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what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 1:32:46 PM   
Subboy06


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/29/2007
Status: offline 		This weekend at a big even I ended up doing a very long and very big play session and afterwards when the Domme who had been sessioning me left me to get me a cup of water a lady came up and started questioning me while i was still very much in subspace. I was floating enough that I didn't recognize my own name at first and from all of the questions she was dragging me out of sub space and i ended up rolling over and hiding my head under a pillow and until she left and the Domme had come back and helped me drink some water(lips were chapped and it hurt to talk) is it common for things like that to happen at really big events?
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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 1:43:44 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Unfortunately as you have found out it can happen, it depends on the event actually. i have been to big events where they are more a mix of swingers and BDSM lifestylers and there is more of what BDSM lifestylers might consider inappropriate behavior (like you experienced) than there is in events that just cater to BDSM lifestylers. At least that is what i have seen.

However it can happen in either type of event. The only way to try to keep that from happening is to have the water or whatever needs to be gotten already there for after the scene or have someone else other then the Dom/me go get it. That is how it usually works with me. The Doms that i normally play with are poly and usually have more than one girl at an event, so they send one of the other girls for a blanket or a drink so that they can stay with whichever girl they just played with.

Don't know if that will help, but that has worked for me.

heartfelt


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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 1:57:00 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		why was she quesitioning you and about what?

yeah the only way to keep that from happening . that I know, is not having the person topping you step away. get water and all items you may need before hand. the person playing with you should not have left you alone unattended, that's a serious mistake * in my opinion* and one that smacks of a novice to me. Not being left alone again after play would make sure there's not a nex time to contend with. Other than that I don't know how you'd keep someone from approaching you while in space, perhaps a sign do not approach I don't know.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 9/17/2007 2:05:28 PM >

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:17:35 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I personally don't think it matters what she was questioning him about and why.  I also don't think that it matters that the dominant stepped away.  Just becuase one is in headspace doesn't mean he can't be left alone for a moment. (there are many people who WANT to be left alone while in headspace and coming down).  From what we know about the situation it simply sounded like this third person was totally out of line. Manners one o' one...leave others alone unless harm is coming and then don't interrupt but tell a DM and let the DM make the call....





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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:21:27 PM   
Subboy06


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/29/2007
Status: offline 		I don't remember everything she was asking, and I couldn't talk right bc of how chapped my lips were. I know she asked after I rolled over if there was anything I needed and then I pulled the pillow tightly to my head and she left just as the Domme was coming back (there had been a line to get water)

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:31:43 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Earthy nope it don't matter but I am nosy, so I asked lol.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:34:35 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		LEft alone as in not talked to is fine, but how do you know someone's not going to come pester your sub, while you're gone, or their not going to accidently walk into someone elses play space?

As we've seen here, Someone could figure your seens done lets approach them and start talking to them, it's ok scene's done. It's obviously not something the person would see as rude, while I and the person in subspace would.

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I personally don't think it matters what she was questioning him about and why.  I also don't think that it matters that the dominant stepped away.  Just becuase one is in headspace doesn't mean he can't be left alone for a moment. (there are many people who WANT to be left alone while in headspace and coming down).  From what we know about the situation it simply sounded like this third person was totally out of line. Manners one o' one...leave others alone unless harm is coming and then don't interrupt but tell a DM and let the DM make the call....





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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:36:46 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Also later I would have told the other women it's kind of frowned on to approach someone nd talk to them right after a scene. She could of just not known better, and truely ment no offense.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:38:55 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I would consider it rude - unless all she was asking was "Do you need anything?" but it is one of the downsides of playing in public. I was recently in a public dungeon and pulled out of my headspace. The dominant in question was using a flicker whip on me and a domme just about squealed, runs over crying "What is that? Can you come over there and use that on him?", him being the man she was playing with. The dominant I was playing with was thrown off but told her that he was a little busy at the moment. This didn't seem to throw her off at all and started asking him to show her how to use it and asking me if it was all right if she learned on me. At that point, I was already out and probably wasn't going get back there so I just said all right. To add insult to injury, she didn't listen to me or the dominant and just kept brushing the end of the flicker of me, like dragging a tassel over someone's skin quickly. 

Damn it, if you are going to stop my scene and pull me out of my headspace at least listen to me so that you learn how use the toy!

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 2:48:33 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		I guess the answer for me is not to go into 'that' headspace at a public event, or if I do, be prepared to be pulled out.  I don't go there very often anyway...my Master only rarely puts me there, and when he does, he typically pulls me out rather quickly.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 6:40:26 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I never play that hard in public. And I don't leave a date unnattended if I know agressive players are around.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 6:47:44 PM   
kikinymph


Posts: 40
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline 		That can happen at a big event, at a little event, or just about anywhere... it happens at my home frequently--the phone rings, or the kids get up out of bed etc.  *rolling my eyes*  I really hate it when people try to talk to me when I'm in subspace...it takes alot for me to think and talk to my Sire, let alone anyone else.  I had better really like them, and know that they were there during the scene, if they are gonna try to talk to me!  Goddess forbid they touch me... not only pull me out of subspace, but could just drive me into the black box in my head--and I'm not supposed to go there, Sire said so.

One thing that works for us, is to talk to the people around us ahead of time--and let them know what is okay and not okay to do/say.  We do ask people to remember not to touch, do not talk to the subbies directly, speak in quiet voices as loud voices can really be disruptive and distracting..to the Dominant and submissive alike.

And hey, if they are rude enough to interrupt my scene, then they should be prepared for me to turn around and tell them  to GO AWAY.  But then, I prolly would get in trouble for being rude.  We are kinda lucky that our community is small, and most everyone understands the rules, and if they don't, they learn 'em right quick!


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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 6:51:20 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I do play that hard and I've been known to dress down anyone bothering my scene right as it happens in such a manner as to draw the DM's over. My view is you step into my scene uninvited you just consented to be whatever part of my scene I want you to be.
I also caution folks to not leave their charges unattended unless and until they are at least verbal enough to tell folks to go the hell away if they need to or leave them in the hands of someone you trust implicitly.

As for the advice to the OP negotiate ahead of time that you will not be left unattended until you are verbal and coherent, plan for the needs of water etc ahead of time, make it part of setting up and preparing yourself for a scene.

Yes the person who interfered was an ass, with no manners of couth, there are as many of those folks inside our ranks as there are outside proportionatly.


< Message edited by Archer -- 9/17/2007 6:54:48 PM >

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 7:46:35 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		what Archer said....here i was planning out my post...but he already said it..dammit...no one is ever gonna take my plan for ending world hunger seriously...

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/17/2007 8:09:43 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Unforuntately, that's one of the occupational hazards of public play.

quote:

As for the advice to the OP negotiate ahead of time that you will not be left unattended until you are verbal and coherent, plan for the needs of water etc ahead of time, make it part of setting up and preparing yourself for a scene.


I really couldn't say this any better myself, so QFT.


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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/18/2007 6:21:48 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Bring water, chocolate, warm throw with you in a tote bag. That way she won't have to leave you alone. And tell your top that you need her to keep other people away from you, no ifs ands or buts, until you say you're sufficiently recovered.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/18/2007 12:00:40 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

I personally don't think it matters what she was questioning him about and why.  I also don't think that it matters that the dominant stepped away.  Just becuase one is in headspace doesn't mean he can't be left alone for a moment. (there are many people who WANT to be left alone while in headspace and coming down).  From what we know about the situation it simply sounded like this third person was totally out of line. Manners one o' one...leave others alone unless harm is coming and then don't interrupt but tell a DM and let the DM make the call....



I think Archer gave an excellent response to the OP that was stated very well, but I wanted to say something in regard to the quoted response.  While the OP may not have specifically negotiated with the Domme to watch over him until he was totally responsive and in control of his senses after their scene, I personally think a Domme is responsible for any sub in her charge until he is able to care for himself.  Just as I hope you wouldn't leave someone totally bound alone and unwatched, or a helpless child free to roam among strangers untended, the same cautions would seem to me to apply to a sub a Domme has been playing with that's still in sub-space; one in need of tending to and aftercare.  I see the Domme as having been irresponsible in leaving her charge alone and unwatched at an event of any size when he was in such a state. 
 
In part, as Archer pointed out, that proabably just says more about being careful with how you negotiate the scene.  But I also think it says a lot about the character of whom you choose to play with.  Just my 2 cents on the matter from one who has never played casually anyway, perhaps in part for some of these reasons.
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 


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Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/18/2007 12:32:52 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Subboy06

This weekend at a big even I ended up doing a very long and very big play session and afterwards when the Domme who had been sessioning me left me to get me a cup of water a lady came up and started questioning me while i was still very much in subspace. I was floating enough that I didn't recognize my own name at first and from all of the questions she was dragging me out of sub space and i ended up rolling over and hiding my head under a pillow and until she left and the Domme had come back and helped me drink some water(lips were chapped and it hurt to talk) is it common for things like that to happen at really big events?


I'd not call it common at all but, obviously!, it happens.  If it happens in the future handle like you would any other time you're not comfortably or ready to talk:  just tell the person that.  Even just mumbling "subspace, can't talk now" is a polite end to their attempts to talk to you.

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Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

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RE: what should i do if this ever happens again? - 9/18/2007 1:25:21 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		this slave agrees with everyone here who said plan ahead and make sure you have your water/chocolate/diaper/whatever already hooked up before the scene begins.
 
as far as what to do about nosy folk demanding attention from an exhausted/incoherent/"subspace"-recovering bottom/sub while the Top/Dom is temporarily detained elsewhere in the facility?...this slave would encourage you to adopt a "i don't see you, so don't pretend to be there" philosophy.  as in, don't make eye contact with others and ignore everyone...if you must await Her return for after-play necessities.

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