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No Pain, No Gain - 9/19/2007 9:10:38 PM

DefiantFlower

Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
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okey doke...so my Daddy told me that he is not a sadist and any infliction of pain would just be for the rather hungry masochist in me. At times, he has said that he has sadistic moods, but that's a passing thing. To put it lightly, i'm a pain slut and he knows this. But because of his lack of personal desire to hurt me, he sticks to certain favorite activities and doesn't really explore or experiment with other potentially painful (and delicious) ones. Like when he feels the need to use his belt, he stops wayyy too early, as if he doesn't want to "break" or injure me.

i have broached the subject, but he said that he doesn't want to rush things. And that i must learn patience. i'm ok with that, but i was just wondering if anyone else has had this problem (which i'm sure is the case) and what did you do to compensate? Did you learn to be more sadistic or did play eventually get more rough or painful as you tested the waters? How would one go about making play more painful with a Dom who's not naturally sadistic?

Thank you in advance for any help, advice, guidance, or support!

<3

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RE: No Pain, No Gain - 9/19/2007 9:55:24 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Well first off, he's not stopping way too early- he's stopping way earlier for you to have your fulfillment as a masochist.

The thing is, he's a good dom and you're a good sub.

But he's a mild sadist and you're a heavy masochist. He's showing you who he is and what he gets into here and now. As long as you've seen eachother regularly over a few months, you should pretty much know by now what his attitude is towards kink and exploration. It is what it is.

YOu can try encouraging him the same way girls encourage guys to be better lovers- give specific requests, shout encouragment during the act, good great feedback and reviews, and some time.

But in the end, who knows, you just might not be kink compatible.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: No Pain, No Gain - 9/19/2007 10:59:33 PM

KiandPhoenix

Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
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I had to work myself up. I had to understand what EXACTLY each thing I did to inflict pain, did for Phoenix. I had to use the toys on myself to understand what types of pain she was liking, and what she didn’t, even though I am neither a sadist or masochist. (I can now tell what new toys Phoenix will like before trying them on her) I had to gradually work to her level, knowing that with each time I got harder, she was still OK, safe, and enjoying it. If I didn’t think she was enjoying something I was doing to her, I couldn’t do it.

Good Luck
~Ki

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RE: No Pain, No Gain - 9/20/2007 9:05:50 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Well first off, he's not stopping way too early- he's stopping way earlier for you to have your fulfillment as a masochist.

The thing is, he's a good dom and you're a good sub.

But he's a mild sadist and you're a heavy masochist. He's showing you who he is and what he gets into here and now. As long as you've seen eachother regularly over a few months, you should pretty much know by now what his attitude is towards kink and exploration. It is what it is.

YOu can try encouraging him the same way girls encourage guys to be better lovers- give specific requests, shout encouragment during the act, good great feedback and reviews, and some time.

But in the end, who knows, you just might not be kink compatible.

Could not agree more with this. That in the end people are who they are and that if you need more that maybe the pain given can be done out of a D/s context and make pain sessions completely about you and not him and see if you two can work on that level.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: No Pain, No Gain - 9/20/2007 10:43:37 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

YOu can try encouraging him the same way girls encourage guys to be better lovers- give specific requests, shout encouragment during the act, good great feedback and reviews, and some time.

I could not agree more with this statement, and it's true of every aspect of a relationship, not just the ones you seek in a particular scene. Excellent advice, LuckyAlbatross!

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RE: No Pain, No Gain - 9/20/2007 2:34:39 PM

DefiantFlower

Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
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Thank you for your replies...they all make perfect sense. It was kinda what i was thinking before, just needed a little confirmation i guess. And a little assurance that it's not just me lol

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