I knew I wanted to look into it further was when I was having sex with a woman and pulled her hair and she had what she told me was the best orgasm of her life. A monster was created that night, I'm here to tell you

_____________________________

"The only way to remove a temptation is to give in to it"
- Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Uther)

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